| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 5:36:25 PM | To thine own self be true ...
It matters not who you are ,what you are , or why you are to any one else.
In this muddled world of narcissistic benevolent , we can hardly expect to satisfy all those that would come a calling without the presence of mind that you are a human being .
Some times in life we are given tasks that seem to have no point , and being single in the later stages of life is just one of those tasks. Be who you want to be and spare no expense
or excuses to anyone as to your reasoning .
dustin.. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 5:52:17 PM | | Very well written-home alone-too bad our part of the world has become so narcissistic benevolent.Oh well!!! | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:24:08 PM |
Secondly, no where did I claim that people "show their true colours in jeans and a t-shirt".
Right here...
I think women look best just being themselves in jeans and a shirt.
Whatever. I agree with you that most people judge the outside package fist....yourself included. Your comments absolutely reflect your own opinons.
What you seem to miss is that I'm not being critical of the person in the mini skirt and 6 inch heels....
Ya you are....
When I see a woman that has to "sell herself" with her body, boobs, etc...and not her mind, brains, etc..it just makes her seem disposable and cheap.
Seems to reflect YOUR opinion pretty clearly. Anyway, don't want to poke sticks. It does take some money to meet people, date, look appropriate and reflect yourself positively to the opposite sex. I'm not givin' up my shorts and sandals either. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:54:18 PM | @ msg 51
Very wise words from one of my favorite forum contributors. Well said, homealonealot 
<div class='quote'>Some times in life we are given tasks that seem to have no point , and being single in the later stages of life is just one of those tasks.
IMO, dating in the later stages of life has advantages. It can be a lot more interesting because as we have had more experiences, our judgements and stereotypes have lessened and we are for the most part, more comfortable in our skin. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:59:18 PM | Well dude, the reality of people is that we are all flawed and judgmental. You, me, the dude down the hall. We all make judgments about others based on appearance. To say anything else or to claim one doesn't is delusional at best
The most important factor is can we see beyond that initial judgment. Based on the millions of dates that happen on this site..apparently we're not doing so well. We make immediate judgments. That's a human flaw dude...
And not to poke sticks, but I'll refresh your memory on your own judgments. The one you made about me on the Vic/Dog Fighting thread about 2 months ago. I can't remember the exact phrase but it was something about me "trying to impress women" or something like that.
Glass houses dude. Careful where you toss the stones. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 7:37:40 PM | Everybody would have their own preferences, and until such a time as an actual conversation could be started, or is happening, all one is left to is first impressions. This is where the preferences come in, and can also be shaped by experiences as well. Highly maintained appearances work for some, are a turn off for others. There is no right, or wrong in it, just one's preferences I think.
different strokes for different folks, although I think if one is TOO fussy, all the "strokes" may be by one's self...  | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 7:46:29 PM | | it might also depend on where you are going for a date as to "how" to dress. If your going to sporting event, a rodeo ,a live concert ,timmies or quiet dinner somewhere. Cannt realy see anyone getting dolled up to the nines to go to timmies for a first meet, but on the other hand one wouldnt want to be in grubby rags either. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 8:03:56 PM |
if one is TOO fussy, all the "strokes" may be by one's self...  | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 8:11:19 PM | ^^^You have been studying too hard!!  
I have looked back at this thread and see that the OP was hoping to start a discussion with substance. Lets hope she achieved her goal! | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 8:39:37 PM | | Dear Friendly widow.. yes... I achieved my goal..... thanks everyone.. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 9:21:01 PM | well after reading this pathetic thread. to the op. im sorry that at your age it costs you so much money to make yourself look vaguely attractive to the opposite sex
165 dollars a month to sate your lust for vanity seems a tad high.
personally , id think you could cut a hudred bucks out of your vanity fund, and instead devote it to paying your own way when and if you get a date
i know plenty of women who are gorgeous an are personally capable and able of attending to their nails and hair " BY THEMSELVES"
which means, they arent lazy and expecting the world to pamper and cow-tow to them
get off your pedestal princess and get back to reality. you arent 19 and you arent in the running for the next miss america title, so learn to fend for yourself and create a personal image you are capable of maintaining with your own little manicured hands
you actually expect men to cry a river and chip in to your " pamper the princess" fund?
you dump your money on your personal thrills and then want the next sucker that opts to take you out to cough up for the tab and chauffeur your gray(roots) haired butt around?
pretty sad and pathetic in my opinion
i spend 5 bucks a month on a can of shaving cream and a bag of double bladed razors and a 2 pack of soap
its a recession , learn to cut out the vanity and grow a personality, maybe then the guy that takes u out might appreciate the actual personality you achieved, rather than the 2 lbs of make up and the off the rack clothes he gets to look at across the table from him | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:04:20 PM | | Well, there it is, edmcherub. Just shave your head and grow a creepy goatee and you'll get all the dates you need. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:06:32 PM | | Damn dude (trubble that is), that was harsh. I mean, I think she spends a lot of money on her stuff but that is her choice. I don't think there is a need to slam her so hard. I think the spirit of this thread is to find alternative date ideas. Not to gain sympathy for herself or to find someone to chip into her "vanity fund" as you call it. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:38:41 PM | trubble:
learn to cut out the vanity and grow a personality, maybe then the guy that takes u out might appreciate the actual personality you achieved I fail to see how caring for one's appearance (regardless of how much they happen to spend) detracts from their personality.
As far as I'm concerned, the lady who started this thread has taken all of the criticism heaped upon her rather well. And imo that shows class, something your post is completely devoid of.
Hey Op, I'm curious... how do you think the responses would have differed if you were a man starting this thread?
Do you think there would be more sympathy for a man who felt too poor to take a woman out? | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/18/2009 11:09:36 PM | | Ok, I am living paycheck to paycheck right now due to low commisions. I sometimes feel that I am to poor to take a woman out in the way that I would like to. So how do the ladies out there feel about that. I am willing to cook a nice meal and have a movie at my place. And no that is not code for get naked and spend the night with me. So how would you ladies out there feel about that? | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/19/2009 8:16:39 AM |
Ok, I am living paycheck to paycheck right now due to low commisions. I sometimes feel that I am to poor to take a woman out in the way that I would like to. So how do the ladies out there feel about that. I am willing to cook a nice meal and have a movie at my place. And no that is not code for get naked and spend the night with me. So how would you ladies out there feel about that?
If you make pinto beans and BBQ, I'll whip up some cornbread and pumpkin cheesecake, and I'll be over there tonight! That being said, I'm probably one of the least materialistic people you'll probably ever meet...and there's not all that many of us in the big scope of things.
i spend 5 bucks a month on a can of shaving cream and a bag of double bladed razors and a 2 pack of soap
I was laughing pretty hard when I got to this part of Trubble's post...
But then I read OMG!WTF!'s response:
Well, there it is, edmcherub. Just shave your head and grow a creepy goatee and you'll get all the dates you need.
...and now I'm mopping up coffee from my monitor.
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/19/2009 9:07:21 AM | Regarding the OP's "excessive expenditures" on her image, I think some of you need to recognize she is a Self Employed Chartered Accountant. This is a very conservative business and a professional manicured image takes the utmost priority when you're meeting with clients. This is a woman being hired to manage the finances of a company..a professional image IS a necessity.
Her need to take care of herself and spend such "outrageous" amounts on personal appearance is no different how high rolling real estate agents drive nice cars. If you hire a real estate agent to sell your home or take you to buy a home, what's your image of that person going to be if they show up in a 1994 Dodge K Car? Presentation doesn't mean much to some dude digging bitumen out of the ground or a pipe fitter but it does to someone that's a professional and someone that has to hustle for a living.
And just because she's a CA doesn't signify she's "rich". Self employed people don't have the luxuries of full time people..benefits, paid days off, paid holidays, labour laws. And indeed, she's absolutely correct that someone will take you for a bath financially. Sorry, can't pay you..oh well, you're self employed with your own business, you're rich. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/19/2009 9:51:19 AM | | Haha. I have yet to know to many people that are self employed and rich. AE you are right about the need to put forward a certain image in business. I know I have to when I am making sales calls. I guess the part that most people here were not looking at is her professional life. She stated that getting ready for a date was expensive, not that she does this for her appearance with her work. I can see your point and I guess many here lost sight of that. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/19/2009 10:30:30 AM | ^^^ I think your professional life tends to merge with your private life when it comes to how you take care of yourself. I do IT consulting and meet dozens of people..and professional types seem to carry that mentality of always looking good/sharp. I guess if you're out in public, you don't want your client to see you dressed a certain way, etc
So I feel for her. I'm a jeans and button down shirt kinda guy and I cannot STAND having to work in a monkey suit. Thank god I just sit behind a 100 big computers and how I look isn't so much an issue except when I'm on site with a client.
The thought of having to wear a suit to work just makes me skin crawl. I'd sooner eat bugs. BIG ones. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/19/2009 1:21:01 PM |
Me for example, never go out in public in sweats ever.. I feel undressed.... not vanity... just personal standards ( I feel like I am walking outside in my underwear) just like I never wear running shoes.. I feel like I am walking everywhere in slippers.....it affects my confidence.... honey I have shoes ( but not tons... and I do shop walmart and goodwill and ya know what..... I look fine....)
I'm not trying to be offensive here, but you are very defensive and I suspect high maintenance.
I go to home depot and superstore in my pj's. I do get my nails done, but my hair color is out of a box from London Drugs. I LOVE my running shoes just as much as I love my flip flops and a bottle of perfume lasts me at least a year! Jeans and a T are the norm for me.
I honestly don't understand why women feel the need to dress up the package to the extreme that they break the bank. I go out on a date, I wear what I have. I won't buy something new specifically for a date unless it's something I can wear again, or I feel like splurging. I can and do dress up if the occasion calls for it, but I am also very comfortable in sweats and sneakers. If you're not confident enough to go out in pj's and need to get all dolled up to run out for a jug of milk, then I can't see how you can say you're confident?
To each their own I suppose, but I am who I am, and if people don't like it, too bad. I see no need to go out and spend a whole shitload of money just to try and impress someone. If they can't see past the hair, makeup, nails, heels, etc, then are they really worth your time and effort? | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/19/2009 1:48:27 PM | | Wow, from hair cuts to high heels and from cookies to fancy restaurant meals. What might be your honest intentions if any of these are the foundation of a date? Is it about requiring acceptance? Or is it gosh it's important to me that I impress him or her? Or is it a dating ritual? It was mentioned earlier in the thread that conversation ultimately is what matters. And so it should. Sure if you feel you need someone to know that you're not a slob or you know how to dress yourself or you can cook or can't then go right ahead and get that out of the way, before it gets in the way! So what do these comments along with many others have to do with being "Too poor to date?"...well, nothing!! Talk is cheap... perfect. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/19/2009 2:00:44 PM | Running shoes feel like slippers??
While I don't go out in my pj's, I do run errands in my Lululemons (and I see lots of other gals do that) and anything but running shoes would look ridiculous with those. lol
OE: My newest running shoes, not including the custom orthotic inserts, were freaking expensive! | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/19/2009 2:38:44 PM | Calgary generally seems to have a lower standard of what's acceptable to wear in public than a lot of other places in the world. I am stupefied that people are OK with wearing their pyjamas (sleep wear people!) out in public. I saw a woman in her flannels pj's at Tim Hortons yesterday - rolled out of bed and rolled up the rim! I think there is middle ground between being dressed to the nines and not bothering to get dressed at all that shows you care about your appearance. One of the criteria for diagnosing mental illness is whether a person has stopped taking care of their appearance and I'm pretty sure wearing your sleep clothes in public qualifies.
Our appearance does say a lot about what we think of ourselves and how much effort we're willing to put forth for others. If the OP feels that she's not 'acceptable' without getting dressed up to go out then maybe she could examine if perhaps she's putting too much pressure on herself. It isn't imperative to be polished all the time - it's OK to relax. The middle (between getting dressed up for every foray out the door and not bothering to dress at all) is probably the healthiest. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/19/2009 2:48:35 PM | who cares what people wear when they go out? I mean honestly?
If I need to do a late night/early morning run to the store to get milk or a furnace filter or whatever, I honestly don't care what I look like, especially when I'll be home in 5-10 minutes.
If I'm going out for longer then that, yup, I do get dressed, do my hair, do what I normally do. You saying it's a criteria for diagnosing mental illness is ridiculous. If one walked around in pj's 24/7, then maybe, but the odd dash out, who really cares? It's got absolutely nothing to do with not taking care of your appearance. Like I give a shit what the cashier at superstore thinks of me running out to get something in flannel pj pants? not likely.
Like you said yourself - it's OK to relax. | |
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| Too poor to date?
Posted: 10/19/2009 2:56:02 PM | There's a difference between relaxing and neglecting to get dressed to leave the house. I'm sorry you've taken one statement so personally, it wasn't designed as an affront to you - it's sad that any people think it's acceptable to go out in public without getting dressed. It says they don't care about themselves. And yes, if a patient was being evaluated for a mental illness and it came up that they didn't bother to get dressed to go out that would be taken into consideration.
It's similar to the opposite end of the spectrum - feeling compelled to always look your best isn't all that balanced either.
It's OK to relax but don't walk around dressed like you're in a coma. | |
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