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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Saying sorry to our kids....do you think it is important to do?      Home login  
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 HappyHeart777
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 51
Saying sorry to our kids....do you think it is important to do?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
It is benifical IMO. I have done it as well. Telling them I was sorry I was modeling for them how people are not perfect. That I make mistakes as well. I was modeling how to ask for forgiveness which is somthing that went with the apology. My older children had an extremely rough begining due to poor choices on my part. I was sorry they were involved in some of the consequences. We talked openly about this as well. Today we are close and they apologize to me when deemed necessary. I don't think they would have known how had I not modeled it for them.

Can anyone quess my profession???? LOL
 propurpose
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 52
Saying sorry to our kids....do you think it is important to do?
Posted: 10/25/2009 1:57:03 PM
...thats why i say the origin.

self love. the person spank children of their own from self love in a moment of new fright ...or control fright...(as regulator to behaviour).

self love as against an unknown person (stranger). where-by the conditions of self knowledge of the abuser rest at a tentative point ... and is unrested by relationship awareness.

people encounter one an other all the time in the busy but vital mundane world as strangers...and manage well usually. that is love guidant knowledge.

but stress builds in the sharing of self love with different other self lovers...

realizations changed and changing bring awareness of our self love value by relationship to the seeming most opposing and unmanageable of other(s) awareness.

love keep us straight....fear aid awareness to love premise. self.

thats not to say that i am narcissist ...nor am i agreeable to what i realize as disagreeable in an other... but i know that their awareness is not my own and all it serve to show is self evaluation in the awareness (relationship) of.

so i am easy patient with the seeming ridiculous of the fear love equation which an other such as you may disagree with...but our personal fears are all derived of love.
it is the mind which perplexes to the point of punishment in relationship of others.

though however many be the perceptions ... the perceptions relate the loves of those which divide and among those fears.

ask again if you want .... i come with lots of abuse information in my personal portfolio.

there are many ways to explain the unexplainable. .......
 soatlanta
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 53
Saying sorry to our kids....do you think it is important to do?
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:12:14 AM
I have apologized to my 5 year old numerous times..and meant it.

There is nothing wrong with being able to humble youself enough to admit you've done something...not right.

I've mis-understood, not paid attention, jumped to conclusions, lost my temper..I would apologize to anyone if I acted that way;why not to your own child that thinks you are everything!!

I can admit when I'm wrong and be more careful..I want my child to love and respect me as I do her
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 54
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Saying sorry to our kids....do you think it is important to do?
Posted: 11/1/2009 12:31:08 PM

Only JellyFish parents apologize to their kids. An apology gives them a sense of power and control over their parents. It makes Johnny feel right and the Parent feel wrong.

What a douche.


FabMom....I wish I could say I have never given out an apology only once towards anyone for the same thing....I can't though because first and foremost I'm human. If it was so easy to just "never do it again", it would be just as easy to give a direction once and have it carried out/accepted/integrated into our children. We/the world does not work that way. Improvement is always the goal for me personally and as a mother...perfection does not exist.

I don't think apologies should be limited to those times you never do something again but that you intend not to do ti. All of us have been upset or irritated with someone or some thing and have snapped at a loved-one. I apologize because I am sorry for allowing someone else's b.s. to be then transformed by me into my kids' b.s. Conversely, the apology and making no adjustment isn't worth a hill of beans. I have made headway in not allowing stupid people/things to irritate me and not ragging on the kids when they haven't fueled it themselves.

The important things for my kids and for them also to be doing is recognizing that the person is making headway in this area and the apologies are much fewer and further between. This is very different from their father who doesn't apologize or try to behave better. There are few areas in life that you get points for trying but this is one of them.
 rustic36
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 55
Saying sorry to our kids....do you think it is important to do?
Posted: 11/22/2009 8:21:09 PM
If you expect your child to apologise then, the adult should also say sorry for any wrongful behaviour or verbal display.

We are not perfect and sometimes our frustrations get the better of us and we yell at our kids. The important thing is; you apologise immediately after your action. Sorry johnny, dad/mum didn't mean to yell at you and I was wrong in doing so but, your behaviour is still not acceptable (child's actions).
 brick steps
Joined: 11/7/2009
Msg: 56
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Saying sorry to our kids....do you think it is important to do?
Posted: 11/22/2009 10:06:26 PM
I hear ya!

I am very similar to yourself in this situation.

I too sometimes over react or get things wrong and I feel I owe my son an apology if he deserves it when I calm down, its a way of making up so to speak, and i also believe it will show him that its OK to admit you can be wrong at times, us having a Scottish heritage and stubborness a family trait, hopefully it will help him in future r/ships too.
 xXPosterGirlXx
Joined: 7/27/2009
Msg: 57
Saying sorry to our kids....do you think it is important to do?
Posted: 11/23/2009 2:45:49 AM
I raised three daughters as a single parent, all are young adults now.
I think demonstrating humility is good parenting, it encourages humanity and will be a great asset to them in their adult lives.
 Jeeep4Fun
Joined: 7/18/2009
Msg: 58
Saying sorry to our kids....do you think it is important to do?
Posted: 11/24/2009 8:11:03 AM
It is most definitely appropriate, but what would be more beneficial to your child is not saying those things in the first place. You have to remember that YOU are the adult, and that you, as an intelligent adult, can control your emotional outbursts. Children can't; they haven't yet learned how. If you lose control of yourself, you have lost control of the situation.
 shaylyn
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 59
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Saying sorry to our kids....do you think it is important to do?
Posted: 11/24/2009 8:20:20 AM
If I catch myself saying or doing anything wrong infront of or to my son, I always say sorry! Its so important to do and helps them learn right from the start.
 rustic36
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 60
Saying sorry to our kids....do you think it is important to do?
Posted: 11/24/2009 10:46:02 PM

..anger is fear


Fear is not anger and anger is not fear.

Fear can cause an aggressive reaction but the two are not the same.
For example:
If you fear your job is on the line, or someone is trying weasel their way into your job then, out of fear, you might act aggressively toward them or you may have an aggressive attitude toward your boss or other co-workers..

Fear can generate anger in a person.

Who posted that "only jellyfish parents apologise to their kids"?
Thats so laughable, I'd hate to be their child.

If you are in the wrong, then, its only human to apologise for it; whether it is your kids or another person. If you don't teach your children how to apologise for their actions or words, then, your not teaching them how to be responsible or accountable for their actions, especially when they are in the wrong. Geez, with people like that in the world, no wonder its going down hill in regards to respect and consideration for others.
 torquoise pixie
Joined: 11/20/2008
Msg: 61
Saying sorry to our kids....do you think it is important to do?
Posted: 11/25/2009 11:30:32 AM
It's not just emotional outburst that may need an apology. It may also be something like being late, forgetting something, being to busy to have time for something, breaking or throwing away something accidentally and the list goes on and on.
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 62
Saying sorry to our kids....do you think it is important to do?
Posted: 11/28/2009 10:10:47 AM
How can I expect my son to recognise his need to atone for mistakes, if I do not show him by example how to do it?

I do not apologize for any punishment I dole out-I will apologize if I let him down in some way. I expect him to do this as well, and I expect he will learn this from me. It is my duty to teach him how to react when he has made a mistake that causes pain to another person.

Anything you expect your children to do, you need to show them HOW to do.
 wannashakeyourtree
Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 63
Saying sorry to our kids....do you think it is important to do?
Posted: 11/28/2009 1:16:30 PM
I never heard sorry growing up. Even when my parents forgot my 16th AND 18th b-days. I'm sorry and I love you were just never said.

Needless to say, my little boy is so sick of hearing I love you...but certainly appreciates when I get down to his eye level and apologize to him like and adult. I think that it's best to do things this way based on my experience.
 alisha123c
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 64
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Saying sorry to our kids....do you think it is important to do?
Posted: 11/28/2009 7:32:24 PM
Depends, well yes to teach children to appologise we must not be ashamed or embarrassed ourselves to set the good examples.
If your child/children have provoked you into reacting that way and they keep doing it then no you shouldn't appologise.
If you have issues where your temper can get the better of you and you find it difficult to control sit your children down explain it to them and ask for their support.
Knowing children they won't take notice much and will keep it up.
Don't worry about it too much as long as you don't physically lash out.
I have nephews and neices and yes it can come back to bit you if you say sorry too much, children can see this as a weakness and play upon it making one feel guilty when they are not also when any little thing comes up they will throw it back in your face.
You are better off sticking to your guns, never let your own children get the better of you otherwise you will never get out of that hole.
Children are children with child like brains where they are not sensitive to the adults mind as in watching one's boundarys. As long as you are there for them do your duty don't be too harsh with yourself. There is no perfect parent and don't beat yourself up or try to be one.
 SassySky
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 65
Saying sorry to our kids....do you think it is important to do?
Posted: 11/28/2009 8:30:26 PM
Absolutely I believe when you screw up as a parent or are just wrong in something apologize to your child. It shows them so many things.

One how to be an adult that admits when they make a mistake.

I believe parents are role models whether they like it or not. So absolutely apologize.
 rustic36
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 66
Saying sorry to our kids....do you think it is important to do?
Posted: 11/29/2009 3:39:05 AM
If your child/children have provoked you into reacting that way and they keep doing it then no you shouldn't appologise
You shouldn't allow the situation to get the point where your child is provoking you. If you choose to "react" rather than "respond" then, regardless of whether the child provoked you to behave inappropriately, you are the adult and if your behaviour is out of line then, you should apologise. This does not mean that you condone their behaviour but it shows that it's ok to mess up as long as you acknowledge your mistake and take responsibility for it.


yes it can come back to bit you if you say sorry too much, children can see this as a weakness and play upon it making one feel guilty when they are not also when any little thing comes up they will throw it back in your face.


This will happen if that is how you raised your child. That is, no respect for others, putting others down and getting away with it, being allowed to run the household (permissive parent/s) etc. If you continue to react in the same manner and apologise for it each time then, yes, your apology will hold no value. You need to learn from your mistakes just as children should be taught to learn from theirs.

The other side of an apology is "forgiveness. If a person does not forgive you then, an apology is worthless because they will continue to hold it against you. So also, kids need to be taught how to forgive, how to not hold grudges and resentment for people.

Bit of a double standard if one expects their children to apologise but does not apologise for their own misconduct.
 sleeping beauty
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 67
Saying sorry to our kids....do you think it is important to do?
Posted: 11/29/2009 9:33:36 AM
a parent does not lose any authority when apologising, only those with power/control issues fear this will happen. children love it when we are more human with them because they don't carry as much baggage and social conditioning as we do and therefore feel they can communicate with us better.
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