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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/29/2009 9:24:25 PM | Do you need a brand new porsche? No but you would want one right? You don't need anything in life but we want to love and be loved.
I think they are just saying they are not looking for someone to take care of them financial wise. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/30/2009 2:49:36 PM | Maybe you are taking what they are trying to say in a more negative way to what they are trying to get across, and thats such a shame because im kinda one of those girls you are on about i think hahaha, and i would hate to think that the fact i want people to know i am proud of being hard working and confident etc be a negative thing??? this confuses me as i think they are attractive qualities, in the end of the day... they are asked to decribe themself, if they want people to know that they are independent which to mean means... works hard, stays active, earns own money doesnt expect anything from anyone and keeps busy, has own friends and own interests etc... wont scrounge off you, wont sit on her arse while your at work all day... wont nag you for going 'out with the boys' wont show off when you go play monday night football, i think thats a good thing... i have male friends.. and this is one of their main issues with women, that they expect men to pay for everything, expect presents, expect everything their way, nags and acts clingy and shows off, and the man wants to find a woman that will get stuck in to things instead of make up excuses... thats laid back when it comes to spending time apart etc... if girls are trying to tell you that they have this positive quality to their personality that appeals to men generally and that generally men are looking for which will give you freedom to live your life without having a stroppy show off girlfriend making your life hell ?( which i see more and more now a days and i guess these other women see too) then maybe you should say hello to them and just embrace that they are trying to communicate that one of the qualities they have is that they are not like that :) maybe they value their strength through life over writing down... i have blonde hair and like the colour pink... i like shopping and my favourite posession is my £300 ghd hair straighteners.... ok abit over the top but you get what i mean i hope, if asked about themselves on a site to attract a man then maybe they just think that this is something about them a man would like to see, maybe they would find it refreshing to the 'usual' girls they meet etc :)
xxx i think when they say they dont need a man maybe that is simular, they are saying they dont need to rely on a man, maybe they see the way other women behave and think they are being lazy or selfish or stroppy or childish, or getting their life handed to them on a plate, and as many men seem to say they are looking for a women who is different, independent and confident and fiesty, has her own friends and interests and money etc etc they are just trying to show you that they think they have this quality to offer, that they are not childish, i would hate to think that just because i say that i like to live my life looking after myself, working hard, earning my way, trying to make a good happy fun life for myself that people would see this as a negative thing. that would be such a shame xxx | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/30/2009 2:58:23 PM | [Black culture is not at all similiar, in fact being that a large percentage of families are one parent household, women have a much larger say in what goes on. ]
ummm i dunno if that's so true.. there are alot of 1 parent households of many races... and having a say so in what goes on has nothing to do with "independence" I think it's more so, who's bringing home the bacon... and these days... there are more women who are WILLING to bring it home, fry it, cook it and eat it and still be submissive to a man.. just to say "I have a man". | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/30/2009 5:11:07 PM | OP, you're trying to build a rocket with materials that will only make a mash potatoes.
If i read a profile where the woman says they don't need me or or any of that jazz, i just keep on browsing. Such women are crazy and belong on an island all by themselves since they don't need anyone. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/30/2009 7:00:12 PM | Yawn.
That's not enough . . . yawn, yawn.
I am surprised this forum made it this long since it is exceedingly redundant.
OP, why does it matter? If a woman says that and it offends you, move on.
If EVERYONE on this dating site merely did that--move on to the next person--the same old issues wouldn't be hashed and rehashed. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:08:58 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
These are the TYPICAL BS LAME excuses that females think of INSTEAD of womaning up, ADMITTING they LOVE playing the little kindergarten kid mind games keeping males at arm's length.............................INSTEAD of just SIMPLY SAYING what it is they want AND STICKING TO IT, what THEY NEED, WHY they need that, ADMIT they are NOT really happy being alone, ( we were CREATED by God to BE WITH SOMEONE), and why they are on a DATING/RELATIONSHIP site in the FIRST place???!!!
And if all they want/seek is talk/email, activity partner, FRIENDS, running buddy, chat person......................why the HELL are they on a DATING, LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP site instead of a simple CHAT site when there are HUNDREDS of those???
And of course, then all the LAME EXCUSES follow as to why they are on here. .............blah..................blah........................blah | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:35:46 AM | no sestruth - We know that most men get too scared when they know a woman is getting "too attached" and they run away. We HAVE to play it cool so we don't scare you skittish little boys. I wish it were as simple as luring you with a bowl of candy. BOO!  | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:06:00 AM | | Amazing how quick they will allow a successful man to take care of them when they find one. Most of the women I know look for a guy to pay all the expense while they go switch to part time so that they can use their own money on them selves. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/31/2009 12:27:06 PM |
(Gwendolyn2009) OP, why does it matter? If a woman says that and it offends you, move on.
Because some of us guys are curious as to what drives a woman to put something so negative on her profile.
Of course, this has been an illustration of that old saw, "Ask two women why they do something, and you'll get three answers!"...
Bimbly | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/31/2009 5:32:26 PM |
Do you need a brand new porsche? No but you would want one right? You don't need anything in life but we want to love and be loved.
I think they are just saying they are not looking for someone to take care of them financial wise.
There's a guy who gets it. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/31/2009 5:51:18 PM |
Gold digger status?
That's nothing new.
And the guy who doesn't get it.
Lack of needing a guy and being a gold digger doesn't really compute - unless someone can show me where I missed the reference. Thanks for your efforts tho. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:19:24 AM | "And the guy who doesn't get it.
Lack of needing a guy and being a gold digger doesn't really compute - unless someone can show me where I missed the reference. Thanks for your efforts tho. "
oh we get it alright................the FACT is is that YOU don't want us to be able to get it!!!
GOT IT???
yeah, and you REALLY missed the reference......................but that's the typical oversight of the modern feminist female.
thanks for your efforts THO! | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:33:23 AM | When I first signed up here, I did the whole "independent" thing on my profile, although I didn't go so far as to say I didn't need a man. I thought I was responding to a very clear message from a lot of men that they were leery of women who just wanted to be supported. I wanted to make it clear that I had a job, intended to keep it, and could take care of myself in that regard.
It was only after reading these forums that I realized that an "independent woman" is as big a turnoff as a "nice guy."
So, I think part of this is that we all get mixed messages from the opposite sex. Guys don't want to be stuck with a leech or gold-digger, but still wanted to be needed. Women want to be treated with love and respect, but find sweet, doormat guys boring.
Somehow, it's really hard to communicate all of this. I guess we just need to try to portray ourselves as honestly as possible and figure the right person will appreciate the right qualities. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:28:30 PM | | I think it is a defense mechanism for many females, i included. It's a way to make them feel strong and in control. If they pound it in to thier own heads enough they build an emotional wall around them selfs that can not be penetrated. There for they keep them selfs from actually getting hurt in the first place. A woman who says that most likely wants a man that will roll over and play dead all the time. Nine times out of ten a woman who says " I'm very independent" may actually be a co depenant while being independent. Which means Yes they can materalisticly provide for her self but emotionally has more bagage than she is willing to admit. thats just my opinion though | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:46:54 PM | Sestruth - do me a favor and don't respond to my posts. You're indirectly hostile, you never understand what I am saying and you're too quick to assume...whatever it is you think you know. I don't remember any of what I said being addressed to you, as usual. Thanks.
OT - how can a woman that doesn't need a man be a red flag? A woman who takes care of herself and doesn't need anything from you should be refreshing.
She has a life, doesn't hound you for attention, doesn't want your money and doesn't ask you for any help with anything. What's the problem?
You guys cannot complain about women who want to be taken care of and then have a problem with women who take care of themselves. Make up your minds. Choose whichever group suits your personal needs and go with it. You either want a woman who caters to you or you want one that is self sufficient.
Added: I agree that announcing independence or any other thing over and over is cause for concern. There are women that don't need anyone but don't have to say they don't - people just learn that about them in due time. It's no different than a person going on and on about how nice they are, or good looking, or even how lonely how being single sucks. It's redundant and irrelevant. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:48:40 PM | Well, am I the only one who sees such statements as RED flags? Guys know that you are independent anyway. Thats what we want. We know you don't need a man (neither do we necessarily need a woman). Hence these statements come out as very confrontational. How does one build a LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP with someone who doesn't need you anyway?
I agree. Someone who goes on and on in their profile about how independent they are and how they don't need anyone is a red flag for me. While I love independent women, there's no need to repeat it over and over in a profile. Some get caught up in a war of words over "need" and "want". I guess they do it in an attempt to prove she's not needy. As already mentioned, some of these women will probably crash the hardest and not demonstrate independence. I met a woman on here once who used the same MO for being low maintenance. She couldn't stop talking about it, and just about everyone was high maintenance except her. It's a great way to comfort your insecurities. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:55:54 PM | | I read this post earlier today, and gave it some thought. Life is simply a path where we discover things, about each other, ourselves and most importantly, where we can experience love. Independence? Bah. What's the point of that? Giving ourselves up to allow others to lean on us, and allowing others to help us are two of the greatest gifts we can give. Always important to maintain a sense of one's self. I'm looking for the ultimate, a partnership where we are equally dependent and independent. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:22:07 PM |
Life is simply a path where we discover things, about each other, ourselves and most importantly, where we can experience love. Independence? Bah. What's the point of that? Giving ourselves up to allow others to lean on us, and allowing others to help us are two of the greatest gifts we can give.
Onemoondance-That sums it up. Simply, yet complex enough to explain what love really is about. How insightful and perceptive of you. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:31:34 PM | to speak directly to the OP, I would be more concerned about the "tone" being confrontational rather than independence as an issue.
We can be independent and non confrontational. It means, ya, I can support myself, so I am not looking for a man for that. I want a man in my life to love as an equal partner & lover & friend. I don't see anything confrontational about that. It's a woman's way of saying "hey dude" I want YOU, not what you have "..........(unless it's Harley... )
I run whenever I read a profile that sounds confrontational, mysogynistic, or demeaning regardless of the subject matter. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:28:58 PM | I said:
OP, why does it matter? If a woman says that and it offends you, move on.
Someone else said:
Likewise, move on to the next thread and don't post on it. That simple, right? (Followed by a little red face of anger.)
Geez, I didn't realize that such a simple statement could garner a mad icon! Must have touched a button there.
Because some of us guys are curious as to what drives a woman to put something so negative on her profile.
Of course, this has been an illustration of that old saw, "Ask two women why they do something, and you'll get three answers!".
Why is "not needing" a man negative? I don't need a man, but I want a man in my life. If I "needed" a man, then I would suffer not having one, wouldn't I? I mean, if I NEED plasma or antibiotics and I don't get them, I will suffer. I am not suffering.
But if I WANT something or someone, it puts a different slant on the issue. Personally, I prefer to be wanted rather than needed. If a man said he NEEDED me, I would think he was a bit deficient. It also puts an onus on me to provide for his needs.
I enjoy the company of men for various reasons, and someday, I might want to live with a man again, but to say I need to have a man live with me . . . no. I have also seen too many women AND men who felt the NEED for someone in their lives and would get into a long-term relationship that was not good for them or go through a plethora of short-terms looking to fulfill their needs.
As for asking two women what they want and getting three answers, I have been on POF for about four years--the same is true of men. Men are no more united in what they want nor are individuals of one mind. I have met men who said they wanted a long-term relationship, but were looking for a one night stand. I have met men who had "dating" on their profiles and during dinner, they started making plans for the rest of our lives together.
Calm down, men, you aren't about to become extinct. You are still needed for your sperm by women of childbearing age. (Evil grin.) | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:33:26 AM | Lots of talk about red flags. It seems we've become a society, at least a dating world, filled with skeptics. Finding someone with whom I can have the ultimate interdependent relationship? Seems like the impossible dream.
Mutually exposing warts, barnacles and vulnerabilities, that's what it's all about, I think. Oh, and being accepted, unconditionally.
Giving ourselves up to allow others to lean on us, and allowing others to help us are two of the greatest gifts we can give. Always important to maintain a sense of one's self. I'm looking for the ultimate, a partnership where we are equally dependent and independent.
Seems like that's what I've been chasing my whole life. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:45:26 AM |
(Bimbly) Because some of us guys are curious as to what drives a woman to put something so negative on her profile.
(Gwendolyn2009) Why is "not needing" a man negative?
Iy's not the not needing that's a negative; it's insisting that you can state it aggressively, and the other person has to like it, or else. Sometimes (not always), you can be right, OR you can be happy; not both at once. I'm inclined to think that this is one of those situations.
Bimbly | |
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