| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 9:33:30 PM | It's none of your business, stay out of it.
Anddd...
Dude...you don't tattle on your boy UNLESS you're interested in seeing April yourself. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 10:17:10 PM | wow... I am amazed at how this is even a question... I saw many great answers here and I would have to say that my answer is a compilation of many and one other thing.
First and foremost, it is not yours to control, (not your business) all you can succeed in doing is getting yourself caught in the middle which will very likely end badly for you.
Secondly, if it is an honesty issue for you, then stand for YOURSELF and tell your friend that you won't lie for him if asked, but unless asked it is still not yours to control.
Third and my own personal thought on this; there are times in life when people get to learn valuable lessons the hard way because they are ignorant. This isn't something I am saying that you should enjoy, only that it is unfortunate that your friend and the people in his life are going to get to learn something about life in a painful way. For some of us in this world, painful is the only way we learn... by trying to control something that isn't ours to control, we are actually taking away an opportunity for someone to learn something.
I would, without a doubt, not involve myself in any way, shape or form, but I would stand up for my own personal values with my "friend" and let him know that his life is his and not any of my business unless I am drawn into it from an outside source and then he can expect me to be honest. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 10:22:57 PM | Yes, it is the right thing to do to tell.
To the fool who said "if your friend runs a red light, do you tattle?"
False analogy.
Running a red light hurts no one (unless the driver is driving dangerously enough to likely cause an accident, in which case it is the right thing to do whatever it takes to get him off the streets).
If you see injustice, keeping silent is the WRONG thing to do. But if someone is breaking the law but hurting no one (e.g. smoking weed).
Evil flourishes because of the silence of good men.
The people who say it is none of your business are morally weak.
If your buddy is stealing money from a children's hospital, are you going to keep silent because tattling is wrong? And it's none of your business? | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 10:27:51 PM | | Some times it is none of your business and wish the person didn't tell you anything if you are friends with the women. If you aren't no problem, but if you are, unless they ask you a direct question about something, don't offer any information. The less you know the easier it will be for you. This is a case where the messanger will be blamed. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 11:09:06 PM | For some of us in this world, painful is the only way we learn...
yeah I totally agree with you. Some people learn and change only when they reach the point where they can't stand the pain any more by the unconcious choices they made and personally, I believe that being selfish can never bring true happiness to anyone's life. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/21/2009 12:30:17 AM | If April's a real friend, absolutely tell her. What he's doing is completely wrong. I'd give him a chance to do the right thing, and then if he didn't, I'd tell her.
This kind of reminded me of a conversation I had with one of my female friends who was asking if the guy who was dating her best friend was cheating on her. My response was, "I don't know, but if I did, I'd tell you everything." | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/21/2009 12:58:26 AM | Who's married?
Where are the kids?
What personal stake do you have in this?
I say keep this to yourself and let the three consenting adults work out their own issues. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/21/2009 1:00:18 AM | | IMHO if they have not put a serious Lable on the relationship then he should be able to do what ever he wants. As you've stated he is not 100 percent into this April, so how will he ever know if there is anything else out there if he doesnt try. But should he get invovled more deeply with either woman then YES he has to let one of them go. Or maybe he needs to do this to find out just how much he has feeling for April. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/21/2009 1:14:29 AM | I'm curious ladies...
If you were "April" would you want to know if your..ahem..man wasn't into you? Or would it be better if the other guy just said nothing?
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/21/2009 1:35:30 AM | I'm curious ladies...
If you were "April" would you want to know if your..ahem..man wasn't into you? Or would it be better if the other guy just said nothing?
yes i probably would want to know, but i would sooner hear it from the horses mouth than one of his friends, whom i hardly knew, telling me a 2nd hand version of what was going on..
IMO..
you have no right to spill the beans but you do need to tell your friend you wont cover up, if asked, you will tell the truth..
that if he is going to be sleeping with them both they both have a right to know..
maybe the bartender is looking for something casual who knows, but if hes been having an ongoing thing with April she deserves to know if its no longer just the 2 of them.... | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/21/2009 1:47:47 AM | Dang,, I learn something new everytime I read in here...
So,,, according to the grail of POF ,, FWB .. is not a commitment ,, What the hell is it ??? ,, By this a Guy?woman, can be bang'n for months, step out get an other piece on the side ... and it's all good, right ?
The PO says she 68% ! ! poor girl , wonder what would happen knowing she's 68% ???
and the details in the bars scene,, written by the eyes that were there, dead give away.
dude that bartender is playing with you.. I love the working my way trough collage all this in little Ol Vegas, guess what all those girl 90 miles north of town are doing the same thing, O so are the ones at the truck stop.
I vote Tattle | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/21/2009 2:11:41 AM | [I'm curious ladies...
If you were "April" would you want to know if your..ahem..man wasn't into you? Or would it be better if the other guy just said nothing?]
I would want to know, but I would want to know from him, I am confident that in any friendship or relationship I have I would be able to identify that he wasn't into me.
Based on who he was, which, I would trust myself to determine.
If I make an error in whom I trust, then I will learn one way or the other. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/21/2009 2:56:38 AM |
For some of us in this world, painful is the only way we learn...
I would venture to say every living human being on this planet understands pain. It's a constant although the balance between pain and pleasure is something we'd like to have more control over. But everyone experiences pain (physical and/or psychological)...all in different degrees with differing outcomes.
I believe that being selfish can never bring true happiness to anyone's life.
That depends. It might be quite the opposite depending on context. I highly recommend a book called "The Art of Selfishness". I can't remember the authors (I want to say Ray Agey but I'm not certain - it's been years since I read it. It's most likely available in paperback but it's a great read and not at all what you think the title implies.
Evil flourishes because of the silence of good men.
The people who say it is none of your business are morally weak.
If your buddy is stealing money from a children's hospital, are you going to keep silent because tattling is wrong? And it's none of your business?
I couldn't agree more. Some people are content with being "moral" when it suits their self interest and not consistently simply because it's RIGHT. That's like being a little pregnant, isn't it? Either you are, or admit you aren't.
Or maybe he needs to do this to find out just how much he has feeling for April. And if your boyfriend were to say to you "I'm going to start picking up lots of women (maybe just hookers, but who knows. How else would I know how I really feal about you", your response would be what exactly? Any handy frying pot would probably do. then he should be able to do what ever he wants. No one is saying he shouldn't be able to do what he wants, but that doesn't include cheating, lying and hurting someone just because your pants do your thinking...unless fidelity and loyalty has no particular meaning for you. He has to eventually take responsibility for himself like most grownups. and it's all good, right ? I know, man. I don't get it either. I always wonder what ever happened to the old "brother's keeper" thing some people keep wretching up from the bible. I didn't know that was limited to blood relationships. Who knew. OP if April is really your friend, you tell her. That's what friends do. If you were having dinner at her place and, while sitting at the dinner table, you saw someone on the street stealing her car, would you not tell her for fear it would make her angry? That's not what friendship is about...at least not my kind of friendship. If there's no honesty, there's no nothin'. Period. I can find ample amounts of BS anywhere I look in life. Honesty is what stands out. George Carlin did a great monologue about "bullsh*t". It was hysterically funny because it was the truth. I don't remember which DVD it's on but worth googling nonetheless. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/21/2009 3:36:55 AM |
If your buddy is stealing money from a children's hospital, are you going to keep silent because tattling is wrong? And it's none of your business?
thats a completely different thing though, stealing is illegal...
cheating isnt illegal just immoral... | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/21/2009 4:27:04 AM | hmmm
OP:
I agree with the majority of the posters that you should not go to April with tales. Personally, I'd tell the business associate/friend he's being an a$$ and would limit association with him. He's exhibiting the behavior that fuels the "men are jerks" stereotype. 68% - sheesh! I'm 100% certain where I'd tell him to put that gem!
If April is comfortable with you, and she has doubts about her "boyfriend", you will get an opportunity to warn her about this guy, but she probably won't give any hero awards for enlightening her. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/21/2009 5:31:12 AM | I see a lot of posters concerned about April...but what about the bartender? Does SHE know about April? How much will SHE be hurt?
This guy is an a$$...if you're business associates, keep it that way...this isn't someone you should cultivate as a friend. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/21/2009 6:00:36 AM | | ^^^^^ The bartender probably does not know about April. OP: Mouth shut & MYOB. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/21/2009 7:18:30 AM | Well, "April", when did you find out he was cheating on you?
Sorry, dude, but that's what it's sounding like to me. OR, YOU want April or the bartender. Sounds to me like you're wanting one or the other of the ladies and you're wanting our permission to go "tattle" (geez, what adult male still uses that term?).
I've had a friend who would be "running" two women at the same time. I told him that he was heading for a world of hurt by doing that.
My advise? Tell your friend how you feel about the situtation, then back off. YOU jumping into the middle of it will just make YOU the bad guy (or possibly gal).
Sorry, but that's just my opinion. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/21/2009 7:35:35 AM | If he asked my opinion, I would tell him to be up front with April. Otherwise I would stay out of it.
Do you have a thing for April? | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/21/2009 7:39:25 AM | I would let him know that I won't tell any lies for him... if she asked, you would tell. THEN... I would distance myself from him and keep it strictly a professional relationship.... as much as possible. What is he, some kind of teenager that feels the need to share his personal life with his coworkers?.... doesn't he have a clue about how to be professional?
After there is a bit of time and distance between you and him, THEN I would ask April out... make him sweat a bit... he will fess up if he has any idea of how to be a man (a big assumption, I know). | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/21/2009 7:43:37 AM | | Keep your nose out of others business. Keep your mouth shut. Distance yourself with this associate. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/21/2009 8:25:26 AM | | On second thought, maybe you could tell April about it, and hatch a scheme to get your friend over to her house, and when he's asleep, pierce his nipples. Then when he goes back to the bartender, she asks, "where did you get those nipple piercings?", and he will tell her that she got them from his other girlfriend, etc. That would make for an interesting conversation starter. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/21/2009 10:41:53 AM | Let's remember the scenario.
A business associated ...They have made no commitments...I suspect it's a FWB...I don't really know her well
Where in here do we see that it is any of his business? How do we know she wouldn't even tell him to butt out?
If she was a friend....he should tell her.
If he was a friend...that's his choice.
If they are both friends of his...tough call.
In this particular case......
This does not sit right with me
Too bad.
Married couples have "agreements" that I don't agree with. But that's none of my business either.
I would question, more...the person that would consider getting this emotionally involved with two people he is not even friends with. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/21/2009 10:52:09 AM | This has DISASTER written all over it. Even though it might cause April pain, or the other woman, it's none of your business. If either 0ne was a sister or a relative, I'd squeal since you wouldn't want them to be played for a fool.
Right now, though, my vote is MOUTH SHUT and get out of the blast zone, too, cause this won't be pretty WHEN it detonates.
Ulysses. | |
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