|Positive NegativePage 3 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4)|
|Mostly what I like about a relationship is being able to express love and affection towards another, and having it returned. Once you find someone with whom you can do that, all the other stuff becomes manageable. Kids in tow or not.|
Posted: 10/21/2009 7:56:31 AM
|Something that helped me was a friend's challenge to all in our social circle to create a list of 100 things we desired in a potential partner. That was a few years ago and I never managed to generate 100 entries but it did cause me to focus more on positive attributes rather than thinking to myself "Okay... he's not an addict. That's worth 2 points."|
Posted: 10/21/2009 8:01:36 AM
Happy birthday to a fellow Libra!
Yes, I agree with the idea of the "scent of a man". Something like an old Al Pacino movie which comes to mind.
As far as azz biting, a little nibble can be quite the thing!!!!
Posted: 10/21/2009 8:03:46 AM
". . .being able to express love and affection towards another" is just so romantic and, once again, right on target.
Posted: 10/21/2009 8:36:06 AM
|I shall interject something that will get me blasted mayhaps.My experience with this site and others so far has been,when I am honest it almost immediatly gets me excluded.Women say they want honesty,so when I am upfront about my forced retirement and the conditions surrounding it.The end is imminent!Everyone has ideals of who they are seeking.My beliefe is many get passed over because of a percieved"RED FLAG".We all have things in our lives that create who we become,given the opportunity most would enjoy the company of us who are "Red Flagged".I am a combat Veteran with PTSD.Many years of hard work self improvement and therapy have given me a chance to live as normal a life as one could wish.The "Red Flag" excuse in my mind is just that.Relationships take work and alot of it.I believe we as humans have gone the way of the internet,everything right now and it has to be exactly what we want.Some of the longest and most famous love relationships were formed with nothing more than pen&paper.|
Posted: 10/21/2009 8:41:34 AM
Thanks for being so forthcoming. The last person I chose to love and still do, suffers from PTSD. However, there are many people who suffer from other anxiety disorders who don't know it or are unwilling to acknowledge their plight.
I don't see PTSD as a red flag, just something that is in the person's makeup. We all have our own bundles of sh*t.
Yes, long distance relationships can be consuming and oh so wonderful!
Posted: 10/21/2009 8:51:10 AM
My experience with this site and others so far has been,when I am honest it almost immediatly gets me excluded.Women say they want honesty,so when I am upfront about my forced retirement and the conditions surrounding it.The end is imminent!Everyone has ideals of who they are seeking.My beliefe is many get passed over because of a percieved"RED FLAG".We all have things in our lives that create who we become,given the opportunity most would enjoy the company of us who are "Red Flagged".I am a combat Veteran with PTSD.
I don't see a problem with PTSD, but then, my late husband had it too, and a lot of our friends, to some degree.
The only difficulties I see are that  you're a bit too young for me,  you like sailing - BTDT, and I prefer my terra to be firma, and not with all that unbreathable stuff between me and solid ground, and  you're in the wrong part of the country!
Posted: 10/21/2009 8:54:20 AM
|I'm glad you all have the problem of being selective. Since there is this body of admirers surrounding you, wishing and hoping to be with you, and many of them are almost but just not quite good enough, then at least you're close to getting what you want. It's just a matter of time, as people improve a bit each year.|
Posted: 10/21/2009 10:08:10 AM
I don't see PTSD as a red flag, just something that is in the person's makeup.
I have a former neighbor friend who has this problem. She also has other problems. By chance, we become friends. She was often crying and sad when she told me her PTSD problem until she moved away. I felt sorry for her. I do believe one's PTSD problem would cause the one's other problems due to the anxiety disorder.
Posted: 10/21/2009 11:03:50 AM
Yikes. No wonder that post I was trying to reply to kept taking me to starting a new thread, it's gone!
But yes, he's 52 and I'll be 63 next month. Slightly out of my comfort zone.
And OT, that would be slightly on the negative side.
Posted: 10/21/2009 11:09:56 AM
|Kari, I didn't want to make another one unhappy so deleted it...|
Posted: 10/21/2009 11:20:47 AM
|At 5'7" the negative says I'm not tall enough for 80%* of women's requirements so I am rejected often with the old unread delete. On the positive side, I'm 96% as tall as virtually all of them require yet they claim their cup is "half full". Wouldn't that mean anyone over 2'10" would be tall enough? Oh wait, I read one profile who claimed her cup was 75% full. I still beat that. Go figure, I did.|
*Data from studies on women's online dating requirements.
Posted: 10/21/2009 12:50:28 PM
|Soooo true..I once dated a guy who was Catholic ( I am not Catholic) who smoked (I don't) and who had a cat (I am allergic!). We lasted for 18 months until he died of a heart attack in May of 07. Great guy, met him on another site, and, if I had over looked him because of those few things, I would not have grown so much as a person, or have been so blessed to have him in my life!|
Posted: 10/21/2009 12:54:46 PM
|So sorry for your loss Lexismom. At least you have had a wonderful experience and memories and don't seem bitter about what happened. I hope you meet someone again as wonderful as he was.|
Posted: 10/21/2009 2:04:04 PM
|I would say this to you Mr. FloridaMusicman, most men in our age group do have ptsd, that is NOT a red flag, unless they are too young to understand it, then you might have a problem. I also, don't understand why you think "forced retirement" is a problem. Are you broke? Are you looking for a sugar mommy? If you are still able to financially take care of yourself, I don't see the problem. Give yourself some credit here, if someone is putting up red flags on ya, move 'em on!|
Posted: 10/21/2009 5:31:28 PM
|Thank you........ I am believing that he is out there...|
Posted: 10/22/2009 3:10:00 PM
|As long as I have been on, you get a fair share of personalities here. POF isn't perfect, but nice..I talk a lot of good people here and have met them also. It is what you put into it...I have gone to a meeting at a pretty nice bar and grill..it was hit and misses..ladies were outgoing, the guys seemed less enthusiastic..Anyway back on track with the positive-negative ..is being aware that although someone is fun to date once in awhile, may not be good to see a lot of or not at all..I think we all can get the first impression right away., meaning what I see and hear, feel right to me? Mostly,just be yourself, can't fake it. or change yourself to fit them..well maybe modify some things because if you haven't dated a lot and times change in how people will percieve you if you dance too wild or say the wrong thing or have out of date thinking.. may think bad( or good) of you after that.. we all can be quick to judge people without really knowing them, by just sitting and talking to them with out a heavy expectation of instant intimacy is a relief actually..Intimacy is great,but we are here to get better quality of dating..if you want instant sex, it's the wrong place for you buster. |
Posted: 10/24/2009 6:17:21 PM
|msg. 55, |
all my kids, first came to me with ptsd. it was a viet nam vet who helped me the most with understanding and dealing. i've known many vets with ptsd and have heard many of the "stories" that often are reserved for vets only. some have included the horrors inflicted by their own fellow soldiers. it makes me wonder how anyone could come out of any war, without ptsd. so, my guess is that you are more open about it and from my experience that is the best thing. one of my friends would operate in a trance in the middle of the nite. he'd prepare dinner, drive and eventually started stockpiling weapons. he had young children. a few years ago, he checked into a new program near stanford, run by some vet hospital up there, for several weeks. they have some new approaches and he said it helped tremendously. i used to be awakened all hours of the nights with the nightmares and screaming of my kids, when they were young. it has pretty much all subsided, but i suppose in a future stressful situation, it can be evoked again.
i guess for me, it's how someone deals with whatever they have, moreso than what they have. let's face it, at this age, even someone with nothing, is eventually bound to get something. at least, i know "now", how a person operates when unexpected things are hitting and also how they treat me, when they are "out of sorts".
also, i am good at explaining things (from my own lyme disease experience) when people i know, in really good shape, suddenly find themselves in "doo doo". a friend of mine, an avid hiker, recently was disabled from an injury for a good period of time. we kept in contact throughout and now he's better. the fear he exhibited from this new state of "restriction" was quite an eye opener for me. many are not prepared.
i guess that's how i see the +/-. what do you do with whatever confronts you is my criteria. plus, how i am treated, despite all one's suffering.
Posted: 10/24/2009 6:59:39 PM
|Positive for me is a sense of humor, and the ability to be open to new experiences. Most other things are negotiable. It seems that lately everyone I meet acts and feels much older than me.|
Posted: 10/25/2009 11:50:16 AM
|...it is probably practiced by half as habit and with most more than occasional.|
the social consciousness of western society has been pummeled by negative fear conditioning and so people have become negative identifying then negative seeking ...
so finding ...negative other(s). ...this facility will redemonstrate that practice with an unusual abandone(ment) of responsibility for sharing the essentials of values and purposes. awwww dang...now there is my skepticism showing that one beautifull mature curvacious intelligent creature will not return my 'fantasy is you..?' impulse.
i gotta stop fallin in love so easily....people may think i am serious about believing in such a dream as ..................hush
Posted: 10/25/2009 12:16:37 PM
|... *enters bugs bunny twin brother*|
eeyupppppp ...... wutz upp marybell....
howz yer karewits ...?
iz dat wyy doze udder wabbits arr fowwowin yuu awoun ...?
Posted: 10/25/2009 12:18:22 PM
Posted: 10/25/2009 12:37:53 PM
Probably, cause I don't have any lettuce!!!
Posted: 10/25/2009 2:35:46 PM
dats ok marybell. stwabiwity iz a weckweeashinal wactivitee.
wee kan eech gwow a neww gawdin.
Posted: 10/25/2009 2:58:18 PM
|With silverbells and****eshells|
all in a row.