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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/22/2009 3:34:01 PM | I always thought that men don't want a woman who is needy, clingy, demanding, or controlling. I constantly hear that men need their space, and are frightened of women that want or ask too much of them. They want a woman that's more laid back and doesn't need their money, too much of their time etc.
Now men have forced us to become so independent that they don't know where they fit into our lives anymore. We make our own money, hire a handy man or do it ourselves, and can even fulfill sexual needs without them.
There's one component missing, or women wouldn't be advertising to find a man. We all want to feel that "connection" with another person - spending time with that person and having the closeness and intimacy from a man.
Myself, I have never been able to rely on or depend on any man - I would welcome it, but I don't think it would be easy for me to trust that much unless I knew he was going to stick around for a long long time. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/22/2009 3:56:29 PM | | Being independent has nothing to do with "not allowing" a man to do things for or with you. As I said, I'm independent but surprise surprise...I'm in a relationship of some longevity (I like these stupid forums and that's why I'm here). We still both do things for and with each other. There just isn't any heavy reliance on each other to be so dependent on each other that you lose your identity. I can most definitely rely on him and depend on him and vice versa for emotional support when required, we're great friends on top of lovers, but there isn't this feeling of "you mustn't love me if we aren't living together or married". I just so happen to be a person that enjoys my own company and don't have the need or desire to have someone with me 24/7 or risk feeling that I'm an oddball. Again, it works for me and him and it works this way for many others. If it's not for you, that doesn't mean there's something the matter with you, nor does it mean there's something the matter with people who enjoy this form of independence while still maintaining a great relationship. The funny thing is...I'm in a great relationship as an independent person...are you (for those naysayers)? As a previous poster said...it's all about balance...not an all or nothing proposition. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/22/2009 4:13:27 PM | | I guess you have a point with it being red flags, if a woman starts out with that "I don't need a man" it means she really doens't want one. I met a beautiful young on the plane the other day, she was smart, driven, free as a bird, and i knew it without her having to actually say it. That alone made her more interesting. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/22/2009 4:23:40 PM | | Imo, it has nothing to do with low self-esteem/insecurity. As an independent woman myself ;) it just means that I live alone, I earn my own money, and I look after myself. That shouldn't be off-putting to any reasonable man. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/22/2009 4:28:23 PM |
an independent woman myself ;) it just means that I live alone, I earn my own money, and I look after myself. That shouldn't be off-putting to any reasonable man. Likewise, when I put on my profile, "Im a strong virile man, I like having sex" it shouldn't be off-putting to any reasonable woman!! | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/22/2009 4:34:03 PM | Are there many profiles by men that state..." I earn my own money, I'm independent and I look after myself"........highly doubtful....as mature adults consider that the norm......
Proclaiming this on your profile clearly depicts to everyone that you consider this an amazing feat...a grown woman taking care of themselves.....wow!!
It demeans every mature woman who deals with the real world in an adult fashion. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/22/2009 4:38:29 PM | hahah...I think we, as women, want men to know that we are not looking for someone to take care of us. I think we want men to know we are not gold diggers and that we are perfectly happy and content by ourselves. If we say we don't need a man, a guy is going to try harder (for the most part), because he thinks he is the exception. The list goes on...
Truth comes down to we don't want to appear weak or vulnerable because that will get us hurt. If we say we don't need a man and a man never shows up, it doesn't hurt so much. That's the honest answer from a girl who says "I don't need a man." A good guy is like icing on the cake, he isn't the actual cake... | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/22/2009 5:09:20 PM | | I think women who have been married for 10 years or more in marriages where they both can attest to being happy would be better judges of whether "independent women really is a acceptable form" for (get this) good marriages. Because the woman who is 35 and 40 unmarried saying that is not the woman I care to hear. The only women men care to hear talk are the ones who are (get this) marriage minded! The attitudes of women who have been married would be better for men to find find women who attitudes may match. As men (im making a assumption) we are only concerned about women who want to depend on us. Sure its good and acceptable for a woman to bring the ability to sustain herself to the table. But thats only if she wants to share (l0l) when she gets there. Same with a man. This is what truly being independant is "IN" a relationship. Bringing your hard earned income, and your love to the table to (get this) SHARE! IF u leave out sharing them you are leaving out what the other person wants to know that is pertinent to them. Just talking about yourself but not the potential person is a sign of selfishness. Failure to realize that whether intentional or not, let me say it again, whether intentional or not, is a grave error in judgement. That keeps many potential couples single. It just doesnt hurt women, it hurts us to. Because the foundation of a family is not based on the independance of any one individual. Family is above any individual. More women rather be single and independant than not and with a family. Thats the sad truth. Good luck. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/22/2009 5:37:05 PM | They're negative to me. I see "need" as an important thing in relationships. That's just me though. (I've always argued that the breakdown of mutual need over the last 30 years +- is one of the major factors in the increase in divorce. Mutual need kept families together. Now, I'm not saying that you need to be totally reliant on the other person like you used to have to be, but I would prefer someone be with me because I fulfill a need, even if it's just by something in my inner ".marcness" if you will. Wants change over time. I might want a burger, but tomorrow I'll want a pizza. Needs tend to go deeper than that.)
The "I'm happy with my life the way it is" bit gets me the most, 'cause it kind of says that they want you to move into their life in progress and try to fit without breaking anything. 
Sorry if this made little sense. I had the flu, and they've got me on some weird cough syrup. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/22/2009 6:05:18 PM |
Sorry if this made little sense.
It makes perfect sense to me. I think what drew my sweetie to me and me to him was that neither of us were afraid or ashamed to admit that we both had a mutual “need”, a need that could only be fulfilled by someone who recognized what that need was. I don’t think either one of us could explain what that need was, but when our hearts and minds and souls connected, we knew we didn’t have that “need” anymore. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/22/2009 6:09:48 PM | I dont make too much of it...it's usually something that's uttered after a failed relationship. Mostly said out of frustration.
Those who make it known that they "don't need" are the ones who need that exact thing the most. | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 8/24/2009
Msg: 45 | |
| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/22/2009 6:20:10 PM | "I don't need a man... I want a man...blah, blah, blah.." I am independent ... and can do blah blah on my own etc etc", "I am happy with my life the way it is..
Why do you think they say it?
Two reasons... one is that they're telling you they wont put up with sh*t from you and will kick your ass to the curb. I would too.
And the other is because you men freakin EXPECT it
Let me show ya that.
Guys know that you are independent anyway. Thats what we want.
Well if thats what you bloody want... stop complaining.
You dont want the "stereotypical" woman of the 50s who "needs" you in that regard.
You want the stereotypical woman of the 50s WITH an income.
How selfish can you be?
You're a complete fool if you think you're gonna get both cos for as much and as hard as women try... they just cant.
Frankly you've got some balls expecting it and are bloody lazy if you do.
And it makes a woman an idiot IMO who doesnt wanna give you some responsibility.
Makes life harder on them when it doesnt have to be and leaves no room for a man in their life anyway.
Relationships are about SHARING and CARING and RELYING on another human being. Both ways.
*I* can do it ALL.
I have.
Its doesnt have to be difficult but it can be a bloody hard job doing it alone (having a useless partner or not) when it simply doesnt have to be.
How does one build a LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP with someone who doesn't need you anyway?
Lets make this simple... have said it a million times too.
A woman "needs" you if she LOVES you. No other reason.
As soon as you show you dont ie. lusting after other women, having text relationships or taking or giving your number to other women...flirting and dating mulitple women... crawling into your stupid man cave over a misunderstanding or some other bullsh*t
She WONT need you. You take yourself out of the equation. Its not her fault.
What do you expect her to do except get rid of you?
You shoot yourselves in the foot then whine because they cut you loose because you're not being the man you can be when you expect everything in return.
Be the man you CAN be and be the man she LOVES and she'll need you.
Dont jeopardise your position cos of your stupid expectations and ego and there wont be a problem.
And *if* you love her, are mature enough and have a damn brain in your head too... you WONT. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/22/2009 6:21:58 PM | | If she doesn't need a man she has more to give you as a person. Less demands and stress about money. YOu should feel great that a women who doesn't need a man would even be interested in you. Assuming you have something to offer her in kindness, love etc. It all balances out in the end. Less stress more friendship and love making etc. | |
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