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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?      Home login  
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 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 126
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A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?Page 6 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

It's been handled. Thanks for your concern.

Hang on a minute, you opened the door when you started this thread, I and others on this thread would like to know specifically how you 'handled' it.
 DALLASDAME
Joined: 8/5/2009
Msg: 127
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A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/26/2009 3:22:33 PM
You should fire him. He can be replaced. If he were a black guy and saying the same thing about the blondie in the office I'm sure action would've been taken immediately. Do not underestimate the female he referred to in a sexual manner. Us black women hear everything and are good for making allies in hostile situations. We have been trained to keep our ears/eyes open while remaining seemingly aloof.

A law suit would be bad for you. Especialy since this thread makes it clear that you had prior ongoing knowlegde of the offense. Oh and it is permanently fixed to this site. All of your equiptment can be summoned if she is a really smart woman and makes the request. CYA and fire him because you never know. I am not understanding why her wellbeing is not in your and the company's best interest. Just saying.


 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 128
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A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/26/2009 3:42:18 PM

If he were a black guy and saying the same thing about the blondie in the office I'm sure action would've been taken immediately.

How do you know this?


Us black women hear everything and are good for making allies in hostile situations. We have been trained to keep our ears/eyes open while remaining seemingly aloof.

Meaning what?
 DALLASDAME
Joined: 8/5/2009
Msg: 129
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A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/26/2009 4:30:04 PM
Hey assydneymale - I was very direct and to the point. You should be having no issues understanding. Now you just sit back and wait for OP to post as you were originally. Is that not what you were doing earlier?
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 130
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A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/26/2009 5:17:18 PM

Hey assydneymale - I was very direct and to the point. You should be having no issues understanding. Now you just sit back and wait for OP to post as you were originally. Is that not what you were doing earlier?

You made a bunch of statements without backing them up with empirical evidence.

The OP is yet to explain what action he actually took to resolve the matter after starting a thread inviting opinion.
 multispindle
Joined: 6/6/2005
Msg: 131
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A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/26/2009 5:46:31 PM
What if she said the same thing about him?
 DALLASDAME
Joined: 8/5/2009
Msg: 132
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A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/26/2009 6:09:28 PM
multispindle^^^ Then she should be treated exactly the same. The main problem I had was the fact that the owner had to think about the situation. Yes, he has since then taken care of it but if someone is willing to use sexual profanity and include a co worker in their comments something should be done immediately. Very unprofessional and seemingly biased to me. For the record had he not mentioned her race I would still feel the same about the situation.

There is an oversexualization of black women, not to say that other races don't have the same problem. I just feel that we do not get taken seriously and it happens quite a bit in the workplace. It's very stressful to be at work and have people around you who have to 'think' about whether or not 'you' are worthy of respect from your co workers.

(multi this is for that other guy not you).

Oh and for the gentleman who questioned me who is not a U.S. resident. Please don't try to understand me. It's a waste of your time. I have plenty of evidence and experience in this issue and you do not. You are not a female and you are not black therefore you can't simply understand what I'm talking about. Stick to your coffee outings.
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 133
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A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/26/2009 6:20:03 PM

You are not a female and you are not black therefore you can't simply understand what I'm talking about.

So that shuts down all discussion as far as you're concerned?

Some might call that statement both racist and sexist.
 DALLASDAME
Joined: 8/5/2009
Msg: 134
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A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/26/2009 6:27:36 PM
^^^^ Don't get upset. It's just a fact unless you have had a skin bleaching and a sex change that is what it is. It's not about shutting down the the discussion. It's about you realizing that you just don't and can't know everything. If you have some stories of your own about the politics of 'being' a black female in the workplace got for it. I'm sure I will be amused.
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 135
A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/26/2009 6:35:40 PM
Soooo inappropriate on many levels. It's a law suit waiting to happen.

You ought to bring him into your office and tell him you overheard what he said. Read him the riot act, and write his azz up.

Someone of this caliber is definitely a liability to the organization. No one is irreplaceable.
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 136
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A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/26/2009 6:42:34 PM

Don't get upset. It's just a fact unless you have had a skin bleaching and a sex change that is what it is.

Don't confuse your assumptions about what other people 'think' with facts.


I just feel that we do not get taken seriously and it happens quite a bit in the workplace. It's very stressful to be at work and have people around you who have to 'think' about whether or not 'you' are worthy of respect from your co workers.

That's an assumption on your part, you may be taken quite seriously in the workplace, you might be judging your workmates harshly.


It's about you realizing that you just don't and can't know everything.

I don't claim anything of the sort.


If you have some stories of your own about on the politics of 'being' a black female in the workplace got for it. I'm sure I will be amused.

I don't have to be black or female or American to seek to understand the reality of it any more than you have to be male and white and Australian to understand my reality.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 137
A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:02:13 PM
imforever: Please quote my remarks as I wrote them, including the entire part that you left out. The point was that if someone else other than the boss had overheard, there'd be no question that the guy should be written up.

This is what I said:

<div class="quote">If another woman was there and overheard the guy's remarks, and she was offended and made a fuss, it does not matter (a) whether or not she was overreacting, (b) whether or not the comments referred to her or to the other woman, (c) whether or not the employee knew that he shouldn't make those comments in a work-related setting; by law, she could report the guy.

There's a whole section of (a), (b) and (c) after the "it does not matter" which goes along with the "it does not matter". If your reading comprehension is not up to par, at least don't mislead others by misquoting me.
 central_scrutinizer
Joined: 10/11/2009
Msg: 138
A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:52:53 PM

I am not understanding why her wellbeing is not in your and the company's best interest.

Her well-being is of paramount importance. Rest assured. The matter's been handled. Thanks for your reply.

Mtn.lover #162, at very least you're an entertaining and colorful fellow. Thanks for the comedy.
 3Therm0pylae0
Joined: 5/11/2009
Msg: 139
A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/26/2009 8:00:56 PM
Dude, unless you have to fire him to grandstand in defense against a suit, let it go after telling him the next time will cost him his job.

Who cares about this situation unless it pops back up or requires you to front some cash to a lawyer? Don't be so strung up on ideals other people cram down our throats. He and she are both adults and if they want to screw for whatever reason, it's THEIR business.
 trotko
Joined: 10/19/2008
Msg: 140
A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/26/2009 9:47:18 PM

Please quote my remarks as I wrote them, including the entire part that you left out.


the rest of the quote didn't matter as it all relied on that if which was the whole point. Since that if just didn't happen it was all just blended words that didn't mean a thing.


The point was that if someone else other than the boss had overheard, there'd be no question that the guy should be written up.


That is incorect. Someone else could mean anybody else and well unless it was someone who took offense to what was said no complaint would be made and therefore nothing could be done about it.


There's a whole section of (a), (b) and (c) after the "it does not matter" which goes along with the "it does not matter". If your reading comprehension is not up to par, at least don't mislead others by misquoting me.


Lets not get hasty sections a,b, and c didn't apply because that if was just that an if. I didn't mislead anyone you did with that if statement.
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 141
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A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:43:50 PM

I noticed in a proir post in responce to me, that you would have discriminated against me based on age and your guess that I might not be healthy.

Ha! I noticed that as well. Agism is rife in the current employment environment, nobody respects experience and certainly many people are fearful of people who speak their mind.
 guitarman100
Joined: 8/25/2004
Msg: 142
A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/27/2009 1:58:40 AM
wow holy !!!!!

there are a lot of people on this forum that are 'trying to stir the pot'

by poking each other with sticks in those sensitive areas,just be nice people...ok?


as far as this issue goes,ya it is inappropriate talk,against labour laws etc
but in reality people are curious about other people,other races etc....it is normal
and guys talk like that...........really they do. So do women though.....
I have dated 3 women of african decent,they were nice,they were curious about other cultures too...........it is normal,I dated a girl from Chile too.......all normal curiousity on both sides.
 Zuglo
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 143
A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/27/2009 3:43:20 AM
and you are not black


If he were a black guy and saying the same thing about the blondie in the office I'm sure action would've been taken immediately.

I knew it just a matter of time before someone turns it into a black and white issue.

she is a really smart woman and makes the request.

Sorry, but what would that request be?
She could say-Hey, someone told me that this guy said this about me, not to me, but to the other guy, and now I am very upset, and want to file a suit..Like that?
And another thing most people don't realize

Do not underestimate the female he referred to in a sexual manner.

The female he referred to in a sexual manner..As I said earlier, might not even know what was said about her..Unless she comes to the forums..
Now don't you call me ASSZUGLO..
And yes, I would like to know how the issue was handled..
 DALLASDAME
Joined: 8/5/2009
Msg: 144
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A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/27/2009 8:32:17 AM
^^^ You guys are amazing. Re-read the original post and then all of my posts.

Yes The man who responded to me is not a black female therefore he has no clue personally on the issue.

I did say that I would have not mentioned her race but the OP gave that information so it is appropiate for me to touch on the subject and give my opinion.

And she can ask to have his computers seized should she file a suit should she make the request.

I am very clear in what I wrote and am clueless as to why 2 people want to challenge me on a subject they don't have experience in. By that I mean not being on the outside looking in.

It really amazes me that you guys are going at me for having first hand experience 'in my own skin and body'. I'm pretty sure you both will now reply and set your boring circular arguments in motion. Wow!

Again Op it is great that you took care of the situation. We all want to know how you handled it.
 ruspontaneous
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 145
A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/27/2009 8:36:01 AM
FIRE HIM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!! NO ONE IS IRREPLACABLE!!!!!
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 146
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A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:16:14 AM

I am very clear in what I wrote and am clueless as to why 2 people want to challenge me on a subject they don't have experience in. By that I mean not being on the outside looking in.

Your arrogance is breathtaking.

Racial discrimination is not an exclusively black American thing. There are many forms of discrimination that ANYBODY can suffer.

I lived in Indonesia recently. I was discriminated against daily because I was not Indonesian, because I was white, because I was not Muslim. Assumptions were made about me all the time because of my race. Even back home I experience discrimination, I assume Dallas is yet to reach her '40's, try looking for work as a 40-year-old in a youth-orientated workforce, no matter how experienced and capable you are.

The only reason the argument is circular is because of your arrogance Dallas. Try opening your mind up to other peoples' points of view.
 big_teddie_bear
Joined: 9/19/2007
Msg: 147
A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/27/2009 4:14:04 PM
He may be real good I just hope your ready to pay out the Sexual Harrassment/ Hostile Work environment lawsuit award.
 1kindMan4U
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 148
A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/27/2009 5:53:49 PM
Ok.. seems complicated

First.. you "overheard" it. I'm not sure the circumstance that had you able to HEAR it, but either way, you did.

IF you are in a position of authority(seems you are since you WANTED to "fire" him) then you are also in the position of being sued for wrongful termination if you dont follow protocol and the legal way to put him on notice that this sort of talk/behavior is against company policy (which then means you have to have a WRITTEN POLICY that all employees are aware of) Sorry.. you ARE getting advice on that.

So.. not knowing how your company works.. your position.. or any of the above I referenced, let's go back to what you "overheard" and the presumption of authority that makes you ABLE to "fire" him

First.. cover your ass. Find that replacement tech and get a BUNCH of resumes IN hand if not 1st interviews.

THEN call him in the office and inform him of what you "overheard" and that it isnt acceptable in the workplace. Get legal advice from outside counsel too in order to protect YOU from a lawsuit.. as well as your company.

My advice above is given ONLY from the original post. NONE of the comments that followed were even read.
 krisninatlanta
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 149
A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/27/2009 8:25:45 PM
get ready to pay loads of money out when she reports to the EEOC that you kept a man employed that was sexually harassing her.Better replacing him than paying her out. Ah how we rather save money than dignity and common respect.
 Zuglo
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 150
A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?
Posted: 10/28/2009 3:52:55 AM

You guys are amazing.

Awww..Thanks..I think..

It really amazes me that you guys are going at me

I am not..I just had my oponien..Witch is different from yours..
That's why this place called forums, you post something someone might disagree and that's it..
Circular arguments..I am not arguing, just asking a question, and I yet to get am answer..How can she, or anybody else cry sexual harassment, when nothing was said to her??
Just two jerks talking sh1t..Wow, guys talking about a good looking female coworker, in a sexual manner..Unheard of!!!
As I said, if fantasising about having sex with someone is a harassment, than waitresses at Hooters, secretaries, attractive female coworkers regularly being sexually harassed.
And some males too.
If I say I want to kick someone azz, am I going to be charged with assault?
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