| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 1:47:06 PM | I think its more than that, having sex outside the relationship is the effect, not the cause. When communications break down and others are taken for granted, the spark of the relationship dulls and fades leaving people uninvolved and unintrested in each other, this leads to unintrest and diminished sex life at home. This is the progression which causes men to cheat a lacking relationship at home the majority of times. Regardless of maritial status, men look for sex outside for these reasons. I imagine women cheat for a similar reason.
Men also cheat out of jellousy/anger if they find out a spouce/girlfriend has cheated on them.
I personally never was the initiator. It happened to me when I was in my twenties when my live in girlfriend of eight months cheated on me. Out of anger I did in retaliation for her doing it to me. Thus ended the relationship. First and only time for me. A relationship has to be over before I see someone else. I find cheating is distructive to to ones sole. | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 1:55:20 PM | | I have to agree about the frequency of sex being diminshed. And although I can't speak for most guys, we also want a variety. Overtime, guys tend to get bored of banging the same woman over and over. | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 1:59:34 PM | OP: This is only a theory, of course.
What, then, of those couples that do not have 'good, regular sex', yet love and respect each other?
There are so many dynamics involved with relationships: communication; love of oneself; contentment; touch; laughter; and tears.
These are but a few.
It is an interesting observation that humans feel most comfortable when something can be defined and placed in a box that determines worth and how one is to respond.
Break the tapes and accept these women as the person they are to you.
It's really very simple when we don't try to figure it out.
^^BG^^ | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 2:11:58 PM |
Well put, and very valid points made. *thanks breathlesshush*
Wishes Granted, what topic on this whole site itsn't redundant? Let me expand my opinion... Not very many threads are fresh and new. However; cheating threads are mostly NEVER voted off or reported as being redundant wherein most of the other reduntant topics are quick to disappear.
And the thought that my (ex)husband should shoulder the blame or be shamed by having some fool question his sexual abilities is ludicrous IMO.. It is not the cheaters place to lay blame. However; it IS the cheated upon's place to look within and acknowledge where they failed to make their partner feel protected or nutured or desirable. | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 3:23:53 PM | In a relationship, what goes on in the bedroom is a mirror of what is going on in the relationship. If there are problems in the relationship, there WILL be problems in the bedroom.
If a man is cheating merely because he isn't getting enough at home, and is not willing to work on the relationship first... he is just going out and getting it elsewhere.... well, that tells me right there why he isn't getting any at home. Any man who is that self-centered is most likely very selfish in the bedroom too.... a selfish lover equates to a bad lover. | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 3:30:48 PM |
[f a man is cheating merely because he isn't getting enough at home, and is not willing to work on the relationship first... he is just going out and getting it elsewhere.... well, that tells me right there why he isn't getting any at home. Any man who is that self-centered is most likely very selfish in the bedroom too.... a selfish lover equates to a bad lover. So, in otherwords.. you're in total agreement with the Oposter. If her husband cheated.. then that means she's just as selfish .. afterall, if she isn't questioning why she's not having sex with him.. it means she isn't missing having sex with him.. which according to your opinion.. means she's a bad lover and she is self centered and indifferent to the relationship. | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 3:33:27 PM |
Any guys want to comment? Tell me I’m full of it? Have a big enough set to agree with me? Any ladies that would like to gut me like a trout?
Ok...
I used to cheat on different women all the time... It had NOTHING to do with good sex or bad sex... or how often... I simply didn't have enough attachment to them...
Usually, I'd be seeing 1 or 2 women and perhaps sleeping other women as I met them...
At one time in my life, I was seeing 3 women in rotation and sleeping with all 3... Usually I was sleeping with only 1 or at most 2 in a day... only once, all 3....
All three of them were more than capable in bed... so were most of the others... (I don't really believe women can be bad in bed... if she's bad in bed, blame yourself or the other guys she's slept with but not her... and simply help her get better... love, tenderness and patience will make any women into a wonderful lover... If you dump a woman because of bad sex, you're fooling yourself...)
I simply had the opportunity to sleep with them and took it... I also didn't particularly care if any of them found out.... I new there'd be another one to replace any or all if they wanted to break up... so in my case it was simply because of 2 things, opprtunity, and I didn't care about any one woman enough to stay with her....
Eventually, I got bored with the whole thing and settled down... It's been many many years since I cheated... I haven't cheated on any of the last few women I have been with... don't think I ever will again...
I spend more time developing my attachment to women now and less on just sleeping with them... If I had sex with a woman before I developed an emotional attachment to her, I just never seemed to develop that attachment after the sex...
I really think that a lot of women are doing themselves a disservice by having sex with a guy too soon... getting to know her mind works, does a lot more to foster comittment than getting to know her orifices work.... | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 3:59:53 PM | ^^^^You weren't cheating during your promisuous period.. Unless of course you promised commitment to these women. If they thought they were you're only lover's then, they were simply in denial. Any women knows when she is not the only one. If not at first, then certainly within a short period of time.. Your actions and lack of certain actions while within the relationship with each girl would give you away. If they were clueless of your promiscuity.. then they were clueless PERIOD.
(I don't really believe women can be bad in bed... if she's bad in bed, blame yourself or the other guys she's slept with but not her... So: A male who isn't/hasn't been a "slut: isn't worth his salt???  ;0) | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 4:01:01 PM | It makes me laugh that men refuse to take responsbility for their own cheating ways, preferring to project their issues onto their partner or spouse.
Men cheat because they have issues within themselves. They CHOOSE to cheat rather than deal with their own personal problems in a positive way via a counsellor.
There is NO excuse for cheating. | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 4:09:48 PM |
So: A male who isn't/hasn't been a "slut: isn't worth his salt???
I didn't say that...
Nor will I say it makes a difference either for a female or a male slut or not slut...
You don't need to sleep with everyone to know how to treat someone well, to be gentle, attentive and loving... you don't need to sleep with multiple people to know how to touch someone... you don't need a lot of lovers to know how to be careful and to take care of your partner's needs... these are all self-evident.... if it takes you 20 partners to figure it out then you shouldn't have slept with the first 19... you didn't deserve them.... and they didn't do anything wrong to deserve you....
I slept with women who have had a lot of partners, and women who were virgins... their approach to the moment, and how the moment was for them has more to do with being a great lover than practicing pounding genitals with numerous people... | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 4:52:34 PM |
I slept with women who have had a lot of partners, and women who were virgins... their approach to the moment, and how the moment was for them has more to do with being a great lover than practicing pounding genitals with numerous people... The art of love making.. I got you.. I was being facetious with my comment. :0) | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 5:04:08 PM | My ex left me because I put on weight.. all through our relationship he's declared that I was the best lay he's ever had.
Not because the sex was bad. Our sex life was fantastic.
I've lost the weight and he's trying to get some booty. He says he's sorry he left. Bad luck I say. | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 5:26:49 PM | | the sex`was never bad with us..it was good, real good...no, it was lack of trust..and she started to put me down..so i went online for an ego boost...and got busted...then it was over no trust...the end | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:09:49 PM |
she started to put me down A prime example of what I said earlier = "they are no longer feeling nutured." You, were unable to articulate to your partner what was missing so, you had your needs met through outside influences. | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:22:29 PM | | Men (and women) who cheat do not do so because the sex is bad. They do it because they have a character flaw. It's a choice you make. So you just keep on cheating and keep on blaming someone else for it. But anyone with a brain knows the real truth. You are of weak character, and your behavior your OWN responsibility. | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:25:22 PM | Yanno what ???
I blame both parties.
Her for not tempting him enough to keep him at home, and him for not encouraging her enough to improve that aspect of their lives.
There is no way cheating is one sided, even though often times, only one partner cheats.
Blow that view out of the water and there may be diminishing numbers of divorce, rather than increasing ... | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:32:35 PM | What, then, of those couples that do not have 'good, regular sex', yet love and respect each other?
in my relationship ...we have an amazing relationship ...except for sex ... she just dont want it very often ..we have sex about once a week ..I want it all the time ..I dont cheat and wont cheat ...we did divorce for this cause about 5 years ago ... when i found pof and the forums ..well we got back together ..for the other reasons ..it was better for a while ..but now the sex thingy is the same as before..but i live with it ..am I happy .. nope not sexually ..but I have made the choice to take what she can give and make the best of the rest ...we are both happy with every other aspect of our life ...when we have sex it is great ... I cannot understand why when she enjoys something as much as she does ..why she dont want it more ..if I was younger I dont know if I could live with the situation ..but now I can ...and when younger if I had been tempted during a weak moment ...I might well have fallen to cheating ... something im glad i will never know
so to answer your post YES lack of sex can cause someone to cheat who otherwise would be faithful...but not always | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:43:20 PM | So I dont know - lets see, here-
You have his dick in your mouth every fcck*ing night. You keep a clean
house, he has good food and clean clothes. You work eight fccking hours
a day - you do your share and its still your fccking fault. Yeah okay.
Cheaters cheat because they can. Cheaters cheat because they are
assholes. Cheaters cheat because they have no character, morals, respect
for the relationship or for YOU.
Thats why they cheat. NO its not both parties. It takes one party to
cheat and yeah its all her fccking fault. She could take a million protein shots
from him and it still would be her fault. She was not enticing, she was this, she
was that - God. Its never ending. Victimize her a little more.
This is such crap thinking. If you actually take a poll of cheaters they will
ALWAYS blame the spouse or lover that they were not getting what THEY want
wah! wah! wah!
Poor fccking excuse. They cheat because they want too. No one twist thier arms.
No one lets thier dick fall into another vagina without CONSCOUSLY pulling down
thier zipper.
Get out of the relationship. God man - I cant believe people continuously
try to defend the fccking cheater.
What about the victim - YOU just continue to victimize her. She is this , she is
that- thats why it did not work. Take some fccking responsibility for your stupid
actions.
Stop Vicitmizing her. He already did. | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:47:59 PM | | And then there are the people that say their spouse is wonderful, that they have good sex, but feel they are entitled to have more of whatever they want - what the spouse doesn't know won't hurt them. I have a friend that went through that phase. Through his job he was around people that felt entitled and it rubbed off. | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:52:04 PM | Matt,
I think you`ve hit the nail on the head. When the chemistry is gone it`s almost impossible to continue with a relationship. Many often kid themselves into believing they can rekindle something that is already lost..... | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 7:00:05 PM | Curly.. with all do respect: . You need to realize that there are some people (men and women) who are not monogamous and they most likely never will be. It doesn't matter how attentive their partner is, how much they love them or anything else.... They.Will.Not.Settle sexually for only one man/woman. These types of people are the minority when it comes to infidelity. They are what they are and they will continue who they are until they are too tired/old/sick to do it anymore. Some are just that way.. and will be that way no matter how attentive or how much they love who they have settled down with.
Victimization is a state of mind, those that hang onto that "victimhood" like a life raft are going to keep on suffering and will feel the pain of betrayal over and over again. | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 7:08:19 PM | Curly.. with all do respect: . You need to realize that there are some people (men and women) who are not monogamous and they most likely never will be. It doesn't matter how attentive their partner is, how much they love them or anything else.... They.Will.Not.Settle sexually for only one man/woman. These types of people are the minority when it comes to infidelity. They are what they are and they will continue who they are until they are too tired/old/sick to do it anymore. Some are just that way.. and will be that way no matter how attentive or how much they love who they have settled down with
Wishes - I know. I know this first hand. Thats why these cheater threads are
just so unbelievable to me in some of the responses.
I know some will cheat once and are very remorseful - things are worked out
or whatever.
I also know the chronic cheater.
As far as being a victim - she is. He does it to her every time he is with someone
else, whether she knows about it or not. Not saying she feels or sees herself
as a victim but she is a victim of his actions. She does not have to live or feel
this way but every time he does this - he hurts her. No one deserves to be cheated
on - its like a form of abuse, be it physical, emotional , or mental. No bruise but
still pain.
Thats what I meant. | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 7:31:36 PM | And although I can't speak for most guys, we also want a variety. Overtime, guys tend to get bored of banging the same woman over and over.
808 syndicate...You're only in your mid 20's! How long of a relationship could you possibly have had that was long enough to become bored? Christ! I was married longer than you've been alive - and we both stayed faithful.
I agree with wishesgranted. I think there are some people who will cheat no matter what, just because they can. The more they cheat, the better they get get a hiding it and the easier it becomes. My last bf was like that. He cheated in his marriage, he cheated with me, he cheated with the girl that replaced me, and he's already cheated on the new gf. Are all of us so bad in bed? I don't think so!
A wucken fay.....See above. I think there are individuals who get off on cheating - the thrill of illicit sex and not being caught. While its nice to think that it only takes keeping your man's interest, that it will always be enough but there are too many stories out there to believe it. THough it did work in my marriage but not with my only boy friend since then. He was a narcissist and I doubt if he's ever been faithful to one woman in his whole life. I don't think he could be.
So OP, by your logic, if the 'cheated on' is a lousy lay, does that mean that those of us were in 20 + yr faithful marriages, (till death did us part), are the best sexual partners? Just because our partners never cheated on us? Your logic is skewed! But nice try!
HR  | |
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| My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/18/2009 7:46:24 PM | | HR...It's a guy thing. Trust me, we do get bored rather very quickly. In fact alot quicker than you think, which is why age has very little to do with it. | |
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