| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 2:07:14 AM | Well, it depends who he said it to and the circumstances. Now, I'm not defending him saying that kind of thing at all... but if you overheard him saying it to a buddy co-worker of his like a frat boy, I wouldn't say termination. It's that kind of language that will cause problems, but given that situation it wouldn't be the worst.
That kind of guy would say the same thing about an Asian woman, a Sweedish woman.... or any woman! Saying the same thing about a Swede with that accent, and he said "so I know what it's like to f*ck a Swede!" would you have reacted the same way? In other words, it's bad all around, yes. I think it's meaningless whether he has no interest, little interest, or a lot of interest in any gal beyond "knowing what it's like" in the sack. ** It's his words & tone that were bad **
Now, if he announced it to a group of co-workers, women included -- yeah, that'd be immediate termination. I am guessing he said it among a few guys... I wouldn't say immediate termination if that seems out of his element, because he wasn't harassing her by saying that. He wasn't saying it to a group of women, nor to her. He's just being a frat-boy azzhole who ya lose respect for...
I'd take him aside and tell him that that kind of interaction between co-workers, about porking some chick at work -- is a NO NO. That kind of attitude is wrong in the workplace, and gives a horrible personal impression on him to boot... and unless you want your job in jeopardy, show some respect for the company - this isn't a frat house. | |
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 2:19:00 AM | I personally think he needs to learn a lesson, and your just the person to give it to him. I would do it all Dirty Harry like and shyt.... Seriously.. ( then you tape it and lemme watch) .... Fanks!
^T^ | |
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 2:59:11 AM | | He should have been immediately fired. I'm sure your company has a code of conduct that everyone must sign once per year (most employers practic e this). His bad behaviour violated work ethics and was disrespectful. Not doing something about it condones it. It's up to employers to create a healthy, positive working enviroment for all. I'm sure if she found out what he said (word does travel fast), she would not feel comfortable working there and is that fair to her? Of course not! It's an ugly situation that I have a feeling will be getting uglier unless something is done. | |
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 4:14:26 AM | It is obvious that you can't read because he said TWO OF MY EMPLOYEES....so yes it is his business........
His employees behavior is a direct reflection on his company and his livelihood....what if that was a customer that he was making those statements about...he would be sued, have his reputation tranished and more than likely they would all be out of a job.....
So my advice to you is think before you type and if you have nothing constructive to say - don't say anything....
Yes, this is American and we have the freedom of speech, but she also has rights too.....
I am thinking you are just as arrogant as the guy making the statements because who is is to say she would even consider him as a partner......remember a**holes smell and he is a big one..... | |
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 7:26:18 AM | As far as I can tell, unless this loser actually harasses her in some way, you can't write him up for being an ignorant jerk..
Stay out of it.
If you approach him, he will undoubtley turn it against you and get you for harassment, and cause trouble..
Maybe you can give your c0-worker the heads up??
Something anonymous? Or just talk to her and say "Hey, do what you want but........."
Also, I wonder, if you were out in a club, or a bar, and you were with friends, and your guys were just trolling for sex, would you go up to their "intended" and warn them?
Um, no....I understand that this is a different setting, but really, this type of B/S happens every day to women.
Maybe you can learn from it....
JJ | |
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:23:55 AM | | Maybe it's because I'm older, but as I read these post, I've come to the conclusion that this nation is nothing but a bunch of sissy ass whiners just look for something to complain about. You just love drama and making a big deal out of nothing. 95% of you would stand and watch a crime being commited and do nothing because you don't want to get involved, but let a typical red blooded male voice a sexual fantasy and a lynch mob is ready to sting him up. Fire the guy, sue him, slander him, put it on the 9:00 news. He wants to have sex with a good looking black girl....so fvcking what?...who cares. I wanted to sleep with an Asian....thank God my boss never found out, or I might find myself out of a job. Hey people....I actually did it...more than once, so come and beat my doors down and string me up or burn me at the stake. The petty minded people of my own country are begining to make me sick to my stomach. | |
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:40:04 PM | | Don't jump to conclusions.. Have a private talk with this guy and tell him you heard what he said. Everyone deserves a warning. If it happens again.. then write him up..... | |
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:44:40 PM |
I've come to the conclusion that this nation is nothing but a bunch of sissy ass whiners just look for something to complain about.
Nah, it's not your age. There are alot of sissy asses around.
But, I know my org would bring it up with the dept., and then the org. and then perhaps the boss might say something to that individual privately. After all, it could have been an unintentional remark - we all put our foot in our mouth sometimes, but I don't think it should be ignored either. One needs all the facts before you just up and fire someone. Some people truly do not know any better, and just need to be caught doing something once. | |
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 1:03:34 PM | More of a side note, but it never ceases to confuse me how prejudice instantly becomes discrimination when politically incorrect statements are made by a person. The former may be distasteful, but people are allowed their own beliefs and opinions are they not? Intolerance will not be tolerated. Blah.
Saying you want to have sex with a member of a certain race is no difference than any other division of humanity. Blonde, overweight, short, midget, blind, or what have you.
BTW...eavesdroppers are morally reprehensible themselves. | |
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 1:32:43 PM |
I've come to the conclusion that this nation is nothing but a bunch of sissy ass whiners just look for something to complain about. You just love drama and making a big deal out of nothing. 95% of you would stand and watch a crime being commited and do nothing because you don't want to get involved, but let a typical red blooded male voice a sexual fantasy and a lynch mob is ready to sting him up. Fire the guy, sue him, slander him, put it on the 9:00 news. He wants to have sex with a good looking black girl....so fvcking what?
He might have said it at work, but he didn't exactly walk onto the shop floor and shout it out in the middle of the morning shift.
Whilst he may have been a jerk, he was having what he THOUGHT was a private conversation AFTER HOURS with the office presumably deserted. Just the two of them engaging in a PRIVATE conversation of 'who would you do?'. Immature? Sure. Should he be strung up from the nearest tree? Definitely not! Thought control and behaviour modification is alive and well in the modern workplace, judging from some of the responses here, so happy to see this bloke lose his career, his livelihood because of ONE intemperate comment, make him pay, that'll teach him! How is his work performance? He was still at the office after hours after all of the good, non-offensive people had gone home, it was just him, the bloke he was talking to and the boss left, but hell sack him anyway despite the fact he worked back.
I work as a freelancer and often go into offices and studios where there are full-time staff. I know it doesn't matter what kind of job I do for my client, there is still no guarantee of being hired again. What I've discovered carries a lot of weight is how you get on with the full-timers. They're there all the time and often they have the boss' ear. So the name of the game is to be non-offensive, I can be terrible at my job, so long as I don't offend anybody. Oh, they can offend me alright, because I'm just a freelancer and I have no leverage.
Perhaps the reason why this particular thread has struck a nerve with me is because a private conversation I once had about a troublesome client was eaves-dropped on and it got back to them. This happened on a holiday weekend, at a neutral location and it was two freelance professionals in a closed recording studio talking about what a crappy payer the bloke was, he always beat you down to the lowest price and took months to pay, totally killing your cash flow when you did work for him. The control room door was slightly ajar and, unbeknownst to either of us, an employee of the man in question was dropping something off at the facility and 'listened in'. She then reported the contents of a PRIVATE CONVERSATION back to him.
I had outstanding invoices due and also a number of gigs booked. He rang me up and threatened not to pay the invoices and drop me as a supplier. In the end he didn't because he knew the quality of my work, and he also knew nobody else would work for him because of the very things I was discussing with the other freelancer.
The point is, a portion of my livelihood (as lousy as it was) was put at jeopardy because of an eaves-dropper, who decided to make trouble over something that was NONE OF HER BUSINESS. | |
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 1:39:51 PM | ^^good point. I have some issues with certain people where I work and admitedly it takes me alot to "tattle on them". I'd rather deal with them myself and a petty disagreement is sometimes not worth costing the person their job.
I just don't like being a brown-noser and tattletale - if I can deal with something on my own, I'd prefer to do that.
There are so many nuances to situations like this. | |
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 1:48:23 PM |
I just don't like being a brown-noser and tattletale -
Don't you just love them? Throw 'empire-builders' into that box as well.
BTW...eavesdroppers are morally reprehensible themselves.
Agreed, they are beneath contempt. | |
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 6:04:26 PM | | I am very glad to see so many guys answering this one so positively. Good to know there are so many gentlemen out there who don't condone this kind of crap. | |
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 6:26:41 PM |
Good to know there are so many gentlemen out there who don't condone this kind of crap.
I don't condone what he said, but I do support his right to have a private conversation without being sacked over it, as so many people here are suggesting. | |
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 6:28:23 PM | OP
I would look him straight in the face, in the company of other employees and tell him how distasteful his desires are. And then, I would tell your black employee to NEVER go out with this guy should he ever ask her. | |
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 6:32:48 PM | Next...they'll want to send people to prison just for 'thinking' (like they do in some fked up countries) ...they won't even need to open their mouths.
Soon they'll just come and say "you look like you have impure thoughts, come with me" .....
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 6:36:11 PM | Have him train an assistant to do his job, lol. And by the way no one is irreplaceable.
Even the president of the country changes every four years, and at the most 8.
so I'm sure Mr technician, is not the only one that can do the job. | |
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 6:51:10 PM |
I would look him straight in the face, in the company of other employees and tell him how distasteful his desires are.
Would you then go to all of the other employees and do the same thing? The gays? Lesbians? Bi-sexuals? Women who like black men? Men who like blondes or asians? Cross-Dressers? Transexuals? All of these people who've made observations, appropriate or otherwise in the staff cafeteria? Would you line them up as well?
Or would you just single this bloke out because you listened-in on a private conversation out of hours?
And then, I would tell your black employee to NEVER go out with this guy should he ever ask her.
So the boss should be in charge of his employees social calendar now? This is one of the things I find so appalling about the BOSS' behaviour in all of this, one of the reasons he wanted to fire this bloke is because the bloke admitted he only wanted sex with the lady in question because he wanted to know what it would be like.
We all have our reasons for wanting to date someone and I can assure you this is pretty common. It is bloody common amongst women. One great American friend who spent a lot of time working as an expat overseas, found herself in China where she met a fellow American who happened to be black. She dated him with the specific intention of satisfying her curiousity about making love to a black man. She also has a liking for Portugese men. Was I shocked when she told me? Not at all. We all have our preferences and for the boss to project his moral compass onto this bloke who, in every other respect is a model employee, is just appalling. And for the above poster to suggest he be publicly humiliated after his privacy was invaded is dreadful too. | |
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 6:57:01 PM | ^^^^^^Exactly! The difference here is that while most people would keep those thoughts to themselves, this guy happened to be stupid enough to openly admit what he was thinking to someone else and then was overheard.
We all have fantasies however I would never blurt mine out infront of people. Perhaps a suggestion about keeping his thoughts to himself would be a good idea and but you really can't tell people what to think. | |
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 8:51:48 PM |
let a typical red blooded male voice a sexual fantasy and a lynch mob is ready to sting him up. Fire the guy, sue him, slander him, put it on the 9:00 news. He wants to have sex with a good looking black girl....so fvcking what?...who cares
Agree..
He might have said it at work, but he didn't exactly walk onto the shop floor and shout it out in the middle of the morning shift.
Whilst he may have been a jerk, he was having what he THOUGHT was a private conversation AFTER HOURS with the office presumably deserted. Just the two of them engaging in a PRIVATE conversation of 'who would you do?'. Immature? Sure. Should he be strung up from the nearest tree? Definitely not!
Agree with this one too..People, people calm down..
I am sorry but I don't see a case for sexual harassment here..Now hear me out..
Not saying what that guy said was a right thing to say..He is a jerk..And pretty stupid too,because he said it to someone, and loud enough for someone to hear it...But..
He didn't said it to her..He was just fantasizing about something..Thinking it out loud.
Let's say a few guys go to Hooters..For the chicken wings, yeah right I know..
Just wondering how many times those waitresses are being "sexually harassed" in an hour?
And if fantasizing about having sex with an attractive lady is sexual harassment, than guess what? I just sexually harassed a few women on this page... | |
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:35:41 PM | | yo yarimelma; i have read alot of your posts and your profile. i just want to know, out side of being a idiot, do you do anything else really well? | |
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:46:47 PM | I would pull him aside and warn them that he is to keep personal conversations like that off of company property, and if you have an office dating policy, remind him of it. Beyond that, it's none of your business. It really bugs me that a man I work with can be flirting with me and bring up something vaguely sexual (which I have no problem with), and somebody else can complain and have him written up for sexual harassment. Women in general need to stop being such bloody pansies about everything that makes them remotely uncomfortable. Women at work have ****fests about men all the time, complaining about how all men are pigs and think with their little heads and on and on and on, but I guarantee you if a man started saying similar things every woman would have him written up for sexist comments.
In short, personal conversations are personal. That doesn't mean those conversations have to be had in a deserted air-locked room in order to be considered private. If I am having a reasonably quiet conversation specifically with another person at my desk, your ears are not invited to it, and I don't think you should be able to hold anything you hear against me. | |
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| A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/24/2009 11:50:45 PM |
In short, personal conversations are personal. That doesn't mean those conversations have to be had in a deserted air-locked room in order to be considered private. If I am having a reasonably quiet conversation specifically with another person at my desk, your ears are not invited to it, and I don't think you should be able to hold anything you hear against me.
Unfortunately this is no longer the case in this brave new world of our modern workplace. As numerous posters have already pointed out, all one has to do is to 'feel uncomfortable' in order for the one who caused you such great offence, regardless of whether it was intentional or not, to be require the gravest punishment. The offence doesn't even have to be actually directed at you for it to be actionable.
Women in general need to stop being such bloody pansies about everything that makes them remotely uncomfortable.
PEOPLE in general need to stop not only being such bloody pansies in finding offence, but being so vicious in their response. 'I'm SO offended, you have to pay with your job!'
Women at work have ****fests about men all the time, complaining about how all men are pigs and think with their little heads and on and on and on, but I guarantee you if a man started saying similar things every woman would have him written up for sexist comments.
The 'elephant in the room'. Women (at least the ones I know) are the worst when it comes to the objectification of men, as well as the open discussion of every physical aspect of pretty much every man they see. Reasonable people recognize this for what it is, that it isn't malicious or disrespectful, just the same as most of men's conversations about women are not malicious and disrespectful.
There are exceptions of course from bitter and vicious individuals of both sexes, but we must be wary of becoming a society where our interactions become bland and meaningless because we are too afraid of causing offence. | |
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