| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 12:05:43 AM | Ok so I took a moment and thought this through..
I think I could go see a " shrink" for $ 125.00 an hour to inform me of all that is wrong, or
I could take a women out for dinner and drinks $ 80.00 for a couple hours and get the same information ..
Now if I could set up a consulting gig with the AB govt and health care , to get all the crazies
analysis at a discount and dates for the ladies it might solve everyone's issues..
dustin | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 12:16:58 AM |
Plus being a female you have
a) new clothes to buy
b) hair nails and makeup to attend to
c) reciprocal paying of dates.....
These are all choices you make. It doesn't have to be that expensive. Go to a beauty school to get your highlights done - lots cheaper. A lot of men don't like gobs of makeup. And it's pretty rare that a man will let you pay for a date.
Like I and a lot of others have said - it doesn't have to be expensive to have a great date. Making someone dinner is pretty special and beats going to restaurant in terms of showing how much you care. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 4:41:54 AM | | If you love stillettos you better be putting some money aside for a chiropractor. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 7:12:29 AM | At the point where you're walking down the street checking out women you don't know, couldn't a woman wearing a short skirt and high heels end up being the perfect match just as easily as the one in jeans and t-shirts? It's kind of a double standard if you think on one hand the "advertising" is important, but on the other hand it's the personality underneath that really matters.
I think being too poor to date is a reality as much as being too wealthy might be. It's the difference in wealth that causes the problem. No one wants to feel like they're not contributing or are a burden on the other party. And the other party may not want to alter his/her lifestyle to accomodate a less expensive schedule. Should people date within their tax bracket only? Of course not. But be prepared to deal with the differences as you would any other oddity in a relationship. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 7:48:04 AM | Being a girl is very expensive I blow 45 a month on nails, 120 for highlights ( and that is cheap...some place charge upwards of 300) and if I dont colour...(I hate to admit this.. I am going gray.....getting old) and yes I agree clothes doent have to bo special,,but is really is a matter of confidence... new earrings and shoes ( I love stilletto's) are expensive honey and .....you do like the look of female in nice stilleto's dont you?
Holy crap, I'm not going to cut you down for spending this kind of money on vanity, but there are cheaper options out there. You don't have to get your nails done you can do that yourself, unless you talking about those gross talons that some women sport? Highlights are not necessary, a regular colour will do which is much cheaper than highlights. As for shoes and clothes, I look for sales and don't require 300 pairs of shoes....why the hell do some women need horrendous amounts of shoes? I can't justify spending crazy amounts of money on materialistic/vanity items when there are so many people who are in need in this world. Every two weeks I buy 3 extra bags of groceries and donate them to the local food bank......I'm so curious why so many people think of only themselves and the material items instead of helping out others???? (Don't throw a pop can at me* refering to OP's profile.....does David Suzki need to walk around this a handgun when he's in Edmonton ;0) ? )
edmcherub I think you need to stop worrying about the packaging and let your inner beauty shine through.
Bingo!
Also, as mentioned dates don't have to be expensive. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 8:21:26 AM | | *that should....... say walk around with a | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 8:33:31 AM |
Being a girl is very expensive I blow 45 a month on nails, 120 for highlights ( and that is cheap...some place charge upwards of 300) and if I dont colour...(I hate to admit this.. I am going gray.....getting old) and yes I agree clothes doent have to bo special,,but is really is a matter of confidence... new earrings and shoes ( I love stilletto's) are expensive honey and .....you do like the look of female in nice stilleto's dont you?
Wow. What you spend on nails and hair a month is half what I spend on food for my son and I. I do highlight my hair (a GF has a home salon) but my hair is quite long and doesn't require monthly care. I do a mani/pedi at home a couple of times a month. I make earrings myself (and they're fabulous!), and a pair of nice shoes often lasts me for several years.
No offense is meant - I mean, if I had the dough I'd probably go to the spa, too. But I certainly don't think you're too broke to date, because I don't think I am.
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:04:10 AM | Can I echo what Tall n curvy and Hold ur horses have said!!!
OP As a CA you are earning way more than a lot of people here on POF so it is difficult to comprehend you being "too poor to date". | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:41:17 AM | At the point where you're walking down the street checking out women you don't know, couldn't a woman wearing a short skirt and high heels end up being the perfect match just as easily as the one in jeans and t-shirts? It's kind of a double standard if you think on one hand the "advertising" is important, but on the other hand it's the personality underneath that really matters.
She very well could be dude but that wasn't my point. How we advertise ourselves is the signal we send out to other people. You can take the moral high ground and argue my point but it's a natural instinct to make judgment with your eyes. When you see a bum, you immediately draw an opinion. When you see a guy on a Harley with a goatee & a Tec 9 tattoo that says ""bad muther*****er" on his arm..you draw a conclusion.
Men seem to be the least likely to understand the concept of "advertising" ourselves. Perhaps it's because nature to be egotistical and flaunt what we got. Men spend much of their life flaunting what they got broadcasting their success. Hot car, high end condo, $ 500 bucks in clothes, $200 dollar shoes. They pimp their wealth to the world around them..in the hopes of landing that younger, hotter chick. They broadcast "look how successful I am" then a few years down the road they discover the chick they met was a gold digger and she takes half of what they got.
And then after that woman takes em for what they got in a nasty divorce, invariably the male will spout off about how woman are just all about the money and just use men. They never consider the message they were broadcasting.
I'm not saying it's right dude. I'm just saying that it's real. It's like how if you went to Rio De Janeiro..you should have the right to go for a stroll on Ipanema Beach at 1 AM with $500 in your pocket. But if you're smart, you wouldn't do it.
Stereotyping exists. It's why I never seem to be able to hook up with a hottie at The Metro in Calgary wearing a track suit with a wolf head on the front. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 1:23:57 PM | | OP, you worry way too much about the "outside impression". Sounds like the packaging is more important to you than presenting the person that you are. Personally, if I figured I had to get new everything just to go out for a evening (or afternoon for mthat matter) I'd rather just stay home. I'd also much rather go on a picnic or a quiet walk along a lake or river so I could get to know my date a little better. If you "need" the whole wine and dine routine, then you're not looking in the right direction. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 1:55:49 PM |
If you "need" the whole wine and dine routine, then you're not looking in the right direction.
 She’s not looking on the right dating site either! | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 2:03:52 PM | I think I know where OP is coming from. Some POF profiles are very clear in expectations "must be financially secure , with own home (not one you won in a divorce)". Points to a couple of issues for them but the expectation is clear, 'keep up' or you are not considered. I completely believe dating can be accomplished without all the hoopla, but some big fish aren't even willing to look at both sides of the coin (no pun intended).
However, AE, lingerie isn't all about the receiver. Sometimes it gets our mogo running too so play along. And besides, if you got the goods, Walmart specials can showcase it just as nicely as Fredericks. Although, if I would were treated to Fredericks, I certainly wouldn't turn it down! | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 2:05:50 PM | popsicletoes...stilettos weren't made for walking.
To paraphrase Martin Lawrence, "they'll be over your head anyway".  | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 3:09:26 PM | I resent that comment that just because of what I do for a living I should be on another dating site or I could afford way more.. I have been financial decimated by my divorce I lived in a womens shelter and being self employed in a recession means that you do a year end for a client and then you get like a $ 5000 bad debt cause they figure , you are a CA.. you can afford it... I can't a few bad debts like that a year can financial cripple someone who is self employed and starting over with nothing.
anyone who knows me knows I am secure and confident and dont sell outter package. I have been on a pay for dating site "its just lunch" and ya know aht.. that men think it is dial up a concubine...one said to me.."your hair isnt blond enough".... WTF
I knew this would be a GREAT conversation piece but can some people STOP the personal attacks and focus on the issue.....dating costs whether you are a man or a woman and if you are starting over.. it has to work into your budget and everyone has their own personal standards.
Me for example, never go out in public in sweats ever.. I feel undressed.... not vanity... just personal standards ( I feel like I am walking outside in my underwear) just like I never wear running shoes.. I feel like I am walking everywhere in slippers.....it affects my confidence.... honey I have shoes ( but not tons... and I do shop walmart and goodwill and ya know what..... I look fine....) | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 3:39:42 PM | | OP it seems that you are pretty emotional about the topic. Lots of people have made some good suggestions and while I'm sorry to hear that you are having a rough time right now (a lot of us are) there are still lots of opportunities to date without having to spend a lot of money. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 3:43:53 PM | Did my questions get lost in the shuffle here? Maybe they did, but I do think it is worth asking if you did stop some of the things you do would your dating life suffer? I don't know, but I think the question is worth asking.
Could my perfect match be wearing the high heels and skirt just as easily as jeans and a t-shirt? Sure, I don't see why not. Would I think differently upon seeing each? Yes, but there are ways that either could be explained away as something nice or not so nice really as with so little information it isn't easy to skew the result either way, IMO. Just in case one wants some more details on how to make the former work and the latter not work, here are a handful of other details to add to each. If a woman in high heels and a skirt came up to me and was polite and nice in talking to me, why shouldn't I want to explore a relationship there? In contrast, if a woman in jeans and a t-shirt was loud and violent when things didn't go her way, that would be a major turn off for me. Part of life is being mature enough to handle that not everything will go smoothly or at least that is my opinion.
While I can understand the initial question, my answer is that this boils down a bit to social classes in a sense. I can imagine some people who would never want to go to McDonald's while others may not see it as such a bad thing. Myself, I don't think it would be at the top of my, "This is a great place to take a date," but if someone else wanted to meet there, I'd be fine with it. Does that make me white trailer trash? I don't think so, but would like another opinion or two, please. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 4:11:36 PM | OP, the amount of money a person has is finite and choices have to be made regarding what it’s spent on. If the upkeep of personal maintenance/ “standards” and reciprocating on dates, are BOTH not financially feasible, then one needs to either cut down on the former or come up with some creative yet inexpensive options for the latter.
Unless, of course, one is angling to find dates that will finance one or the other, or both. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 4:13:58 PM | | jbking2=I agree, McDonalds is not at the top of my list either but makes a relatively safe place to meet.If things go well,a couple can always go from there! I do feel it is unfair to expect a fellow to shell out for dinner,etc. to the tune of $100 for a first encounter. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 4:20:40 PM |
Plus being a female you have
a) new clothes to buy
b) hair nails and makeup to attend to
c) reciprocal paying of dates.....
I'm sorry, but this is so ludicrous. You have totally been brainwashed into what you think you need to look like. Spending that much money on hair and nails every month! Just crazy. Thanks for reinforcing the stereotype.
When I get ready to go out:
All my clothes are new to someone who I haven't met yet.
Hair and nails clean.
Taking turns to pay is fine, I don't expect a man to always pay. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 4:33:34 PM | | My understandng is that many women expect the guy to foot the bill, even when they are quite capable of paying at least part of the tab. I have payed my way willingly even when I was invited for supper and then told what my share would be. However I have been turned down on the odd occasion when I have offered to pay my share. Later if things continue I generally invite someone for a meal in my home-and that is all. In other words it is not an invitation to spend the night!Even if you don't like to cook,you can always pick up things that are virtually ready to heat and eat. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 4:55:54 PM | OP, I don't see anyone making any personal attacks in the posts, for the posts would be deleted. Also, when someone posts in a public forum, people will give their opinions whether one agrees with them or not.
As for women expecting men to pay on dates, I guess I'm one of the exceptions to the rule. I always offer to pay my way, and it's up to my date whether or not he accepts my contribution.
Since the recession was mentioned in an earlier post, I will say this.....the recession has taught a lot of people what is important and what isn't. Also, it now means people have to be a little more creative on how they spend their time and money. Earlier this year Dateline had a great show about this topic. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 5:01:16 PM |
How we advertise ourselves is the signal we send out to other people. You can take the moral high ground and argue my point but it's a natural instinct to make judgment with your eyes.
I'm not arguing. I agree that clothes and presentation say something about a person. I'm also saying you're assuming that people are only showing their true colors if they're in jeans and a t shirt. That's not at all true. Lots of women wear nice clothes because they like to, they have to or they are more comfortable that way. A lot of women can't help showing off their enormous you know whats in any clothing much less in the summer when it's hot out and they're endevouring to be comfortable. But the double standard part that kind of bugs me is that on one hand the clothing doesn't matter to you because you just want the intellectual/emotional goods. Yet the wrong clothing precludes you from the depth of relationship that you want and that actually has nothing to do with clothing. Everyone I've ever met has become more or less attractive only after getting to know them.
Once I had a pof'er ask me for a picture of myself in a suite (gawd I'm not even sure if I've spelled suite right). I said no, but I could buy a suit (sp?) if that would help. How can you not own a soot (sp?) she asked. I like guys in suuts because they have good jobs and can afford nice clothes, she said. She's kind of right. I should own a soote. Funerals, court appearances, begging for loans at the bank. I just told her that I've worked really hard in life to be able to afford to not own a souiet. Surprisingly we didn't go out. Probably would have been a good match. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 5:22:00 PM |
But the double standard part that kind of bugs me is that on one hand the clothing doesn't matter to you because you just want the intellectual/emotional goods. Yet the wrong clothing precludes you from the depth of relationship that you want and that actually has nothing to do with clothing. Everyone I've ever met has become more or less attractive only after getting to know them.
Well dude, the comment I made doesn't necessarily reflect MY opinions. It reflects the point of view that I observe amongst my own sex. Secondly, no where did I claim that people "show their true colours in jeans and a t-shirt". What you seem to miss is that I'm not being critical of the person in the mini skirt and 6 inch heels....
But in this world, presentation is everything. That presentation may not reflect who that person is, but others will make that judgment. If you wear a mini skirt and 6 inch clear heels, you may attract a certain type of man (and you may scare off another). If you're a man and walk around in $5 track pants and $10 dollar runners your style of dress is probably going to "turn off" some females. Hell, I've seen dozens of complains about how men dress on dates in this forum. It "reflects poorly on them".
Like it or not, our image does reflect us to others. At least initially. It may not after time has passed but it's a reality of our culture & species. Don't blame me for that, I'm just sayin... | |
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