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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 4:59:06 PM |
but BLUESMAN .. find a good hooker?
- Getting a hooker/having a one-night-stand would be one of the worst things you could possibly do... for one, I dare say it's unnatural to experience rushed sex outside of a normal, healthy, loving relationship... normal relationships go through stages... those stages are lost with a one-nighter. Heck, some hookers have a rule that they don't even kiss... do you have any idea how destructive that can be mentaly/emotionally, having someone learn the wrong way to experience a romantic relationship? It's the epitome of ignorance.
Relationships, including sex, are a natural process of discovery. Figuring out what to do and exploring their body is part of the fun and bonding, and heightens the levels of mutual love... why on earth would you want to take that away and possibly limit the degree of fulfillment for a couple?!
Experience is not a requirement to fulfillment when it comes to sex, it's personal and private, a sweet mystery of life. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 5:27:31 PM | "I feel total confidence in my relationship Spiritually with my understanding of who God is to me. And I have no guilt or shame in saying that I am a sexual creature, I enjoy sex, I need sex and I have no intention of making any apologies to anyone for that. I don't take it casually, but I am not looking for a lifetime partner right now either. I hope that makes sense and I'm not just rambling here? I'm not saying that is how you should view it, you asked me how I felt and how I came to my decision and that is my answer. Please know that I totally respect you for your decisions!!!!!"
No, FlameNFire, you are not rambling; you are speaking the truth of your heart and I appreciate that, and the other comments made to date here. This really is an interesting thread and I appreciate the comments made, most of which have been 'clean' if you know what I mean.
Certainly you don't need to make an apologies to me. We all have to reconcile the decisions we make in our lives, with the consequences that they lead too. I can give you the religious/Christian reasons but you and others might take it the wrong way; besides, FlameNFire, my hunch is that you have a good enough understanding of that already.
I'm just curious what kind of 'church' you went too? It sounds oppressive, if not ouright cultish. I don't go to such a place myself and told them, over a year ago, when I was head-over-heels for a woman, that I was my OWN MAN and was perfectly happy to live with the consequences of my own choices regardless of how they felt. They accepted that but angered me and alienated me too, because it seemed they didn't understand the nature of my character. They thought I was now 'just like them' and would be boinking my last G/F and/or any other woman I pleased because that was how many of them acted before they found Christ too.
Now the flip of that. The pastor and his wife started having problems this past few months over the very issues we are discussing here. He and she enjoyed what seemed a happy and healthy marriage for 20 years but it was slowly deteriorating. Reason? Selfiishness he told me, his selfishness. He is a sexual person but, I think, he forgot to be a person too, and a husband in other ways. She felt neglected and emotionally isolated and well things are at an impasse now. Ironically, they had sex before marriage, and she went to the altar carrying their first child. Did this have an impact? According to what he had told me in the past, it should have, but I sense it takes more than that and it scares me.
It scares me because my pastor got what he wanted out of his relationship, sex and a family, but now that the kids are (mostly) grown up, he might have lost the woman he still loves. Would that have happened had they remained virgins before their wedding? According to him, it would have because that physical bond translates into something more when it is both persons 'first time.' That, though, seems antiquated by our standards now, if not downright impossible to achieve. I've seen relationships break up when both persons were married as virgins and last long even after there was infidelity too.
Is there then a formula? Is sex better/important before marriage? Is it worse unless you wait until your wedding night? Lisa Kudrow waited until marriage and she is happily wed still. A few close and very strong Christian friends had sex before they married and now have a large family together too, and seem very much in love as ever.
I'm still trying to digest all this. Please keep posting though. It's a good exercise in helping me understand how it can or cannot work for me, which seems to be the uncertain factor of all.
Ulysses. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 7:09:21 PM |
I agree that sex is 'normal' but if you look at our race, so is killing each other as well, and I doubt you'd recommend that I would carry that out (though I have those thoughs on occasion too ). Ok, I know that argument is debatable
It's not debatable because it's a ludicrous comparison.
As for a 'good hooker' is there such a thing?/quote] For crissakes. That was a facetious remark. I assumed you would have picked up on that. Apparently not. They all say I'm an 'awesome guy' but....you get the idea. Obviously. And so did your ex girlfriends. And you're still wondering why? What you call a "value" I call a stigma or fear, induced by religious dogma, of sex and intimacy because sex is a huge part of intimacy. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 7:29:04 PM |
I've met many great gals, though, but it seems when it comes to the lack of physical intimacy, it's game over. Why can't romance be disassociated from sex these days? Why can't a kiss be just a kiss and a warm cuddle be a cuddle, without the 'need' to go further? Thoughts?
A person that comes down with excuses like this usually have a problem in the sack. Different if you are in ya teens and a virgin | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 7:31:22 PM | | hi... I want to have all of Gods Blessings so I am going about things with His Guidance and Counsel, this includes romance and marriage... I really do believe that Gods Way is the Path to True Happiness so I do not feel pressured or stifled to do His Will.. I freely make the choice to be Governed by Gods Standards because I completely Trust God, in every way with every thing... I will have Eternity to have the desires of my heart and I am sure that I could not even think of them all let alone enjoy them all in this life... blessings for happiness | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 7:49:55 PM | ^^^^^Darn and I wanted some.
God does give us this one ride, I'm gonna enjoy mine while I have a body to enjoy it. I believe that is what he intended. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 7:54:45 PM | "A person that comes down with excuses like this usually have a problem in the sack. Different if you are in ya teens and a virgin"
I hate to debate the obvious point here, Wild1-1, but how would you or even I know this?
I'm not making excuses and if it comes across as naive, fine, I'm willing to accept that stigma. That said you still did not answer the question. Do you have something constructive to add?
Ulysses. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 8:03:43 PM | " What you call a "value" I call a stigma or fear, induced by religious dogma, of sex and intimacy because sex is a huge part of intimacy."
Ok, Bluesman, if you feel like calling it a 'stigma' go ahead. I guess it's up to your point of view, really, and it is probably not much different than a glass being half-full or half empty.
As for my 'killing' comparision, on some level, it is quite valid. Read your history, or even a newspaper and you will know how little life is and has been valued in most of our world. In a sense we are living in a bubble here, and the reasons why we are more respective of human life than other places, or other creatures, is we hold Christian values. These are the same values, in the context of dating/relationships, that I am trying to grasp today, especially sexuality. The difference is that our society itself has placed some kind of strictures in place and, in effect, changed the rules.
Sex used to be called 'going all the way' not 30 years ago and was taboo. Now it's been shifted on it's head. Whether you do that in relationships now or not, whether you agree or disagree with it, it does and has affected the way we think and how modern relationships and people in them relate to each other.
As for the hooker comment I DID pick up on it. Try reading my earlier reply. And maybe lighten up a bit too. I'm here to learn, not attack or be attacked by people. It's been a very interesting exercise so far too.
Ulysses. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 8:05:23 PM | Yes I have some thoughts OP, your not really expecting anyone to believe your getting treated like a piece of meat, only want to cuddle and are really tired of it ...... are U ?
LIAR !!!!! May U burn in the deepest fires of hell !!!!!! amen.
Ummm, not really .... but this thread is pretty lame. Only time Im practising celibacy is when I dont have any frikkin choice.  Not that there's anything wrong with a cuddle just being a cuddle, or kiss ending at a kiss.
Oh why does everything have 2 do with sex !!?!?!? Why, why dammit, whyyyyyyyy ?!?!?!?  ok Im done, ... next. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 8:06:59 PM | Monalee1: Amen. How did you come to this knowledge? The way some people seem to think, it would seem like you were programmed this way. Would you say is true? How have you maintained these values despite pressures and your own personal and physical needs? I think that sharing that would be helpful as comments like 'repressed' and dysfunctional seem to emanate when people consider those who are celibate and/or virgins.
Ulysses. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 8:22:42 PM | Had 2 go back and read over a lil bit. So have to also include various comments/obs about others comments/obs.
1. Your saving yourself 4 marriage ? Hmmmm I must say this, either A. Get a hooker 4 chrissake, or B. Your sooooo fulla chit. or C. All of the above ?
2. FlameNfire is a hottie. So is Arabianangel ( yeah Im fairly sure according to organized religions, jerking off iz a sin. But then everything but mindless obedience and giving them all your $$$ is also a sin. so it somehow is irrelevant.)
Actually most churches are trying to change anything and everything in their moral doctrines, that causes them to lose market share. Your a satanic trisexual serial killer ? Ummmm, god loves U anyway, ... gotta a couple bucks 4 da plate ? After rereading this post, Im probally going to hell 4 this. Hope somebody at least got a laugh out of the deal. 
ps, also: Inpune ... :D 10,000 thousand ??? Didnt know it was that high. But ah well that's the great thing about most of those religious beliefs, give em 50 bucks say your sorry and all iz forgiven. Until U do it again, then just rinse and repeat steps 1 through 2. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 8:24:34 PM |
Interesting choice. I have heard of the a-sexual movement but it has little appeal to me. I believe, bibically and physically, that in marriage (if not non-married relationships), sex is vital and necessary, and cannot imagine such a relationship without it.
Do you have a medical condition, if you don't mind me asking, or is there something else too it aside from simple lack of desire?
I wouldn't call asexuality a movement, more like a sexual orientation. If a man is heterosexual, he looks at another man and doesn't feel drawn to have sex with him; me, I look at everybody and don't feel drawn to have sex with them. There's no medical condition or anything like that; it's just how I am.
I have romantic feelings toward women, I like cuddling and other aspects of affection, I could see wanting to spend my life with someone. But for me, that doesn't translate into wanting to, or being willing to, have sex with her. They're just not connected for me. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 8:40:11 PM | Hi Blowmydoorsoff,
well it seems funny that you are in almost the same boat I am, with celibacy. Unlike you, though, I have chosen it and it is strangely ironic that it has always been the women in my life that bring it up.
You might think I'm Full of Crap or you might think I'm sincere; it doesn't really matter since you weren't there. Maybe you should just take it at face value for now, ok, and then you can appreciate a bit better that there is a cost to all our actions. Losing relationships with women I have cared about may be mine.
I agree, also, that FlameNfire and Arabianangel are hotties, but they are also very bright and considerate posters too. Whoever they fall for is a lucky person in my book and I bet can and will make someone very happy too.
As for your churches comment, the doctrines have become weaker over the years, perhaps in shadow of our morality too. I'm not here to poke fingers in eyes, though, so if you feel you are 'going to hell' that's your view; I don't know your ultimate destiny but I do know God does not disassociate sin from the sinner. There is a way out, though, and that is Jesus Christ, but you probably know that too. Either way, I did not start this thread to debate eschatology and religion, directly, so let's try and stay on topic. I can start a religious discussion though on the morals of sexuality at another point on these forums if you guys want, but that, again, is not why I started THIS thread too.
Ulysses. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 8:43:23 PM | "I wouldn't call asexuality a movement, more like a sexual orientation. If a man is heterosexual, he looks at another man and doesn't feel drawn to have sex with him; me, I look at everybody and don't feel drawn to have sex with them. There's no medical condition or anything like that; it's just how I am."
Not to sound judgemental here, TedJMill, but I think asexuality is very, very weird. It might even be a medical condition of some sort, too. I know I have very strong desires for sex with women and to be without them would worry me. It doesn't sound like an 'orientation' though since asexuality suggests a LACK of sexual desire altogether, which is whyI referred to it as a movement.
Interesting post, though.
Ulysses. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 8:59:59 PM |
I hate to debate the obvious point here, Wild1-1, but how would you or even I know this? I'm not making excuses and if it comes across as naive, fine, I'm willing to accept that stigma. That said you still did not answer the question. Do you have something constructive to add?
That was wrong of me to bag you with the rest of the guys that talk like this. What I was saying in my original response, A person that comes down with excuses like this usually have a problem in the sack. Different if you are in ya teens and a virgin, guys I came across who have the same excuse ooops pardon me I mean who says stuff like your original post and they have a performance issue and would rely on their other good bits. If this is not you then you shouldn't be offended. However, if you are a teenager or a virgin talking this way then I accept it | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 9:11:40 PM | | my girlfriend is exactly that, a kiss is just a kiss. i would have it no other way. look for 21 y/o virgin girls, they're the best | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 9:12:03 PM | | hi... it is not hard for me to understand the feelings of the people who have not connected to God yet, I used to be that person.. in the same turn if you have not connected to God yet how could you possibly know what I am feeling much less mock my personal feelings... as they say, unless you have walked in my shoes who are you to judge... if I have given up sex until marriage you can probably bet the farm that I have given up drinking too.... as I open myself to God through prayer and bible study He is able to show me all of His Wisdom and Guidance, He is able to show all of mankind this way... I mean as I pray for Jesus to take my will and I study the bible daily, ummm the sex drive thing does not exactly pop into my head like it did when I was not praying and studying... when you know for a fact that it is better to do Gods Will than not to it is easy to focus on waiting for sex in a marriage, it is amazing to have visions of Eternal Life without death and disease pop into my head.... just like alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, I see sex outside of a marriage as being a choice that I am no longer tempted to do..... would I LOVE to meet a man and get married, you better believe it but is my sex drive going to push me into settling, not at this time in my life.... blessings to consider another point of view | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 9:18:39 PM | Well I'm a virgin still, but it was a deliberate choice. Without revealing more than is necessary, had 99% of men been in the same situation, it really would seem illogical to hold back but I did, somehow, to her amazment and even my own. Physically nothing prevented me from performing the act, but I held back.
She said she was 'amazed' at my self control, and seemed to respect that I could still go that far and not, uh, do the deed. But I think something broke in her after that and though this was not the only time I've been in a rather compromised situation, it was as far as I had ever dared to go, without going all the way.
Sharing this with a friend made me wonder, then, if this has been the biggest problem in my failed relationships too. I'm simply trying now to understand whether or not I need to reconsider this as a stated policy. At the same time, I don't want to compromise very profound beliefs JUST to keep a girlfriend.
Gosh, now I really do sound dumb. I remember reading in highschool how a girl 'had to F#$% her boyfriend to keep him" and thinking 'what a creep!' THEN he dumps her regardless and I wanted to roast his balls on a skillet. Now, from what I am reading, that whole notion is now turned on its head and I'm quite amazed by it; too.
Ulysses. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 9:28:07 PM | You have made an enlightened but hard choice, Monalee1, and I'm glad to God that you did. But my guess is that you did not start off that way, that your journey took you to many places that right now many posters are talking from.
That gives you credibility in my sight and I respect your point of view. I also respect the point of view of others who say they feel or need to have sexuality in their lives before marriage too. Morally, though, in Christian faith, yours is the higher way...but it is, like I said, not easy and many fall from it.
I am trying to understand both myself, being still a virgin, and without trying to come across as a holier-than-thou type. If you want to compare sins, we'd probably have equal sized books with everyone here, if they were not forgiven by Christ that is. That said, this is not a forum to throw stones. If someone does, well they do; I won't. I simply want to understand and remember it in future relationships too.
Ulysses. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 9:35:26 PM | monalee when in the midst of great sex I often found myself calling my sex partner God, cos he is the one making me feel wonderful at that moment. I don’t even have to pray or read the bible to get that great feeling from him Haha.
I see sex outside of a marriage as being a choice that I am no longer tempted to do..... would I LOVE to meet a man and get married, you better believe it but is my sex drive going to push me into settling, not at this time in my life.
Great thoughts shared...and good onya! But the continuous bible and Jesus part on your responses I bet its a turn off for some lol | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 9:48:30 PM | Celibate ? If a few dys is considered celibacy, then yeap, Im celibate. Not going to try to debate theology with U. Cause to be perfectly truthful, dont care what U believe. Have tried most of the christian based theologies and just me, but they always make my skin crawl.
Nothing like sitting in a 27 million dollar church, hearing about how we shouldnt be materialistic. Or watching people going on missionary missions down to the middle of freaking mexico, to brainfeck some native people. Have to travel 84049 miles, dont even speak the fecking language.
So these poor people have some idiot babbling ( in near incomprehendable spanish ) about some guy 2000 years ago, who was born to a virgin, nailed to a cross and now we all have to symbolically eat his flesh and drink hiz blood. Or were going to hell.
When there's poor people within 2 miles of their starting point they could be "reaching out to" ?
Just a misc obs, but think most people either take fecking too serious, or not serious enough, where's the happy medium folks ? Its pleasurable, dont get pregnant, dont catch a disease, preferably with someone who makes U feel happy. Im failing to see where all the complications need come into it ?
But its not a total loss, FlameNfire and arabianangel are truly hotties. So we can at least agree on summin. Go get laid, U know your trying to anyway. Jez ( or trying to again, maybe this Im a virgin slant workz with the chicks or what ? ) Ummmm FlameNfire and arabianangel, ladies Im a virgin, I really, really, really need U to help me sort through all my sexual feelings, help me ?!?!?!? Help me now ??!?!?!? :D But Im so innocent, go easy on me. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 9:49:20 PM | hi...Wild 1, you are true to your name... I am fine with turning off people who do not like how I write or what I believe in..
exactly Ulysses... God has shown me the many errors of my ways and I am genuinely sorry that Iwas not living to His Standards from the get go.. as you said we only need to ask Jesus to make it Right and He erases all wrongs unless we choose to keep putting them back into the books... Jesus says His Yoke is easy, I prayed over that because at first I found it anything but easy... finally I understood, take everything to Him in sincerity and He gives us His Strength to overcome everything... not by my will but by His Will... Jesus spoke those same words when He was a man tempted on earth.... I want to live a Christlike life with all of my heart so I ask without ceasing.. blessings as you seek to find The Way to Happiness | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 9:57:07 PM | well i am still a virgin though for a guy that sounds kinda lame in this day and age but its mostly via the conditioning i received in the Jehovah's witness religion and i was born into it and its all i knew until i left at the age of 27,well actually i got kicked out,dis fellowship ed as they call it and lost my entire family as a result,the punishments aside,the conditioning and mental repetition you receive on every subject including sex and masturbation are seriously full on,even after being out of that religious lifestyle for 5 years now the conditioning continues and from many i have spoken to it will continue for many years to come.
now as far as sex and such goes well i would love to get into a relationship but i guess with the conditioning i got,i tend to hold onto the ideal that i can get into a relationship with someone whos understanding of the problems i would have with that kind of upbringing,that would be the ideal kind of thing but its rare,and i am not happy about the life i was forced to live,its only by Emersoning myself in sites like these that i begin to break that conditioning down to chip away at it so my mind can accept that the way i was taught was not necessarily the right way or the only way.
but it does make it very hard to have a life when you have that conditioning or that little voice inside your mind saying to you hey this is wrong this is wrong,and if you know anything of the jehovah's witness religion you will know just how much is considered wrong or inappropriate its a big list.
so its hard for a person like me to begin to carve out some kind of a life based on where i have come from,so the only reason i am a virgin is cause of what i was taught and the effect it had on my mind,and the way i think,would i blow my virginity,yes i would be happy to but,theres still a small part of me who would like to wait for someone who is understanding of who i am and what i have to offer as a person,but in this day and age thats harder and harder to come by. | |
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