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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/31/2009 1:56:57 PM | But doesn't some of the blame for having a child with a sociopath count for something? Tell you what, you guys give up abortion and every other out the law gives you and we'll talk.
Don't for one second believe the government gives a crap about your kids.
Maybe the odd soundbite during election time may give that impression but ...
They are only concerned with trying to keep from paying for it themselves, hence the stipulations where welfare is concerned, the feeble attempt to comensate for child care thinking maybe you wait until you can afford to look after your own bundle of joy until he hits school etc.
See we have been so caudled for the last fifty years we have lost touch with reality. The good days are over when a parent could stay home and care for a child.
If my father hadn't loved my mom so much, he could have paid off his with two kids before the second hit kindergarten. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/31/2009 2:43:54 PM |
What if I needed CS? My daughter should just go without because her dad is an @$$? No the government/courts should have the ability to go after that man. He was responsible enough to make a family he shouldn't be able to just toss aside the family he made and go on and have another child (which he has anyway).
Amen sister! I think that is exactly the point of child support. There are some fantastic dads out there that spend as much time with their kids as they can, help out in every way they can, babysit if it's needed. Dad's like these are totally awesome. And they do exist. If you are one of those dads, then kudos to you. Lots and lots of kudos!
On the other hand you do have quite a few that couldn't care less. Or they care, they are just nothing more than a kid themselves (emotionally and mentally, not physically). So they came up with child support. It is a way of forcing those fathers to accept some of the responsibility of their children.
In my particular case, my ex is unemployed, refuses to find a job, and was this way for most f our marriage. (Yes, I know, how could I stay with him, how could I have 4 kids with him, yes it's my fault for staying with him, etc. etc. Please don't go into that.) So I get absolutely nothing from him as far as money. I lost my job in march and have been looking for work this entire time. I actually had a job for about a week, before my ex decided that he just couldn't find the time in his busy schedule to babysit the kids either. Yet he wants to be able to see the kids whenever he wants (which I encourage for the kids sake), if I want to go out or to my support group, I am expected to drop the kids off at the house where he lives with his girlfriend (who I also encourage the kids to get along with because she may be part of his life for a long time), and we have to have a schedule for what days of the week each of us are going to go and look for work, which he can never stick to.
The only thing I can think of to do at this point is to go to social services and let them go after him for child support, no matter how much I hate it. I would rather just do it all by myself. Unfortunately, I can't until I can get on my feet.
At some point these dead beat dads need to step up to the plate and do what is right for the kids. That is the point of child support. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/31/2009 6:22:27 PM | In my particular case, my ex is unemployed, refuses to find a job, and was this way for most f our marriage. (Yes, I know, how could I stay with him, how could I have 4 kids with him, yes it's my fault for staying with him, etc. etc. Please don't go into that.)
BUT this the point you wish to keep glossing over. It always comes back to that.
Do you and many other women really think you did your kids any service by having a child with a man like you describe.
You even state it your post that there are MANY men who just don't really want kids, they may give you sort of impression so you'll keep dropping your pants but time and time again it is proven that they are not really into it when as many say the shyte hits the fan.
I asked the question earlier about if there was any poster who didn't have a crummy ex and what maybe two said yes and one is deceased so it really doesn't count . What does that tell you?
Maybe sex ed should just be for girls and the main topic should be don't fall for idiots and drunks and abusers, and if you didn't hear that at least make them wear a condom.
What do mothers teach their daughters?
Now I say this because as some here may know I have a nephew that I am so not impressed with that has three kids from three different women. But do I blame the failure of bc control? Can he be that unlucky? Are there that many women who just don't insist on condoms just because you want to get laid so bad and he won't stop asking to go bareback?
Get real. So we have all these unwed moms because they all gave in?
There was aprevious poster who had the audacity to state that he didn't turn out to be good father, How good of you to judge but according to what standard? Yours?
He wasn't as gushing as you wanted him to be? Didn't volunteer to change every diaper? This is another big thing with you moms.
Your ex might have grown into what it takes to be dad but I would say many just weren't really given half a chance because they didn't parent with the same enthusiasm as you.
I would also be right in stating that it wasn't the man who was at fault it was your own personal expectation of that man that let you down. And now he gets to view his family from the outside because he couldn't hit your mark. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/31/2009 6:50:26 PM | Not all issues are obvious right away. I was with my Ex husband for 2 years before we married and it was 12 years into it when we had kids. When we split he was making around 69000/year, he is paying C.S. based on 65000 even though he has had at least 3 wage increases from the time we split until C.S. was finally ordered.
None of his present day issues could possibly have anything to do with the extent of his drinking etc... it's all my fault!!
To ppp two posts down: It depends on the parents I guess. I don't think your statement is true in all situations... especially when deemed too volatile for mediation even.
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:02:23 PM | CS shouldn't be seen as a penalty. CS is simply accepted financial responsibility for having a child. CS shouldn't be seen as the only support that a child needs. A child still requires emotional, spiritual*, and probably some more ual words in there too.
*spiritual - your beliefs are yours, this isn't a religous debate.. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:08:29 PM | Just a note on the CS tables..
The tables that are used in Canada were created to allow the kids to get financial support quickly. Too many times parents would goto court and bash it out, and while this was going on no monies were exchanging paths. Until the courts decided (in which case most cases were ended prior as a parent may not have had money to continue the proceedings, or may have ended as a resoultion was found).
Having the tables allows couples, when they split up, to quickly figure an amount to pay, and get that underway.
Just me rambling.. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:08:07 PM |
To be honest cs kind of gives the person their dignity back because seriously how belittling is it if you are constantly having to beg your ex for some money for your child? Anyone think of it that way? It's very demeaning and not something I enjoyed doing and am glad I don't have to do it anymore that now that I'm back on my feet.
How belittling and undignified do you think the non custodial parent feels when they have to beg thier ex to see thier own child. That is much worse I would rather beg for $$$ than to see my own child. Most of the time the custodial parent turns down thier request for a visit to see thier kid, how would you feel if your ex controlled when you saw your own baby? | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:15:52 PM | I wouldn't like it if someone controlled when I seen my child, that's why he is allowed to see him whenever he wants, though he has not bothered since I left when I was pregnant.
This would be why CS exists, guys like that, if it were voluntary he would not pay a cent, not that he does anyway. After all he stands by his words (not his kid) and refuses to prove otherwise through a paternity test only because he knows what the outcome will be.
His comment to me via facebook once...
If I can get the CPS to rule to give him to me, I can put him in foster care, then I don't have to pay child support DUH..... | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:33:03 PM | CS is a responsibility, regardless of whether one sees their child or not. Having access to your child is your right (unless you are deemed a danger to them, or unfit). The two are mutually exclusive. The fact, however, is that many who don't exercise their right also don't fulfill their responsibility. I will agree that family court favors the woman, but experience tells me that those who really hold their relationship with their children in high regard fight for the right to be involved with them, regardless of their gender. It is the inability to "suck it up" & keep the child's best interest at heart that leads to problems.
HPotters, I wonder why you think it worse that you have to go without seeing your child than that your child may be going hungry?! Of course, you should be able to see your child, unless you are a danger to them, but the fact that you put your needs before the child's sounds a bit selfish, in my view. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:28:00 PM |
How belittling and undignified do you think the non custodial parent feels when they have to beg thier ex to see thier own child. That is much worse I would rather beg for $$$ than to see my own child. Most of the time the custodial parent turns down thier request for a visit to see thier kid, how would you feel if your ex controlled when you saw your own baby?
I wouldn't know my ex has never asked to see his daughter. Nor would I ever deny him access to his daughter. I can tell you how crappy it feels to beg a guy to be a part of his child's life and can't be bothered to make an effort. To beg him to help you, not change diapers but to just watch her for 15 mins.
The only stipulations to my ex viewing our child is that he may not drink around her, that he may not smoke around her nor can he get stonned around her. He knew how I felt about these things before we had a child that is why he hide this from me. I don't do those things if I did I'd be an unfit parent.
JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A CHILD DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU GET TO BE AN UNFIT/BAD PARENT. My first instinct will always be to protect my child from any harm and in my case it meant leaving my ex.
I would never ever let my daughter go hungry. I would never let my child go without just so that I could be vindictive to an ex. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:05:31 PM |
If I were a single unemployed female what would my options be? I would be free to live in a bachelor suite with roommates if that's what it took to survive or, live on the streets, live in my car... sadly some kids are living in such conditions as well but, maybe they would not have to if both parents held some more responsibility.
Keyword being both. Now do you really mean that? Because if you do, then you would also recognize that it is just as much the CP's responsibility to ensure they're not jeopardizing the other residence their children call home by taking child support that creates a huge gap in the standard of living between the two. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:17:22 AM | I always advocate that both parents work full time and equally provide for their children...leaves out the Lizzie....the one who works part time and would struggle to maintain her 2,000 sq foot house without the cs she derives from her two children...the two children who supposedly expressed interest in living with dad and who will not until dad gets a court order.....Decisions based on dollars and cents seem to go both ways....even though after numerous posts...you did come up with not going to school...as an after thought?
~Tealwood~
^^^LOL...you really hate the fact that because of the circumstances I am in, I can afford to work part-time don't you?
I would not even attempt to provide you with a resonable explanation of why I refuse to allow my minor child to live with his Dad full-time...I'll let you believe it is becasue of the $700 in support I get every month..
next year...I will be applying for a divorce and as part of the application I will not be asking for cs nor will I want it..and in fact will refuse to accept it. It has been or will be over 7yrs where I have been seen and acknowledged as the primary custodial parent.
I am however considering she be required to pay part of the educational costs of post secondary education...but have not decided if the effort..the potential issues it will bring up are worth the legal investment. ~Tealwood~
^^^^You haven't decided?....who said it was your decision? Your kids are old enough to have an opinion on the course of action you should take about any arrears do they not? The problem with most ncp's is....their kids are clearly never worth the potential upset or legal investment to go to family court are they?
Spare me already Tealwood...you must stop speaking out of both sides of your mouth...your drooling everywhere!! | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:49:25 AM |
I understand the boys want to be with their Dad and are at an age where they will respond to his guidance and advice more than they will mine.
I don't think that my ex or my boys fully understand the consequences or reprucussions of the choice they want to make.
^^^LOL...you really hate the fact that because of the circumstances I am in, I can afford to work part-time don't you?
I would not even attempt to provide you with a resonable explanation of why I refuse to allow my minor child to live with his Dad full-time...I'll let you believe it is becasue of the $700 in support I get every month..
I have no problem with anyone who has their children and are raising them. What does get be going is those who complain about their finacial situation while working part time and still extracting finacial support out of their ex and acting and advocating it is a right. But then you do yourself seem to talk both sides of the table....perhaps you would like to illustrate where I do it?
href="http://forums.plentyoffish.com/13140157datingPostpage2.aspx">http://forums.plentyoffish.com/13140157datingPostpage2.aspx</a>
I can do without all the child support and minimal tax benefits I get for having primary custody of the boys....ONLY IF I sold the house that has been the constant secure place, or I guess the home base for these kids for the majority of their life.
I am only working part-time....and will continue to have that schedule until my 4yr old daughter is in school full-time. I did it for my boys and she deserves nothing less.
I cannot think of a really good reason for scraping by to make ends meet to keep a 2000 sq ft home for one toddler and one adult to live in.
I do not have the same attatchment to our house as my boys do. It was purchased for them and their needs. It was really always their home..I was just a boarder so to speak.
I could take out an equity loan to stay here if I wanted too...but I am not prepared to risk my daughters finacial security to do that.
I kinda feel like I have always been the parent who has been accommadating and compramising with my ex when it comes to the kids.
So how come now matter what I do or say...I will still be the bad guy?
I asked my Ex if he would be willing to having a split visitation where he would pay 50% of what he currently does for the next two years.
This would allow me to continue to work part-time (like I did with both boys) to be home for my daughter. Considering I have forgiven a considerable amount in child support from him previously I was surprised at his reaction.
He really dosen't care if I am in a position where I would have to sell the house.
He figures since he lost everything....more than once...that the boys will adjust to me selling the house.
Now we can go back manually over the posts but I am positive you were very strongly againts split visitation with children as not being healthy or in their best interest. $$$$$$Or was it your finacial best interest...but now with the intent of your youngest to move...it suddenly becomes palatable or viable...So please tell me how that is not self serving or simply finacially motivated.
But I will agree by page three you did switch or add as an additional consideration the scenario that the children missed school...and that they supposedly miss school the day after they are or have spent the night with their father.
Now foolish me...I would be myself more concerned about that fact than i would about the finacial loss....or the fact I might have to start working full time again. But the my priorities have been different. i also object or argue that the homework did not get done if they spend time at the mothers as she would take them out visiting. But since they spend all or the majority of time here...i have little to complain about.
^^^^You haven't decided?....who said it was your decision? Your kids are old enough to have an opinion on the course of action you should take about any arrears do they not? The problem with most ncp's is....their kids are clearly never worth the potential upset or legal investment to go to family court are they?
Sorry but I think the label is "cp" as in custodial parent not "ncp" or non custodial parent. But the legal investment is the $5,000 to $12,000 in legal fee's or even higher to get the judgement and divorce. And the realization of having to prove her income as she again working partially under the table and is deliberately under employing herself.
So an unofficial view of cs is it should be there to help or assist parents in raising their children while they are themselves expected to fully provide finacial support themselves. And when the custodial parent is earning a higher income the expectation of support should be different and along with cs....the "ncp" or non custodial parent should not be left severely disadvantaged in being able to provide for a home for the children when they are visiting on their access weekend. But perhaps if the custody was 50/50 from day one so many of the finacial arguments would never occur as the finacial power of custodial position would not be the anvil it is. | |
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Posted: 11/1/2009 9:25:52 AM |
Being a stay at home/student at the moment getting some financial support from him; keeps me off of welfare.
If your ex were in the same situation of choosing to be a stay at home/student, you would be willing to financially support him to keep him off of welfare? You would change custody to facilitate such an arrangement? In most situations, a CP would not willingly exchange positions, or subject themselves to the same stipulations and criteria that they expect an NCP to simply accept and be happy with.
So again, I ask... do you really mean both when you speak of sharing responsibility and accountability? | |
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Posted: 11/1/2009 10:35:58 AM | The only stipulations to my ex viewing our child is that he may not drink around her, that he may not smoke around her nor can he get stonned around her. He knew how I felt about these things before we had a child that is why he hide this from me. I don't do those things if I did I'd be an unfit parent. -jenn
Wow how much more obvious that your choice in the father of your child was so far off what you wanted? Did he drink, smoke pot and cigs when you met? If he did then shame on you for taking it that one more step and having his child.
I imagine if you were looking for a new partner he must not smoke or drink?
Way to go, yay you because we wouldn't want thaty around a child now would we?
If I did have an issue with my ex is was for this very reason, I smoked cigs and enjoyed my pot but it wasn't something that was going to be done around my child but for her to just expect that to go away when I made it clear that it would not and then to proceed to marry me regardless was very uncool. | |
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Posted: 11/1/2009 12:55:33 PM |
Wow how much more obvious that your choice in the father of your child was so far off what you wanted? Did he drink, smoke pot and cigs when you met? If he did then shame on you for taking it that one more step and having his child.
I imagine if you were looking for a new partner he must not smoke or drink?
Way to go, yay you because we wouldn't want thaty around a child now would we?
He knew how I felt about those things before we started dating. I told him before we started dating that I don't date guys that do those things. He told me pot was something he did in high school. If my feelings are so strong about those things honestly think I would have had a child with someone that did those things? No. But he wasn't honest. He hide/gave those things up when we first got together but once I was pregnant who cares right because a woman is stuck with the guy then right. Wonderingsole so you were honest to your ex and she still married you yeah that is uncool but my ex wasn't honest which is totally uncool because otherwise I would never have dated him.
Its fine if he wants to do those things its his life his health but no he may not expose our child to them. I told him and his parents that they may not smoke around her. Do you think they cared what I said. No they just waited till my back was turned and then would be smoking their disguisting cigs around our newborn. And no its not cool to smoke, drink and do pot around your child. What at 14 are u going to lite up ur kids first smoke? Don't care if they get asthma just go ahead and keep puffing ur toxic crap in their face. So that they become addicted to it before they are even legal age to make a choice if they want that lifestyle. And I have seen parents do that.
I didn't even know my ex smoked cigs till after we broke up. That has always been a hardline rule for me I won't date a smoker. I won't let anyone smoke around my daughter and I don't care if that makes me a b**** for having those strong views. I've always gotten many dirty looks from people when I say "do you mind, not puffing that in my face". I'm glad to live in a country that bans smoking from public places. I'm glad that people can't smoke in their vehicles with children in them. I'm obviously not the only one that has such strong opinions about it.
With knowing everything we know about cig there is no need for anyone to smoke around a child. If people want to do that habit that's their choice but your not entitled to do it around children. There are a lot of parents/grandparents that smoke but they have enough common sense and decency not to smoke around a child because they don't want their children exposed to that. If a woman smokes when she is pregnant she is putting her unborn child in harm and is very selfish!
If he had told me about any of this well I wouldn't have had my lil girl because I wouldn't have dated him. I thought there were numerous traits in him that I did want for a father. I thought he was kind, thoughtful, compasionate to people with disabilities, smart and he claimed that he wanted a happy family something he didn't have growing up. I didn't leave him because of those things I left him because he is a horrible father. He could have done those things and not exposed our child to them.
I have never done pot, I seldom to never drink, I don't smoke. I also don't allow cursing around my child. So yeah there are a lot of things I won't expose my child too. I was as clear as I can be about what I would tolerate around my child before we even got pregnant. We talked about discipline, diet (told him our child wouldn't be eating fast food), that his parents were never to smoke around our unborn children) what else could we have talked about before we got pregnant. I even told him I wanted three children which he agreed to.
So let me ask you this if a man knew how I felt about all these things why would he go and have a child with me? Why do some men/women lie? Especially about something so important as lifestyle choices. Before we got pregnant we also talked about our finances because I wanted to make sure we could afford a child before we had one. Yeah he wasn't honest about his finances. Told me he had a yr left paying for his car, no he had a yr left on his lease. So instead of having just payments for one vehicle we had payments for 2. I got a rude awakening when we went and got our family vehicle. There was a reason I had to get it in my name. Before I met him I had wonderful credit, I could have got a mortgage for a home can't anymore.
So yes that poor man how I did him wrong. Even though I'm the one that doesn't get to have another child because I can't afford another child. Our daughter isn't even 2 and he's got his new gf pregnant. Oh and she lost custody of her 3 kids to her ex because she rather party then be a mother. Next time I won't have to take his child away and I'm sure his new gf won't either I'm sure social services will.
And if a man yells at his sleeping new born then you know what he deserves to lose custody of that child. If a man can't handle a lil baby crying then he should not have a child because news flash babies cry. If he doesn't want to spend any money on his child and expects his gf to buy everything then you know what he shouldn't have a child.
The one thing is that is apparent in single parent forums is the clear division between men vs. women. Like seriously you men will defend any man even if he is the biggest POS ever. I used to defend my ex but I don't anymore. He's made his choices. Just as I made my choices and i'm accountable to my choices. I'm the best mother I can be to my lil girl while my ex chooses to have nothing to do with his child.
Sorry if you smoke around your child your not being a good parent and that goes for men/women thats just how I feel about it always have and always will. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:11:51 PM |
If your ex were in the same situation of choosing to be a stay at home/student, you would be willing to financially support him to keep him off of welfare? You would change custody to facilitate such an arrangement? In most situations, a CP would not willingly exchange positions, or subject themselves to the same stipulations and criteria that they expect an NCP to simply accept and be happy with.
So again, I ask... do you really mean both when you speak of sharing responsibility and accountability?
If we both had the means and the wherewithal to switch places, I probably would at least try it out. I was a stay at home mom from the time I had my first child. He has always had a good paying factory type job. I worked lots of odd/temporary jobs, and did a lot of private in-home care (baby-sitting) prior to having my own kids. I simply do not have the job experience or, earning capacity he does... I am working on it though.
He currently has issues that would no doubt prevent anyone from giving him custody of minors (I have sole custody of our children).
Sharing responsibility and accountability doesn't just mean financially... my Ex had to be begged to take the kids in the beginning of our separation (which I now regret doing but, at the time needed an occasional break for sanity's sake), his first g/f was told he did not have kids and was never married.
I admire all the good and dedicated parents out there. I also do feel for those that are truly screwed over by the system or money hungry Ex's... but, if a parent can manage to survive on the court ordered support they get, how come so many NCP's are facing such financial hardships really? If two or three manage on say 20 to even 50 %... how come one can not do it on what is left? | |
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Posted: 11/1/2009 4:38:20 PM | Wow Jenn You just can't accept any fault for this one at all here huh? He was such a terrific guy or you couldn't stop yourself from the want of a baby. So typical I guess and makes many of the excuses tha are used here make that much more sense.
No matter how you slice it and there many that will agree that a woman does have the final say over those conditions. It's not like you couldn't have saved yourelf your grief by simple finding a nonsmoking non potsmoking male to have a child with.
My ex said the exact same thing, it is entirely possible that you could affect a change in him anf him alone but you really do lose the argument when you expect his entire family to change also?
But you just deflect that blame and play the victim here, it';s quite obvious that to you it is the truth, common delusion among many here.
And no its not cool to smoke, drink and do pot around your child.-jenn
You are the one who took the risk not him. | |
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Posted: 11/1/2009 6:21:53 PM | I think we can all say that yes, we are at fault for picking losers, whatever the circumstances. But at the same time, we didn't ask them to cheat, abuse, or whatever the situation is. I, at least, can say that yes, I was stupid and got married too quickly while he was too young. But I also accepted that when I got married it was supposed to be a one time thing, forever. And he accepted that also.
On the same note, I am not going to accept all of the blame for my marriage failing. I tried and tried. I even accepted the fact that he wouldn't get a job and tried to work around that. But I did not make him decide to get a separation and not tell me. I did not force him, or even tell him too for that matter, to go out and find himself a couple of girlfriends.
I don't ever expect to see a dime from him in the form of child support. And this means that in the state of South Carolina, he will eventually end up in jail, because my circumstances right now are such that I have to go and apply for family assistance. I need to apply for daycare vouchers so that I can work and my children will be in daycare of some sort. But once I apply for these things DSS will be going after my ex for child support and there is not a thing I can do about it. But I need to do what is right for my kids and that means getting a job and getting back on my feet so that I can take care of them without that government assistance. | |
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Posted: 11/1/2009 8:16:18 PM | Doesn't matter who's to blame, the fact remains, if you're a parent, you have a financial responsibility for your children. I think that there are actuarial tables which calculate the percentage of one's income that is attributable to children. This is what directly relates to the original post. Challenge those if you will, but subjective opinions about custodial/noncustodial parents do not change the numbers.
As for me, I'll never understand why a parent willingly provided for their children while committed to the other parent, but complains about doing so once the relationship is over. | |
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Posted: 11/1/2009 11:43:28 PM |
There was aprevious poster who had the audacity to state that he didn't turn out to be good father, How good of you to judge but according to what standard? Yours?He wasn't as gushing as you wanted him to be? Didn't volunteer to change every diaper? This is another big thing with you moms.
Your ex might have grown into what it takes to be dad but I would say many just weren't really given half a chance because they didn't parent with the same enthusiasm as you.
I would also be right in stating that it wasn't the man who was at fault it was your own personal expectation of that man that let you down. And now he gets to view his family from the outside because he couldn't hit your mark.
So what makes a good father? Because the impression that I had that makes a good father is someone that:
1.) loves his child unconditionally
2.) that protects his child from harm
3.) that provides for his child not just financially but emotionally
4.) that makes sacrifices for his child
5.) that puts the well-being of his child first
Am I mistaken??? Was that too much to ask? I never asked him to change diapers I enjoyed doing it. I did ask him to buy a car seat and to hold her. The nerve I had. Guess I was expecting too much. But you know what I never asked him to yell at our 2 month old sleeping baby in my arms. I never asked him to ignore or neglect his child which is a form of abuse. Seeing how I am so inadequate to understand this will someone please explain to me what a good father is?
Wonderingsole hate to break it to u but i didn't leave my ex because he did pot. I left him to protect my child. But yeah I guess I should have just waited for him to shake her and do some permeant damage because heaven forbide a man doesn't get to abuse his child. As I said parenting is a privilege not a right. A parent doesn't get the right to abuse their children thats why we have social services. Nor am I a victim. But it is a lot easier providing for my daughter knowing that she is growing up in a safe home.
And yes I do have the audacity to say my ex is a horrible father because I saw what kind of father he was and no he didn't cut it. He didn't even make an effort. I'm sorry but you don't get to be a parent when its convienent for you. I told my ex to be a good father or to not be a father at all. Maybe someday he'll grow up and be the father our child deserves. Until then I am her only parent.
You know there is such a thing as social services, they do take away your child if you endanger them so obviously I'm not the only one that condones unacceptable parenting skills.
I imagine if you were looking for a new partner he must not smoke or drink?
That was what I was always looking for. But to be honest I don't know if I could ever have a child with a man again. The way my ex treated our daughter has shattered my heart. I never knew a man could be so horrible towards his own child. To be honest I don't understand how people can be so horrible in how they treat others. I don't get it.
Not being a good parent should be a crime. How can anyone not love something as precious as their child?
Courts are supposed to look at the best interest of the child.
No matter how you slice it and there many that will agree that a woman does have the final say over those conditions
No it should be the responsible parent gets the final say over the conditions that the child is raised in. Parents should always act in the best interest of their child and its a sad thing when parents fail to do that. | |
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| An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:48:20 AM | Doesn't matter who's to blame, the fact remains, if you're a parent, you have a financial responsibility for your children. I think that there are actuarial tables which calculate the percentage of one's income that is attributable to children. This is what directly relates to the original post. Challenge those if you will, but subjective opinions about custodial/noncustodial parents do not change the numbers.
As for me, I'll never understand why a parent willingly provided for their children while committed to the other parent, but complains about doing so once the relationship is over.
I've never spent $3,982.00 after taxes (about $5600 gross) per month on my two children ever. Yet the tables suggest that those would be the costs involved as with 50/50 shared parenting the table suggests $1991.00
Providing for the children is one thing, providing for an ex is another and should not be covered under the guise of a child support payment. | |
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