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 midlandtom
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 51
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper? Page 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Many many relationship start in a similar way as friends with benefits. It is very similar to light casual dating. Many people do NOT rush into serious stuff right away. They do not spend all free time with each other, do not introduce you to mama after the second date, do not call each other all the time but yes there is chemistry and there is sex. And yes eventually those relationship may grow to more.

What many do in the early weeks/months of meeting each other way to similar to FWB. And let's be real here most people sleep with each other within the first few dates.
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 52
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 1:47:59 PM
Ill have to agree.
 green.apple
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 53
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 1:55:06 PM
Yes, it can turn into something deeper.. you can also win the $ 1 million lottery ticket, there is a chance.

My theory is that if it's been firmly addressed and categorized as a " friendly fu**ing" from the start at the deepest emotional- mental level ( very important these initial motives) by at least one of the two parties involved, it will never turn into something deeper and can go on for life- long FWB. I suspect some of the FWB people keep their FWBs as a backup when they get married, too.

Yes, there is some chance, but I think the time will test it very quickly... You can't possibly expect a sudden magical change after a few years of " friend f***" anyway.

Edit: meeting their mom and friends is not a guarantee at all. I have had a man who insisted me meeting his mom very soon after we started dating.. I met his friends too .. he also wanted to introduce me to all the relatives.. so i thought he must have been serious, but the last thing this guy had on his mind was a fully committed relationship.. he wanted a semi-commitment.. so, please, don't use that argument anymore.. people act in various ways.. to me, introducing him to my family and bigger social circle would mean a big step forward, and to him ... a game?
 midlandtom
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 54
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 1:57:17 PM
So where is the LINE between early stages of dating and FWB????????
We all know that these days most people do not wait for 3-6 months to become intimate. We know that many mature, educated people do not rush into serious exclusive relationship after 2 dates....

Each significant relationship I had in the past (including my present marrige) started from a light dating and courtiship.....
 felinefan
Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 55
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 2:05:18 PM
I think that ladyc4 makes a good point. Some people put too much on the"with benefits" part, and forget about the "friends" part. You know the saying that it's a lucky person who has a handful of true friends. "Friend" is a word that people use too loosely

I won't say that I've never been involved in these kinds of relationships, usually because it was better than nothing. I couldn't get either the type of person or relationship that I really wanted. And thank you, chitownguy, for bringing this up.
If a young person came asking me for advice(and they never do, darn it) I would advise against these types of relationships. For one thing, untoward things, like pregnancy, can always happen. For another it's a barrier to the kind of relationships and people that may really be your happily ever after. If somebody who wants to date you knows that you have an ambiguous relationship of some sort with somebody else, they may just stay away. Maybe they won't know about it, but when they do find out, they may drop you because they don't want to be part of a triangle, think you are lying about the true nature of it, etc. It's kind of like dating somebody in the process of divorcing or separated instead of really divorced. People who want to avoid heartbreak and drama will probably stay away. And there are also others who just find those kind of relationships morally objectionable and will probably scratch you off the list if they find out you're having, or have had, one. Finally, it creates a whole flock of social dilemnas, especially if and when one of the parties finds somebody with whom they want a complete relationship, and they have to cut the other person loose. Does that person get invited to the wedding? If they're a real friend, they will, but it's bound to create awkwardness. And so on.

I don't know of any of these kind of relationships that developed into something more. I know that there are some, of course.
 wolftxus
Joined: 2/24/2009
Msg: 56
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 2:08:51 PM
"people who share genital fluids from time to time"
No, that would be a married couple. FWBs do it more often.

You should look up the meaning of 'exploitation'. It either refers to business (like an oil field) or it implies being selfish. Neither is the case here. If you buy a gallon of milk because you want the milk and they want your money, there is no exploitation. Both parties want the same because they benefit from it in some form.

If she heats me up a meal and I paint her living room (and we agree to that deal), is anyone exploited?
Now if she heats up my schlong and I paint her face, is that any different?

Nobody is forced, so if you don't like it, simply don't agree.
 green.apple
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 57
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 2:17:43 PM
There are a lot of reasons why people enter relationships without love and genuine emotional regard, even when they have all these interactions between them ( meals, wall painting, sex). One of the most common reasons is being afraid of themselves because in true relationships you have to strip naked not just physically, but also emotionally and socially.
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 58
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 2:22:52 PM
Wow. I never expected this many responses. Nor did I expect them to be so varied. However, I do detect a broad trend here. WITH SOME EXCEPTIONS, men think FWBs are awsome; women are less enthusiastic. The women who are enthusiastic about FWB seem confident that the answer to the original question is "yes."

Is that a fair breakdown?
 Much More
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 59
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 2:24:50 PM
Do FWB allow you to behave badly with no repercussions?

No expectations so no one gets hurt. Regardless of what you call the relationship, there are always expectations.
 green.apple
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 60
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 2:26:52 PM
OP,

Not all people are the same.. some people like instant coffee and quick meals; other people can only eat their own cooking that took them time to prepare, but it tastes delicious afterward and they are ready to stay a little hungry until it's finished, and then enjoy it slowly. And it's about personality, not gender.

We are all different.
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 61
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 2:43:59 PM
BINGO! We most certainly are!
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 62
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 3:24:44 PM

Many many relationship start in a similar way as friends with benefits. It is very similar to light casual dating. Many people do NOT rush into serious stuff right away. They do not spend all free time with each other, do not introduce you to mama after the second date, do not call each other all the time but yes there is chemistry and there is sex

The difference is that in a relationship, you are trying to become friends too...
In a real FWB you ALREADY were friends...
If you're having sex and you're not already "friends" you're a fcuk buddy... And by friends I don't mean someone you just met within the last few months or so... That's usually not a friend, it's an acquaintance...

What many do in the early weeks/months of meeting each other way to similar to FWB. And let's be real here most people sleep with each other within the first few dates.

True...
However, which is why STD rates are on the rise...
The last women I have slept with all went through STD testing first... as did I...
My G/F and I waited several months....
 Much More
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 63
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 3:32:55 PM
You are so right......

Many say that they are looking for a FWB.... among strangers...

It sounds better than FB, that is for sure..... but if you just met, then that is what it is.
 P.R.Handgrenade69
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 64
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 3:38:59 PM
Anyone who thinks this way is misleading the other person in a fwb relationship,thus proving that they are not trustworthy.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 65
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 4:00:09 PM

The difference is that in a relationship, you are trying to become friends too...
In a real FWB you ALREADY were friends...
If you're having sex and you're not already "friends" you're a fcuk buddy... And by friends I don't mean someone you just met within the last few months or so... That's usually not a friend, it's an acquaintance...

Glad someone gets this.

You are so right......

Many say that they are looking for a FWB.... among strangers...

It sounds better than FB, that is for sure..... but if you just met, then that is what it is.

Yes - so if someone you don't know offers or requests an FWB from you, tell them it's not possible since you don't know them. A lot of people like to use the term FWB because it sounds better/gets them better results. Don't be fooled.

The F in FWB must be underlying and well established before the B gets added.
 ceffodicane
Joined: 12/25/2008
Msg: 66
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 4:52:05 PM
Dear Friends,

I am perplexed by the apparently idiomatic use of words like commited and deeper. While one may assume that an anonymous blow job is hardly love in the sense a lake poet would use the word, it is hard to fathom that marriage or monogamy in se prove a more beautiful, fulfiling or more profound moving life. Look at the catastrophic marriages described on this very forum.

Perhaps "friend" is the word misunderstood. Are we including within the parameters of the word acquaintances who are merely not enemies, or at least not inimical? While inimicus may be the opposite of amicus, friend has a broader definition than that, at least to my native ear. A friend, a person whose closeness, physical and psychical, whose years spent in proximity, is as deep a relationship, one would think, as a lover. When the two are the same person, what is the shallowness? Are we diminishing the value of sex or of friendship?

Reason demands that we accept for those of religious bent, the purpose of love, courtly love, animal love, is fulfilled in the sacrament, an outward sign of an inner condition. Personally, I mourn every waking moment the harsh and unrelenting reality that I shall never have known growing old with a mate of my youth. My choices were poor; I bear their consequences. That is, however, personal, not general. Removing, however, the cultural or superstitious value of monogamy and marriage, what then makes these relationships deeper than others?

We see again and again, here, on this site, people who do not so much want a date, and in defining themselves publicly, merely wish to give an impression of what may work for them, as those who appear to want validation of a point of view, so as to rationalise their loneliness. "If men understood how women felt about x" "If women only liked motorcycles and 'coon hunting...." For better or worse, Roe, Wallace, Casey, even Brown(remember "separate but equal" - it seems as though some here wish that were still the case) have changed our world from one of gender based identity, to one of fluidity among all, individualism as the forefathers may have willed, or not. In the end, Wallace and Casey go hand in hand, allowing each of us as individuals, not all of us as a group to determine what relationships mean.

Thus, I would ask what we define as deeper and why, and would ask this without inviting the usual vitriol. What rational bases do we use for determining what relationships are "deeper", which of those satisfy more deeply, and, in the end, if the goal of our existence be happiness, how do these things interact and why?

Were I not alone I would not have time to write this, and therefore, in all openness, the courtesy of serious replies would be appreciated. Somehow, this place where we seek to find those whose hearts beat to ours has become somewhat less warm and open than I would have expected. The question remains, since we are all ostensibly seeking happiness, and this being a dating site, why it is so hard to define relationships, our individual needs, meet others similar, without becoming judgemental. Or is "deeper" less connotatively charged than I read it?

Peace,

CdC
 sleeping beauty
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 67
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 5:18:20 PM
oh verityone,
not fallacy, its a natural law. having sex without love is harmful on many levels, and the more insensitive an individual is the more likely they can be in denial and pull it off. but none the less the damage is done. vietnamese buddhism is big on this, they explain in great detail how it harms the emotional body and the soul.

its also about having a conscience. narcissist and borderline personality disorder types haven't developed much of a conscience yet and are quite predominant in the sex industry. it follows suit that they could be attracted to fwb's as well.

its not about people being different. its about certain individuals living their lives with no spiritual direction and thats dangerous.

personally i would never date anyone who had ever been involved in that type of arrangement. and the ltr's i have had have been with very high quality men. sex actually moves them emotionally......what a concept!
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 68
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 6:38:41 PM
Hey now; speak for yourself please Miss Sleeping Beauty. I have spiritual direction and I do engage in emotional encounters. I have a conscience as well but that does not mean for a minute I won't bang a dude I'm really into that's into me. Call me what you will. I don't go around having carefree sex with just anyone, but I do enjoy different men of my own choosing. How else will I find the right person for me? It's like buying shoes. You have a favorite pair that matches everything you own and feels great to wear. You wash them off with saddle soap and mink oil the fine leather. Then you have that pair that just looks nice and you get tired of because they just don't feel right. I don't believe that is dangerous; for me it has always lead to life long healthy relationships. Too bad for me both the men I loved are no longer with us.
 dot*
Joined: 10/9/2009
Msg: 69
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 6:56:27 PM
Though I've never engaged in a FWB relationship, I'm willing to argue that 95% of the time, over time, one will develop stronger feelings for the other. This can only lead to disaster. But hey, just because it's not for me, doesn't mean others shouldn't be doing it. As long as they're doing it safely, that's all I care about. This doesn't define a person.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 70
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 7:08:55 PM

For men, FWB is the ultimate win-win situation. They get frequent sex with a woman they like, plus the companionship her friendship offers, without having to shoulder any of the obligations of a committed relationship.
LOL! now, to me....this is exactly what makes it seem like a WIN/WIN situation...for WOMEN!

Men think that frequent sex and companionship are NOT obligations in a committed relationship...therefore....why would a woman want one???? (committed relationship)
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 71
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 7:14:41 PM
Anything in life has the possibility of leading
to something deeper.

I think the chance you take here is that someone will develop deeper
feelings for the other.

But like anything- its the chance you take. If you want to take that
chance and are sure you can keep your feelings in check then do what
you need to do.

Im not going to sit here and moralize the FWB concept. If it works for
you -hey its your life. Your body - your mind. Do what you need to do.

Some people have very strong opinions involving this situation.
Its not for everyone.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 72
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 7:16:02 PM

Though I've never engaged in a FWB relationship, I'm willing to argue that 95% of the time, over time, one will develop stronger feelings for the other. This can only lead to disaster........


Dot (see message 70) you hit the nail right on the head.......While I myself, have never participated in a FWB situation, I have had friends who have.......and all the times it happened to them, yes, one did develop more feelings than the other, but it didn't go anywhere. Save for the arguing about what each party wanted.......

One wanted more than just FWB while the other didn't.....-they liked things "the way they are". after a while of the arguing, etc, it they all ended badly and yes, with a whole lot of anger and a host of bitter feelings to go around. One party feeling used, etc.

In all the scenarios I have seen on that subject, nobody won. Everyone lost in the deal.

I guess I respect myself a whole lot more than to just be a booty call for someone or to use someone for that as well.
 PlaidTruffles
Joined: 8/4/2009
Msg: 73
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 7:22:01 PM
FWB is dysfunctional from the very beginning. Sex is designed to allow a husband and wife to bond in deeper ways. A relationship that assumes casual contact on such an intimate issue is destined to fail. Anyone in a FWB expecting more is expecting to be disappointed.
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 74
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 7:47:18 PM
you should never plan on an FWB leading to something deeper. If that's what you expect/want/need to happen, don't go there unless you are prepared to be hurt. Or if you want to risk loosing the friendship if one of you gets hurt or if, by chance, something deeper does develop and then falls apart.

I wouldn't want to risk a good friendship. And I know I'd probably get too attached and want more. For me, FWB wouldn't be such a great idea.

but a mutually agreed upon FWB setup can work for some people. For some people it is preferable to available alternatives. There is no point in judging or condemning those people.
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 75
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 7:59:44 PM
off topic


<div class="quote">Sex is designed to allow a husband and wife to bond in deeper ways

sex is designed as a mechanism for continuation of the species.

built into that design is pleasure and bonding and stress relief and all other kinds of nice things like that to make us want to actually have sex. The husband/wife scenario is an aftermarket product, not a part of the initial design process.
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