| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 8:44:04 PM | I smoke. I am considerate about it when in someone else's presence, but I smoke.
I do not wear 25 gallons of garrish colognes, perfume, or other "scent". Which is equally as distracting, annoying, and unsavory. Yet nobody wants to harp about that.
I do not show up for a date smelling like my dog, cat, or other housepet. My clothes are not coated in 14 pounds of animal hair.
I have the common decency to turn my phone off when I am with someone. I'd rather see a lady with a Marlboro in her lips than with that phone stuck in her ear any day.
I don't have kids, so none of my clothes have vomit stains, diaper leakage, nor do I reek of baby powder.
I generally manage to brush my teeth frequently and am on a nodding acquaintance with mints, gum, or other breath enhancers. I have yet to breathe on a houseplant and watch it wilt. Which is more than I can say about some nonsmokers.
If you don't want to be around a smoker, then go somewhere else. There are plenty of other sanctimonious holier than thou nonsmokers afoot to show you as good a time as this woman showed you. She does not need you. You were not put here to rescue her from herself. Ride that high horse of yours to the next one. If you consider it a flaw in this person, then beat it. I'll bet that, given time, she'll find your little imperfections too. Hopefully, she'll make a federal case out of them too. I will simply assume this is the first time you've ever been lied to, and heaven forbid it be suggested that you've been less than 100% angelic as well.
How did some people live through the 1970s? Such tender constitutions we all seem to have. Don't like smokers? Fine. Your trophy awaits. OFFSTAGE!!!! | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/18/2009 9:39:28 PM | scd:
You clearly indicate on your profile "must not smoke."
Can I also assume that were you given the choice you would also prefer "must not lie" about black and white issues -- i.e., smoker, yea or no?
You have a choice to make: do you want to set yourself up for more lies and prevarications to avoid messy situations, or do you want to establish a relationship based on trust and truth?
Personally, were it me and that ciggy came out as it did I believe she would have made the decision for both of us. Are you that hard up for (female) company that you would let her exploitation/manipulation slide like water off a duck's back?
TK | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/19/2009 6:30:28 AM | Heres my story.. I smoke and I am dating someone that doesn't. Would he prefer me not to smoke? Yes, but he is being a good trooper about it. I did say in my profile that I did smoke. He said he didn't see it on my profile.
When I am out with him or around him I barely smoke. I really don't think of it unless I see or smell someone smoking. Then I want one. Honestly, I think it is good for me that he dosen't smoke it will be a lot easier for me to quit then dating someone that does smokes. I have quit before so I know I can do it again. He might want to smoke when I do quit because I might get quite bit&chy... lol
Is it really a huge deal breaker for you? Maybe, she will quit for you... :) | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/19/2009 6:46:56 AM | I clearly state that I am a smoker in my profile, and always bring it up again before I meet someone. I have had a few men tell me that it doesn't bother them in the least, but when we go out, it clearly becomes an issue and they want to start lecturing me on the evils of smoking. WTF? In this situation, I was the one who was lied to.
I'm not going to defend smoking. I have been in relationships with non smokers and smokers alike. Each person has to decide what their own personal "deal breakers" are. If smoking is a dealbreaker for you, I think most smokers would certainly understand. I would. The bigger issue is here is the lying. The OP needs to decide if either of these things are deal breakers for him.
Don't turn this thread into a diatribe against smoking. We all know how bad it is, but that is not the point of this thread. It reminds of all threads where someone is overweight, and all the fat bashers come out to play. Stick to the subject at hand. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/19/2009 7:24:23 AM | OP - if a guy told me he wasn't a smoker, could read in my profile that I only date non-smokers and then lit one up, I would tell them right then and there that I can't see them anymore.
Although I don't date smokers, the ones I know are good and decent people. Liars, on the other hand, are neither good nor decent. She's a liar, therefore......
If you continue to date her you'll have to wonder what else she is lying to you about. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/19/2009 7:43:47 AM | I agree with you totally pamsfl. Lying either way is playing games.
I don't think this thread should be about for or against smoking. My issue is the lying.
If I were in your situation, I'd be mad as hell for anyone lecturing me. I don't smoke anymore and am not interested in dating a smoker, but I remember when I was and yeah I'd be pizzed in your situation.
It's like I continually say on here, I don't get upset because a man isn't interested in me for one reason or another. That's life. Rejection is part and parcel of dating. If you want to continue participating, stop being a whineyazz. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/19/2009 8:44:39 AM | Again, I don`t consider her a liar, nor will i ask her to "stop smoking" because of me.We`re both adults.... She`s been a smoker for years. It`s her issue not mine.If she wants to stop, she`ll do it. But, i agree.
Whether we go out with her again or not is another story. i`m a firm believer that "nobody is perfect"....We all make mistakes.....being judgemental isn`t my thing as well. She`s a nice person who happens to smoke... Nothing more...
I do however "thank "each one of you who has posted here... | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/19/2009 11:57:56 AM | Depends on how much you want to keep bending on this issue. I am not a smoker, but I was involved with someone who was for a short (VERY short) time. He told me up front that he smoked and I told him up front it would be a big issue for me. He said he would not smoke around me, in the truck, in the house etc. and would eventually (with my help) quit. NONE of these promises held water. Oh sure, at first he was somewhat considerate - but that lasted for about two minutes - and eventually he ended up smoking everywhere - and often. When it got to a point where he was putting burn holes in the carpet and furniture of his house because he'd fall asleep with a lit cig, or constantly bugging me for money for smokes I ended it. There were of course other reasons for breaking up too, but that was constantly a rift between us.
I don't know this lady, so I can't say you'd be faced with exactly the same situation, but it's an addiction, and that's how addiction works. Good luck. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/19/2009 12:12:47 PM | SCD, I think you need to discuss it with her. You see, I was/am a smoker, but am on Chantix to quit. I have been on 2 1/2 months now and I don't smoke, if I'm with someone that doesn't smoke and really am just looking for a reason (besides me) to never pick one up again! But, I still will have a cigarette, but I believe I don't have too!
If the right person came around and didn't smoke, I truly believe I could never have one again. Because, however, I still have a cigarette in the evenings,, then I can't lie about it. I show occasionally. But that in itself, keeps many prospects aways from me. I am hopeful one day that I can change that to "NO"!
outdoorgirl | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/19/2009 12:33:27 PM |
Her profile indicated she wasn`t a smoker
Again, I don`t consider her a liar Ummm what do you consider her as she lied on her profile? Seriously, if someone lies on their profile, what else can and will they lie about? | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/19/2009 2:51:34 PM | Hi,
If it's such an important subject for you, then tell her that you don't like it and that you agreed to date her with her status as "non smoker" as an important fact. Just don't put up with what you don't like.
That, apart from what other things has she put on her profile that make her look good and aren't true... | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/21/2009 8:01:38 PM | If you still struggle with psychological conditioning associated with smoking, then you might like the book: The Brain that Changes Itself, by Norman Doidge MD
Dr. Doidge examines the neuroplastic nature of the brain and how we can train our neurons to fire in different pathways.
The book was a real eye opener for me, in the sense that it disabused me of the philosophy of pure determinism. Sometimes philosophy will lead the occasionally thoughtful person to a trap. The findings of the book really are a gospel of good news, in that it lays the foundation for self-determinism, which heretofor did not have the strongest scientific case.
Having battled and largely succeeded in kicking smoking, you probably have realized some degree of captaincy of your own ship :) | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/22/2009 1:21:48 AM | | I can put up with someone that lights up once in a while or smokes other than tobacco but if they light up in my truck I pull over for them to get out and I don't want to live in a smoked in home either. I grew up in the back seat of the car breathing smoke and I don't like it. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/22/2009 4:36:37 AM | The smoking is a force of habit for her.
She mentioned she smokes when she feels relaxed,nervous or drained when she leaves her job.
When she lit up in front of me, she was extremely relaxed and comfortable and didn`t realize what she was doing until she saw the shock of disgust in my face. I immediately went to the bathroom and closed the door. I admit i hate the smell of a cig.
She knew i was pissed, although as i mentioned we didn`t speak about it afterwards.
I`m not into "smokers" of any type which has placed a damper in our relationship. Sadly, I told her I don`t think i`m right for her and won`t be going out anytime soon. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/22/2009 4:43:55 AM | | What can't be overlooked is she lied on her profile about a very important topic. Someone who lies can't be trusted, and if neither exists you would be building on a shaky foundation. Its you who has to decided the kind of person you want to be with, you already were honest with her and she slaps yo in the face with a lie. From my expereince, once a lier always a lier. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/22/2009 3:51:08 PM |
I smoke. I am considerate about it when in someone else's presence, but I smoke.
I do not wear 25 gallons of garrish colognes, perfume, or other "scent". Which is equally as distracting, annoying, and unsavory. Yet nobody wants to harp about that.
I do not show up for a date smelling like my dog, cat, or other housepet. My clothes are not coated in 14 pounds of animal hair.
I have the common decency to turn my phone off when I am with someone. I'd rather see a lady with a Marlboro in her lips than with that phone stuck in her ear any day.
I don't have kids, so none of my clothes have vomit stains, diaper leakage, nor do I reek of baby powder.
I generally manage to brush my teeth frequently and am on a nodding acquaintance with mints, gum, or other breath enhancers. I have yet to breathe on a houseplant and watch it wilt. Which is more than I can say about some nonsmokers.
If you don't want to be around a smoker, then go somewhere else. There are plenty of other sanctimonious holier than thou nonsmokers afoot to show you as good a time as this woman showed you. She does not need you. You were not put here to rescue her from herself. Ride that high horse of yours to the next one. If you consider it a flaw in this person, then beat it. I'll bet that, given time, she'll find your little imperfections too. Hopefully, she'll make a federal case out of them too. I will simply assume this is the first time you've ever been lied to, and heaven forbid it be suggested that you've been less than 100% angelic as well.
How did some people live through the 1970s? Such tender constitutions we all seem to have. Don't like smokers? Fine. Your trophy awaits. OFFSTAGE!!!!
This. Preach on, southern guy...
Tell her you want her to quit so you can keep seeing her. She might want the motivation. It's worth a shot.
Not this, farceur. See my profile for reference. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/22/2009 8:00:56 PM | Ask her if she usually smokes and how often. Does she plan on quitting in the near future? When? Dpending on these answers---feel it out. Then decide what you will put up with. I will not go out with a smoker. I have in the past. Long term relationships just don't work for me with a smoker. I am super into health and smoking kills your cells slowly and gets rid of oxygen in your tissues. I try to put oxygen into my cells by the foods and exercise I do. That would be counterproductive from the second hand smoke I would be inhaling in the smokers presence. I would be friends and maybe go out with this person once in a while but not hang out. Also if this person is a serious smoker---they lied about it. A mistake or afraid to reveal this character defect on their profile? My ex lied about having kids on his POF profile. That is a little more serious--yet he has grandchildren???? lol That is the primary reason I am going  . Can't handle the lies and his behavior and double life. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 10/22/2009 8:16:14 PM | Want to say a few more things about smoking. Everyone has a right to choose to smoke or not. However, I have a right to be able to breath clean air. Everytime I am around smoke, I end up getting larnyxgitis for weeks and choke throughout the day in addition to the obvious of my clothes stinking. Smokers have a way of congruating together and chit-chat about all the office, church, neighborhood gossip and support eachother as they ask eachother for cigarettes, lights, etc. It actually is a social event when the smokers light up together. So the bonds get stronger as they communicate and share information and they actually form networks that could enhance their lives in other areas. Two of my children were born with asthma that I believe was formed from 2nd hand smoke since neither parent smoked. They have allergies to this day and I had to do CPR on my baby boy due to his asthma that he was born with. Smokers can do what they want as long as the smoke is confined, but it definitely is a health hazard. How do we treat other health hazards? Ask yourself that. Pot smoking is another thing that pollutes the air and it is done all the time at concerts with cops watching. | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:53:11 AM | Seriously scd... you're three pages of warbling back and forth is making my head spin. Let's review the facts:
1. You don't want to date a smoker.
2. She is a smoker.
Really, I had intended to create a lengthy list, but I realized that these two tell the whole story. So either you will not date a smoker, or you're a hypocrite in that you say you won't, but you will date a smoker if she's got other attributes.
I wish I was still a smoker so I could light up right about now...  | |
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| Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not.
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:29:14 AM |
three pages of warbling back and forth is making my head spin.
I think the great sex is clouding his judgment....................or,is that the cigarette smoke.........??
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