| |
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 10/19/2009 3:08:55 PM | I agree and disagree with your comment, only because you say "men become attached....dude is head over heels in love" I agree that they become attached, but it's the head over heels part that I dispute.
I have both FWB and FB in my life. The FWB is a wonderful thing because we have all the "perks" of being in a relationship but none of the pressures or expectations that come along with it. It is totally understood that should either of us meet someone that we would like to enter into a relationship with, that the FWB ends and we become just friends. Yes for those who are thinking...I do love him, but I am not in love with him-big differnece... As for my FB, there is definately a sexual attraction and great sexual chemistry, when we are together we are like the only 2 people in the world and when we part company we are each others dirty little secret. What makes this work is that when I am in a bonafide relation he gets put on the back burner and when I am available he gladly comes thru with what I need.
I think each relationship works because it does and only those involved know truly what they are feeling....I dont think he will ever say I love you and that is fine with me because I could never say that to him.......who are we to say what is right for someone else..... | |
|
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 10/19/2009 4:23:50 PM | "For me to enjoy sex, I must at the very least like the woman."
Agreed, I would go so far as to say that I doubt that it would ever happen in the first place.
Of course, I get the unmistakable impression that this feeling is a great deal stronger among women than it is among men, but we *are* human and we *do* feel strong emotions.
This kind of makes me think of what it feels like to despise a beautiful woman. It's actually kind of traumatic, I didn't know how to feel, sort of like one of my eyes wanted to be all googly and the other wanted to turn her to stone. Weird... | |
|
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 10/19/2009 4:35:55 PM | | what do you mean about the ? a woman want do what you ask. I hope you are not talking about 350lbs woman to slidedown a pole, unless you are planing on replacing your ceiling. getreal.......... | |
|
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 10/19/2009 4:39:59 PM | | Inpune your responses crack me up! When the sex sucks there really is no point even if they just won the highest Powerball in history. No amount of cash could get me to stay with a man that can't satisfy me. It's in like my top ten reasons to date a man... | |
|
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 10/19/2009 5:00:35 PM | OP -- Unlike the armchair Dr Phil in Post 2...I don't see associating sex and love as a sign of "sexual maturity". It's just plain common sense to understand that you can have one without the other. They are mutually exclusive. And I can prove it...
You can have love without sex (ask married couples).
You can have sex without love (ask those left over).
So "sexual maturity" has SFA (sweet f*ck all) to do with it.
I'm one of "them" that does understand and appreciate that sex and love are in fact mutually exclusive. If I can get both, then good on me. If I can only get one...then I'll take the sex without love. Love is great, but it doesn't keep you warm at night, and human touch is damn near impossible (for me) to go on forever without. I KNOW and understand my limitations.
As for your question...no, I can't develop emotional attachment to someone I didn't love in the first place and sexual chemistry just won't be enough to push that envelope. If I WANTED a relationship with this woman or that woman, I'd be in one. Having sexual chemistry leading to actual sex ain't gonna suddenly persuade me to have "different" feelings towards them, regardless of how much time I spend with them. If I have just sexual chemistry, I accept that at face value and accept that this is all I will want. I don't carry around fanciful thoughts that I could possibly have sex with someone then develop feelings of "something more" emotionally. For me, that just won't happen after-the-fact.
And I'm "mature" enough to see the forest for the trees and admit it.
JMO. | |
|
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 10/19/2009 5:10:36 PM | Love is great, but it doesn't keep you warm at night
Neither does sex - after orgasm the heat is gone; but flannel sheets'll do the trick.
Added: I do cuddle, just not for long. Still - flannel sheets are good no matter who's there (or not, as it were).
It was more of a joke. I realize I am the only one around here that doesn't pack a bag to get laid. | |
|
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 10/19/2009 5:12:33 PM |
Neither does sex - after orgasm the heat is gone; but flannel sheets'll do the trick.
Um yea...
Some of us still cuddle after sex. Not all of us do the "f*ck and flee".
So I surmise you're speaking solely for yourself there.  | |
|
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:31:56 PM | | I think you can become more attached to a person based on sexual chemistry. It has happened to me before. It didn't last obviously, but I remember him fondly to this day. | |
|
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:42:42 PM |
I think the guys who have had sex over and over and over with different girls are likely more desensitized to emotional bonding after sex.
Agree! Whether men or women, they who have had so many sex partners don't have feelings for love... | |
|
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:52:22 PM | I've been looking for sex only relationships for quite a while and found out that when a woman is not interested in common senerio: dating, moving in together, get married, etc. guys become very interested in all this. Why is that? when a woman is desperate to get married guys run away, when she is the opposite a guy wants it even more.???? Any ideas? | |
|
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:01:12 PM | Okay, I know that guys don't associate sex with love (at least it's what I've been told for the longest).
Don't listen to everyone else. Men can associate sex with love just as easily as women can.
Could you ever become emotionally attached to a woman based on sexual chemistry?
Sexual only? No. But sexual chemistry can develop into something more substantial. So if you mean to ask 'Could you ever become emotionally attached to a woman when the relationship began as a sexual relationship?' then the answer is yes. I tend to not have sex with a woman unless I have some sort of emotional attachment to her, or at the very least, am under the illusion that I have feelings for her. Sometimes you think you have feelings when they aren't really there. | |
|
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:40:16 PM | I will let you in something I just learned from someone on one of the forums that made a thought adjustment to mine position. This is what she said:
With relationships between a man and a women: Sex comes before love. I happen to agree with her now. I think the progression is friendship, sex, then possibly love .
Sex has the ability to bond men and women emotionally besides physically. Some people can seperate sexual pleasure with someone with out getting emotionally involved. Everyone is different, what ever your mind and body tells you about yourself indicates the kind of person you are in that relationship. If you know the positon of the person you are with it can help adjust your own self. For instance someone who sees other people lets you know not to get involved with them other than a FWB. Somone who is open to a fresh relationship and wants a LTR would be open to someone with similar intrests and in this situation would be good not to seperate sex and emotions.
This is just my view on what one kind of progression is toward love is, naturally you can love someone without having sex. I have loved women without the sexual aspect of it. Every relationsip is different | |
|
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:20:06 PM |
This IMHO is a myth that serves no one well. Where does this notion come from? I have never been able to disassociate sex from love; from the time I was a teenager to the present. For me to enjoy sex, I must at the very least like the woman. I have had sexual experiences with women I hardly knew and that sex was as flat and unsatisfying as could possibly be. I simply cannot understand tyhe kind of socialization that allows some men to have enjoyable sex w/out at least some feeling of warmth or friendship. Like many others, I cringe at the ideas that we men are just so "different"in our relationship to our sexuality than women.
We are all human beings. As far as I'm concerned, men who are detached from their emotions sexually are impaired, not normal.
I get exactly what you are saying here. If I even sense a woman is not into me and is just using me for sex it is just not as good. The last woman I dated and slept with gave me this vibe and that with several other issues is what drove us apart. She never would say I love you. I was having feeling for her before we were intimate and told her and she said I was scaring her. She enjoyed the sex way more than I did. I did enjoy getting her off though, I always enjoy that but for me it just was not right, even kissing her I now realize there was no passion coming from her. | |
|
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:47:43 PM | I agree, I had a "friend" for three years and got hurt. I'll never try that again. I can't seperate the 2 either........I was 45 she was 50 and OMG Soooo hot. But sometimes it felt like m14shooter's thing felt..............Mines a Norinco but shoots like a champ | |
|
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:00:04 PM | | Speaking honestly about me, I can do it both ways. I can have a one night stand and think nothing of it...but typically for me I am not that way at all. I am more satisfied being intimate with someone who I feel a connection with. Sex to me is more of a bonding experience than a game, and it bites me in the ass ALOT. I have experienced a few times now that just because a girl has sex with me...does not mean that she wants to pursue a relationship...however, if I have sex with the same girl multiple times, it means I am. I won't have sex with the same person if I am not feeling passionate about them. | |
|
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:17:27 AM | | I think it depends on the amount of partners you have. The more you have the more easily you can seperate sex and love. This is both good and bad depending on your point of view. | |
|
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 11/8/2009 2:28:44 PM | | i hadf a two yr casual and we were freinds and it worked but after so long your feeligs grow and you see the person who is inside over time and when this started to happen i left the casual relationship as i knew he didnt feel the same , .........but i agree that you can gain feelings just from a sexual relationship over time but pends how you draw the line and not cross that.....and if to parties want that. when one gets them its not good x time to run lol. or you get hurt | |
|
| |
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 11/8/2009 3:12:27 PM | I am lost........I thought the people who walk this earth were all human, since when did men become another species? LOL
Just because men have a few different organs then woman and handle their feelings a little differently doesn't make them all that different emotionaly .....
Men and woman can have "just sex" with someone they are sexually attracted to without allowing their feelings to go any deeper. Usually when this happens it's to satisfy the moment, appease the craving, fill in the time, quench the thirst sort a speak...and happens all the time. It is possible to be connected only sexually with a person because the sex is great but not be attracted to them on an emotional level that involves having to be with them all the time as a couple! In fact to some the thought of trying to see themselves as a couple urkes them because the person really isn't their type on that kind of a level and over months and months of sexual connection really doesn't change these feelings all too much.
So if you are asking this because you found yourself in a FkBuddy relationship and you are developing feelings that involve a deeper emotional level and you are wondering if he is feeling the same well......chances are if he hasn't come fwd with such feelings that is because they do not exist and most likely never will. But it does happen for some nonetheless so you just never know really that is why it is advised that if you are getting involved with someone just for sex be prepared to get hurt because invevitably someone always does!! | |
|
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 11/8/2009 3:39:41 PM | Okay, I know that guys don't associate sex with love (at least it's what I've been told for the longest). Now, I'm hearing some guys say that they could possibly become attached. Now I'm asking again. Could you ever become emotionally attached to a woman based on sexual chemistry? Also, what if the sexual relationship lasted for several months? Would you still be able to seperate your feelings over a longer period of time?
I'd really just like those questions answered without peoples psycho-analysis of me (that seems to be popular on these forums).
I do not think it is as simple to get an answer which includes all males! Of course I think this is true any "Label" regarding people's preferences. As a group it is very hard to define people you may find large numbers who share a specific trait but even then there are variations with this subset. Rarely if at all does "one size fit all", this is a misnomer or wishful thinking.
However I believe you can assume there are people which fit into both camps and even yet another who can play in both at the same time. I believe you can have amazing sex with someone you do not love and have less than amazing sex with someone you truly love. The reverse is also possible but there are so many variations your head could spin or explode trying to list all possibilities.
I think your best bet for other people would be learning about them on a case by case basis and simply try to know what you expect or want.
I personally do not view these two things as interchangeable or one in the same but have experienced several different variations and can recognize the differences in said relationships. I think the more open you are to different relationships the more fulfilling or happy your life will be. You may have heard expressed as having low expectations, but honestly it's a true expression and I have found you tend to be much happier than those with high expectations. They always seem to be disappointed with everything in their life no matter how good things are going.  | |
|
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:06:04 PM | I am a woman who does not associate sex with love.
I do not have to love him (but i have to at least like him!) to have a good time
When I think back to sexual encounters, the only time I put sex and love together is when I was married.
I do believe a lot of men do not associate sex and love together | |
|
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:07:35 PM | I have always associated sex with love. Besides, once you get the love settled, you can...oh wait, should I be getting myself into this thread? I'm trying to find a girlfriend here! | |
|
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:09:08 PM |
A guy needs sex to feel close to a woman.
A woman needs to feel close to a guy before having sex.
See the problem there?
This was the paradox as I have understood it:
Men love so they can have sex.
Women have sex so they can get love. | |
|
| Guys, how long can you do this??
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:41:29 PM | Reminds me of a line from "Cheers;" Sam Malone says ". . .we realized that sex was nothing to base a relationship on, and six months later we broke up." 
G.B. | |
|
Home
login 
