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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/27/2009 3:40:11 PM | I am not an independant woman............I am a self reliant woman.
I don't need a man.................................I want one who wants me.
My kids don't need a dad.......................because they are close to 30.
My red flags: I like to dance about once a week, don't care for NASCAR or motorcycles and I am allergic to tobacco smoke. Those things alone caused 90% of the men to hit next.............the rest don't like my looks.
What cracks me up............I have been called needy and too independant. People who don't want you will offer up any kind of a name to reject you to make themselves feel better. I agree with one poster--men don't want you to be independent but they don't want you in their wallet either...............and they say women can't make up their minds. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/27/2009 4:20:31 PM | Message 216 - page 9
I'm sorry that you don't get my sense of humour...................I was joking around..................alot of people on here get so serious about everything.
For the record you do seem a touch defensive. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/27/2009 4:44:43 PM |
Maybe it's only a red flag if you don't like independent women
the point is being missed. people who truly are a certain way, at their core, are unconscious about it. they don't think about it, so they don't feel the need to tell anyone that. they can just BE it. does bill gates feel the need to tell anyone how great a businessman he is?
so a truly independent woman is unlikely to put that in her profile. meaning those who do quite likely are not independent, and don't believe they are anyway, and are making an effort to cover it up. it's the covering up, the implied discomfort with self, that's the red flag. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/27/2009 6:44:26 PM | ^ That doesn't make sense to me. By that logic, we shouldn't write anything about ourselves on our profiles since if we are really the things we say we are, there should be no need to mention them. And if we do mention them, it's either because a) we're lying b) we're delusional c) combination of both a and b by being the complete opposite of what's written.
Should we then eliminate our stats - age, height, marital status, etc. and do away with our interests since most of us don't exactly walk around proclaiming our likes and dislikes and what we're looking for to our family, friends, neighbors and co-workers who are people who already KNOW us, which eliminates the need for a profile/proclamation in the first place?
Okay, so I took a quick look at some of the men's profile in this thread and going by the same logic, those who have things like reasonable, easy going, responsible, romantic, sensual, down to earth on their profiles are all lying or delusional or both - at the very least, they are none of the things they claim they are because if they were, there would be no need to mention it.
Also, Bill Gates is a household name - most people are aware of who he is and what he does - conversely, it's safe to assume that most people don't have a clue who I am and what I do for a living or whether I pray to allah or to some dead guy on a stick - it's why it's important for me to have information on my profile that reflects who/what I am as opposed to a Bill Gates or an Angelina.
Well I'm off to change my profile now...decisions decisions...which one will it be....do I go with the most generic, most non offensive, most politically correct profile ever written OR should I just write the exact opposite of what I mean to say????
*off she goes to carefully weigh the pros and cons of delusional vs liar vs brainwashed vs braindead while some vague and distant memory of the word freedom dances through her head*
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/27/2009 7:41:24 PM |
whether I pray to allah or to some dead guy on a stick
LMFAO. Thanks for the laugh! Glad to see you back in the forums, I enjoy your posts.
I can clearly see your perspective in regard DavidPiano's post. Your Bill Gates point is excellent.
When I first started the online deal I checked out the profiles of the competitive landscape in the catalog - lol, former marketer, it's what we do.
I saw a LOT of profiles - 8 out of 10 maybe - of women overtly claiming their independence. I think maybe it was the tone of it that was the worst, seemed so very defensive - but I do remember thinking as I read some of these, if I were a guy I'd be wary of that one. It came across as a false claim. Not saying it was, maybe just appeared that way. I didn't feel the need to include the independent descriptor in my profile. If a guy reading my profile couldn't put 1 + 1 together from the overall description I provided and know independence is one of my traits, he probably isn't someone I'd be very interested in anyway.
I also read LOTS of men's profiles. It's pretty interesting how many of them felt the need to put in their profiles - no, demand in their profiles - that the person they were seeking must be independent. I better understood why the women were putting it so overtly in their's. The market was demanding it.
It's just another screening tool.
Interdependency is a concept I really like a lot. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/28/2009 1:02:21 AM |
^ That doesn't make sense to me. By that logic, we shouldn't write anything about ourselves on our profiles since if we are really the things we say we are, there should be no need to mention them. And if we do mention them, it's either because a) we're lying b) we're delusional c) combination of both a and b by being the complete opposite of what's written.
Should we then eliminate our stats - age, height, marital status, etc. and do away with our interests since most of us don't exactly walk around proclaiming our likes and dislikes and what we're looking for to our family, friends, neighbors and co-workers who are people who already KNOW us, which eliminates the need for a profile/proclamation in the first place? Purely argumentative.
If one says, I AM 40 years old, and they ARE 40 years old, that's NOT subjective, it's FACT. If one is 60 yrs old and says, "I look 40 yrs old." That's subjective.
If one says, I AM 5'5" tall, and they ARE 5'5" tall, that is FACT. If they say I am "tall"; that is subjective. If one says (being 5'5") I weigh 200 lbs and they in fact weigh 200 lbs, then that is FACT; if they (being 5'5") say I am "average", that is subjective.
"Dependency" is a COMPARISON, not a quantifiable measurement. I do agree that those who "define" themselves as....easy going, reasonable, romantic, sensual....or good kissers!!! LOL! ARE making subjective comparisons of themselves and would be much more accurate if they stated " I have been told that I am.....blah, blah, blah...whatever".
Usually however, those who state such things as, "romantic, easy going," etc. don't express it in a "confrontational" way. But, there again, "confrontational" is a subjective term, totally open to the perception of the individual reading the commentary.
My profile is...fairly lengthy, and I just checked to be sure, but NOPE.... nowhere have I made any "declarations" about my personality traits....whether I'm nice, or not, romantic, or independent, or intelligent, ect. I simply state the "facts" and let anyone reading, draw their own conclusions and comparisons.
I see ANYONE, male or female with "Red Flags" when they try to force their own perceptions of themselves down my throat. It IS a sign of someone who likes to argue, and who thinks that their perceptions are the ONLY accurate ones, or at least...the only ones which matter. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/28/2009 2:06:18 AM | I like the idea of being self sufficient and whole.
That way any contribution I make to a relationship, is pure and from the heart, rather than from excessive need - many men are unable to cope, nor should they, with a woman that relies too heavily on them.
Impure hearts tend to detract from love, and impurities come in the form of attachment.
I am like the flower that likes to sit in the palm of a man's hand, which is where I will stay, as long as he doesn't try to close his fist over and make it dark. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/28/2009 3:04:33 AM | This confuses me. Guys dont like a woman who is independent (who's not ashamed to admit it I mean) and then originally they run from women who say they want to feel needed or something like that....
And they say women can't make up their minds.
Why dont ladies just stop reading magazines that advocate women to do things to please men and just please themselves and just Enjoy the company of a good man?
Then we can leave the ungrateful ones to **** on the forums about why they can't get a date or a quality mate.. .
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/28/2009 3:29:01 AM | Guys don't hate independent women.
Guys have been taught/learned through experience that someone that feels the need to tell them, "I'm independent!" in the first 5 minutes of meeting them are trouble.
I think that a lot of people forget that the profile is the, "Hello, I'm _______." It should provide information while being open.
You would never, ever, ever send out a resume with, "I don't need a job," written anywhere on it. You probably wouldn't respond to, "Can I buy you a drink?" with, "I'm independent!"
In both of these situations the behavior comes across as needlessly combative. This is how many men view it in profiles.
Men WANT independent women. As many people have pointed out, no one wants someone that is going to smother them. Though the reality is that by the time most of us reach adulthood we have a way to avoid those personality types. There aren't any people in my social circle that lack independence, therefore it sets off warning bells when people feel the need to tell me that. (Much like I wouldn't start a profile off with, "I don't live in my parents' basement," in spite of the fact that I don't live in my parents' basement. It comes across as odd. "Why does he need to write that? What's wrong with this guy?!" ) | |
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| Independent vs interdependent
Posted: 10/28/2009 11:42:53 AM | "Need" is not a four-letter word. I DO need a man.
If you were out of work, wouldn't you not just WANT a job but NEED one? And aren't most of us here looking for a loving partnership because we currently don't have one? And isn't a loving partnership significantly more fulfilling than any profession?
People are inter-dependent creatures; we need to be known, loved, and accepted. We perish without that. Those I love (family, friends, etc), I DO come to count on... and I hope they feel they can count on me. I am not an island; inter-dependency is not evil. It is partnership.
I love and appreciate men. So yes, I do need a man's perspective, his prescence, and his care and protection. And I give my love, loyalty, and passion in return. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/28/2009 1:26:48 PM |
You can generalize anything and you'll still be 100% wrong because it doesn't apply to everyone.
Yet...
The women who feel the need to spout off about being "independent" are insecure to begin with, and not all they are cracked up to be.
Perhaps you meant that it's okay for some people to make generalizations and not others?
Or is one who speaks from both sides of their mouth (in the same paragraph nonetheless) exempt from the very rules they spout off and expect others to follow?
I wonder how that works...hmm...I suppose one is never too old or too independent to learn something new. And I'm sure my new skill would come in handy, specially on these boards. Why I could go around and spout any old rhetoric in one sentence and contradict myself in the next IF of course, it would be to my advantage to do so - of course.
Neat! 
Anyway, the topic of this thread isn't about independent women per se, it's about red flags on women's profiles, but either way, BOTH topics are redundant and biitching about other people's profiles is a no-no and is used in the Rules and Regulations of this forum as an example of what constitute an invalid thread.
But in the end, I still hold that if one doesn't like what they see on a profile, they should exercise their free will and click on the next profile. But then again, considering that some people are not capable of doing a thread search or reading and comprehending a list of simple rules, I guess I can see why some might be confused as to what their next move should be upon coming across a profile that OMG might offend their delicate nature. Should I stay or should I click? Stay or click? Click or stay? Stay or click??? Decisions decisions.... 
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/28/2009 1:34:08 PM |
To most of the guys, it really doesn't matter whatever she says on her profile as long as she is looking HOT on her pictures period
I think both genders are guilty of that fallacy. How many women have on their profiles that "No picture, No response"! | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/28/2009 1:46:30 PM | Personally, I think women should define themselves the way they see themselves in their profile...if you don't like what you read and what to make an assumption about her and click next....you have that right. Just remember what they say about assumptions making an ass out of you and me....
The problem I found with internet dating is people are too quick to dismiss rather than spend time actually getting to know someone. How can you know a person by what they write on a profile? You can't....not really. Of course, there is another profile right there to catch your interest...or not.
You can assume that a woman who declares herself is independent is lying.....she may be, she may not be. She may be a good match for you but if you judge her without asking her to clarify what she means, to me that is not very smart if your goal is to find someone compatible with you.
As other posters have said, so many men complain about women who cannot support themselves or who cling to them like a life preserver. Women had heard you guys....and we are responding to you but now you don't like the way we respond to you.
~who cares.....I have a man who loves/appreciates my independence!!!!~
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/28/2009 1:53:42 PM |
To most of the guys here, it really doesn't matter whatever she says on her profile as long as she is looking HOT on her pictures period
In defense of us guys, most women's profiles are so free of any real content -- about being "independent", or otherwise -- that the pictures are about all there is to go on. Then you just keep your fingers crossed and hope for the best. Few men are masochistic or desperate enough (though I could be wrong about this) to intentionally go after women they think are repulsive.
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/28/2009 2:22:27 PM |
"Dependency" is a COMPARISON, not a quantifiable measurement. I do agree that those who "define" themselves as....easy going, reasonable, romantic, sensual....or good kissers!!! LOL! ARE making subjective comparisons of themselves and would be much more accurate if they stated " I have been told that I am.....blah, blah, blah...whatever".
Good example. I never put descriptions of my personality in my profile because not only does it sound cliché, but everyone has their own interpretation of what it means. Its better to stick to facts and not try to describe oneself to much.
If someone describes themselves as independent yet is receiving alimony or child support from a stepparent, does not strike me as independent.
People will make their own observations & base that on what they see, no matter how much you try to describe yourself.
Anyway, the topic of this thread isn't about independent women per se, it's about red flags on women's profiles, but either way, BOTH topics are redundant and biitching about other people's profiles is a no-no and is used in the Rules and Regulations of this forum as an example of what constitute an invalid thread.
Nice try, you don't like the topic now, so lets get rid of it. While there are plenty of threads themselves about red flags or independent women, Combining both reveals a topic quite unique. At least when doing a thread search.
Discussing what in ones profile is perfectly legal as long as you don't flame them about it. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/28/2009 2:52:37 PM |
(brick-wall) ^ That doesn't make sense to me. By that logic, we shouldn't write anything about ourselves on our profiles since if we are really the things we say we are, there should be no need to mention them. And if we do mention them, it's either because a) we're lying b) we're delusional c) combination of both a and b by being the complete opposite of what's written.
I actually kinda-sorta agree, with this and the rest of your post. It's much preferable to actually, you know, meet, to get to know someone, but sometimes it feels like trying to pull teeth getting a person to actually, you know, meet. There are too many Nervous-Nellies who wanna substitue chatting online with actually dating, or at least meeting for coffee. So, a short profile is best...
(but then, there's gonna be scads of people ****ing about 2-sentence profiles, and not having enough information to go on... bummer)
Bimbly | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/28/2009 3:15:23 PM | "Okay, so I took a quick look at some of the men's profile in this thread and going by the same logic, those who have things like reasonable, easy going, responsible, romantic, sensual, down to earth on their profiles are all lying or delusional or both - at the very least, they are none of the things they claim they are because if they were, there would be no need to mention it. "
Two thumbs up!
Most of the people don't know who they really are (including me). So it's stupid to try to define who we are with few words.
People can write and say whatever others like to hear and whatever they believe about themselves. But often times their self images can be far from the truth to others. Words are just words and Actions speak louder than words. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/28/2009 3:53:17 PM |
Nice try, you don't like the topic now, so lets get rid of it. While there are plenty of threads themselves about red flags or independent women, Combining both reveals a topic quite unique. At least when doing a thread search.
Discussing what in ones profile is perfectly legal as long as you don't flame them about it.
Hahaha. This is amusing I admit but it is getting a little tiresome...
Okay, here we go again... firstly, I never said I didn't like the topic now (as opposed to what...yesterday?)
Secondly, please show me where I said that I/we should get rid of this thread.
And thirdly, before spouting off about the legalities (they're called rules) of the forum, one should ensure that a) they understand the written word and b) they know and understand what they're talking about.
Regarding a, I said it was against the rules to biitch ABOUT other people's profiles and IT IS. Biitching and ranting about WHAT people write on their profiles is a separate and entirely different rule than the rule that forbids a member to identify/ridicule/quote another member's profile. Get it?
And here's b ( aka the rules, shortened and with pertinent section bolded for easier reading and understanding)
EXAMPLES OF WHAT THREADS ARE NOT VALID
Any thread dealing with "why can't I get a date", "what's wrong with me, am I too ugly, too thin, overweight" etc.
Threads that are designed to look at your profile for whatever reason.
why can't BBW's find love etc.
Short guys don't stand a chance
Does size matter?
Any of the following examples have either been done to death in other forums or have no discussion value:
Any rant type threads with inane generalizations that only serve to troll for negative comments.
Why members do this or that in their profiles such as no shirts, excessive cleavage, car pics, pet pics, profile email restrictions, no pics., favourites list etc.
List / Survey questions
Advertising to the opposite sex looking for a date
Older Man/Younger Woman and vice versa
No Chat threads, Word Games
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I actually kinda-sorta agree, with this and the rest of your post.
Kinda sorta huh? Well, that's great (I kinda sorta think?)....but to be perfectly honest, I don't really care whether anyone agrees with me or not...what I care about are things like integrity and intellectual honesty - I despise double standards and hypocrisy and I despise even more when people assume to speak for me and/or attempt to put words in my mouth that aren't mine.
And so, my new advice for those who are obviously not able to click on the next profile when they come upon a profile they don't like or agree with, is perhaps they should require assistance (mom, dad, big brother/sister...caregiver???) to help them with this most difficult decision.
Edit:
PLEASE STAY ON TOPIC! Off topic rants are not appreciated and they do nothing to further the TOPIC. The point is not ones ability to move on to another profile.
My post is in response to a FALSE accusation that was made against me/my post but you're right - I should simply report it and not respond to it. Of course, then this thread risks being vaporised by bringing attention to it. Hmm...decisions decisions...
Oh...and there's really no need for you to tell me what YOU think the point of this thread may be...I am very much aware of what the point is, but thanks just the same:)
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/28/2009 3:53:37 PM | People will make their own observations & base that on what they see, no matter how much you try to describe yourself. Exactly Right!!!
Remember the scene in Crocodile Dundee, when she says...."Mick, he's got a knife!!!" Mick LAUGHED and said....no, that's not a knive.....THIS is a knife!!!" LOL! as the guy takes off running!
THAT'S the problem with making those declarations like "I'm Independent"; there will always be someone who's going to laugh in your face, because FEW people are truly "independent"...and believe me, THEY don't go around TELLING people that.
Whether the woman is living off or child support and alimony, or if she's a doctor....she STILL depends on someone for an income. Ask 5 million Americans who are on unemployment how "independent" they are. But, this is very typically a statement that usually comes from a very young person, who even though they're still being subsidized by parents (to pay their rent) really mean....that they DON'T FOLLOW ANYONE'S RULES. LOL! I wouldn't really call it "independent", I'd call it closer to "rebellious".
Post #254: PLEASE STAY ON TOPIC! Off topic rants are not appreciated and they do nothing to further the TOPIC. The point is not ones ability to move on to another profile. Loan the rest of us your Crystal Ball and perhaps we TOO would then KNOW (as you do) that HE contacted her....rather than she contacted him...and he chose NOT to respond because I perceived the independence remark as a RED FLAG. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/28/2009 5:09:33 PM | | I don't need a man, I would like to have a man in my life to enhance it, to enhance both of our lives. I think there is a big difference. I think when someone says I need a man or I need a woman b/c they literally need another person in order to be happy at all is a red flag. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/28/2009 5:36:24 PM | | They wouldn't know they needed you until you get in a relationship and then you both decide you can't live without each other, then everything changes. It is just a defense mechanism to say that, I would just ignore it. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/28/2009 5:47:40 PM | | My old landlord used to say why do "black" women always say they are Independent(not putting race into this forum, but she was talking to me and I'm black and she is hispanic). She then explained how her husband loved for her to ask him to do stuff or fix stuff. It made him feel more like a man. My reply was, there are a lot of "women" who claim independence, because alot are NOT. I THOUGHT that most men wanted the security of a woman who can survive if times got rough... all though I am starting to wonder if playing the damsel in distress might just be the way to go. It's a double edged sword.. the word independent. I think it depends on the way some folks use it. As your head line...probably not a good thing.. but once the ice breaks... maybe claiming your accomplishments on a date may be more settling for a guy... but I wouldn't know... I'm not a guy... lol | |
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