| Men and Women spending time with their exclusive Friends
Posted: 10/14/2009 11:36:49 PM | Isn't communication the key to a relationship working? I would think that both people would talk about these things. I would say "hey I am planning to go to (whatever) on Sat. What do you think you'll be doing on Sat." type thing.
My ex liked to go fishing, and he told me a few days in advance so that I could make plans to do something else. I don't think being joined at the hip is healthy for any relationship. If you're talking about someone wanting to spend all their free time without their partner, then that's a different story! | |
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| Men and Women spending time with their exclusive Friends
Posted: 10/15/2009 6:34:33 AM | I have a male "friend I've known for twenty years. We started out dating, then went to friendship, then dating, and back and forth, until I decided I didn't want to date him. I think that it can be very hard to be friends with the opposite sex unless there is a great amount of time invested in each other and their are similar interests. BTW, he would still go out with me if I wanted.
As far as exclusive time for friends, it is something that needs considered when being exclusive/married. Each relationship will work it's own way around this problem. If one person is feeling neglected, then I think it is really time for a heart to heart discussion on the status of the relationship.
Artz, as far as the neglected other half. I would probably suggest a dinner date and dancing. Sometimes a date with your wife/SO can really begin something new, instead of the same ole same ole. In our busy lives, I think that romance in the relationship is the first thing to be neglected. But, it is important to keep that "spice" and attraction alive.
Nothing like flowers and chocolate from that certain person. . .
My 2 cents | |
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| Men and Women spending time with their exclusive Friends
Posted: 10/15/2009 4:16:01 PM |
one of the reasons the last relationship I was in ended ... was ... he was too demanding of my time ... he complained if I wanted to spend time with anyone else ... whether it was one of my children or a female friend ... he insisted on isolating me from everyone but him ... he wanted us to spend every minute of every day together ... called me when I was at work probably six times a day ... would become furious if I didn't respond to his calls instantly ...
Molly Maude, I was doing deep head nods as I read this. Especially the part about calling at work...that one really eats at me, particularly when you get called out of a meeting to take his "important" call, and hear him say, "What are you doing?"
You mean other than what I am getting paid to do right now?
And there's a special kind of hell for those of us who ~gasp~ also just like spending some time alone...maybe an afternoon wandering through a park or other natural setting, camera in hand, and loving just communing with nature. I just do not want to have to deal with whining, the silent treatment, withholding of affection/sex, or any of that other passive/aggressive kind of garbage because I wanted some time by myself.
Would I like finding a man whose companionship I really enjoyed? You bet. But both of us need to come from a place of knowing that we are each whole people, not halves wandering around desperately seeking another half.
It took me about two weeks to decide to hide my profile on the dating site. There are just way too many different definitions of "dating" that don't match up with mine. Most of the guys who contacted me thought if we exchanged an email here on the site, it was time for us to meet, and if we met, it meant I was committed exclusively to him.
That's all way too fast and much too demanding for me. So for the time being, I'll just be reading the forums. | |
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| Men and Women spending time with their exclusive Friends
Posted: 10/15/2009 4:26:37 PM | I dont really understand the question
You are working five days a week and want to spend you weekends with your mates fish/gambling/drinking/etc
Is the question - should she fit in with you - tied to the sink/supermarket/washer-dryer/cooker waiting patiently for you to dash in for a change of clothes before running off to your next group activity.
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo wouldnt work you are way to selfish. Its over - there is no relationship time.
If you are saying she is working five days a week and is not making time for you cos she spends her weekends with her mates spa/shopping/meals/anything else but be alone with you.
ITS OVER
either way you look at this if a couple dont make time for eachother then it is over just forget it and sneeking off with his/her friends rather than being with you ITS OVER THEY DONT WANT TO BE WITH YOU simples xx | |
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| Men and Women spending time with their exclusive Friends
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:11:25 AM | | Only my opinion, but if a significant other doesn't have friends that he or she does things with, and you do, I would wonder why. Someone who has to be with you 24/7/365, or appears "lost" when not seems too codependent for comfort. | |
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| Men and Women spending time with their exclusive Friends
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:25:32 AM | Using your numbers for work commitments and an equal period for sleep there still remains 56 waking hours in a week.
That's 32 hours on the weekend and almost 5 hours per weekday. I would think one could indulge almost any number of hobbies and still devote 3 hours every day to one's partner.
If that amount is not forthcoming or is insufficient for one, their needs are are not compatible. | |
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| Men and Women spending time with their exclusive Friends
Posted: 10/16/2009 11:50:48 AM | Continue with the replys .
Not a Nurse Your kind of black and white on this aren't you? It is sad so many realationships end in the toilet bowl becuase we just didn't take some time to be with each other. | |
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| Men and Women spending time with their exclusive Friends
Posted: 10/16/2009 11:52:11 AM |
And there's a special kind of hell for those of us who ~gasp~ also just like spending some time alone...maybe an afternoon wandering through a park or other natural setting, camera in hand, and loving just communing with nature. I just do not want to have to deal with whining, the silent treatment, withholding of affection/sex, or any of that other passive/aggressive kind of garbage because I wanted some time by myself.
My daughter is having to deal with one of those right now. The end result of his behaviour will be that he will be G-O-N-E, as she is fed up with his control freak behaviour. | |
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| Men and Women spending time with their exclusive Friends
Posted: 10/16/2009 12:19:18 PM | Artz.. seems your thread has gone sideways. I got a different feel from your original post and commented on it too. I got a feeling it was your Sig other who was too busy with HER friends, and YOU wanted some more time with her.
It would help here, and help others to give you GOOD advice if you offer more information about the actual situation.. instead of trying to make it gender-nebulous and a question of THEORY.
A lot of the posters here have reading and life-comprehension issues. ANY comment a poster makes just MUST be from exact personal experience.. yeah right. I've interviewed/conversed with OVER 10,000 people of both genders about their take on relationships.. both theory versus THEIR experience versus all of them MODIFYING THEIR OWN BEHAVIOR to get MORE of what they want, instead of less. My comments come MORE from what I've learned from others, than from anything one thing I've done.. and I TOO get attacked in these forums by what is obviously ignorant-cant-get-out-their-own-small-mind people. I've been put on time-out on these forums because I made a mistake in being baited into the posting conflict we all see.
OP.. I think you should correct all the MIS-assumptions of these people and replace pronouns of theory, with the actual facts and scenario you are asking about.
Now, if you do that, YOU will get negative commentary about your own participation/cause of the problem. Comes with the territory. However, you MIGHT just get some valuable insight of what YOU can DO to make the situation better.
Just a thought | |
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