| Argueing Step sisters/Brothers
Posted: 10/23/2009 8:10:01 AM | You say its only been going on a couple of weeks, so given time they may sort themselves out..All teenagers bicker, you should be in this house when my lads get going at each other and they aint teenagers.
If Kev's girl wants to go then let her go, if your girl feels so guilty about it then maybe she should walk away instead of bickering back..Takes to to have an argument..
If his girl has always lived there then maybe she feels a bit put out about your daughter now living there.. | |
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| Argueing Step sisters/Brothers
Posted: 10/23/2009 8:13:01 AM |
If 99.999 percent of people coped so well, there wouldn't be temporary accommodation units full with young people who have already been through the housing system and not coped.
Add up the number of people in 'temporary accomodation units' and then add up the total number of people aged 18-22 who have left home (the median age for this) and are successfully living in rented accomodation of one form or another - including Halls of Residence shared housing etc - and conclude that 99.999% is an underestimate. | |
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| Argueing Step sisters/Brothers
Posted: 10/23/2009 8:18:17 AM | Well that's odd, because having worked in projects for homeless young people for 14 years, many of which could have been filled ten times over, the number of young people who haven't coped in their own home and have had more than one failed tenancy is quite high. As soon as one young person moved out of temporary accommodation there were other young people presenting as homeless, in the last place I worked we steadily ran with a waiting list, including young people who had gone out into the community, had a tenancy and could not cope and were presenting again for accommodation.
There is not enough support out there for young people moving on into their own place, particularly the young people who do not have a lot or any family support.
Being in a Halls of Residence at university is a bit different to actually owning or renting your own home. There are also obviously young people who drop out of university for a number of reasons.
If 99.999 per cent of people between 18 and 22 did cope, there would be no jobs in the homeless sector and everyone would be successfully maintaining their own houses.
For the people who make it work, great, but a lot of young people struggle. | |
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| Argueing Step sisters/Brothers
Posted: 10/23/2009 8:52:04 AM | Halls of Residence? A significant number only hold the 1st year students - after that they go out and rent - bedsits or with friends. I've been told that sometimes they run out of beer and tins of beans on the same day; oooohhhh the deprivation! With a significant number of kids now going into post 18 education this is normal.
Most of the Polish & Slovakian people whom I worked with last year had managed to get themselves accross Europe into rented accomodation and were capable of feeding, clothing, cooking and working at the same time - and most were in their late teens and early 20s.
Amazing really - though it's possible there are pockets of social inadequates dotted throughout the UK. Equally I am sure there are people who could find hardship in Bishop's Avenue Hampstead because that's their mindset. But maybe that's where the majority of the circa 7.3 million 20-24 year olds who 'just can't cope' have holed up? | |
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| Argueing Step sisters/Brothers
Posted: 10/23/2009 9:12:36 AM |
Amazing really - though it's possible there are pockets of social inadequates dotted throughout the UK
If you call being young and not able to cope with a tenancy "social inadequates".
There are many reasons why young people become homeles. Some young people may have grown up in the care system and become too old to live in the kids home.
There are not enough supported carer places for young vulnerable people, hence why many young people who have been through the care system end up in temporary accommodation rather than being put into their own home first. At 16, which is the age most young people move out of kids homes, it's a daunting task for them to be independent.
As I said, young people can and do cope, but I've worked with young people who took 3 or 4 attempts to get into their own place and make it work. As I said, it is harder when you don't have family support or backup.
There is also a shortage of move on accommodation for anyone who doesn't fit into the priority category for housing, being homeless in itself doesn't make you a priority unless you are 16 or 17 or deemed very vulnerable. As I said earlier, a large number of young people I saw presenting for accommodation were in the situation described in the original post, a parent remarrying and tensions within the family. Being in that situation doesn't make someone a social inadequate, neither does going into a temporary accommodation unit because the council don't have a house for you, or you aren't priority or you can't get a private let. It makes them someone who is going through a certain life experience at that point in time.
As I said, some young people manage it fine, others need a lot of support and others at a later date concede that they couldn't make it work because of their own immaturity and behaviour. But manage to get their act together at a later stage.
There are also people who need temporary accommodation for whatever reason and go into their own home and maintain it, some who need support to do so, some who don't.
The point that I am making is that having worked with homeless teenagers and beyond I've seen a lot of young people fail because they thought they were ready to manage their own tenancy. Not always because they don't have the skills to make it work, but for those who don't have a lot of family support the loneliness can be tough and sometimes its easier for them to throw in the towel and go home or go back into temporary accommodation.
For some young people it's easier than others, but having worked with 5 different charities all dealing with homelessness and people needing temporary accommodation I think young people out there who need support and who aren't ready to be out on their own is more than just pockets.
It's just my view that leaving home at 18 or 19 for some is not easy and whether we think someone might be ready to move on at that age, they might be far from it.
The more support someone has in my view, the better. | |
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| Argueing Step sisters/Brothers
Posted: 10/23/2009 9:22:50 AM | It's a MINORITY who don't cope. The MAJORITY cope really well. And social housing isn't confined to people who can't cope - social housing provides a range of housing options that include lease-buy and other options where housing is in short supply or extremely expensive. Part of its remit is affordable housing.
In the case of the OP both duaghters sound fairly well ajusted (though the OP may beg to differ as they seem to be driving her to distraction). It's important not to assume that there'll be some great 'non coping' drama when the vast majority of us cope really well when we leave home at circa 18. Lets get real - for most of us it was a bit of a ball to get away from our crumbly old parents and party party party, have friends girlfriends/boyfriends stay be, able to play our music etc etc etc. And apart from the odd duvet day off work because we overdid it a bit, it all worked out rather well. And it still does. | |
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| Argueing Step sisters/Brothers
Posted: 10/23/2009 9:32:35 AM |
It's a MINORITY who don't cope. The MAJORITY cope really well.
Well we will need to agree to disagree on that one, because if someone like me can be employed continuously for 14 years working with mainly young single homeless people, I'd say that it's more than a minority that don't cope and need extra support.
social housing provides a range of housing options that include lease-buy and other options where housing is in short supply or extremely expensive. Part of its remit is affordable housing.
Not in the area I last worked in, the majority of homes had been bought by council tenants leaving very little left for people who were homeless with the added effect that home owners could basically name their price when they were selling.
Not every housing association offers lease buy and neither does every council have enough accommodation for people who want it.
I'm not assuming there's going to be some great big non coping drama, what I am saying is that there are a lot of young people out there who find it much harder than they imagine to be able to keep a tenancy going trouble free.
Saying that someone is 18 so they will cope is a bit of a generalisation and that is my view, that is all.
I hope it works out well for all concerned. | |
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| Argueing Step sisters/Brothers
Posted: 10/23/2009 5:34:39 PM | Fcuk 'em, basically.....
They bicker, yet one has decided to move out.....I consider that to be a result!
Peace and quiet for those who remain.... | |
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| Argueing Step sisters/Brothers
Posted: 10/24/2009 3:05:57 AM | I think it helps to imagine yourself in the youngsters place for half a minute. Think back to how you would have like something handled when you were 19 in this situation, and indeed how you would have felt in these girls positions at 19. They probably see that they do not have to have a relationship just because you two are having one. Why should they work at it, they aint blood and they dont wanna be friends.... sufference is all you can hope for but that will be easier to do once they are apart.
I wonder with hindsight do you wish you would have put off the living together untill both girls had naturally flown the nests or at least both or one had been at the right stage to move out. Personally even though my eldest is 21 I cant imagine myself ever putting my own love life before her happiness and welfare but that may be because Im a bitter and twisted old hag who no-one would put up with haha. | |
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| Argueing Step sisters/Brothers
Posted: 10/24/2009 11:57:19 PM | Thanks for all your replys...
Things at home have gotten SO much better...
They sorted it out between themselves, (i didnt wanna be the wicked Step Mother by getting involved, their not kids no more)
Now they laugh and joke, just like they did in Primary School together...
Kevs Daughter has still decided to move out, (her NON bitterness choice) but now shes gonna move in with her BF of 2 years, and has asked if she can come for Sunday dinner with us all every week. so alls well that ends well!!
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| Argueing Step sisters/Brothers
Posted: 10/25/2009 1:38:20 AM | | Glad to hear it sexytrish, they are adults both of you have done a grand job at raising them as now they feel that they can move out in to the big wide world and strike out on their own......i just wish some adults on these forums would let their children grown up ... | |
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