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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 10:04:37 PM | | I've seen scores of women post on various threads that they, too, would prefer to remain celebate until marriage. Have you searched using key words and phrases? There might be someone who posted in one who is like-minded and near your location. As for me, I don't believe in marriage, and I do believe in sex, so the celebate until marriage concept is not a option. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 10:16:30 PM | | msg# 76, I enjoyed reading your post. Most of us have some kind of conditioning in our life. One simple one I was told was marriage before sex and having a baby. Since I was stubborn and naughty I lived in sin and had a baby. i tell ya, I had the best times in my life for being me and my baby have a healthy home environment and loved by both parents. if you look around ya those who think they have it right don't always have it right! | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 10:53:34 PM | well i was told my entire life to remain separate from the world and everything that worldy people do and now i am one of them and the adjustment to be just like everyone else is extremely hard,thats what i hate about religions,such as the one i was in they take the high moral ground and are happy to teach you everything they want and thats all cool but the moment your not in it they drop you like a sack of shit and dont care how you have to live your life after wards,you have to find your own way and they take no responsibility what so ever.
of the 5 years i have been out i spent 4 years of that time playing online games so i could escape and not have to deal with life cause this life is so much more different and harder to deal with now i am over that part of the process and starting to come out of my shell as it were,the hard part is taking what i know and combining it with what i am learning not just about what people are really like this side of the coin.but also with the way people also think. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 11:21:42 PM | Ulysses,
It is certainly not my goal to undermine your very sincere and genuine beliefs. My church experience was a very negative one. To answer your question, I was in a very fundamental, extremist type religion and in retrospect I do refer to it as a cult. I've researched what that term means and the church I attended fit the description. The church-goers were expected to behave like robots, doing exactly what the Almighty Minister told us to do even though his life was full of hypocrisy and deceit as well. I can't stomach it.
I applaud you for standing by your convictions though, in the very same way that I stand by mine. You don't apologize for your beliefs, as I have stated I don't apologize for mine either. I think that's what is most important here, is that we are true to ourselves and not swayed by peer pressure or the opinions of others. I very much appreciate your additude on this thread. I've tried on other topics to take a "can we agree to disagree" approach and it typically melts-down into a name calling match, which I loathe! So I am impressed at your open-mindedness and willingness to listen to opinions different than your own, and I'm proud of you for standing by what you believe!
Just because it's not the right choice for me, absolutely doesn't mean it isn't the right choice for you. Are there consequenses, yes. But there are consequenses to premarital sex as well. Could it possibly be better one way or the other, who knows? We each have to make our own way in life and you can never know whether you would have been better off had you turned left, right or gone straight. So I hope you've gotten some questions answered in your own mind. You are more than welcome to email me anytime, I will gladly talk with you further! Good Luck! | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 11:35:19 PM | RE: Gemwithflaws and Wild1-1:
I have a poster in my office that reads: 'Screaming OH GOD, OH GOD does not constitute going to church.'
Ulysses. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 11:54:27 PM | I find it interesting that the only two sides of the celibacy issue seem to be church vs anti-church. Religion is undoubtedly a sphere of our social world, whether we like it or not. The majority of people learn their core values in this sphere, and so it's no surprise that when an issue like celibacy comes up, the anti-religion people come out. Then it turns into a theist vs atheist argument. It's too bad that no one has mentioned anything about core values or morality coming from a different source. Religion has its purpose, whether you like it or not, but sometimes one can still hold true to values important to one self without religion. How about staying true to personal values?
I practice celibacy, and not because of how I was raised, or any religion, or ancient literature (although surely they had influence at one point). I do so because I choose to. It's important for me. Sex is awesome, there's no doubt about it. But its value increases when it's kept as something special. When you meet someone and share that with them, there's a deep level of respect shown and given that few can offer. (Or that few are willing to work to offer)
And of course sex is a natural act, the whole purpose of life is to procreate isn't it? To survive? But what separates us from animals is our ability to involve more in sex than just "thumpa thmupa thumpa." And how can feeling and passion be genuine when the only reason you're with someone is because they're horny too? | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/21/2009 11:58:27 PM | FlameNFire,
the questions are still there, but it is like everything else and I think you put it honestly when you said "Just because it's not the right choice for me, absolutely doesn't mean it isn't the right choice for you. Are there consequenses, yes. But there are consequenses to premarital sex as well. Could it possibly be better one way or the other, who knows? We each have to make our own way in life and you can never know whether you would have been better off had you turned left, right or gone straight."
It just shows that 'hindsight' is NOT always 20-20. In terms of faith it means something else, as you might have guessed. I won't go as far as to say that I am 'better off' for the choices I made, either, but they WERE and ARE the choices I felt were right at the time I made them. I can live with that, I guess, but there is always the bitter afterthought/taste in which you are left wondering.
One gentleman here had a clearly messed up cult/church experience. I know something about what that can do because I've often railed against cults, as opposed to true religion. True faith is liberating in it's own way, but some 'religions,' out of paranoia, place such a high standard on mere appearances that they forget to cultivate convictions too. Convictions always have to be grounded in something MORE than just what the minister/cult leader says because you have two own them fully in order to embrace them. It's when you can't that the brainwashing begins because it implies some kind of coersive force being applied. Often that is welded to the base alloy of hypocrisy, which we have all encountered in our religious walks.
The question then devolves upon how you choose to deal with it and that, too, is probably as much a function of inner strength and character, as opposed to learned teachings. One woman here has what I believe is a great and sincere faith and if she is the kind of person I suspect, it didn't happen overnight. Scales, when they fall from your eyes, hurt and how you look at yourself in the mirror after they fall is as important as how you look in the mirror before they do, leaving no real room for hypocrisy or self-righteousness.
I also think that, in some ways, the reverse is true too. Whether it is called peer pressure or permissive attittudes, socialization regarding premarital sex is as prevalent in more liberal attitudes than in ones less so. My old friend and former pastor, for example, said he was 'pressured' into having sex to seem like 'one of the guys.' Although it is not as 'controlling' I suppose as your more notorious cults, I'm sure there are probably millions of young women and men who felt the same pressure to do what they did not want to do the other way, as those who believed they had to 'repress' those feelings too.
Hard to say but our attitudes regarding sexuality spring as much from those conscious decisions we made and those decisions that were forced upon us by others. Maybe that is why we are, ultimately, all accountable before God for our actions? At some point we, generally, 'owned' the decision we made - not always, as rape victims can attest too, but definitely in many other cases. It's how we deal with it that ultimately defines us, and the degree that it affects us in later life is in many ways a function of that too.
Thank you, also, for your kind words. The credit for keeping this thread clean is a credit to the attiitudes of the people here. It's easy to make fun of this matter but early on the trend was established to make explore this rather unique thought, and I thank everyone here who has and continues to treat this with maturity and consideration too.
Thank you, also, for the invitation to write you back, FlameNFire. I did try too but being a Canuck, you have non US people blocked. If you care, please drop me a line on my email and we can chat that way.
In the meantime the floor on this thread is wide open. Please continue to share as I will be checking back often to see if there are many more intersting thoughts. With the level of intelligence and maturity, I certainly expect there. Thank you all again .
Ulysses. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/22/2009 12:08:22 AM | | Ulysses, Thanks and respect to you as well... I will send an email to you. I was not aware that I had any restrictions on who could or could not email me, I will look into changing that. Thanks! Flame! | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/22/2009 12:33:11 AM | | I used to feel fine about sleeping with people straight away but I've realised that for me, and sometimes the other person involved, this is not the way to go. As a woman right slap bang in the middle of my sexual prime, it's difficult not to have sex with people I don't feel I have a future with. There are ways around this though, I'm not strictly celibate, I meet my own needs often ! I'm not a huge fan of marriage, so when/if I do meet "the one" there will be a point at which I know that I want to have sex because I'm really serious about the person. Too often in the past I've slept with someone that I deep down knew I didn't feel serious about, and then tried to make a relationship with them because sex kind of bonds you to a person and maybe even gets in the way a little of you really getting to know them. I'm not religious, and have a lot of "experience", I'm a bad girl gone good perhaps.I've had a few celibate dates, and I think it's fair to let someone know your not interested pretty soon and go you separate ways than sleep with them because it's expected. Saying that, for people who know absolutely that they are in love and they keep waiting until marriage, I don't see the point in this personally. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/22/2009 12:39:22 AM | Dude, I'm taking a vacation from getting laid for a while. Kudos to you.
I just want to be friends with a chick for right now. I'm so spent over a previous relationship that I dare not rekindle the fires of passion inside my heart or a woman's heart through lovemaking, in fear that things will get all serious and heavy again.
Life seems so much better when things are lighthearted.
I've noticed that when a lady and I jump into bed pretty quick, things can get serious and powerful fast, but not neccessarily based on the right things for foundation. Once our first few months are finished and the next phase starts, we're so rooted on passion and fire that we get burnt. I want water now. Water and Earth with some Fire and lots of fresh Air! | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/22/2009 12:45:26 AM | If you're looking for a virgin in your age range, good luck with that. lol As for celibacy, I wouldn't buy a car without a test drive either, if you see what I mean.
 
Sex may not be everything, but after a certain period of time there's nothing wrong with giving in to your natural urges. I think that intimacy and closeness are vital for a healthy, loving relationship to grow. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/22/2009 1:25:09 AM | mess.26..I totally agree with you..
I have been celibate for 4 or 5 years...
not for religious beliefs..but, because..I have not found anyone that I wanted to sleep with.
I think that men have too much sex on the brain.,..
and..for me..if the love and romance is not there,,I would not bother..too messy. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/22/2009 1:29:20 AM | | i agree with the previous post by grayspot --i was a virgin when i married at 19 for religious reasons--if i had slept with him before marriage i would have saved myself and my family much grief and a divorce--i would never never never consider tying myself to someone for life without sex first---(he was gay and i was naive and had nooo idea until it was too late)--sex is the glue that holds a relationship together in my opinion--u better be sure its compatible sex before u sign on for a lifetime-- | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/22/2009 2:06:11 AM |
We all have to reconcile the decisions we make in our lives, with the consequences that they lead too. I can give you the religious/Christian reasons but you and others might take it the wrong way;
As a society we have been programmed by almost all forms of religion to believe that the issue of sex before marriage is a black and white issue. That to involve oneself with sexual intercourse before wedlock is a straight out sin, however afterwards it’s condoned as a loving action between two people. How is it that something so intangible can manifest from one extreme to another, to go from sin to virtue? And do we, like the Bible go onto change interpretation to suit our modern needs, where wedlock and commitment have lost much value? | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/22/2009 2:42:14 AM | I think that men have too much sex on the brain.
And having sex only ever 4 or 5 years is.....what?
[quote(he was gay and i was naive and had nooo idea until it was too late)
Whooaaaa. Disaster city. So much for religious upbringing.
happy to teach you everything they want and thats all cool but the moment your not in it they drop you like a sack of shit and dont care how you have to live your life after wards
The sorry sad reality of what you had the gross misfortune to have suffered - virtual slavery and brain washing all in one convenient cult. How sad. If it weren't for freedom of religion, I think cults like that should be out of business. But who am I to judge. But they are what they are.
My only advice to you, and you're very courageous for being so out in the open about what must have been a really painful past. Just go slow. There's a huge amount of information out there. You can overload sometimes. Don't expect to get it all right away. Look how long it took to get you where you are now.
Screaming OH GOD, OH GOD does not constitute going to church.'
Standing in church doesn't make you a christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a Ferrari.
the only two sides of the celibacy issue seem to be church vs anti-church Connection?? BINGO!! And of course sex is a natural act, the whole purpose of life is to procreate isn't it? If you view sex as such a natural act, why is it so shameful for you to experience it? the whole purpose of life is to procreate What? According to whom??? Who taught you that all your life? Who pounded that thought into your head day after day? Are those your words you use or theirs? To survive? So you're going to make love to your future wife to survive? Is that what sex is for? Think about it. And how can feeling and passion be genuine when the only reason you're with someone is because they're horny too? Why do you assume when one makes love it's ONLY because they're horny? What books were you made to read? Long term celibacy is NOT a healthy thing. Please read the article by psychoanalists. If you're one of the lucky few who has the willpower to be truly celibate, don't count your blessings yet. Forced celibacy may affect your partner, especially if he or she does not approve of it. Psychological problems can result if this is done for a long time.
"Although celibacy is not physically harmful, it may be destructive to a relationship if one partner makes a unilateral decision to stop sexual relations - whether due to illness, physical disability, interpersonal problems or sexual difficulties - thus imposing celibacy on the other partner. When life situations entail long-term deprivation of sex with a steady partner, an individual may turn to masturbation (selective or partial celibacy) or seek random partners for release of sexual tension," according to Dr. Domeena C. Renshaw, professor of psychiatry at the Loyola University of Chicago - Strich School of Medicine in the journal Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality.
"Celibacy may lead to psychological problems. Some celibates who say they have no difficulty with sexual suppression nonetheless develop symptoms such as irritability, insomnia, somatization, or clinical depression," Renshaw added. http://ezinearticles.com/?Effects-of-Celibacy&id=1260894 | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/22/2009 6:45:56 AM | | I think when we are young, the moral values parents and the church bestow on us makes an impression. We dont want to go to hell, for that is the place we are made to believe we go if we committ this sins against the church. Our parents and the schools also are not perfect, the values are not ours from the start they are influenced on us. I often wonder if no one interfered how would we develop? I think we would accept our own belief and live it more. We are human with sexual needs, once people start learning from themselves what is right and natural, the less the moral dilema makes a role in ones life. There is nothing wrong with cuddling, kissing, but neither is there anything wrong with sex and intimacy. We are human beings and we need to feel all sorts of stuff. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/22/2009 7:45:01 AM | The bottom line for me is, do my choices make me happy? Certainly an ethical answer to that question includes consideration for the happiness and well-being of others too.
Abstaining from sex reduces my happiness, typically, while having sex generally increases my happiness and well-being. If I'm not harming myself or others by having sex, then it's a very good thing.
If you start bringing in "should" concepts, then I think you are going astray. Who is defining the "should," and why? Many "shoulds" are based on suspect philosophical or social constructs, though some of the ideas may have been relevant or more relevant in past societies. However, the bottom line considerations of ethical happiness can transcend any such issue, though your choices may still be frowned upon by those indoctrinated into a particular belief system.
Seek happiness, responsibly. If celibacy increases your happiness, then go for it - otherwise, what purpose does it serve? | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/22/2009 7:53:15 AM |
Long term celibacy is NOT a healthy thing. Please read the article by psychoanalists.
If you're one of the lucky few who has the willpower to be truly celibate, don't count your blessings yet. Forced celibacy may affect your partner, especially if he or she does not approve of it. Psychological problems can result if this is done for a long time.
"Although celibacy is not physically harmful, it may be destructive to a relationship if one partner makes a unilateral decision to stop sexual relations - whether due to illness, physical disability, interpersonal problems or sexual difficulties - thus imposing celibacy on the other partner. When life situations entail long-term deprivation of sex with a steady partner, an individual may turn to masturbation (selective or partial celibacy) or seek random partners for release of sexual tension," according to Dr. Domeena C. Renshaw, professor of psychiatry at the Loyola University of Chicago - Strich School of Medicine in the journal Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality.
"Celibacy may lead to psychological problems. Some celibates who say they have no difficulty with sexual suppression nonetheless develop symptoms such as irritability, insomnia, somatization, or clinical depression," Renshaw added.
- This has nothing to do with a virgin not having sex before marriage; this in reference to cutting off sex in a relationship which previously included sex... this is very different, and not the subject at all. Someone needs to get their facts straight. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/22/2009 11:07:25 AM | A LOT(!) of good posts here and I must say I thank each and every one of you for being so forthright about what you are saying. I also thank you for keeping things relatively clean as well since such debates often devolve into either name-calling or dirty-talk.
I don't know quite where to start but I will say that, as a Christian, from a Christian perspective, fornication is wrong and sinful. That's the Biblical standard, whether you want to accept it or not, and it doesn't matter how 'healthy' or 'natural' it is from outside that perspective. If you have a Biblical standard, sex outside of marriage is sin and endangers your soul, like any other sin.
So far, though, it seems from what I have read that, whether you have sex before marriage or not, whether you have a lot of sex or little, whether you are monogomous or less so, relationships tend to have very unique dynamics. In other words (and, please, correct me if I am wrong), there is no guarentee that having sex with someone 'enhances' (as a buddy once told me) a relationship, or ruins it, at least outside of wedlock.
I believe, without predjudice to anyone's expressed views or opinions here, that the majority here do believe there is merit to sexual intercourse before marriage and that church or religious people are somewhat out of touch and/or naive to think otherwise. Indeed, most people here believe it is healthy and necessary to ensure the long-term viability of a marriage as well. I was particularly struck comments made by people who married as virgins, only to find out later that they were incompatible either sexually or in other ways too.
This makes me wonder about the role of sex in a relationship. One poster, and I believe rightly, said that sex was the glue that holds a relationship together; something I would take as an axiom, especially in terms of married people as I tend to believe that those are the most stable of relationships. By the same token, however, it does not fully answer my original question and that is "Why can't romance be disassociated from sex these days? Why can't a kiss be just a kiss and a warm cuddle be a cuddle, without the 'need' to go further?"
Maybe I have been half asleep here but what I am reading is a lot of "justification" FOR SEX before marriage, but not a lot of answers to the WHY of it. WHY can't people just BE satisfied with kissing or cuddling? WHY do we "NEED" to go further in THIS day and age?
A lot of time has been spent telling us that the 'church' or 'cults' have PREVENTED us from enjoying sex, but I'm puzzled why no one has flipped the paradigm on its head and wondered if we have not now be CONDITIONED to accept that a relationship these days MUST have sex? Isn't that just as twisted as the reverse?
Can anyone offer me a reason, aside from the 'feel good' part, or the 'healthy person' part, to state a real need? My own thought is that it may not be necessary but since 'everyone's doing it, it must be ok.' That's the herd mentality and I don't follow the herd. We all have wills and I'm sure that most clothes are not designed to instantly dissolve in the presence of phermones when you're with the opposite sex.
The 60's mentality that 'it's good as long as you both agree and enjoy it' doesn't necessarily jive with me, nor does the notion that we should have sex to 'prove' we are liberated either. Yet (and forgive me if I am wrong here), I think that that is the largest part of the justifications FOR sex presented here. But the 'why' and the 'need' might have been missed.
Can anyone approach this using this tac? I accept the medical and pschological reasons for sex and the benefits that accrue from it in a loving relationship, too. I'm still fuzzy on the 'test drive'/need before marriage aspect because I think that relationships based entirely on sex are inherently unbalanced, as some have already mentioned here.
Thoughts?
Ulysses. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/22/2009 12:40:31 PM |
the only two sides of the celibacy issue seem to be church vs anti-church
Connection?? BINGO!!
The argument was that possibly there was more than just two sides to the issue. You seem to be stuck on either it's religious or non religious. Non one has said anything about spirituality. And I don't mean the hippie-feelgood kind. I only mean the sort where you try to make yourself the best you can possibly be.
"And of course sex is a natural act, the whole purpose of life is to procreate isn't it?"
If you view sex as such a natural act, why is it so shameful for you to experience it?
I never said it was shameful. Are you reading people's posts from only one viewpoint? If you think all those practicing celibacy are doing so out of religious reasons, then you're never really going to get the full spectrum of this discussion. Sex isn't shameful, it's a gift....that most people squander.
"the whole purpose of life is to procreate"
What? According to whom??? Who taught you that all your life? Who pounded that thought into your head day after day? Are those your words you use or theirs?
Um...according to most introductory Biology books. Plants don't put on flowers to be pretty, they do so as their means to flirt.
"To survive?"
So you're going to make love to your future wife to survive? Is that what sex is for? Think about it.
"To survive" was a part of the sentence preceding it. If you take every single sentence out of context, of course you could find something wrong with each of them. But if you combined them all the find the overall argument of the statement, then you'd see I was making a larger point, one which reinforced your own point of view (oops for you). The point was that sex is a natural act, and that if it never happened then the world would be lifeless. I doubt anyone can disagree with that.
Think about it.
"And how can feeling and passion be genuine when the only reason you're with someone is because they're horny too?"
Why do you assume when one makes love it's ONLY because they're horny? What books were you made to read?
I don't assume individuals make love only out of hornyness....I'm pretty sure that was the whole point of my argument.
What's with the idea that everything has to be learned from something else? This is the 2nd time you mention something like this. Did you not know that people are capable of reasonable thought without having to read it or be taught it?
Long term celibacy is NOT a healthy thing. Please read the article by psychoanalists.
If you're one of the lucky few who has the willpower to be truly celibate, don't count your blessings yet. Forced celibacy may affect your partner, especially if he or she does not approve of it. Psychological problems can result if this is done for a long time.
Further proof that you're only seeing this as "those who have sex" vs "those who never have sex."
Celibacy doesn't mean you're going to never have sex for life. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to wait for marriage. Being celibate can possibly mean that you plan to remain celibate before reaching a particular level of emotional intimacy between you and another.
"Although celibacy is not physically harmful, it may be destructive to a relationship if one partner makes a unilateral decision to stop sexual relations - whether due to illness, physical disability, interpersonal problems or sexual difficulties - thus imposing celibacy on the other partner. When life situations entail long-term deprivation of sex with a steady partner, an individual may turn to masturbation (selective or partial celibacy) or seek random partners for release of sexual tension,"
according to Dr. Domeena C. Renshaw, professor of psychiatry at the Loyola University of Chicago - Strich School of Medicine in the journal Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality.
Harmful to a relationship....partner may result to masturbation or cheating.
That statement has nothing to do with psychological health. Not only that, but it clearly says "if one partner makes a unilateral decision." If it was a true emotional relationship, then it wouldn't be a solitary unilateral decision. The quote is moot.
And from an academic stand point, your ezine article is horrible.
--It clearly goes out to bash the history of the Catholic Church, without making any effort to tie in any of the information with the topic of Celibacy.
--It's first point was that "celibacy is too hard because even those that practice it sometimes fail." That'd be the equivalent as not believing in nicotine patch adds because the owner smokes.
--This article, despite it's supposed quotes, is unreliable. You can't take random things off the internet seriously unless there are footnotes to show valid research. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/22/2009 12:55:16 PM |
If you have a Biblical standard, sex outside of marriage is sin and endangers your soul, like any other sin.
The only thing that endangers your soul is FEAR.
So far, though, it seems from what I have read that, whether you have sex before marriage or not, whether you have a lot of sex or little, whether you are monogomous or less so, relationships tend to have very unique dynamics. In other words (and, please, correct me if I am wrong), there is no guarentee that having sex with someone 'enhances' (as a buddy once told me) a relationship, or ruins it, at least outside of wedlock.
Well if there are no guarantees than your bible isn’t much to go by now is it?
By the same token, however, it does not fully answer my original question and that is "Why can't romance be disassociated from sex these days? Why can't a kiss be just a kiss and a warm cuddle be a cuddle, without the 'need' to go further?"
There is never a NEED to go further, nor is there a NEED to NOT go further…but anything that has a touch of fear in it will be unnatural. Some people do get turned on my kissing and cuddling which most often does lead to sex, I mean don’t listen to me, listen to your OWN body.
A lot of time has been spent telling us that the 'church' or 'cults' have PREVENTED us from enjoying sex, but I'm puzzled why no one has flipped the paradigm on its head and wondered if we have not now be CONDITIONED to accept that a relationship these days MUST have sex? Isn't that just as twisted as the reverse?
We’re a product of many things, environment is one of them. The only difference in today and yesterday is that people are now able to think on their own without fear of retribution. | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/22/2009 3:05:36 PM | msg.97
Maybe I have been half asleep here but what I am reading is a lot of "justification" FOR SEX before marriage, but not a lot of answers to the WHY of it. WHY can't people just BE satisfied with kissing or cuddling? WHY do we "NEED" to go further in THIS day and age? Have you considered the fact that in biblical times people didn't live as long as we do now??? That families started young ... wasn't Jesus dead by your age? That women DIED in childbirth?
In addition, if you are dating anyone who has ever been married, obviously you have a girl with more experience than you, and for some of us, once you have sex, there is an actual feeling of "need". Don't know if it is chemical, hormonal, mental, the way we are wired or what, but it can be a need, especially if you are in a loving, trusting relationship. ( I felt AWFUL when my husband stopped wanting sex!) It's a deeper, different kind of connection that, until one experiences it as it is meant to be, is indescribable.
That said, right now that I really feel your beliefs are soooo much a part of you that you won't have sex before marriage, regardless of what is posted. That's totally cool, because that's how you feel. I think we are just trying to present the side you don't know.
 
Edit: from same post...
I think that relationships based entirely on sex are inherently unbalanced
True, but that would NEVER happen with you. A relationship based entirely on sex actually STARTS with sex, then a friendship/relationship develops.
just sayin' | |
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| Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/22/2009 3:15:23 PM | I am a born again virgin and not by choice... I must have some wicked BO or something... sniff sniff...
OP, ya, I do not understand the need to have sex in short order, and even worse women do not believe me when I say I just want to get to know them first before we bed down. They think it is a play to make them comfortable so they will let their guard down and be more apt to sleep with me.
My ex made me wait for four months before we had sex... and I was OK with that. I did not pester her about it. I just understood that when she was ready she would let me know. And when she finally did four months into the relationship, we were sooo worked up that the sex was explosive and well worth the wait!
I would rather have great sex once that I will remember for the rest of my life than to have sex all the time that is forgettable. | |
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