| Opinions and Honesty wanted!!!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 9:32:17 PM | Picture what he did as a rape of your trust..
Wanna take a phone call from a rapist?? Hello?? Mcfly??? | |
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| Opinions and Honesty wanted!!!!
Posted: 10/23/2009 12:12:44 AM | | There is a possibility he does love you...~BUT~ your sacrificing your happiness, for his inability to completely commit. If you decide this is okay, then its your choice...but dont expect to be happy anytime soon. | |
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| Opinions and Honesty wanted!!!!
Posted: 10/23/2009 12:53:29 AM | This is a guy who has issues.
When you say you "separated" do you mean you were married or just ended a dating relationship?
So, you move HIM out of YOUR place, and he moves into ANOTHER place belonging to ANOTHER woman?
Ok, yea, I get it.
Further...
Then he calls you while living with the other woman, and tells you he love YOU, and he wants to see you. The living with the other women has no factor in this for you?
So, thinking that YOU can change HIM, like you have thought this way for the last 3+ years, you go ahead and see him, and what do you get? The same result you have always gotten.
"If you always do what you have always done, then you will always get what you have always gotten."
Solution:
Dump this guy.
Do not respond to his calls to texts.
Do not initiate calls for any reason.
I would also highly encourage you to NOT involve your kids with ANY GUY, even if he has kids UNLESS you two have been dating over a year and are in serious contemplation about marriage.
Involving children in a dating relationship can create bonds from the children to the other person and or to their kids. You don't want kids to get attached then detached because of the bad choices you have made.
--- Fmr Volunteer Counselor
--- formal private education in Social and Behavioral Psychology | |
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| Opinions and Honesty wanted!!!!
Posted: 10/23/2009 6:29:07 AM | | LOL Very common I think. What it seems to be is they get bored and see that you are doing well without them and they need to interfere. Mine would come back for a play session and it would be a bit before I heard from him again. Finally I just gave up and told him about all the fun I was having and how bad he was it worked he doesnt call anymore. | |
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| Opinions and Honesty wanted!!!!
Posted: 10/23/2009 6:46:01 AM | I don't see "men" as the problem here. It's obvious that you don't stand your ground when it comes to what kind of treatment you are unwilling to tolerate with a man.
And involving your kids in this? Not a good idea. Not a good idea at all!
You might want to consider a life coach or some counselling for your damaged boundaries.
I wouldn't have taken a man like that back if my life depended on it. That you DID consider taking him back indicates a problem with your resolve. Know what you stand for , otherwise you'll fall for anything. | |
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| Opinions and Honesty wanted!!!!
Posted: 10/23/2009 7:35:15 AM | You DO know that the chances are extremely high that he was involved with this woman he's now living with while he was supposedly in a relationship with YOU, right?
Good God - he moves into a woman's house just a short MONTH after your breakup? To believe that he wasn't cheating with this woman would be naive, and I hope you know that.
Secondly, this guy is just one big scumbag. He couldn't be honest with YOU during your 3 years with him, and he can't be honest with his side-dish he's now living with but was playing with when he was supposed to be committed to you. Sorry - my give-a-damn's broken. I have zero sympathy for her - she KNEW what she was getting when she picked up this snake. She's not a victim - she's a volunteer so she gets what's coming to her.
This loser has ZERO integrity, ZERO character, and NO moral compass whatsoever. The only reason he's coming around (aside from the fact that he's a complete lying pig) is because you LET him.
You're no longer a victim either. You're now a volunteer, just like the stupid woman whose living with him.
Aim HIGHER, Just a Girl 1975. Hell, you could go down to the seedy side of town and bring home a homeless WINO with more integrity than this loser who keeps calling you. | |
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| Opinions and Honesty wanted!!!!
Posted: 10/23/2009 7:41:12 AM | | He is a cheater. Why would you want him after what he is doing to his girlfriend. Speaks to his character. He'll do it to you. You haven't moved on- you're hoping he will choose you. the question is- why do you want him? No contact is the only way. | |
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| Opinions and Honesty wanted!!!!
Posted: 10/24/2009 1:55:05 AM | you know when he pulled this a second time, you should have relized he was wanting his cake, and eat it too. when he called a third time you should have told him to get lost or something to that nature,or just hung up on him. just plain simple move on  | |
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| Opinions and Honesty wanted!!!!
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:42:19 AM | Ok. So after some serious thinking this weekend I have come to the conclusion that I am very dillusional... LOL
Realizing that I have allowed myself to be treated this way for so long.. Geez what am I thinking..Thanks for all the advice.. | |
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| Opinions and Honesty wanted!!!!
Posted: 10/26/2009 11:27:36 AM | Sweetie,
You've taught him to disrespect you, by being so desperate to hold on to this boy (yes, he didn't grown up to deserve being called a man, and he'll never reach the stage of being a gentleman.lol). So now, he will use you, use you, use you....
Stop! He deserves a curb side; and you deserve to have a man, who will never implicate kids when dating, is just dating PERIOD!
Good luck! | |
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| Opinions and Honesty wanted!!!!
Posted: 10/26/2009 12:36:14 PM | OP-
No pity from me on this. Why are you allowing bad behavior and then expecting something other than what you have right now. Tisk, tisk you know better. It's not about being naive it's about being ingorant (root word: ignore). You walking into this and simply tried to make him something he is not. Let him be who he is without you. You cannot make a grown man do anything he does not want to do. Stop it now before you mess your kids up. Not cool. | |
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| Opinions and Honesty wanted!!!!
Posted: 10/26/2009 3:05:20 PM | Sounds like he is just messing you around and picking you up when he wants a bit on the side.
Whats sad is your messing around with that user while there are many men on POF willing to treat you like a Queen !
Will women ever learn ?
Its seems the bad boy is so sexy to women...... | |
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| Opinions and Honesty wanted!!!!
Posted: 10/26/2009 3:05:57 PM | It sound to me that this guy finds stablity and comfort 'knowing' you're 'there' when he needs to touch base with security otherwise he just wants to do as he pleases and enjoy want he can. In all honesty, he is truly a very selfish man with absolutely no compassion for you. For a man to 'use' the love of heart that would be everything she could be for him, he is truly more emotionally crippled than what you realize.
I know it will be hard because it sound like you are still 'in love' with the man you "THOUGHT" he was when you first met him and letting go of such a dream is one of the hardest thinks a woman can do.
Girl 1975, you DESERVE better than that in your life. Ask yourself, 'would he still be there for you if the roles were reversed'?
As hard and hurtfull and as lonely as it may seem...let him go and get on with yourlife. The one you suppose to be with can't find you becuase he is getting in the way.
Best of luck! | |
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| Opinions and Honesty wanted!!!!
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:00:32 PM | I don't believe that it's stupidity that allows this kind of cycle to continue... Sounds like you haven't given yourself enough time away from this man to get the clarity to see the dynamic. By waiting just a month before he contacts you, he gives you almost enough time to accept that he's gone, but not enough to have clarity to see that it'll drag you down the next time you engage with him. If you wait at least 2 full months before even considering answering a call, I believe you'll have all the hindsight needed. It's almost as if you have to detox him out of your system before you'll be able to see it clearly. Believe it or not, you'll even loose your attraction to him.
He isn't a friend... So, don't delude yourself into answering his call for friendship. No "friend" would continue to yo-yo another back and forth like that. I don't care what his situation is... If he had any kind of consideration, he'd see how selfish he's been and just leave you alone.
If the cycle continues, it will be because YOU allowed it to. | |
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| Opinions and Honesty wanted!!!!
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:53:48 PM | Just a girl 1975,
This is all you need to know... You and your kids deserve so much better.
You teach people how to treat you. As long as you let him walk in and out of your life he thinks its ok and he will continue as long as you allow it.
If he was totally into you he would be with you and only you.
Move on girl... | |
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| Opinions and Honesty wanted!!!!
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:56:59 PM | | Just abandon his aspect of your life = him. It can be no other way if you want safety/ health. | |
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| Opinions and Honesty wanted!!!!
Posted: 10/27/2009 9:11:55 AM | I could be wrong but the impression I get is that any relationship no matter how bad is better than none. unfortunatly if you don't stand up for something you'll fall for anything and the something you should be starting up for is ...You!
we seperated a year ago and a month after him moving out he was lving with another woman . Red flag if it took him a month to move in how long was involved with this woman before moving in???
But he continues to contact me several times saying that he still loves me and that he wants to work it out . So much so that he wakes up in the arms of some other chick the same chick he left you to be with! If my boss decided one day Kev, you no longer need to work I'll give a pay cheque anyway imagine how much I can get if I still choose to work another job while claiming pay for this one. People only get away with what you let them get away with. If you act like a Carpet do not be surprised if somebody decides to tread on you. Worst still there's probably somebody out there reasy to open their arms and their hearts to you but they'll never reach because you've blocked yourself by pushing this other clown in your way. In fact i apologies this guy isn't a clown he's just doing what you let him. Wake up sis you're punching bellow your weight and you know you deserve better so go out there and get yours. | |
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| Opinions and Honesty wanted!!!!
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:16:38 AM | Sometimes we want something so badly that we make very bad decisions, followed by more bad decisions. He has given you his answer and you just do not want to accept it.
Move on, dear. There are much better men out there for you.
And keep the kids out of this, it will only confuse them. | |
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| Opinions and Honesty wanted!!!!
Posted: 10/27/2009 1:33:07 PM | | What have you learn? Do you have any self respect. You have not learn the lesson, so I guess you are happy to be just a Fvck buddy at best. | |
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| Opinions and Honesty wanted!!!!
Posted: 10/29/2009 5:41:04 AM | (Your guy just sounds very conflicted)
He is not conflicted he is just a jerk...
Life is way too short to waste it on someone who only views you as an option.
Move on... You deserve someone who is totally into you and only you... | |
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