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| | A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?Page 4 of 20 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20) | | Personally, I do not think that there should be a "time frame" for having sex. If a guy thinks there should be - maybe he should just take it to the streets! | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/19/2009 6:49:51 AM |
Having sex.. CAN be wrongly associated with some kind of EMOTIONAL MEANING to some people.. There is NOTHING "WRONG" with associating emotional meaning to having sex. Conversely, there is nothing wrong with not doing so.
You either do or you don't, it's that simple. There is no right or wrong about it.
I do. And so I make sure that the person I am going to be intimate with does also. It's when you are getting intimate with someone who attaches no emotional significance to it whatsoever, and you do that a problem arises.
Needless to say, chances of my having sex on date 3 or sooner are next to zero. Chances of my going a first date with someone who upfront states an expectation of sex on/before date 3 or at any other particular time for that matter? Zero. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/19/2009 7:29:01 AM | "If a potential partner told me that he would not wait for sex with me on a 3rd date?"
Depending on when he told me this, there wouldn't be a first, second, or third date at all!
Having sex is supposed to be kinda a "mutual desire" thing ... not an expectation or demand.
I know the world has gotten pretty "loose", but what's this third date/having sex thing?? So, every guy a gal goes out with three times, she's supposed to have sex with?! (And then nobody will want her 'cause she's a used "slut") Wow, a girl just can't win, can she? | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/19/2009 8:51:23 AM |
I personally think there should be a reasonable time table for a normal situation.... so let's say third date.
This might work only if men were honest about their intentions...
The problem is... men will go on dates JUST for sex... women tend to go on dates to look for long term relationships...
1... if all women put out on the first date, many men would not call them for a second date....
2... if all women put out on the second date, many men would not call them for a third date....
3... if all women put out on the third date, many men would not call them for a fourth date....
4... if all women put out on the fourth date, many men would not call them for a fifth date....
5... if all women put out on the fifth date, many men would not call them for a sixth date....
And so on...
Hell, I've been on hundreds of dates over the years, I certainly wouldn't be proud of my self if I'd slept with even half of them... I know attractive women who have literally dated hundreds of guys, would you expect them to sleep with all of them? And would you want them afterwards?
And realistically guys, if women have sex earlier, it's not necessarily going to help YOU... if you can't get into a woman's pants easily now, having sex on the third date might make it worse for you... The women will be far more picky as to who gets those three dates... Chances are she will place more importance on the actual date and who she is willing to go out with than just dating a guy because he asks and she's free...
What seems to be lost in all this 3rd date rule etc, is that it's just men trying to find a way around a vetting process(dating for a period of time) that protects women from all the guys who JUST WANT SEX...
If all men were looking for only long term relationships, then sex on an early date might work... because men would have as much to lose/gain by it as the women... | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/19/2009 11:20:29 AM | She stated that she expects sex by the end of the 1 st, or 2 nd date.
Lots of men expect the same thing. I think that' s something that's just a given. Part of early dating process is determining, with a degree of grace and class, whether both people are on the same page with regard to sexual intimacy. There is also the person who dates simply to get a sexual itch scratched...and as long as they are upfront,honest and boink responsibly( no unwanted pregnancies or STDs transmitted,please!) that's fine.
But I think we also need to take into account that not ALL dating springs from online dating sites. A man and woman might know each other in real life, so that having sex early in the dating process ISN'T a huge leap. Or they might have been communicating quite awhile before actually meeting...and there is a great deal to be said for the concept of having that first in person meeting NOT be a 'date', rather simply 2 people having coffee or lunch, or getting acquainted in a bookstore or informal music or poetry gathering.
Of course there are double standards about various aspects of dating. Some of them are more noticeable in certain demographic/geographic sectors.
But as far as flaming and setting off fire alarms in PoF, I think most of us GET that people don't generally date one another in order to swap crochet patterns and pickle recipes. And it usually doesn't take any woman with IQ even slightly higher than a fruit bat's,that a lot of men only date to get sex,ASAP. And I think that there is a growing contingent of women who have started to put a lot more emphasis on sex and sexual compatibility, maybe even some who would love to date just to get sex when the itch needed scratched...but because of the double standard, they wouldn't dare SAY SO. I suspect that a lot of them won't even admit to themselves that they envy men who can hit and run, and everybody goes 'yah well...' but if WOMEN started openly dating to hit it and quit it, she'd be labeled as an absolute slut. Double standard? You damn betcha!
Cindy O
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/19/2009 11:23:48 AM | If she was asbolutely serious about this timetable...that would be weird...especially because it means that this her "standard" for all guys she dates.
But if she is really into you, and says it in more flirty fashion (even if deep down she is serious about it) then I would take it as a compliment. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/19/2009 11:29:06 AM |
If she was asbolutely serious about this timetable...that would be weird...especially because it means that this her "standard" for all guys she dates.
Good Point! And I have no common interest with someone that sees their sexuality that way.... | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/19/2009 11:44:30 AM | Didn't you get the memo that "dating" isn't really "dating" anymore? I mean it's not about getting to know someone so much as it's about seeing how "sexually compatible" you are.
You know...like a glorified one night stand?
Sadly OP, there is a lot of "shit or get off the pot" people in the dating realm. They want someone they can bang and who'll do their laundry and like pronto! LOL
I say f*ck it. NOT MY SCENE. Not like this. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/19/2009 12:26:58 PM | Pulled this from m_church's last post:
The women will be far more picky as to who gets those three dates... Chances are she will place more importance on the actual date and who she is willing to go out with than just dating a guy because he asks and she's free...
That's me. err, was me. I was very willing to meet up with someone who interested me for one date. Worst thing that could happen was an evening of enjoyable conversation (because I would only ever go our with someone where the conversational interest was there). I had a zillion first and second dates because, once I determined I didn't want to get to know this person better, I wouldn't go out with them again. That decision was usually reached within the first couple of dates. Although I sometimes worried was I cutting things off too soon, it just didn't seem fair to continue unless I had some genuine interest in discovering the person. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/19/2009 12:46:47 PM | I don't go by numbers, I go by feeling. I used to live an hour outside of town, that presented me with little time for dating. And it took longer to get to know someone because I couldn't be hoofing it out on dates every night of the week. So the whatever number date fails to count in this instance. Cripes in any instance.
When things are good, the two people involved are usually in sync about when they have sex. That's where real communication plays a part. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/19/2009 2:34:54 PM | I'm not a fan of timetables.
I think you know when you're ready to have
sex with someone. It could be on the first date,
the third date, the tenth date...or never.
All moral judgements aside...people should do what
works for them and not worry about what others are
doing. Some of us have raised responsible adults and
we STILL like sex....and hope to have it...maybe even
lots of it.
Does anyone really worry about what others think?
or do they just like appearing virtious and pious and
passing judgement on the sexual escapades of others?
Yeah...I said it...sexual escapades....woot woot!
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/20/2009 7:16:04 AM | " 3rd date??? If I'm not gettin head after 10 minutes into the first date, I'll be droppin her off on the side o'the road sumwhere!!! No if's and's or butts 'bout it!!! "
And what do you AFTER you got head within 10 minutes of the first date ? Share with us what you talk about.
How many women have you kicked to the curb in the 11 th minute of your date? LOL | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/20/2009 7:29:09 AM | | I could imagine a woman putting on profile not on first date but no one ever knows how it will go. Personally I've been with guys that I've had it on first date or we have waited until 4 or 5th dates but none of us done it because of timescale but because it felt right. I think stating when you are going to have it spoils it. Although after 6months I might start to wonder | |
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tnt144
| | Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 92 | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/20/2009 10:00:55 AM | " Didn't you get the memo that "dating" isn't really "dating" anymore? I mean it's not about getting to know someone so much as it's about seeing how "sexually compatible" you are.
" You know...like a glorified one night stand?
Sadly OP, there is a lot of "shit or get off the pot" people in the dating realm. They want someone they can bang and who'll do their laundry and like pronto! LOL
I say f*ck it. NOT MY SCENE. Not like this. "
Some random thoughts...........................................................
When I buy fast food, I like knowing that it's easy and that I don't have to make a commitment, beyond paying for what I will buy. No pressure. No strings attached.
The female waitresses or counter staff don't have to show any cleavage.. they can be dress like Nuns. I'll still talk with them and maybe make them laugh.
If I go the same restaurant, and the service/food quality/ attitude are not to my liking, I'll go back... but 2 or 3 times of the same issues, and I'll frequent another restaurant. The waitresses or counter staff don't have to show me any cleavage.. they can be dress like Nuns. In other words, I'm willing to wait for fast food to be the right fit, because we all have bad days, etc. But again, that's fast food, and not someone that I'm dating.
When it comes to a relationship, I avoid the fast food mentality. I want to be in it for the long haul, if the woman is right for me, and me for her. Here, I don't have the 3 date rule. While we are at a fast food place, if my date asks me, " would you like fries with that ? ", in a Robin Williams style, then I might choke on my milk shake.
The lyrics in the song....... " Once, Twice, Three Times A Lady " come to mind. Don't ask me why. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/20/2009 10:13:52 AM |
The answer is simple... lots of people believe in one-night-stands (or second).
It's not called immaturity. Actually its a mature person that does something and
recognizes it for what it is and then doesn't judge someone else because they choose
to do otherwise.
Contrary to what some would like to believe...there really isn't anything wrong
with having sex simply because you WANT to.
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/20/2009 10:37:23 AM | " The answer is simple... lots of people believe in one-night-stands (or second).
It's not called immaturity. Actually its a mature person that does something and
recognizes it for what it is and then doesn't judge someone else because they choose
to do otherwise.
Contrary to what some would like to believe...there really isn't anything wrong
with having sex simply because you WANT to. "
I have to agree with you. A lot of people have had sex on the first date. And if every one of those people were immature, then what are we saying about our society ? And are we saying that so many people are immature in other ways, because they have had first date sex ?
It IS different than what we've heard so many people preach. SOME people have had sex on the first date, and it's turned into a long term relationship, or more.
Are both partners immature people who have first date sex ? I don't think that they are. And if they have a long term relationship, or marry ? Maybe it's something we should think about.
Remember, when we point a finger at someone, we are pointing THREE times as many fingers back at ourself : ) | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/20/2009 10:47:00 AM |
It's not called immaturity. Actually its a mature person that does something and
recognizes it for what it is and then doesn't judge someone else because they choose
to do otherwise.
No, it is immature... Acting out on desires just because you can is immature.... realising that there could be more to it than a simple fcuk... is mature...
Contrary to what some would like to believe...there really isn't anything wrong
with having sex simply because you WANT to.
I agree, dogs do it all the time... walk up, sniff butt, and fcuk.... no thought behind it... no worries about consequences...
I have to agree with you. A lot of people have had sex on the first date. And if every one of those people were immature, then what are we saying about our society ? And are we saying that so many people are immature in other ways, because they have had first date sex ?
A lot of people do crack or heroin or kill or rape... society is just that, society... there are the more mature members of society that don't do the baser things, and then there is the 'great unwashed' that do... More people are uneducated than educated.... it explains a lot....
Remember, when we point a finger at someone, we are pointing THREE times as many fingers back at ourself : )
No, we're not, this isn't frakking grade school... What's next? Singing "I know you are, but what am I?" or "Nyah Nyah Nyah"? Give me a break... | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/20/2009 10:48:05 AM | I love these threads, they're full of self righteous people who think that everything people do should be based on "how they feel", or what particular mood strikes them at that point and time. There are too many instances where girls have sex with a guy, and they didn't think about it...."it just happened". Whether or not you choose to believe it, most everything guys will do is meditated.
Sure I've had situations where I haven't wanted to get "laid" and its sort of just happened, mostly because I didn't want to take a relationship there and women tend to be like a fish out of water when a guy doesn't have sex as the end goal for the evening. 
Most everything people do can be calculated to some degree. We're creatures that have been studied for many a year, can be studied...why would you think that relationships are different? Are the guys you meet that much more different from each other? We all have basic needs and wants. We all have different kinds of relationships we strive to have, different experiences in our past that will dictate what we look for.
If you don't bring that sexual desire out of a women within that first while, then you haven't done your job. And women don't chop me down and say you'd hang out with a guy longer than 3 dates if he hasn't brought that side of you out. The time frame is basically anywhere between 4 and 8 hours of bonding time where you can get to know each other and get that attraction happening. If that spark doesn't happen within that time frame, basically its not going to happen.
There I said my ideas for a "time frame", will I come out and say that first date? Hell no, I would never say things such as that. What I would work on those first few dates religiously would be building that trust and attraction, if you take care of that well enough secks with happen within good time.  | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/20/2009 11:09:04 AM | Remember, when we point a finger at someone, we are pointing THREE times as many fingers back at ourself : )
" No, we're not, this isn't frakking grade school... What's next? Singing "I know you are, but what am I?" or "Nyah Nyah Nyah"? Give me a break... "
I wasn't singing a song of six pence. I made a point that's valid for a lot of people.
The last time I looked, 3 of my own fingers were pointing at me when I pointed.
And my eyes work very well. | |
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