| Trying a different approach
Posted: 10/21/2009 8:45:10 PM | Perfect !! And since we are neighbors we should have lunch sometime. I am Buddhist and would love to chat with you.
Your profile is very good. I love it!!
Good luck in your search .. | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 10/22/2009 8:52:48 PM | | I'll certainly keep you in mind. Always happy to talk to a fellow wanderer, especially since I'm still pretty new to Taoism myself. | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 10/22/2009 8:53:39 PM | | PS, whatever happened to the dude with the moustache? Majic or something or other. Did he get banned? | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 10/22/2009 8:56:23 PM | Not sure if we're supposed to talk about it on-board, but he's been given a few days to remember how to post on-topic ;)
On that note, I like the improved profile. Though you could kick up the first date a bit more.
I basically say the same thing only far more interestingly, I think ;) | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 10/24/2009 2:58:02 PM | | Well, thanks for the help. I've sent out several messages, but so far, I've had either "Read Deleted" or the worst, in my opinion, "Read" but no response. That could be from a number of factors, though, so I'm not letting it get me down. | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 10/24/2009 3:05:47 PM | Just for fun, why not try an Advanced Search and use the words either "Tao" or "Taoism" as an interest search? Or - see if using Buddhism in the religion field gets someone closer to your wavelength.
Or - in the first part of your profile where you've got "You are kind. That is all", try that in Italics font so your viewer realizes it's a quote. It feels out of context as it is and they may not read further. Yes, I know you go on to explain it, but many women won't take the time. OK, granted, you're probably not interested in someone who doesn't take the time.... at least I tried. | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 10/24/2009 4:02:50 PM | I did at it into my interests, and at some point, I will try it as an interest search. I did use Buddhism in the religion field once a few nights ago. Would you believe that I only had two profiles come up? This is also with painting with a pretty wide swath with all of the other qualities, too.
Changing it to Christian-Other, on the other hand, gets me about 626 results. Welcome to the Bible belt.
Not that there's anything wrong with that. In fact, the Bible teaches many of the same precepts as Taoism, just from a different perspective. I just don't believe in the exclusionism that infects much of the religious viewpoints down here.
But maybe this is one of those "not at the dinner table" topics, and I don't want to end up going off topic on my own post. Then again, some of the best, most enlightened conversations I've ever had with people were "off topic."
In other news, I kinda wish that there was a "Message Reviews" section on here. I know that the messages often are hard to fix because they're on a person by person basis, but I actually looked at a few of mine that they sent out, and, well, I can't put my finger on it. There's something about them that I'm just not satisfied with. As if they're not my best writing. Would there be any complaints if I posted a few sample ones up here for anyone to peruse real quick to see if they can provide any insights? | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 10/24/2009 4:03:57 PM | | By the way, You go first, I took a look at your profile. "Yard puttering" made me smile. | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 10/24/2009 4:11:55 PM | You can't name people specifically.
Toss me a profile link and what you sent and I'll take a stab at what I see. Likewise YGF offers a review for a nominal (no) fee ;) | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 10/24/2009 4:24:51 PM | Actually, I don't think it any one specific profile. I think it's the way I'm writing my messages. They just feel, well, bland.
My usual approach is to look over the profile and find something that stands out to me. Either that they like being outdoors, they're from my hometown, they write, whatever. This is easier with some profiles than others.
Then, I try coming up with a witty subject line. A lot of times, whatever I think of ends up being too many characters, so I start it in the subject line and finish it in the first line of the message. Then I talk about whatever it is about their profile that interests me. If I come up with any stories from my own life that relate, I might add that in there, too. If one or two of their pictures stands out or I find them to look particularly attractive, I say so.
I do my best to make it as clear as possible that I took the time to read their profile and that I didn't just gawk at their pictures because I like for them to do the same thing for me. Still, when I look back over some of my sent messages, they almost sound more like a used car commercial than anything else. I also find that I end up using the same general sentence constructs in my messages.
Maybe I'm just being hypercritical, though.
By the way, what is YGF? | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 10/24/2009 5:26:20 PM | YGF = You Go First. She's known for offering to critique messages from the males here.
Just sent you a sample that worked and the profile it worked on.
Feel free to check your contact history (the HERE link above the list of sent messages) and pull up any of your contacts' messages/links to their profile and I'll see if I can offer critique. | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 10/24/2009 5:41:57 PM | Hi, again. For the intro messages, keep it light and casual. (Tommy has a fab cut-and-paste primer on Intro Messages 101 that you can find in the Profile Writing Tips.)
I'd suggest doing basically what you're doing, but probably shorter. A line mentioning something specific from the profile, an appropriate comment, and a question. The End. For example, if I were writing to you:
Subject line: Correct my grammar!
Message: I love that you put that in your profile. It's always nerve-wracking sending a message - especially to a teacher - and worrying that you hit "send" before you cleaned up a typo. How's your progress on your poetry book? (First name only)
No pressure, and an easy invite to write back.
YGF (but you can call me Y) | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 10/25/2009 9:13:01 AM | | Update: Just added a new picture. Not much of a smile in it as I was looking into the sun, but the lighting is much brighter (again, because of the whole sun thing). | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 10/29/2009 7:44:03 PM | Okay, it's been a week, and I've probably gotten very few responses. Certainly far fewer than I usually get, so I think it's time to scrap my current approach and go for something a little more traditional. I'm humble enough to admit when I'm wrong. I've tried it, so now I know it doesn't work. I'll take some time to draft something better when I'm not already busy with work.
In the meantime, I did add a new pic. Well, not new. I've had it on POF before, but I took it off because I thought some girls wouldn't like the hat. But at least I'm smiling in it, right? | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:53:07 PM | | Hmm...Funny. I didn't think anyone actually liked that picture much. That's why I took it down. | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:30:52 AM | | Okay, I've decided to change mine around seeing that my last attempt didn't get many results at all. Check it out now and see what you guys think. | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:11:09 PM | Hi Creative…all in all….it reads heavy (sorry). It also makes you sound unsure and unfocused what direction you plan to take. That was going on in the previous version, too. It isn’t attractive to most women.
A few suggestions…
1) Too much family info too soon. It’s great to be proud of your roots, but this just reads way too serious especially when you mention your dad is deceased.
2) Nix the “learning from mistakes”….ugh….she’s wondering just how many mistakes you’ve had or your friends have had.
3) Nix the “conserving money”…it doesn’t say conservationist…it shouts cheapskate.
4) You talk about going back for your masters and then say “at the very least” you want to get your garden in. That just reads strangely….the garden is a teeny decision. The masters a major one.
5) You talk about avoiding stress, and you’ve got her seeing you working and going to school and getting your garden in….and she wonders where there is time for her.
6) I’d start your profile with something about HER…i.e….Have you ever turned up a road just to see where it led? Me, too!
7) Then I’d talk about your teaching job. That’s what is attractive to women…a guy who has a good job and who likes what he does. None of that is conveyed in this profile.
8) I’d rethink the name…”creativedisco”. Disco is dated, and the creative has sexual connotations in a lot of profiles.
9) I’d nix the “poet” from profession….last she heard, it didn’t pay well enough to buy the Venti Latte. I thought in your last profile you said you taught music….if so, I’d add that because there are lots of starving musicians out there.
10) Aim for UPBEAT and focused. If you don’t think you’re going to go for your Masters in the next 12 months, don’t talk about it.
Summary: In other words…do a metamorphosis….emerge from the cocoon….and be light….not weighed down. Oh yeah….and MORE and better photos…..the new smiling one w/hat is a good start! Best to you. DenverSky5280 
p.s. – the headline….eschew obfuscation…LOL! my brother-in-law has that on a paperweight….it’s a more a guy thing than a gal thing….so yes….nix that…. unless you want to date someone like my very masculine brother-in-law. :D | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:09:16 PM | You must remember thier are 10,000 other swinging johnsons out there doing the samething as you. Commenting on thier profile, picking something out and sending 'light' messages. Enough that they all are the same. 'I liked this' 'I liked that' 'I see that you like naked badmiton' EVERYONE IS SENDING THOSE KIND OF MESSAGES
You have to stand out!
groveling has been known to work from time to time, but I would advise against it. =)
Either by just standing out by nature or by your own wits.
If you are getting FC emails then that should give you a good indication of what is drawing interest and you can go on that.
Self deprecation can work, but the 'I see that you like...' type messages are things everyone is doing. | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 11/1/2009 10:06:57 PM |
I'm the sort of person that drives down a road I haven't seen before just to see where it goes. I believe in enjoying every moment, no matter how small, savoring every bite of life, no matter how insignificant, and I believe in learning from the mistakes of others as well as my own.
Does enjoying every moment include the dentist visit that requires a root canal, a funeral or sitting in the emergency room? It just does not read right. Your opening is one of the most important parts of your page! This is the first thing someone reads about you. I mean it is ok, but surely a poet could do better? Details!!!!
While my origins are humble, I'm also not ashamed of who I am. I'm proud to have grown up in a small town, and I'm proud of my parents, both of whom had to work very hard just to make sure that my brother and I had plenty to eat. Because of this, my mom, dad (who is deceased), and brother are very important sources of inspiration for me. I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for them.
You would'nt be who you are, right, so tell about who you are! Not about how you became who you are.. This is to serious and sets the tone.
I believe in walking slowly, conserving money and other resources, listening before speaking, and waiting my turn. More importantly, I believe in the possibility that everyone and every circumstance I meet has something important to teach me.
You already said that everyone and circumstance has something to teach you in the opening paragraph ---------- most importantly,, what has it taught you? what are the lessons? where has it taken you besides the road that you go down because you have never it seen before? See what I am geting at? or where I am going with this? You are making very broad statements, while significant to you, that do not reach out to a potential date.
Hopefully, by the time next Summer comes around, I'll start work on my Master's degree. At the very least, I also want to have my garden in by then as well. My goal is to take classes during the summer so that I'm not too stressed out and am still able to function with my job as well.
Why talk about next summer? Stressed out? still able to function? None of this really belongs on your page and reads like a downer. Confidence! Confidence! It reads like you are expecting a nuclear bomb to go off.. and you would like to learn about it. the overall tone is all off.
As for a mate, I'm looking for is a lady who is patient, kind, and happy. I want someone who surprises me, someone I can learn from, and someone whom I can teach. Other than that, the rest are just details.
And the details are what you are missing. More broad statements that really give no insight.
I am not trying to be mean to you but rather point out the overall tone, pacing and attitude of your page is out of kilter. It has a downer tone to it. Women will pick up on this like a loud fart during Mass on Sunday mornin.
The gist of your page is to give just enough insight into you that garners interest. My gut tells me you have the cart before the horse kinda thing going on.(so to speak)
To many broad statements and not enough specific details | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:31:22 PM | This is what I get for not checking my thread in ages. I just assumed that the thing died and no one else posted, so I went ahead and changed my profile around on my own (I hated what it said before--for mostly the same reasons you all mentioned).
DenverSky: Always good to hear from you. In my latest edit I inadvertently took care of points 1-5. For point 6, I just realized that I neglected to do that. I always get cautious about talking about such things, though. I don't want to limit myself by saying that I only want one type of girl. I tend to be attracted to the nerdy, bookwormish types, but that certainly doesn't mean that I would turn down any other type of girl just because of that. Any ideas how I could incorporate that into my profile without being negative? As for number 8, I didn't think it was possible to change that. Maybe it is, and I haven't looked hard enough. Still struggling with the headline, but that's always a battle for me.
Lion: I wasn't sure what you were talking about in your first post. You must've been referring to my question about the messages. You're exactly right, though I'm also a little confused as to what you're referring to. By the way, what are "FC Emails"?
I never perceived you as being mean. I suppose it helps that I agree with everything you say. I think I just slapped that last one up there because I couldn't think of anything good to write. At least I was able to get a little bit better of a flow with this one.
P.S. Down here in the South, we don't go to "Mass." We go to the "meetin' house." ;) | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:53:08 PM | Wow! It’s gotten better!
Okay, more tweaking for the new page. A few suggestions…
1) Tell her what Deviant Art is so she doesn’t have to Google it or think it relates to Deviants!
2) Tell her what National Novel (NaNoWriMo) is, too, or you look supercilious or callous or uppity or ….you get the idea.
3) Nix the ‘affordable’ from the 1st date section. And switch around the aquarium and the Kayaking…more will go for the former than the latter. Plus, you can talk better and learn more about each other at the fish place. Gotta love it!
4) Nix the “learn about you” on the 1st date….she doesn’t want to feel like she’s the star witness. It reads just fine without that line.
5) “Interesting line of work” doesn’t read well….people use “interesting” when they HATE something but don’t want to say that. How about a diff adjective?? Rewarding?
6) After the “message me” line….you might say something funny like….”It’s that little square button down there that says Email CD Now. Now only press it once….if you press it twice, there’s no telling what will happen.”
7) More and better photos…but you knew that.
8) All in all…quite an improvement! DenverSky5280
P.S. – eschew obfuscation….be clear….[is the headline long enuf to put both]??
Eh…even if it is….too esoteric. Keep thinkin!
Maybe…Wow, You finally got here?
Are you always this early….I’m not done writing yet! [LOL…that’s for sure] | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:48:01 PM | 1. But that's EXACTLY what DeviantArt is!
2. I just took it out, especially seeing that it's already the 6th, and I haven't even started.
3. Done.
4. Done.
5. I wouldn't exactly say that it's rewarding, but that's a whole 'nother issue. I'll just say that I love it and leave it at that.
6. I'll try to think of something, though I might not use that. It sounds a little condescending to me, even if it is playful. Still, I'll think about it.
7. Yeah, I did. Seriously, I'm working on all that I've got. Maybe I'm just not attractive in them? Who knows. This ain't turning into one of THOSE threads, though, so don't worry.
8. Glad you like it.
Still thinking of something for the headline. I'm gonna try an obscure Allen Ginsberg line. I figure, if nothing else, I can go for the "What the heck is that?" appeal. | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:08:16 PM |
Lion: I wasn't sure what you were talking about in your first post. You must've been referring to my question about the messages. You're exactly right, though I'm also a little confused as to what you're referring to. By the way, what are "FC Emails"?
First Contact emails!
P.S. Down here in the South, we don't go to "Mass." We go to the "meetin' house." ;)
Ha! I expect you're right. Prolly got good grits up your way too.
Well you can't get much more south then where I live or you'd fall into the Gulf of Mexico. | |
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| Trying a different approach
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:45:39 AM | FC=First contact. *facepalm*
I should have known that, too.
I hadn't looked at your profile, so I guess I figured that you weren't from down here.
Florida, hm? That's a special kind of crazy ;). Then again, so is the backwoods of Georgia. I've never heard of Cape Coral. Is that on the panhandle? | |
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