| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 2:11:56 PM | Sadly, I am.
*sigh*
oops, gotta keep on topic. I'd started to read the forums before my sweetie and I met. So, I told him it was 'too bad, so sad for you' because I maybe, mighta, woulda jumped his bones right off the bat before I read the forums ... but now I'd found out about this 3 date rule and six month rule, and I'd figured out what I'd been doing wrong all these years.
Mind you, this was before I'd even met him, or seen what he looked like.
So... after I met him, the silly so&so told me I'd have to wait because there is no way he could, in any good conscience, inadvertently be complicant in altering my integrity.
lmao, not the last time I've lived to regret teasing that man. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 5:04:02 PM |
Ok. Lets assume I am dating you. Its been going on well which mean I have been playing my cards right (Dating is called a game for a reason). We having connection in very many levels yet i dont want to have sex with you although you were ready a long time ago. Would you feel frustrated and a cause of concern?
This assumes that I'm not already having sex while in the early stages of dating, and it also assumes I am the type that would base everything on sex. If it was discussed - why would I be frustrated or concerned?
If you answered it honestly thats how men feel when they wait for the woman to get ready to have sex with them.
The bottom line here is this - does he want me to just comply for his sake, or does he want me to be really INTO it? If he doesn't care if I'm actually at the point where I want it then I guess you have a point.
So from my angle - I'd have to want him to just give it to me whether he wanted to or not - I tend to like a guy who's into it, so to me that's not appealing.
I also date men who don't want to sleep with me unless I want the same thing at that time, so it's never a problem for me.
Its the same feeling one gets after along term relationship is over. She/he feels 'I cant believe this is the woman/man I used to end every conversation with 'I love you'
Sex it has no meaning in the intial stages of dating ie. it feels like 'I love you' after a genuine r/ship has ended.
I can't relate to that - honestly I've never dealt with it -most of my breakups were mutual...or initiated by me. What's over is over, so I don't lend a lot of emotion to what used to be. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 4:32:54 AM | We're at 200 replies, thanks in part to the inspiration of a woman who spoke her mind about what she expects, while dating.
Thanks to everyone who continue to make this ongoing thread inspiring, educational, and FUN!
I'm off to fill the whirlpool, with cole slaw; my Girl Friend will be home soon. LOL | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 6:45:06 AM |
. Ahahaha its funny how women love to shift the goal post. I attacked you on this and this was your defense. You have conviniently dodged my question and not answered it. Ill be waiting Not sure why you're waiting - I answered your question...maybe it wasn't an answer that you liked? *shrug*
I had no defense, I didn't realize that was an attack. Thanks for informing me it was, I missed it. My response was - if it was discussed WHY should I have a problem with it?
The question is WHEN not IF he wants to sleep with you or not. Ill clearer this time. You have been hinting sex all along but he is not ready. (You have been in similar situation right. Turning down sleep over invitations at a guys place because you are not ready because you know if you accept its going down)
Sleeping at a guys place and sex aren't related for me. Even if I do stay for sex I leave to sleep at home, if he comes for sex, he leaves so I can sleep...maybe you got my posts mixed up. With me the sex usually happens before he knows where I live, so if I'm at his place the sex is already happening.
Reverse the role. He comes to your place and surprisingly he doesnt want to spend the night even with your lingerie on.
I let him take his time and I keep my standby longer - if it's still early in the relationship. I don't get frustrated over sex - it's not that hard to come by. Sex with him will happen when he's ready. AGAIN - my answer is I don't want a man to sleep with me who's not INTO sleeping with me. A guy who's not ready isn't INTO it yet which means we're not yet on the same page, which means it's not time. If he's never into it - I deal with it when I discover that. If after he's ok to have sex he wants it less than I do, I deal with that when I discover it.
It's not that big a deal. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 10:07:31 AM |   Flowerforce- My thoughts exactly!! Sex on or b4 the 3rd date HE** NO!! Your very right about this, I want to date him for a while 1st. Sex in 2 to 3 months depending how often your able to go out. You need to build a relationship 1st, and see if he's the one for you. I have to much respect for myself to be some slut who would put out that soon. It will happen when it happens, don't force it.
flower you said it all!!
"At this stage in my life I am happy to be alone and celibate rather than with an incompatible partner. I have no interest in having sex unless and until I am in a deeply caring relationship with the potential for a committed relationship. If a fellow does not like this he can go on his merry way with no harm and no foul."  | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 10:18:43 AM | You need to build a relationship 1st, and see if he's the one for you.
Then sex is not part of a sexual relationship for you, if you can build one without sex.
Apparently you do not realize the irony and paradox you present.
In your case, you want to have sex with a friend, not a lover.
I have to much respect for myself to be some slut who would put out that soon.
No, what you have is a superiority complex, and an elevated view of yourself that is based on pompousness, if you equate someone not comforming to your rigid parameters to being a "slut".
I'd much rather marry what you'd call a "slut" than someone who thinks like you do.
At this stage in my life I am happy to be alone and celibate rather than with an incompatible partner.
That doesn't make you special in any way.
I have no interest in having sex unless and until I am in a deeply caring relationship with the potential for a committed relationship.
Then you musn't enjoy and value the merits of sex as much as other people do. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 11:57:04 AM |
It's not really fair if women expect to see the guy's place first.
Is that kinda like: I'll show you *mine* if you show me your place first? Sounds like it could be a fear of dust bunnies (makes as much sense as the rest of the gobbledygook we all post and think we have the answers to all of life's mysterious questions). | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 2:05:59 PM |
I think just for the sake of it I'm going to wait until and have sex at HER place first.
Ok...in some cases you'll wait longer, but as long as that's ok with you.
I won't deliberately tell her that is my intention, but I want to see if the natural gravitation is to have sex at the guy's place first or if it's coincidental.
As a guy, why do you care where it happens as long as it's happening?
It's not really fair if women expect to see the guy's place first.
Whatever makes sense to you. To be safe, make sure you both see each other's place on the same day at the same time, so no one has first dibs on whatever it is you're talking about. lol | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 2:10:17 PM | For all you people going on about time tables. If any of you are sexual active and decide to hop into bed with a new partner, you should all know that you are supposed to wait at least 6 months from the last sexual encounter.
This explains why STD's are rampant, but who the fack cares if she has an STD, there is no way I'm waiting 6 months, right? Or, "she doesn't seem like a slut, she seems safe". One time with the wrong person is all it takes folks.
Carry on. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 2:43:04 PM |
Miss. Arabian Angel it is always so good to hear your comments! THANK YOU for just being the sweet, kind, and open minded woman you are!!!
Margo64 this place would be rather boring without the likes of people like you. :)
Is this the time to tell you that after I get home Friday night, I'm leaving again Saturday morning for another week?
Great this gives M and I more time for some hot steaming lesbian sex!
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 2:53:28 PM | I keep wondering how sex has become a commodity rather than a celebration of caring and love? No one man or woman should have to "put out." No one has the right to expect sex at any time from anyone. If two consenting adults wish to hop into bed on a first or second date what is the harm if both parties take responsibility for their actions (and possibly the resulting SDT.) Nor are they sluts if they do. If I am expected to have sex and I am not feeling sexy for whatever the reason no matter how long I have been seeing someone or even if I am married to them it is my right to say no if I am not into it. I choose not to be sexual with a man unless I am in a place of caring/love and we have discussed a relationship not just a sexual relationship. Others make other choices. Fair enough. This is not about men and women it is about ones values and personal choices. No one can tell me how to live my life and only I am responsible for how I choose to behave. I choose to become sexual when I feel connected emotionally that may take several weeks or even months. If a fellow I am seeing has an issue with this it is not my issue it is his. And he can go on his merry way because he will not be the man for me.. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 3:03:25 PM | Sometimes V, you just get it all wrong.
Then sex is not part of a sexual relationship for you, if you can build one without sex.
Apparently you do not realize the irony and paradox you present.
In your case, you want to have sex with a friend, not a lover.
A person can build a great relationship destined for marriage without having the sex right away to complicate things. I did it and I am glad and so is he.
We had "initial attraction" to each other right away. It was like we didn't want anybody or anything else after we met. The sexual tension was there and it grew as we explored each other on the intellectual and emotional levels. We created an intimacy on those levels. Intimacy builds trust. Trust builds intimacy. The sexual attraction and desire was always there and we stoked the fire without having sex until we both knew each other enough. How can you know a person within 3 dates? Then have sex with them? It's having sex with a stranger.
He is my lover and always has been. I can differentiate a "friend" and/or a lover and so can most women.
He is also my closest confidant and I can tell him anything...my happy silly stories or my fears....I can be all of myself with him without any insecurities....even being a clown. He thinks I am a very sexy desirable entertaining clown and he will never have it any other way.
I will say it again. Some people get caught up in expectations and entitlements to do with sex without considering the other person. It takes two to make good sex. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 3:09:30 PM | I keep wondering how sex has become a commodity rather than a celebration of caring and love?
It never was a "commodity".
It's an important aspect that needs to be factored into whether or not one wants to commit to sexual relationship with that person.
There it is, in black and white, for you.
If you choose to get emotionally embroiled with someone, without any carnal knowledge of them, that's your choice.
But it's not one I'd call intelligent.
No one man or woman should have to "put out."
Without a qualifier, that statement is worthless.
No one has the right to expect sex at any time from anyone.
Why? A lot of people expect a lot of things from people who owe them nothing.
Like patience, for example....
This is not about men and women it is about ones values and personal choices.
Obviously.
No one can tell me how to live my life and only I am responsible for how I choose to behave.
Who exactly is telling you how to live your life?
Victimize yourself much?
A person can build a great relationship destined for marriage without having the sex right away to complicate things.
Pffft.
Emotions cloud the brain, exponentially more than sex ever will.
And people can have a great relationship if they have sex right away as well.
Which proves there's no correlation to timing.
Therefore, no logical reason to assume it's detrimental to have sex early on, and no reason to disparage it. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 3:16:07 PM |
If you choose to get emotionally embroiled with someone, without any carnal knowledge of them, that's your choice.
But it's not one I'd call intelligent.
It's more intelligent to get emotionally embroiled with someone and then have sex with him on top of it?
Women are funny creatures. We have sex with a man and we have a tendency to get emotionally attached to him.
So, you are recommending a double blast of emotional attachment? Emotional on one side and sexual on the other. The woman's heart like the centre of an Oreo cookie.
You and your sammiches.
Edit:
Why? A lot of people expect a lot of things from people who owe them nothing.
Like patience, for example....
If your heart is not into that person, and you feel it's nothing...then agreed.
If you really care for that person and sex is something that is meaningful emotionally for you and him, then yes...he will be patient. It's not an expectation or an entitlement issue then.
I have a guy who was very patient, but he wanted 100% of me, too.
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 4:23:10 PM |
Why? A lot of people expect a lot of things from people who owe them nothing.
That only applies if the person who owes them nothing is so stupid as to give it... Not everyone is a moron....
If you choose to get emotionally embroiled with someone, without any carnal knowledge of them, that's your choice.
But it's not one I'd call intelligent.
So why would that not be intelligent if that's what you wanted... I could equally say having carnal knowledge with out getting emotionally involved would not be intelligent...
See, you have your view on the topic and it really is only valid as your personal opinion on them due to your bias. Like my own view is based on what I've seen, not always from my own personal bias.... | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 5:58:47 PM | Verity one
I never said any one was telling me how to live my life . I said no one can. That is not a victim statement, just a statement of my experience. I do not disagree that sex is part of a good relationship. I am just not up for a sexual relationship - casual sex-sex for sport -or friends with benefits. If other people are then that is their business. It is not for me to judge. My choice is to become sexual Ie. have carnal knowledge of a men when I am connected to him emotionally and ready to do so. That may take weeks or months. I am happy to take responsibility for that choice. I am also happy when a fellow walks away if he thinks I should be "giving it up" because he paid for dinner or we have seen each other three times. My body and my sexuality are mine and I share that very deep and special part of myself when I wish to not because someone expects or wants me to. So if the fellow walks away I am glad because I know he is not my Mr. wonderful.
When anyone is expected to "put out" as some of the posters have stated then sex becomes something to trade for security, favors, money, dinners, you name it Ie. a commodity. Not a celebration of a deep emotional connection. Those people who want to have sex on a first or second date is their choice. You also missed my point. Each person chooses how they do their sexuality and is responsible for their behaviors and the consequences of said behaviors. People can expect whatever they want that still does not give them the right to expect or get it. | |
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