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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 2:24:42 AM |
because you don't have sex because you enjoy sex, you have it only in exchange for a relationship. If i only have sex in exchange for a relationship one would think that i'd be immediately jumping into bed with anyone i was interested in to make sure i got a relationship out of it!! By your definition i'm hurting my chances for a relationship by not having sex straight away, so i can hardly be giving sex to get a relationship now can I?
Then it's quote ironic that you fail to see how a man would not look negatively on your not wanting to have sex with him, when he wants to have sex with you. I specifically said i'd be disappointed if MY man didn't want to have sex with me, NOT a man i had gone out with 2 or 3 times... Yes i'd want to know that he was attracted to me, but i'd be more than happy if a guy wanted to get to know me a bit before we actually had sex..
A true "highly sexual" person, is, by definition, someone who has sex because they like sex.. Actually i do have sex because i like sex. Just because i don't spread my legs for every guy i have a couple of dates with doesn't mean i'm not highly sexual. That's like saying i don't like kissing because i don't want to grab every guy i see on the street and lock lips with him. I can still love sex but not feel the need to fuk every man who'll have me...
What you describe about yourself, does not describe a "highly sexual" person. Trust me on that I think i'll trust my partner thanks and i'm more than certain he'd disagree with you... | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 6:12:22 AM |
and you're nervous people on the internet might judge you. I couldn't care less how a bunch of complete strangers on the internet judge me. I don't have an internet set of beliefs, values, whatever and then a different set for real life.
I set no rules when it comes to sexual intimacy beyond the fact that I don't have purely physical sex and so I don't have one night stands or casual sex. And there's only one reason for it. Does nothing for me. Completely unsatisfying. So in actual fact I would call that a preference, not a rule. No different to a guy who won't date/have sex with an overweight woman or a woman who won't have anal sex, etc, etc, etc.
There are conscious steps men can take to make a women feel more at ease. More comfortable. Make you seem more appealing and hit those subconscious buttons to rev the engine so to speak. Only works of course if the woman doesn't figure out you're playing her. Manipulation is a dangerous game. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 6:14:20 AM |
I attract more traditional women who understand roles in relationships. Yes, 'Master', you have acquainted us with *your opinion* (your understanding of roles in relationships is purely subjective and thus not universal of course) before. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 7:59:28 AM | I would be very uncomfortable with an expectation to have sex, and I do not have expectations of any woman I date, either. It will happen when we're both ready, and that could be sooner, or it could be later (usually I prefer sooner, but only if there seems to be real compatibility).
I'd be fine if she anticipated having sex soon, without some specific timetable. An expectation is too controlling and ignores the relationship dynamic and the comfort of both people. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 8:18:06 AM | Yeah, right, very technical that term "hang up". "Accurate" my arse. It's your personal opinion, nothing more.
That my vernacular doesn't pass muster with you, is hardly of any consequence to me.
That someone may have no interest in purely physical sex not only DOES NOT equate to having a "psychological barrier" but it absolutely DOES NOT equate to having a "hang up".
Bvllshit.
Show me someone who doesn't masturbate for simple orgasmic release because they have no interest in the purely physiological secondary effects of it, and you'll have found someone with "hang ups".
A couple of responses. Firstly, what I said has no correlation to a point about "maturity". Because I was not responding to your views on maturity, genius. I was making the point that a comparison between sex in marriage and sex with a complete stranger is entirely invalid.
Secondly, how you get from a comment that sex within marriage is not comparable to sex with a stranger to a view that the latter is "void of any merit whatsoever" (...what the hell "merit" has to do with it at all is a whole 'nother bafflement), lacking in judgment and should be discouraged I will never know.
You're the one who started obfuscating when you quoted me.
That's what happens when you go off on a tangent from someone else's post. Things become obscured.
Like that term "strawman" don't you? Read in in Oprah's book of the month or something?
I'm not a housewife who has the time to watch that drivel. I think Oprah is a complete moron.
Evidently I need to spell out to you that was I was in no way attempting to refute your statement by substituting a superficially similar proposition.
Evidently, you think you are somehow more intelligent than me, that you feel you need to paint me a picture.
Thanks for the best laugh I've had here in a while.
I was making the point that whilst humans may have come in their evolution to a point where sex has become more about recreation than anything else, the FACT remains, it's roots are elsewhere. Can you grasp that reality?
Thanks, Captain Obvious.
Glad you stopped by to enlighten me on the biological "roots" of sex....
Now that is in fact, quite a good example of a non sequitur. Well done.
Whatever...
I just noticed.
You're a lawyer.
Makes sense now....
No, it's called a "preference". What is perceived as a psychological barrier is simply a different thought process leading to an alternate outcome... A psychological barrier would be more something to do with an illogical aversion to something...
No. A sexual preference would be someone who is more inclined to do it one way vs another, while enjoying both.
Someone who feels "no merit" one way while other people do, has some psychological barrier that others don't, which is why they'd have an "aversion" or distaste to it.
Yet some people may not masturbate because they don't enjoy it enough to do so.... it has nothing to do with repulsion nor a hangup....
Then they're not doing it right.
And I'll challenge that the notion that they don't do it without having any dysfunctional views about it.
There are more women on this planet that take decades of their life to deprogram themselves from a lifetime of parental, societal, religious and cultural stigmas imposed on them in order to repress their sexuality in order to maintain an image of chaste and purity.
If a woman I wanted, gave me sex, and it was good sex, why exactly would I want to leave?.... Then why aren't you with the first person you had sex with...? Or are you in a quest to find "good sex"? You see, if it was the first sex you had, how would you know whether or not it was "good" or "bad"?
Another strawman....
You pulled a sentence out of context and have gone off on a tangent. Go back and re-read the post.
So if you're not with anyone, then that would imply that the sex was never that good with any of them... This is statistically unlikely, so it stands to reason that the only common denominator for the sex not being good is you.... So then either you're not good in bed, or your argument is flawed....
Neither. I won't stay if the sex isn't equal or better than what I've had previously. I won't go backwards.
But great sex does not guarantee I will stay in the relationship if I'm unhappy about what goes on outside the bedroom.
A true "highly sexual" person, is, by definition, someone who has sex because they like sex. No, it just mean they have sex a lot... it doesn't mean they do it because they like sex.
Wrong. You're diluting the definition to include other things. To make it a "catch all" phrase.
They may have other reasons for having sex a lot. Such as a strong physical/sexual response...
uhhh, that's not "another reason". That IS the reason.
or esteem issues making them have sex for the wrong reasons (such as misplaced seeking love or affirmation)....
Now you're trying to associate unhealthy and dysfunctional behaviours with the term "highly sexual", in order to include, oversexed, sexual deviant, nymphomaniac.
Seeing as we disagree on what constitutes healthy vs unhealthy, attitudes, carrying on about it, with you, is pointless.
Ah, but that's the point. Most women don't have a "specific amount of time" after which they will "give it up".
You must be new here....
The best sexual experiences are the ones where both people are totally in the moment and learning about what the other likes whilst letting them know what they like as well.
You're preaching to the choir.
Of course, with a complete stranger, this is exponentially more difficult; another reason why having spent some time getting to know one another adds so much more to the experience.
That sounds entirely logical, except that it's built on a fallacy that it's "exponentially more difficult" to have mind blowing sex without having an emotional bond.
Much in the same way that it's a fallacy that having a deep emotional bond automatically leads to mind blowing sex.
Great lovers are made, not born.
That is gives an added component of pleasure that the one who's giving you mind blowing sex, in no way proves that sex with someone you don't have a deep emotional bond with is a vastly inferior experience. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 8:31:24 AM | Evidently, you think you are somehow more intelligent than me, that you feel you need to paint me a picture. Yes, I did. Given you inaccurately described my statement as a Strawman and critiqued it on that basis, it seemed blatantly obvious that further explanation was required.
That is gives an added component of pleasure that the one who's giving you mind blowing sex, in no way proves that sex with someone you don't have a deep emotional bond with is a vastly inferior experience. Never said it was per se. Unlike you, I do not presume that my personal experience and entirely subjective opinion holds for all people.
However, *for me* sex without a mind/body/emotional connection, which *for me* is not attainable in 6 or 8 hours over 1 or 2 dates, is a vastly inferior experience. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 8:43:52 AM |
Never said it was per se. Unlike you, I do not presume that my personal experience and entirely subjective opinion holds for all people.
However, *for me* sex without a mind/body/emotional connection, which *for me* is not attainable in 6 or 8 hours over 1 or 2 dates, is a vastly inferior experience.
Then you really need to start prefacing your comments....
And you're a lawyer?
I bet you're in high demand..... | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 8:50:21 AM | And you're a lawyer?
I bet you're in high demand..... No, I'm a not a lawyer. Looks like that "some college" didn't extend to checking your facts before making a statement not once, but twice....too busy with all those Strawmen and non-sequiturs to actually read my profile properly I guess, huh? | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 9:22:20 AM |
but twice....too busy with all those Strawmen and non-sequiturs to actually read my profile properly I guess, huh?
I simply couldn't be bothered after I read that your profession was Psychology/Law ....
Although I actually studied psychology as well, and debated more than my share of people educated on the topic, I obviously have come to different conclusions than you on human sexuality.
Your condescension tactics are wasted on me.... | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 10:08:27 AM | Guys, some of these women in this thread know much more than you on this topic, and they are right, you should listen to them:
Men seem think over and over again here that it's about whether or not we WOULD have sex with a guy, when it's more about wanting to and when.
It's never a question of attraction for me if I am dating a guy, but the process of knowing him enough to know if I want to know him anywhere else. The sex isn't the problem, it's who he is and all that may come with it if it happens. Is he intelligent? If so, that makes him hotter. Is he clingy and needy? If so sleeping with him isn't gonna pan out well.
- What some of you guys fail to understand is that the vast majority of the time (not always, even good girls can have one-nighters, but it's rare), women need to have a decent level of love for a man to have sex, and that takes time... in their words, they have to feel that way about you first. The main thing is that men often fall quicker than the woman... in other words, men see a bikini on the beach, they are halfway there, halfway in love... the woman is going to take a little longer.
^^^^LOL...if you think more than three dates is the equivalent of an adoption process, then I guess that's part of the problem. If it's more than three but less than 6 what do you care?
- Exactly... is 3 - 6 dates really going to kill you, LOL!
Once she actually wants to sleep with you IN RETURN and then you're getting laid regularly, what's the problem?
- Again, exactly! What is 3 - 6 dates when you can have all the sex you want forever, possibly the next 50 years, or until your ticker goes out?!
I'm sorry, some of you guys have no game, LOL! | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 10:12:43 AM |
Only works of course if the woman doesn't figure out you're playing her. Manipulation is a dangerous game.
What you mean manipulating? Just making a conscious effort to break down those walls that women usually have up because every guy they have met since 16 has tried humping them isn't manipulation...its knowing how to be different that the others. I don't think its manipulation...personally.
Seeing someone your attracted to and making a conscious decision to go talk to them isn't manipulative.
Seeing someone and making a conscious effort to try and put her at ease with words and body language isn't manipulative.
The only thing I see as manipulative is lying, which I personally am not a fan of.  | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 10:19:10 AM |
The main thing is that men often fall quicker than the woman.
Maybe the internet daters out there, that have a hard time socializing. I have a hard time believing that statement.
men see a bikini on the beach, they are halfway there, halfway in love
I think you're referring to lust, big difference.
What is 3 - 6 dates when you can have all the sex you want forever, possibly the next 50 years
Yeah, sex with one person for the next 50 years is totally whats on men's minds first couple dates. If thats what you mean by game, I'm glad I don't have none. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 10:45:23 AM | " So to recap...having sex just because you WANT to is bad?"
According to some of the posters, it is. I'd LOVE to hear Landra's thoughts, now that there have been hundreds of responses.
**************
Correction : There have been hundreds of responses to my other post, in which very similar reader's opinions have crossed back and forth between the 2 threads. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 10:46:22 AM |
Your condescension tactics are wasted on me....  ..that's pretty funny coming from you...Right back at you....
So to recap...having sex just because you WANT to is bad? Definitely not. If that's what gets you off, gives you what you want/need at that time and both of you are on the same page, then what could possibly be bad about that? Sounds all good to me. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 12:39:21 PM | Wow! Some people may actually have a chance to get some good sex it if they didn't completely turn off any sexual attraction by ranting non sense.
In any event, last I checked, there was no restriction on this forum as to what one might do with another's statement
O.K. then, I do believe it is anothers' not another's. Genius.
Head stop spinning yet? Take a Xanax and calm down. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 12:58:12 PM | " Have you ladies thought of the guy?
If he is above average he will get nookies more faster than if he is at par wit the girl.
If he is slightly below average he has to work extra hard. "
Tito, you're a good guy, with a good heart. I've admired some of the things that you've posted here. in MY opinion, that makes you an above average guy.
So Tito, if you feel the same way that I do about you, as well as the complements others have given you.... Answer your own question about being an above average guy, and getting nookie : ) | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 1:03:31 PM | I think Cindy has it right. I have never,ever,ever had a conversation with any woman who stated that she was angry or surprised that the man she was dating was sexually interested in her, she was angry because that is all he seemed to be interested in and started to try and control the flow of where things were going with sex, that's right, I said the man tried to control the woman with sex, he tried to set the time table that was only beneficial to him and started to lay down timelines and ultimatums regarding sex. There is where the anger came from, not the fact that he got a woody!
This thread is ridiculous, keep telling yourself that all women are sexually repressed and unable to have healthy sexual relationships, and that we are all shocked and prudes! This whole thread is so transparent. For every guy that has said that men are made to feel dirty, a pig and nasty for wanting to have sex, there is woman who is being called repressed, a prude and having a hang up because she doesnt want to hop in the sack with a man she has spent a whole 12-18 hours with.... | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 1:31:49 PM |
My question to everyone, MEN AND WOMEN... how would you feel if a potential partner told you, ( or you read in a Forum ) that this person would not wait for sex with you on a 3rd date ?
I wouldn't date them. Period. Pretty much every relationship I've been in (except the last one) I was being used and simply didn't see it (or want to see it) at the time. Half of those were for sex, which confuses me, but that's not something I'll go on about.
Sex should never be expected. Anticipated, sure, especially if you really connect, but not expected. The exception to this is relationships that are purely sexual (admit it, people look for sex hookups, even if it's not you or I). If you aren't looking for one of these hookups, and someone admits up front they'll make any decision based on sex, then I would say it's time to call it off. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 1:54:55 PM | Well, I look at it this way...
If I'm going out with the lady and having a good time... what do I care how long it takes?
Hell, if you can't date her just for the fun of being with her, and what you're doing together you shouldn't be dating her in the first place because you're not compatible...
Sex should be a bonus for an already great relationship, not the purpose of the relationship.... if the sex is the only thing, then you're just fcuk buddies... | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 2:04:02 PM |
Well, I look at it this way...
If I'm going out with the lady and having a good time... what do I care how long it takes?
Hell, if you can't date her just for the fun of being with her, and what you're doing together you shouldn't be dating her in the first place because you're not compatible...
Sex should be a bonus for an already great relationship, not the purpose of the relationship.... if the sex is the only thing, then you're just fcuk buddies...
Some would argue that a "great relationship" wouldn't be great without great sex.
Here's what I think, there have been way tooooooo many threads about sex this week, everyone will have their say, from the religious to the impious from the young to the old...I believe it all boils down to ones sexual drive...there are those that have a high sex drive and those that simply don't...and each will justify their stance based on that drive... | |
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