| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/22/2009 2:42:47 PM | I am recently seperated from my darling husband and he is on 3/4 pay from the police department from NYC but we live NJ. He is also receiving SSD which supplements his income. He is now living with his brother and is not claiming that because he would then have to have more time with the kids and yet he is fighting for custody. He also depeleted his 401k after 2 weeks of signing the paper work. Half of that is mine and yet the judge ordered all assets frozen and yet it was left off of the ordand he is slowly depletely the account. Half of that is mine as we were married 25 years. What can I do to have him return my half and what should be my child support payments. I have 3 kids, one will be going to college next year and I have a 6 year old and a 20 year old. How will my payments be determined? I am also entitled to alimoney as I do not work. Does anyone come from NYC and is retired from the NYPD? Since I have no money for a lawyer will he have to pay my lawyer's fees? He is the one fighting for custody . Does any one how the NJ courts work? We are are being seen by a best interest social worker to see who she thinks is the better parent but my husband assulted my son in june and had to go before the courts and it was lowered from assult to a lesser charge but I am wondering, does he have a chance at custody when he gave my son 2 black eyes and if so, why is he persuing it there is no chance? It seems to me that by fighting me, he is only making the lawyers rich.
Mary | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/22/2009 3:14:57 PM |
I am recently seperated from my darling husband and he is on 3/4 pay from the police department from NYC but we live NJ. He is also receiving SSD which supplements his income. He is now living with his brother and is not claiming that because he would then have to have more time with the kids and yet he is fighting for custody. He also depeleted his 401k after 2 weeks of signing the paper work. Half of that is mine and yet the judge ordered all assets frozen and yet it was left off of the ordand he is slowly depletely the account. Half of that is mine as we were married 25 years. What can I do to have him return my half and what should be my child support payments. I have 3 kids, one will be going to college next year and I have a 6 year old and a 20 year old. How will my payments be determined? I am also entitled to alimoney as I do not work. Does anyone come from NYC and is retired from the NYPD? Since I have no money for a lawyer will he have to pay my lawyer's fees? He is the one fighting for custody . Does any one how the NJ courts work? We are are being seen by a best interest social worker to see who she thinks is the better parent but my husband assulted my son in june and had to go before the courts and it was lowered from assult to a lesser charge but I am wondering, does he have a chance at custody when he gave my son 2 black eyes and if so, why is he persuing it there is no chance? It seems to me that by fighting me, he is only making the lawyers rich.
Mary
Mary,
Have you never worked throughout your entire 25 year marriage? Did you ever worry about how you would support yourself and your children if your husband left? | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/22/2009 5:14:51 PM | Mary don't listen to Josh, he is nothing but a forum troll.
I would think you are entitled to some thing as you were married for 25 years. How much I don't know but if there is an not for profit legal services in your area I would definably contact them. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/22/2009 7:18:18 PM | Mary's situation is what a variation of a prenup would be for. In her profile she says she is a retired rn. Now I guess they make a pretty decent buck, for her to give that up and stay home he must have been making pretty good money. Yet these days not as many women stay home for that long once the last one hits school age most women go back to work and many not by choice either - neccesity is more common.
Given the divorce rate and his kind of dough it would appear that he is doing the trading in for the younger model schtick, eh mary? You are really jumping the gun here mary, go see a lawyer or seek out legal aid. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/23/2009 12:26:19 AM | I don't think it matters who has custody or where the children physically live. Either parent can of course pay voluntarily. Also, an agreement between the parties can be drawn up before the children are born stating that in the event of a break up, child support will be paid according to the payment schedules of the county in which they reside, or a pre-determined amount set forth in the agreement. It is sort of like a prenup for unmarried people and their future children.
It sounds fair to me.
It protects men because they would have to agree to having a child and being responsible for it before it is born.....~futureshock~
^^^^How do you manage to lick your own (insert word ending in hole here) without a brown chin or a sore back ? You truly amaze me futureshock.....but I admire your shit disturbing skills.
Suppose I agree with you about men having the option of "opting out" of child support cause they were foiled by a temtress with designs on living off a man's hard earned wage....lets suppose that the majority of people in North America (us and canada) also agreed that men should have the "mulligan" clause before they have to pay a dime unless they wanted too.
What do you really think would happen?....Would the majority of men step up or step aside? How did the honour system work in the past before child support was legislated?
Would it be as easy for you and certain like-minded people to step over a mother begging for her hungry children outside a market?
How do you feel about the tax credits or socail assistance a single parent (most times the mother) with kids receive?
Would people rather pay more in tax credits to feed and house children by letting the "boys" skate on their responsibilities?
Tough questions...aren't they futureshock?...I wonder how many, if any you will bother too answer?
What seems fair to me is that people start owning their mistakes...or misjudgements and take responsibility for the actions that caused their personal circumstances....sounds fair to me...JMOT | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/23/2009 4:54:42 AM |
^^^^How do you manage to lick your own (insert word ending in hole here) without a brown chin or a sore back ? You truly amaze me futureshock.....but I admire your shit disturbing skills.
Suppose I agree with you about men having the option of "opting out" of child support cause they were foiled by a temtress with designs on living off a man's hard earned wage
And a mother obstructing her children from living with dad because it means losing the required cs that enables the woman working part-time to remain in her house...while the nc father who earns a living actually working is living in a rental...
I understand the boys want to be with their Dad xxxxxxxx.
I don't think that my ex or my boys fully understand the consequences or repercussions of the choice they want to make.
I can do without all the child support and minimal tax benefits I get for having primary custody of the boys....ONLY IF I sold the housexxxxxxxxxxx.
I am only working part-time....and will continue to have that scheduale until my 4yr old daughter is in school full-time. I did it for my boys and she deserves nothing less.
I cannot think of a really good reason for scraping by to make ends meet to keep a 2000 sq ft home for one toddler and one adult to live in.
What seems fair to me is that people start owning their mistakes...or misjudgements and take responsibility for the actions that caused their personal circumstances....sounds fair to me...JMOT
No doubt applying ones own suggestions can be difficult especially when they have this opinion that their own actions are above criticisms.
Not from you but
Of course your son's don't see the truth of the situation, and I hate that the only response I have to this is: Hopefully, they will, when they are adults, and are parent's themselves. Hopefully. Doesn't do a damn thing for needing the pain of what is happening NOW, to lessen.
God, it so hard, raising children as it is... the emotional hell made that much worse when an a co-parent Ex decides to play their shit ... especially through your children.I used to get the, "Oh it's so sad that your children's father refuses to have anything to do with them. " And, I always replied, "It is.... but yet, it isn't."
Truth....sometimes difficult but the truth is sometimes found when children make the change and realize that Dad only did it to avoid the cs...or Mom only objected because she wanted the cs.....and the emotional hell one speaks of is sometimes if you only continued to do everything and all what I deem as best...then we would have no problem co-parenting.....but who dies and determined the custodial parent was the one who is best in knowing all the answers? In many cases the the non custodial parent is capable of raising the children very proficiently...it just is not what we would do!
But cs...just look at the individuals finacial responsibility of being self sufficient and the use of the cs...or misuse.
If cs is used to maintain a standard of living then perhaps it is misuse....as opposed to supplementing the needs to raise the child or children. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/23/2009 10:06:40 AM | Depends on the state and what you negotiated in your custody agreement. In maryland it's figured on number of overnights, income disparity, etc etc. It can be across the board depending on how much time the kids spend with whom, how much you each make etc.
I'm in a shared custody arrangement. I get my son Friday, Saturday and Sunday overnights every week.
I make more than my ex, but she does work.
I pay $445 a month and share half of ALL expenses, except food and rent, which is what the CS is for in my arrangement at $81k salary. The less time you spend with your kids, the more you pay. I didn't like only seeing my son 4 days a month so I negotiated the changes with my ex. She was always trying to push him off on me on her weekends so I was like you can't have it both ways, sign off on the changes or I never do that for you again. My gambit worked.
Yes, I have absolutely no social life, no usable me time, and have given up on dating lol. No one wants to do anything during the week. However I get to see my son more than my wife does (if you include the time he spends at school/summer camp) so I like this a lot better. She gets to have a BF, I get to make my car payment and see my son. I was being strangled at $800 a month CS. I'd rather do 50/50 but I can't get her to agree to it.
I'd be bankrupt by now... Now I can pay off the credit card I used to pay my divorce attorney  | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/23/2009 10:47:51 AM |
I pay $445 a month and share half of ALL expenses, except food and rent, which is what the CS is for in my arrangement
What do they mean by "ALL" expenses? You say that the CS in your arrangement is to help your ex pay for food and rent? So the gov't in your case is saying that $445 is what your share of the child's portion of food and rent would be then?
Some people talk about how expensive children are, but personally I found that once you get past the diapers and formula stage, the costs aren't that bad at all.
- You'd have a vehicle anyways if you didn't have children. Maybe a sports car instead of a minivan, but the cost difference could be negligible.
- You'd have a place to live anyways if you didn't have children. You might need a bigger place, so there are some costs there.
- Utilities shouldn't go up too much. Your kids won't be using any heat that you wouldn't use and their electricity and water useage is not much more than your basic bill is anyways I find.
The costs that I can see that directly relate only to children would be the extra food, clothing, medicine, they need. Then the extras like sports, toys, etc. when applicable. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/23/2009 10:57:39 AM | Tealwood said the following
If cs is used to maintain a standard of living then perhaps it is misuse....as opposed to supplementing the needs to raise the child or children.
I'm wondering how much of that is the case? I would think that the supplemented costs of two children would be a lot less than what it would be to "maintain a standard of living" per se.
In Canada we are to exchange tax returns each year to show income changes. So once a person is divorced, if they go off and get a better career or become more successful, they can still have their CS rates changed as I understand it. To me, that is wrong. It is wrong as it can penalize success and reward a lack of success. A recipient doesn't need to strive to be successful as long as the payer is. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/23/2009 11:26:46 AM | And a mother obstructing her children from living with dad because it means losing the required cs that enables the woman working part-time to remain in her house...while the nc father who earns a living actually working is living in a rental...~Tealwood~
^^^^LOL....nice try Tealwood. It does no good for your arguement (or my ex husband for that matter) when you continually point the same chastising finger accussing me of being greedy and unreasonable.
My Ex choose to be a victim of his own circumstances, but he took me along for the ride aswell by not providing what his kids needed when they were little!
I did that. I worked for what I have, so as far as I am concerned, if my Ex wants to take me to court for custody...he can first explain to the judge why his kids are consistantly absent from school and why he has never ever paid the table guideline of support.
I am not obstructing my boys from seeing there Dad....just living with him full-time.
Truth....sometimes difficult but the truth is sometimes found when children make the change and realize that Dad only did it to avoid the cs...or Mom only objected because she wanted the cs.....and the emotional hell one speaks of is sometimes if you only continued to do everything and all what I deem as best...then we would have no problem co-parenting.....but who dies and determined the custodial parent was the one who is best in knowing all the answers? In many cases the the non custodial parent is capable of raising the children very proficiently...it just is not what we would do!~Tealwood~
If Dad's like my Ex had genuine interest in raising his son's...the issue of child support arrears wouldn't be an issue...or would it?....back to you.... | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/23/2009 11:36:48 AM | In Canada we are to exchange tax returns each year to show income changes. So once a person is divorced, if they go off and get a better career or become more successful, they can still have their CS rates changed as I understand it. To me, that is wrong. It is wrong as it can penalize success and reward a lack of success. A recipient doesn't need to strive to be successful as long as the payer is ------that usernameis taken.
I have to say that has always been the stickler for me. When I was single I was pretty carefree and could switch jobs in a heartbeat or move across country for kicks.
When I married it was to give that up and get serious about life not for me but for the sake of my family. But whammo as soon as we became one it all went poof.
I have no desire to better myself just so I can end up giving her more money. I hate the idea that I am financing a house I don't get to live in now let alone to forced to just hand over more without having any real impact on where it ends up.
If I wanted to make her happy I would have married her.. Oh opps I tried that, my bad. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/23/2009 11:40:32 AM | Mary
You are entitled to cs and alimony. In Ohio I think it is 1 yr of alimony for every 3 years of marriage. Dont know about your state. As far as the 401 A judge may order him to return some or all the money and disberse it accordingly. A lawyer would help you alot. You have been married a long time. Im afraid he isnt going to get out of it cheaply. My friends soon to be ex husband of 15 years is set to retire from the Army in 2 years and she will be getting 40% of his pension plus cs for another 10 years . OUCH!
It would be beneficial if you and your husband could come up with an agreement as far as visitation etc regarding the children. It will cost you less in the long run as far as attorney fees. My husband and I agreed on shared (he has open visitation due to a weird schedule) with a set cs amount each month. We legally seperated so I could keep health insurance until I switch back to full time when our youngest starts 1st grade. Its just better for everyone if you can come together for the children at least.
Good Luck to you. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/23/2009 2:39:01 PM |
I'm wondering how much of that is the case? I would think that the supplemented costs of two children would be a lot less than what it would be to "maintain a standard of living" per se.
In Canada we are to exchange tax returns each year to show income changes. So once a person is divorced, if they go off and get a better career or become more successful, they can still have their CS rates changed as I understand it. To me, that is wrong. It is wrong as it can penalize success and reward a lack of success. A recipient doesn't need to strive to be successful as long as the payer is.
Not sure if I can agree with that completely as one should share the success with ones children. But why should the effort and work one puts in be shared or required to be given to an ex spouse who chooses not to put in the extra effort or work that is required in being successful. Like why should the effort of working full time be penalized againts the effort of someone working part-time?
I am not obstructing my boys from seeing there Dad....just living with him full-time.
So how is that not obstructing? You enable the contact with the father as long as it is on your terms or does not jeopardize your finacial rewards that come with being the custodial parent. Sorry but this seems to lack a level of morality? Good for the goose but screw the gander if he expects equal treatment!
if my Ex wants to take me to court for custody...he can first explain to the judge why his kids are consistantly absent from school and why he has never ever paid the table guideline of support.
Well discussions in front of the judge are always interesting. And why he did or what the accommodations were...or the total outlay versus required outlay....are all subjects that can be discussed...
Along with his suggestion to the judge that the mothers objection to the childrens move is her loss of cs and tax benefits which enables her to live at a lifestyle without actually working or earning that lifestyle. He can also then suggest or have the cs imputed and then offset againts what might be awarded or found he was required to pay you if the judge accepts he legally is required to make up the suggested shortfall.
All of which I have no problems with as if he short paid you...you should be able to ask for the full tabled amounts to be applied for the last 3yrs....and that amount be used for a credit againts what he can then ask in return if the judge rules in enabling the boys to live where they desire.
As to the attendance you should be very vocal about using that as an illustration that the father is not looking into the best interest of the children. It should be mandated that if the judge does rule in favour of the boys wishes that the attendance must be better or failing that the custodial home must be reverted to the original position.
I also have documented cases where the mother would take the children out of school for personal days. And have had the school principle speak directly to her about this.
If Dad's like my Ex had genuine interest in raising his son's...the issue of child support arrears wouldn't be an issue...or would it?....back to you....
Child support arrears and not getting the full tables amount is mainly coming from you? Or do you suggest that he still pays you cs even if the children live with him?
I suggest that often child support should not be paid. I have a job and when they are with me I pay the bills and when they are with the mother she pays. however....because of income differential she feels I should pay for everything...and to avoid the courts...I have.
Now with the economy being here it is....my sales down over a million.....commission lower than it has been in a few years....i am re thinking post secondary costs. Or after the years i do not feel like bearing the costs alone? | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/23/2009 3:26:07 PM | | I share my success with my children, but would not want to share it with my ex. If her care costs were X while I was at a lower income, why would her care costs go up when my income goes up. The two should not be directly related in my opinion. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/23/2009 3:32:51 PM | ^^
That's a very good point, but the law is like that because some people initally start out paying a very low amount of c/s, which isn't enough, so when they get a better job the c/s goes up so that it can be enough to provide for the child. Now if you're giving enough in the first place (I say 400 a month is sufficient for 1 child) then I don't agree it should go up just because your income does.
It's just like taxes though. The more you make, the more they take. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/23/2009 3:52:37 PM | ^^
Don't bring up taxes.  lol
I don't know how practical it would be, but I would love to see a set amount per child for support that doesn't vary by income. Then that amount is the child support amount, any additional amount applied for could be classified as spousal support. Just a thought. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/23/2009 3:58:32 PM | | wouldn't work but would be nice. if the amount was what she said say 400 a month per kid. The my ex would owe me 1600 a month for the 4 kids. She won't even pay the 550 they ordered, in fact she told the judge she would never get a job and never pay. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/23/2009 4:04:23 PM | | There could be a sliding scale just like there is with the current tables. The 1st child is the highest and it goes down per child from there. I'm at a reduced rate of 1250/mo for two kids on 50/50 and I'm concerned what may happen when my income goes up again. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/23/2009 4:11:32 PM | | I see your point thatusersnameistaken( youneed a shorter name, lol) thats a lot of money. shoot I'd be happy if she just pay the550. Damn and your is on 50/50, I'd be concerned too. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/23/2009 4:12:55 PM | ^^
Just curious, what did the judge say when she flat-out told him she'd never pay? I'd be too afraid to ever tell a judge something like that, LOl | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/23/2009 4:21:56 PM | | Well, when the judge said the amount, she said "you gotta be frickin kidding me". then when she the judge(which was female, not that it matters), shed never pay, the judge just said ok they will take your drivers licence away and you WILL be incarcerated. She said yea right. The judge told her she better watch her mouth or shed be going now for contempt. She's kept her word so far(about 4000 behind). Her drivers licence maybe suspended, notsure. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/23/2009 4:38:39 PM | If there was a set amount it would give women no incentive to marry and divorce doctors.
But if you could set an amount it would only make sense that you could say that a person is or isn't financially capable of having kids. If we haven't the balls to limit the amount of kids a welfare mom has now that sort of reasoning won't fly.
People are so convinced and ergo women that having kids is a right and not a priveledge and when you combine that with a no fault divorce situation it has turned into a win win scenario no matter how much you hear a woman complain about how tough it is to raise a child alone, more often than not they wouldn't have it any other way. Add to that a legal system that doesn't see paternity fraud as a crime and automatic forced responsibility of any guy who may or may not have been a unwitting player in the "my birth control failed lottery" and you've got a powder keg that is about to blow up in all our faces.
I haven't even brought in the ace in the whole for women in that if they choose "not" to be a mommy regardless of how a man feels about.
You can see by the different policies depending on what state you lived in or country that we will never be able to find the right way to set an amount. The cp's will always say it is never enough and the payors will always say it too uch or it is not needed or being spent on the ex.
What is more alarming is that we as a society are more concerned about the money after the kids show up and not before and for a lot more than ever before it is women who are winning the financial battle, we are just coming around on the shared parenting thing but boy wouldn't it be a lot better if we could figure out out how to share a life together and not a kid? | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/23/2009 5:23:18 PM | | Maybe they should have all people have DNA tests when they are born, then no one can deny they are the parent of a child, and get out of or delay CS. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/23/2009 9:07:27 PM |
Now if you're giving enough in the first place (I say 400 a month is sufficient for 1 child) then I don't agree it should go up just because your income does.
$400 for the child is sufficient? So since it takes 2.....2 parents to produce a child...then each contribute $400 suggests that the cost is $800 per month to raise a child.....
So how do you use $800 to raise your child?
Rent? well rent is already something you have to pay....and the non custodial parent has the same rental costs...without the additional income/support..
So how do you require $800 for raising your child? | |
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