| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 9:27:05 AM | | The fact that she put it out when she saw your face tells you she cares about you, and the fact that she doesn't want to get beat up by Mr. Anti-smoker. A person's habits aren't a telling of who they are on the inside. Ask her to pop a breath mint before making out, tell her to try nicorette gum, buy her straws to chew on in place of the oral psychosomatic feeling she gets from smoking. It's like dating someone with Down's Syndrome, you just gotta give them a chance ya know | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 9:38:00 AM | I don't date anyone without letting them know that I am a smoker....And I will ALSO respect their oxygen, environment and even when living together will smoke outside/in garage/etc. And I agree that non-smokers, as with smokers, have the right to their preferences...
Having said that, radical non-smokers, (and YES I have been one myself for long periods of time), are as bad as any other fanatics...sorry!
And btw...You can die from many things, evidently, in this day and age...So until someone has stopped drinking, eating trans fats, and basically BREATHING and LIVING in virtually ANY major city, not to mention ANY OTHER SELF-DESTRUCTIVE behaviour...I would RUN 100 miles an hour in the opposite direction from someone who judges me for smoking...Especially when I am NOT inconveniencing or threatening them with my second-hand smoke....
Having said all of that...If someone lies about ANYTHING that they have put on their profile, yes you will have to question the veracity of pretty much anything else that they say....NOT a good beginning.... | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 9:51:59 AM | So you don't want to date smokers and indicate non smoker in your profile. She indicates non smoker. You meet, and she lights up in your face. You lived with a smoker, and don't want to do it again.
She lied to you, probably because the majority of people don't smoke, and she's not had any luck with the smoker's she's met, so decided to widen her net.
If you continue with her, know that she has set the rules. You will be the one making compromises to accomodate her. Sooner or later, the two of you will be in a car and she'll light up. First thing in the morning, you'll wake up to her dragon breath and a stinky veil of smoke.
She lied to you and manipulated you. She'll continue doing so. That's worse than smoking. There are considerate smokers, but she's not one.
What exactly are you questioning? You don't want a smoker, yet she is one. I assume you don't want a liar, either, and she's one of them too. Keep looking. This is not a matter of dealing with a smoker, it's a matter of dealing with a manipulator. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 9:54:47 AM | | This year I lost a friend to cancer. She was a smoker. My grandfather smoked Camels, he died of cancer. I am allergic to tobacco smoke as are many people. The health risks are clearly marked on every pack of cigarettes. Smoking a cigarette you know they have been linked to cancer, you can pretend all you want that they haven't, but they have. When you see someone die a painful death perhaps you will understand the seriousness of it all. Second hand smoke has also been linked to cancer and other illnesses. Why do you think smoking has been made illegal in restaurants and other public places? Facts are facts. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:01:01 AM |
If she lit up that once after your fantastic time, but she hasn't smoked in any other situation, does that qualify her as a smoker?
I'd bet real money this isn't the first time she's lit up a cigarette, so yes, this makes her a smoker.
I wouldn't waste my time with someone who smokes, and worse, someone who lies about it. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:09:04 AM |
Having said that, radical non-smokers, (and YES I have been one myself for long periods of time), are as bad as any other fanatics...sorry!
And btw...You can die from many things, evidently, in this day and age...So until someone has stopped drinking, eating trans fats, and basically BREATHING and LIVING in virtually ANY major city, not to mention ANY OTHER SELF-DESTRUCTIVE behaviour...I would RUN 100 miles an hour in the opposite direction from someone who judges me for smoking...Especially when I am NOT inconveniencing or threatening them with my second-hand smoke.... Yep, That's how I see it. I'm seeing a lady who is a smoker right now. Me personally I have never been bothered by 2nd hand smoke (unless it's like a small confined room after multiple cigs have been smoked then I can get a little watery eyed but it's still nothing other than a minor nuisance for me in that situation) (PS I love the smell of cherry tobacco, lol) But anyway....I do not smoke and never have but it doesn't bother me to be directly in the presence of someone smoking. I even let her smoke in my car. NO biggie to me. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:14:47 AM | "If someone lies about ANYTHING that they have put on their profile"
Just a thought: I forgot to switch to 'non-smoker' when I quit. Maybe she quit and relapsed, forgetting to update the profile (and still wanting to quit). | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:15:36 AM |
This year I lost a friend to cancer. She was a smoker. My grandfather smoked Camels, he died of cancer. I am allergic to tobacco smoke as are many people. The health risks are clearly marked on every pack of cigarettes. Smoking a cigarette you know they have been linked to cancer, you can pretend all you want that they haven't, but they have. When you see someone die a painful death perhaps you will understand the seriousness of it all. Second hand smoke has also been linked to cancer and other illnesses. Why do you think smoking has been made illegal in restaurants and other public places? Facts are facts. The 2 people you lost made a choice just like all of us do. If you smoke a lot getting cancer is part of the risk you take and deal you make. Each individual can decide for themselves how they want to live. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:36:19 AM | 2nd hand smoke causes cancer too. Don't think that just because someone doesn't smoke they won't get it either.
A smoker gets cancer and quits smoking, guess what, it is too late. Someone that doesn't smoke that has been exposed to it thinks that they are just getting watery eyes, guess what, you have exposed yourself...
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Tobacco/ETS
# Does exposure to secondhand smoke cause cancer?
Yes. The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), the U.S. National Toxicology Program (NTP), the U.S. Surgeon General, and the International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) have classified secondhand smoke as a known human carcinogen (cancer-causing agent) (1, 3, 5).
Inhaling secondhand smoke causes lung cancer in nonsmoking adults (4). Approximately 3,000 lung cancer deaths occur each year among adult nonsmokers in the United States as a result of exposure to secondhand smoke (2). The Surgeon General estimates that living with a smoker increases a nonsmoker’s chances of developing lung cancer by 20 to 30 percent (4).
Some research suggests that secondhand smoke may increase the risk of breast cancer, nasal sinus cavity cancer, and nasopharyngeal cancer in adults, and leukemia, lymphoma, and brain tumors in children (4). Additional research is needed to learn whether a link exists between secondhand smoke exposure and these cancers.
# What are the other health effects of exposure to secondhand smoke?
Secondhand smoke causes disease and premature death in nonsmoking adults and children (4). Exposure to secondhand smoke irritates the airways and has immediate harmful effects on a person’s heart and blood vessels. It may increase the risk of heart disease by an estimated 25 to 30 percent (4). In the United States, secondhand smoke is thought to cause about 46,000 heart disease deaths each year (6). There may also be a link between exposure to secondhand smoke and the risk of stroke and hardening of the arteries; however, additional research is needed to confirm this link.
Children exposed to secondhand smoke are at an increased risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), ear infections, colds, pneumonia, bronchitis, and more severe asthma. Being exposed to secondhand smoke slows the growth of children’s lungs and can cause them to cough, wheeze, and feel breathless (4).
# What is a safe level of secondhand smoke?
There is no safe level of exposure to secondhand smoke. Studies have shown that even low levels of secondhand smoke exposure can be harmful. The only way to fully protect nonsmokers from secondhand smoke exposure is to completely eliminate smoking in indoor spaces. Separating smokers from nonsmokers, cleaning the air, and ventilating buildings cannot completely eliminate secondhand smoke exposure (4).
# What is being done to reduce nonsmokers’ exposure to secondhand smoke?
Many state and local governments have passed laws prohibiting smoking in public facilities such as schools, hospitals, airports, and bus terminals. Increasingly, state and local governments are also requiring private workplaces, including restaurants and bars, to be smoke free. To highlight the significant risk from secondhand smoke exposure, the National Cancer Institute, a component of the National Institutes of Health, holds meetings and conferences in states, counties, cities, or towns that are smoke free, unless certain circumstances justify an exception to this policy. EDIT TO BELOW: I totally agree. My point is not to fool yourself to thinking that there is any safe levels. I think the statistics speak for themselves. We aren't rats. It is breast cancer awareness month and hey, if one person gets their bell rung with reality, great. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:47:12 AM | No is going to argue smoking is good for you. We all accept that it's not, but when you start quoting stats and what causes cancer, I do feel the need to point out that there was once a report that said peanut butter caused cancer in lab rats...
The OP asked what he should do with this lady now that she's shown herself to be a smoker. Again, I say, they need to discuss his rights and her options... or he could just walk away. If he really likes her, set some ground rules. She'll either accept them or not. And yeah, while it may be akin to having a closet addict, if he really likes her, he could insist that she not smoke around him or during their time together. No one is advocating that he allow her to smoke in his presence.
The lie is a different issue and up to him whether it is proof positive that she is just not worthy of his time. If you met someone and they were overweight as opposed to the advertised average, would you walk away if it was something they were working on? Maybe, but you might give them the chance. It's not to say that she will defend her right to smoke and always continue to do so. As long as they are working on the issue and demonstrating good faith in trying to abstain or change, who's to say he should just dismiss her? If he really likes her, he could give her the opportunity. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:52:18 AM | | I appreciate your concern aaammm. I don't hotbox and sit in smoke congested rooms too often. I'm willing to take the risk. There are many many other things of concern out there as well. If you are really concerned take a look at our air quality. Take a look at the chemicals/ingredients in our foods. Take a look at all the RF/microwave frequencies bombarding us on a daily basis. Do you have a cellphone? Do you have wireless internet? There have been concerns raised about other things than smoking yet many people are just concentrated on smoking being the #1 thing to worry about. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:53:10 AM | You're saying you dated a woman a few times, had sex, she lit a cigarette and though you don't like it, you haven't mentioned it?
That's hilarious!!!!
What else don't you talk about?
I`m not against smokers,but, in the same token, i don`t want to be near one either. So what's the problem? You want to keep getting laid- is that it? | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 11:08:38 AM |
I don't date anyone that smokes.
Interesting.. good for you..
I'm a smoker "Which i hate", yet the problem is some women contacting me their profile saying non smokers, "and don't date smokers", yet later seems they are smokers.. !!!.. can not understand those kind of minds/ lies / whatever .. yet when i was younger (with ex's and datng life), it seems no problem happened.. i take care of other people, as if there is non smokers or closed area even including smokers, i prefer to smoke outside the area , (The only smoking closed area i used to is my home), and no complaints toward my smoking happened to me from other dates that it affect them "except that it's more healthier for me".
PS: honestly i wish i can quit, yet stressful life and non-strong mind/well.. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 11:23:46 AM | I quit last december after 15 yrs of heavy smoking. So I've been smoke free for almost a year now. Now when I look back, I can't even remember how it felt, why I did it...nothing..I feel like I've never ever smoked in my life (I know weird) ....
This whole thing made me very smoke-sensitive ..... I hold my breath when I smell smoke, or see someone smoking until I get out of there...
Dating to a smoker is unfortunately out of question... | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 11:43:06 AM | | In regards to just how bad smoking is, there is no doubt that it is a completely indefensible and terribly bad habit. However as perspective, obesity is much more dangerous, costly, and prevalent than smoking. Obesity will shorten the lives of innumerable millions. A recent professional and landmark study has found that smoking reduces life by an average of ten years, but obesity can slash life expectancy by as much as 13 years. There are three times more obesity related deaths in America than there are smoking related deaths and obesity costs tax payers three times more money for health care than does the care for smoking related issues. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 4:06:57 PM | I have to agree with the posts here... if she's a smoker and you're not -- it rarely works. I cant deal with it personally.
I went out with this one guy and he lied about his age and his smoking status-- it was a real turn-off when I saw him light-up because I dont smoke. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 4:12:56 PM |
some women contacting me their profile saying non smokers, "and don't date smokers", yet later seems they are smokers.. !!!..
They are just playing games. They see how many people don't smoke and they want to "widen their net". I don't agree with it, plain and simple.
Smoke if you wish, just don't frickin lie about it. Lying just makes them a much lesser person in my eyes. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 7:29:41 PM | | THE QUESTION IS DO you have health promblems that makes you not want to date non-smoker or yhou just do not like the smell. Her true colors came out when she lied on her profile about smoking. the real question is ... if she lies about one thing ,what else will she lie about! ? There are plenty of mermaids out their in the sea who do not smoke and I am one of them. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 7:44:13 PM | | I don't trust what the profile says and ask anyways just incase and if that make anyone mad oh well i guess i didn't want to date them anyways cause i quit smoking and am a stress smoker yet i can be smoke free for years but if i have a loved one in my life that smokes and they smoke menthols it is my weekness and i cave lots of times but i promised myself and my children so if once in a while smoking means holidays or only at the bar for a few drinks maybe but as a whole i have smoking rules and if they want to be a part of my life they abide by them or move on cause i have my kids health and will not bend on my smoking rules. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 7:56:37 PM | Here it is 2 days later and you still haven't discussed this with her? I would ask her why she was smoking? Has she quit recently but the sex was just so great, she had to have one? Or does she smoke more often? If she smokes frequently, I would have thought you'd have caught a whiff of it before now. Yet I know of a woman who is on here, who showers, brushes her teeth and never has a butt until again until after her date. She sprays her car and no one has caught on yet. What she thinks will happen if anything ever goes beyond a few dates is beyond me!
I never thought I'd be interested in someone with back hair, yet here I am.  He doesn't smoke and he never thought he'd date a smoker (me). Yet both of us are willing to work around these obstacles because they are not complete deal breakers to us. However, lying would be a dealbreaker. I would have ended it had I found out a signficant lie. I know of several people that are on here that indicate they do not smoke - when in fact they do and often. I'd rather be upfront about it-it saves a lot of hassle.
Nickster, one doesn't have to smoke to die in their mid-40's. My hubby never smoked, he was always in shape and had physical jobs, yet he was the one to die of a torn carotid artery that caused a major stroke. Granted it was a freak and rare thing, but I've heard of many non-smokers that died while jogging or such who were relatively young. When its your time, its your time.
OP, I'd talk to her - the sooner the better. Let her know you are not happy to have been lied to especially when she knew smoking was a deal breaker for her. Then toss her to the curb for lying.
HR  | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 8:24:32 PM | One of the problems here is that she lied at first. I've never been fond of a date from POF who lied on her profile. It's not a good start!
You have indicated that you don't want to be around a smoker, so don't. Smoking can be very hard to quit and it's unlikely that she will drop it tomorrow. | |
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