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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:03:33 AM | Why? A lot of people expect a lot of things from people who owe them nothing. That only applies if the person who owes them nothing is so stupid as to give it... Not everyone is a moron....
Exactly.
Only a moron would allow themselves to be put in a sexual moratorium, while being loyal and monogamous to someone who hasn't fully commited to a sexual relationship, with the inclusion of sex.
If you choose to get emotionally embroiled with someone, without any carnal knowledge of them, that's your choice.
But it's not one I'd call intelligent. So why would that not be intelligent if that's what you wanted...
Are you serious? 
It would not only NOT be intelligent, it would be stupid to pursue a deep emotional attachment, or long term commitment if one was ignorant on the most significant part of the sexual aspect of someone.
THE SEX.
Personally, I liked to be assured that what I think I'm getting, is what I'll actually be getting.
I could equally say having carnal knowledge with out getting emotionally involved would not be intelligent...
You'll have to elaborate.
See, you have your view on the topic and it really is only valid as your personal opinion on them due to your bias.
Seeing as I have a formal education that included studying sexology, I'd say you'll have to point out exactly where I may not be being objective enough. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:12:43 AM |
Seeing as I have a formal education that included studying sexology, I'd say you'll have to point out exactly where I may not be being objective enough.
I studied biology post secondary, but it does not make me a biologist or an expert in biology.
Unless you are a sexologist or a qualified practitioner of the human anthropology and psychology, then your posts are slanted to your opinions, which are like most of us here.
Welcome to the ordinary world! | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:29:47 AM |
Personally, I liked to be assured that what I think I'm getting, is what I'll actually be getting.
On test driving...and you are supposed to be a knowledgable sexologist?
There are a lot of men screaming in pain these days about this.
"She was so hot and we had sex soooo much BEFORE we got married. Now? She only wants it once a week...or ..once a month.
That lovely fiery hot truck...ummmm.....I mean woman....lost her gas and bearings and crankshift in the first few months of marriage.
I guess she looked pretty good and drove pretty good when the purchaser was considering her.
I guess he really DIDN'T KNOW her. Any guy that thinks that she's hot now and thinks she will always be that way is living the same life as an ostrich. Head in the sand. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 10:18:58 AM | I studied biology post secondary, but it does not make me a biologist or an expert in biology.
We're not discussing my profession, just where I draw my knowledge and opinions from.
Get a life...
On test driving...and you are supposed to be a knowledgable sexologist?
Nope. My interest in a woman is not to diagnose her, it's to get to know her.
It ain't my first rodeo, and I have enough experience to know that all women are not equal sexually.
Maybe that makes me a sexpert...
I don't care if that meets with your approval or not.
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 10:36:09 AM | Hey , I 'll bet she got what she wanted, by posting that thread. A man ! Not a decent one, mind you, but she's not worried about decent, if she posts something like that.
I take it that you didn't ask her for a date then ? But there are plenty out here, that aren't too selective, so she'll make out like a real bandit. She'll probably get lucky and
score on her first date, ya think ? | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 10:49:42 AM | 
verity......join the rest of us normal human beings on here. You are TOO caught up in your many big words creating a false sense of self-importance and it's affecting your common sense.
You said ~
I have enough experience to know that all women are not equal sexually.
Maybe that makes me a sexpert...
I have enough experience to know that all men are not equal sexually. That doesn't make me a sexpert. Not at all.
There are many men who have had many sexual liasons with many women and you know what? Most still really don't know a woman at all. Never bothered to.
There are some women who have had many sexual liasons with men and you know what? They think they may know men, and they do on a sexual level, but when it comes to the long run of being emotionally and intellectually ready for long term or marriage, most are like a fish out of water. They can entice and make a man want them in the early stages and maybe transfix him with "the practiced art of sex" but they are missing some other elements that are necessary for long term. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 11:48:27 AM | So to recap...having sex just because you WANT to is bad?
Definitely not. If that's what gets you off, gives you what you want/need at that time and both of you are on the same page, then what could possibly be bad about that? Sounds all good to me.
The thing is women are often not on the same page with men when it comes to sex.
Your answer is text-book like, but it ignores the fact that "just sex" for the majority of women seems to be a big "NO-NO". Women often speak against "just sex" like it's something to be avoided, something bad in itself, of itself... hence the question. Also, most women will not date a man who wants "just sex" which leads a man to conclude the majority of women do have something against "just sex". | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:28:41 PM | | I'm inferring from your post that a woman put some pressure on you to 'put out' before you were ready and thanks for admitting that it made you feel uncomfortable. Women have been dealing with this kind of pressure for at least, decades, possibly centuries. And to be completely frank, it sucks. At my stage of life, I drag it out as long as possible. I won't be pressured, or flattered, or manipulated or bullied. Recently I met a man, he was terrific, but since I was dragging things out 'so long' he lost interest. IMO his loss. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:38:53 PM |
fact that "just sex" for the majority of women seems to be a big "NO-NO". Women often speak against "just sex" like it's something to be avoided, something bad in itself, of itself...
When I am in a relationship with a man that is committed to our union, then I love "just"sex.
Sometimes, you men just don't get it or you don't listen.
It has been proven many many times that women get attached emotionally when they have sex. Or...are already emotionally hooked when they agree to take the clothes off.
There is a huge emotional investment when we have sex.
For men, it is less so. Your drive is to have sex whenever and however. "Just sex" is quite the norm.
If you want the in depth scientific explanation and facts, google and learn.
It really helps if you understand women. It is not a sexist remark. It is an educated remark. If you want us to be "acting" equally in the sexual dept. that won't be happening for quite a while. Mother Nature and evolution have their own time-table and schedule. Maybe in a hundred years if this current "social conditioning" keeps it up.
I said earlier. There are many men that have had many sexual encounters, liasons, etc. with many women, but that does not make them truly understand or know a woman. If it has only been on the sexual level, then the knowledge of a woman is only on that level. We have many levels that most men don't understand and only a man who is intent on getting to know that certain woman will attempt to gain knowledge of her.
That means he cares. That is one thing she does recognize. A man who cares to get to know her. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 1:53:19 PM |
I have enough experience to know that all men are not equal sexually. That doesn't make me a sexpert. Not at all.
It does make you experienced.
It's a judgment call as to when you might be deemed an "expert".
But I've been lucky enough to have been with a few that IMO, were experts...
There are many men who have had many sexual liasons with many women and you know what? Most still really don't know a woman at all.
That's why a test drive is necessary... 
You're arguing against yourself again, and making my points for me....
It has been proven many many times that women get attached emotionally when they have sex.
It's a fallacy to say all women get emotionally attached simply by having sex.
And it's a fallacy to say that men don't feel anything other than pleasure while having sex with a woman.
You're building a strawman.
If you want the in depth scientific explanation and facts, google and learn.
Why are you pointing me to "facts" now, when I did it previously, only to have you eschew them?
What "facts" specifically" do you feel support the notion that a long period of sexual abstinence at the beginning of a relationship yields better results at getting a fulfilling sexual relationship, when you yourself claim that some lovers are better than others?
It really helps if you understand women. It is not a sexist remark. It is an educated remark.
I totally agree.
The more women I know, and the better I know them, gives me a broad enough sample to be more knowledgeable.
Thanks again for making my point.
Mother Nature and evolution have their own time-table and schedule.
That's rhetoric.
We're adults here. We deal in facts.
The facts are, some people are more trepid than others.
Some have trepidation on emotional levels, some on sexual levels, some on both.
Some of us don't, and don't want to deal with those who do. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 1:59:48 PM | Well, if a woman i was dating said to me if there is no sex on the 1st or 2nd date, there will not be a 3rd, i would just say 'ok, bye.
I do not just have sex with a woman cause she is there, i want someone special in my life and sleep with them and love them, not to bed hop. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 2:37:43 PM |
There are many men who have had many sexual liasons with many women and you know what? Most still really don't know a woman at all.
That's why a test drive is necessary...
You're arguing against yourself again, and making my points for me....
Nope... you are just imagining it.
The guy who is always wanting to test drive BEFORE he has any emotional investment is a creep. Plain and simple.
This is the guy who wants it to enter on a sexual level right from the get go. He DOESN'T KNOW HER. How can you know someone within a month? It is called "Stranger sex" and that is all. I have met more men who have had the sexual experiences, but they cannot comprehend what a woman is about.
So...your test drive theory is all wet.
Get to know the lady before you test drive her.
all women get emotionally attached simply by having sex.
Pardon me, most women.
And it's a fallacy to say that men don't feel anything other than pleasure while having sex with a woman.
Yes, you are right. There are men who feel nothing. There is no emotional investment involved at all. It's just a penis and a vagina making friction. He just wants sexual release in that case.
What "facts" specifically" do you feel support the notion that a long period of sexual abstinence at the beginning of a relationship yields better results at getting a fulfilling sexual relationship, when you yourself claim that some lovers are better than others?
One hasn't anything to do with the other. I can have a wonderful lover but he is sh*it in a relationship. There are men that are not good for marriage or relationships but can be good in bed. There are women who aren't good for marriage or relationships but are good in bed.
Just know what you really want and if it's just sexual, then stick with it.
The expectations and entitlements for a relationship are a pain when it's clear as mud. "Do ya? Don'tcha? I know you are test driving me...but...ummmm...am I good enough for you to want to see me again? I know I I wasn't at my best as you are still a stranger to me.....and I have these insecurities..."
How crude.
You don't get it, do you?
In my case it was almost 3 months before I had sex with him. I knew that he would be a good lover. If there is initial attraction, and you do play around in a long foreplay of weeks or a few months, it does get the adrenalin going and it builds up the knowledge that you are going to be good. He is good! But then, I can recognize that just by how he has always treated me. I did the right thing. I got to know him and he got to know me first. Intimacy is trust and trust is intimacy. That is what is needed for really good sex. That intimacy.
The more women I know, and the better I know them, gives me a broad enough sample to be more knowledgeable.
You still need a long way to go yet.  Try a different approach and outlook for for interest's sake. It won't hurt. See what happens. You might be pleasantly surprised.
We're adults here. We deal in facts.
If you have any respect for scientests and their facts, then take the "Mother Nature and evolution have their own time-table and schedule. " to them. Again, education is a great thing, isn't it? I am looking into sexology courses at our local University. Interesting. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 3:20:16 PM | The guy who is always wanting to test drive BEFORE he has any emotional investment is a creep. Plain and simple.
Then there are an awful lot of male and female "creeps" in this world.
It must be scary for you....
This is the guy who wants it to enter on a sexual level right from the get go. He DOESN'T KNOW HER.
If you're not sure, then keep it casual, platonic. Because all you really are, at this point is acquaintances.
If you feel you want to truly find out, then the only way is to fully immerse yourself into it.
I don't go halfway about anything. And neither do the women I have dated.
By the time we've mutually determined we are really sensing that we have potential, we go all the way.
We both want to discover all that there is, with the full knowledge and understanding that nothing is written in stone, as far as a "commitment" goes.
I never let the cart get put before the horse.
What "facts" specifically" do you feel support the notion that a long period of sexual abstinence at the beginning of a relationship yields better results at getting a fulfilling sexual relationship, when you yourself claim that some lovers are better than others?
One hasn't anything to do with the other. I can have a wonderful lover but he is sh*it in a relationship.
How can that be, if what we are to take anything you say as valid?
You argue against yourself, yet again.
One the one hand you say that you can only be sexual with someone who you feel a "commitment" with, and that sex is "emotionally bonding", otherwise it's just "penis and vagina" with "creeps", and then out the other side of your mouth say that you can have a wonderful lover without a good relationship.
There's no continuity to your "position".
Hardly a surprise....
In my case it was almost 3 months before I had sex with him. I knew that he would be a good lover.
You merely suspected...
If there is initial attraction, and you do play around in a long foreplay of weeks or a few months, it does get the adrenalin going and it builds up the knowledge that you are going to be good.
That's called anticipation, not knowledge.
You kept "foreplaying" and "adrenalizing" this guy for 3 months, before getting him off?
3 months???
There's not a woman on this earth that I would let "jerk" me around like that for 3 months. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 3:48:52 PM |
By the time we've mutually determined we are really sensing that we have potential, we go all the way.
I see that this has worked for you and you are in a long term relationship. Ohhh! You aren't? Why isn't it working for you?
One hasn't anything to do with the other. I can have a wonderful lover but he is sh*it in a relationship.
I guess that I should have phrased that is ONE can have a lover.......Semantics. And...the subjective is the word CAN....I didn't say that I was ever in that situation.
It is fairly common knowledge that there are many people on here who have had wonderful sex with someone they hardly know, expected a relationship and the person has gone MIA. The fora is riddled with those stories. The person was not into a relationship or was not relationship or marriage material.
I don't base all of my knowledge on MY experiences. Can you imagine? Cripes!
There's no continuity to your "position". Hardly a surprise....
Tut..tut...you are back to your old ways of twisting what people say. Haven't you had enough people tell you that it is a way of you showing us that you are losing your edge when you do this?
There's not a woman on this earth that I would let "jerk" me around like that for 3 months.
Noooo...you wouldn't. We all know that. You keep on letting the women know on here that you have control issues. It is very loud and clear.
A strong and confident man doesn't have control issues at all. Getting into piss*ing contests with women doesn't appeal to him. He is happy to come home and relax with me. He has enough at work to deal with. He's a Supervisor and dealing with employee issues is his forte. He is well-liked and well-respected as always a good leader should be.
He has never felt that I "jerked" him around at all. Far from it.
But then....he cares for me. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 3:50:06 PM | Man, the stuff a guy learns once he comes back home:
From ArabianAngel:Great this gives M and I more time for some hot steaming lesbian sex!
And here when I called home and she told me how wonderful the sweet angelfood was, I thought she'd been enjoying some tasty pastry!
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 4:34:19 PM | By the time we've mutually determined we are really sensing that we have potential, we go all the way. I see that this has worked for you and you are in a long term relationship.
It works to the extent that I can make a fully educated decision on whether or not I see long term potential, right from the onset.
All our cards are on the table, right from the get go.
Ostensibly, both the woman and I are interested in finding out whether or not we are a "good fit" in all areas, and are pragamatic enough to not draw out the inevitable any longer than need be. Both for emotional reasons, and for reasons of not wasting each others time.
I'm more concerned about the outcome, than trying to "avoid" being fully immersed.
It's all or nothing.
Ohhh! You aren't? Why isn't it working for you?
It's working fine, by eliminating those who I'm compatible with on some levels, but not on others. And I've met some wonderful women, that I'm still friends with, but until I find one better than my last ex, I'll keep looking till I find her.
The differences between my method, and yours is, it's taken less time to make a fully informed decision, and there's less resentment, or hard feelings when it's decided that we're not a great fit for the long term.
One hasn't anything to do with the other. I can have a wonderful lover but he is sh*it in a relationship. I guess that I should have phrased that is ONE can have a lover.......Semantics. And...the subjective is the word CAN....I didn't say that I was ever in that situation. It is fairly common knowledge that there are many people on here who have had wonderful sex with someone they hardly know...
Not according to you.
Earlier you call it "stranger sex" and that it's for "creeps".
Which is why there is no continuity to your posts. There's no stream of logic.
You claim that the whole problem men don't understand, is that women need time, women need to feel emotionally connected, women need to feel a commitment,
Now you say that it's common knowledge that for many people, they DON'T need all of those things to have wonderful sex.
Which is what I've been saying all along.
There's not a woman on this earth that I would let "jerk" me around like that for 3 months. Noooo...you wouldn't. We all know that. You keep on letting the women know on here that you have control issues. It is very loud and clear.
Nice try..
Yes, I have "control issues", that are LOUD and CLEAR...
To the extent that I don't let women jerk me around for months on end.
You call it "control issues", I call it "smart".
A strong and confident man doesn't have control issues at all.
A "strong and confident man" doesn't let himself get jerked around for the very fact that he is IN CONTROL.
He tells people trying to jerk him around, to pi$$ off.
A strong and confident man doesn't have control issues at all. Getting into piss*ing contests with women doesn't appeal to him.
Then, by that stream of logic, it doesn't appear that you're "strong and confident". | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:40:53 PM |
When I am in a relationship with a man that is committed to our union, then I love "just"sex.
That is not what I'm talking about. The meaning of "just sex" is that of "sex with no strings attached with a person you find attractive". The "relationship" part kind of implies "strings".
You more or less prove my point.
Sometimes, you men just don't get it or you don't listen.
Perhaps. Though sometimes you say nothing of value, therefore we need not listen.
It has been proven many many times that women get attached emotionally when they have sex.
There is a lot of evidence to the contrary. So I call "Bullshit!"
Or...are already emotionally hooked when they agree to take the clothes off.
Perhaps. But what does that have to do with "just sex"? And even if it is true, so what? You are emotionally attached... so am I sometimes, but I learned to get over it.
There is a huge emotional investment when we have sex.
Too bad it isn't true for hookers, prostitutes, escorts, "models", and 95% of women.
Besides, there is plenty of chicks masturbating on MSN cams and they don't seem "emotionally invested" at all - some of them with really big dildos.
If you want the in depth scientific explanation and facts, google and learn.
I MSN(ed) and learned.
There are many men that have had many sexual encounters, liasons, etc. with many women, but that does not make them truly understand or know a woman. If it has only been on the sexual level, then the knowledge of a woman is only on that level. We have many levels that most men don't understand and only a man who is intent on getting to know that certain woman will attempt to gain knowledge of her.
You want to have many levels and appear mysterious and complex, but that is not the case. Quantum mechanics is complex, you are not. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:48:47 PM | It's the way we're hard wired. Think of it like this.
First date you buy dinner. Should you expect a second date?
Third date should you expect sex?
I've had some say I should have sex with them on the 6th date. Possibly some new dating trend.
Not once have I heard someone say themself "I used common sense!" | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/25/2009 7:47:21 AM | ^^^None of the timelines applied to me. I used to live an hour outside of town, so getting to know someone took longer - hence not hitting the sack as soon (unless we felt like it!).
First date you buy dinner. Should you expect a second date?
No you shouldn't and don't buy dinner next time if you are going to complain.
Third date should you expect sex?
No.
I've had some say I should have sex with them on the 6th date. Possibly some new dating trend.
Stupid, but then I have never followed trends (it started with the blue eyeshadow - it just looked stupid on me, why should I look stupid?).
Not once have I heard someone say themself "I used common sense!" I don't use common sense, I use how I feel. | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/25/2009 8:19:02 AM | Shrug
It's never happened.
I wish guys would play a little harder to get though sometimes.
I like a challenge and I don't like slutty men (liar liar pants on fire)
Well I don't like them but they are usually pretty hot so technically I don't like them I just want to shtup them (and they really hate being used as toys but oh well = dems da breaks)
OK seriously I check out what a guy has to offer when I kiss him (if you know what I mean)
It's so disappointing to find a great guy who can't....ya know...so if your kiss doesn't get a strong reaction you know it's going to be "work" if you go any further (boo) | |
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| A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/25/2009 10:45:02 AM | | I feel it all depends on both parties as to whether they agree or disagree. It took me 25 years before I had sex (just recently) with someone. Believe me I was ready for it and am greatful that I got it. I actually remembered what I had missed. I had talked to this guy for about a month and a half then we met. It was on the 2nd that it happened. I won't let it happen that fast again though. I am worth actually knowing before we have sex. | |
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