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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 6:12:29 AM | | I think a woman saying she is independant in her profile , is just telling the men that she is not clingy and can do things for herself. Not necessarly a bad thing in my mind. I have met a few woman that feel entitled in having a man do everything for them , just becasuse they are women.The word Princess comes to mind.I agree with post 74 about a classy person, not having to state it. Then there is an attractive person not having to say they are attractive or handsome in their profile, but alot of profiles on here have that stated.I'll decide if the person in question is attractive,classy, needy,independant....in my mind. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 8:00:48 AM |
umm, Capitano, what colour is it?
It was that wonderful industrial gray-green colour.
If I were a terrorist at the time, I wouldn't have wanted to use that model of suitcase for my airplane bombing. That fvcker would have contained a very large essplosion. It might have shredded my underwear, but it wasn't gonna let anything out once it was locked....
Sadly, it disappeared somewhere in my travels. I don't think I pawned it, but I think it got confiscated in Winnipeg when I was flat broke and couldn't pay my flop-house bill.
'Twas a sad day.....
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 8:22:13 AM | "I think a woman saying she is independant in her profile , is just telling the men that she is not clingy and can do things for herself."
I think what the OP and is saying is that the more you have to proclaim that "I am an independant woman" in their profile, the more it seems like a red flag.
You should be able to get across your "independant-ness" without having to declare it so in the face of the reader.
If you're writing this profile for yourself, fine, write whatever you want, but for many (decent) men, it's a turn-off. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 8:33:24 AM | Good point sammylg. The statement has nothing to do with being clingy or not. Its more about insecurity and trying to mask it. The rich don't walk around and proclaim it, neither do the beautiful, intelligent etc etc. Their actions and mannerisms speaks for them.
I am very sure that, as a man, if I put in my profile "I am very independent and can do things for myself" ... and add " I don't NEED a woman but WANT a woman" it will be a total turn-off to EVERY WOMAN here on PoF and the entire world for that matter.
We guys feel the same disgust when we see that in your profiles.
I do not want a woman who is going to strut about her independence in a relationship. I NEED one who will be willing to set that aside (as I will mine) and work together to establish "interdependence"! | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 8:49:05 AM | Coffee, tea, water... all the same. Or is it?
Various understandings/interpretations of the word "independence"... perhaps. It's easy to take things out of context... perhaps confuse the premise or meaning with a preferred choice of words: Personal space. No / Yes?
I consider myself independent.... as much if not more or less than a potential mate. Do I want a man to need/want me outside my personal space - yup! Do I want/need a man to be outside of his personal independence from time to time - yup! So why not respect it for what it is... three healthy relationships!  | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 8:50:05 AM | For those who figure independence means we're able to take care of ourselves financially and thus "have" to state it, you're missing the boat on some of our definitions of it. Of course we're able to take care of ourselves, or fricking should be, as adults. My definition of it is has nothing to do with the monetary factor, but rather, a woman who doesn't have to be joined at the hip with a guy in order to have a great relationship with him and interrogates a guy if he's out of her sight for longer than it takes him to get to a store and back. By the same token, I don't want to be that woman that is the one having to account for every second of my time to a man. Perhaps a better way to describe this sort of independence to which I refer is to say I'm not "smothering" when it comes to men and I dislike being smothered myself. I don't "need" a man in that I don't feel my world stops as soon as I don't have one within arm's reach at all times. You can be married or living with someone and still be "independent". Do I "want" a guy to share certain aspects of my life with...you betcha. Guys are great! However, being with one doesn't define who I am and I wouldn't be a lesser person without one in my life; therefore, I don't "need" one.
Some of you people posting here crack me up though. In one breath I've seen some of you jump all over women and say the majority are gold diggers and take you for everything in a divorce or even for dinner dates or a stupid coffee and that's how they get by because they can't or won't on their own. Then in the next breath you're putting down women who say they are independent financially and don't expect financial pampering like it's a bad thing. I agree that if someone goes around stating that boldly outloud all the time that yes, they have issues. ...and, yes, there are many women who, even if they don't state it out loud, are looking for a guy to shower them with baubles and pay their way through life because, in some twisted way, they figure the more "stuff" they get from a man, the more worthy or special they must be. They tend to use it as some form of competition with other women as well. Just look at the fuss made about the size of a stone they get when it comes to jewellery and all the whispering and sideways glances if it's too small and all the envy if it's a big one. This isn't the type of independence or dependancy I refer to at all, but rather that in my first paragraph above. My independence has absolutely nothing to do with my net worth or ability to pay my way or look after myself - that part of me is obvious because I'm doing it. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 9:00:30 AM | | The think the issue here is that people use one or two words to mean things that are better explained in multiple sentences. (I'm not having a go at anyone, I'm just pointing out that some people are expecting an interpretation that's very difficult to get out of what is provided.) | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 9:21:21 AM | Are these independant women down for a prenup???
This statement does say a lot...
The statement has nothing to do with being clingy or not. Its more about insecurity and trying to mask it. The rich don't walk around and proclaim it, neither do the beautiful, intelligent etc etc. Their actions and mannerisms speaks for them.
I would rather be with someone who wants to be with me, rather than someone roaring on and on about how indepenant they are. That's nice, you go run along and be independant somewhere else.
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 10:08:02 AM | Frankly, I view these type of women as selfish snobs who act as if the world revolves around them. I guarantee you that it's not just the men they claim they don't need, it's also people in general.
There is anything wrong with independence. As a matter of fact, in this day, and age men prefer it if women are able to take care of themselves. Especially financially.
Frankly, I don't see anything wrong with receiving a helping hand from a man, or anyone else for that matter.
Nowadays, it's clear that most men aren't looking for women who would rather sit on their asses all day, with no ambition, goals, or anything of the like. But there is a difference between being independent, and a snob who pretends to not have any needs, and don't need anyone. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 10:08:16 AM | Well, am I the only one who sees such statements as RED flags? Guys know that you are independent anyway. Thats what we want. We know you don't need a man (neither do we necessarily need a woman). Hence these statements come out as very confrontational.
It should be obvious by the number of posts (and redundant threads on this subject) that you're not the only one who feels this way...no?
What's not so obvious to me is why there are so many people who seem to think that what others write on their profile is any of their business IF for ANY reason it doesn't resonate with them?
Why does it matter to you or anyone if I or any woman should shout at the top of our lungs that we're independent women? Aren't you capable of independent thoughts enough to click on the next profile if something in ours leaves you cold or feeling "confronted"??
Is it arrogance? A control issue? An inferiority or superiority complex? What is it that makes (some) people want to dictate how others manage their profiles instead of simply passing them by I wonder??
Anyway, I've never felt the need to proclaim my independence on my profile but after seeing who/what type it may help in keeping away from me, I might do just that if and when I ever start dating again.
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 10:20:07 AM |
Aren't you capable of independent thoughts enough to click on the next profile if something in ours leaves you cold or feeling "confronted"??
Is it arrogance? A control issue? An inferiority or superiority complex? What is it that makes (some) people want to dictate how others manage their profiles instead of simply passing them by I wonder?? Likewise, aren't YOU able to just click and read the next thread instead of spewing anger all over this? This is just a forum to discuss issues etc. It is not for attention seekers, trolls, etc etc hence the subject matter doesn't always have to be a personal experience. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 10:28:36 AM | | I love all the generalizations in this thread. Somehow the difference between wants and needs and being independent has turned into a bunch of angry rants against pre-nups, feminists and gold diggers. I'm seeing a lot of people talking nonsense out of both sides of their mouth and reading things into profiles without actually having a REAL conversation with someone. That's a real red flag to me, being judgmental and small minded. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 10:42:58 AM | Men don't run around screaming "I'm Independent!".
Why?
Because it's a given...........
 It's not a given, trust me. It only takes a cursory glance at a lot of forum posts to know that there are a huge number of men who are clingy, whiney, neurotic, needy individuals...some just happen to have money and many don't, but feel the need to put on a front and pretend they do (and I don't mean the person who posted the above quote).
Independence is NOT stricly about money for crying out loud! It amazes me that so much emphasis is continually placed on the financial aspect of things by either gender. If you are encouraged to place in a profile what type of person you are and you're afraid to claim your personality type is independent for fear of being a flaming feminist, then you're playing to the crowd who don't understand there's more to independence that has nothing to do with money. Independence can be nothing more than personality type, not a financial spreadsheet of your monetary accomplishments that you're bragging about. I know many independent personality types who have next to nothing when it comes to money. I also know pretentious, wealthy idiots who are as dependent on other people emotionally as a dry sponge near water. For those of you who want to equate independence with finances, that embeded form of thinking is on you, not the person with the independent personality traits. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 10:46:13 AM |
If you paint everyone who makes that statement with the same brush then you aren't being very fair.
False.
It's incumbent upon the one making a banal statement to understand that people aren't clairvoyant, and that there's nothing to distinguish one from another, making the same statement.
I definately see your point of view on this one. It is almost by saying it that they are trying to convince themselves that they are independent.
IMO, that's the way the vast majority of males will see it.
As a taunt.
If you're an adult, then it's assumed you're able to manage your life by yourself. That you don't "need" anybody's help.
Why someone would want to put a fine point on it by saying "I don't need a man" vs "I don't need anyone", is a red flag.
Why anyone would to even make a general declaration of not needing "anyone", is beyond me.
One who feels compelled to point out something like this, has got a chip on their shoulder, for one reason or another.
I stay away from "attitudes" like that.... | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 10:47:55 AM | I dunno. Personally, the OPPOSITE is a red flag for me! The ones who seem like they cannot live or are miserable when single, scare the heck out of me! Those chronic marrying sorts...they have a new gal/guy before they get rid of the old one!
Of course we ALL would like to have that perfect fairy tale relationship. Unfortunately, it is more difficult to find and for me personally, as I get older, I am less willing to "settle" for what I expect from that person. Which is where not "needing" one for happiness, but "wanting" one comes in.
It's kinda like the saying, "I don't need you to be my first love...only my last." | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 12:26:33 PM | | I think men would appreciate women who actually need them (and want them as well). A woman with too much confident and independent is not always a good thing. I learn to just let the man do what needs to be done sometime, like, cooking for me, mowing the lawn, paying, carrying groceries, etc. He enjoy doing that just "for YOU"! We should always compliment and be appreciative though. I need a man, want a man, and he should be the same. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 12:39:38 PM |
I think men would appreciate women who actually need them (and want them as well). A woman with too much confident and independent is not always a good thing. I learn to just let the man do what needs to be done sometime, like, cooking for me, mowing the lawn, paying, carrying groceries, etc. He enjoy doing that just "for YOU"! We should always compliment and be appreciative though. I need a man, want a man, and he should be the same.
So , there is hope after all !!
(don't let hillary or jane fonda hear you talking like that , you'll lose your "feminazi" membership !!) | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 12:42:25 PM | Red flag agreed. It is kinda 'in your face' considering the points you made are TRUE. Guys already know that. Shouldn't independence part of the package? It's almost like they're saying 'Look here is what I have because you probably can't see it unless I tell you'.
But it really depends on what their definition of independence is. Might just be material things-- in which case, they like to brag on things they've collected in life (like, I've got my own place, car, job, etc...) or if they mean true independence, being able to stand on your own two feet without assistance.
You can have a place on section 8, a car that your dad paid for, and a job where your friend got you hired & not be independent. Take someone who has none of the above by circumstance, but still can hold her own, she's independent.
But then again, maybe some of them just don't want to come off as desperate. Because lets face it, there are some women that NEED to be in relationships. Those that are so afraid to be single and alone for any period of time.
Adylia,
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 12:54:25 PM | 91-
I think that it's important to point out that a lot of people that are writing it INTEND it to mean something very specific that it, based on some of the writing here, men do not INTERPRET it to mean.
Consider for a moment that profiles are basically adcopy. (I've designed mine to get rid of people that would be bothersome to me. It leads with my strange side.)
I turning the question on its head, but I'm not sure that asking whether we're all a bunch of arrogant, controlling dictators is going to counter what would appear to be a problem of intergender communication.
Some women use it to mean "I'm not controlling, jealous, clingy or whiny." Which is fine. But by all means, what what you mean. "I am an independent woman" is only two words fewer and a lot farther from what they actually mean, especially if it's followed with, "I don't need a man."
Also, as some have pointed out, the "I don't need a man" thing has some issues in itself. The one that *I* hadn't previously commented on are its uses by feminists. I'm feminist myself in the sense that I believe in equality, but, "I don't need a man" sounds like the kind of statement you'd see at a girls' night out in "Bridgett Jones's Diary," right before they talk about what "emotional ****wits" men are.
Also, as I was born in the 80s and grew up in the 90s, there's a LOT of pop culture/novels around this sort of behavior. The films especially would probably make a good study in anti feminism, as many show a girl that's SO independent and feminist that she's a man hater. (If it's a romantic teen-drama, she's the one that our misguided jackass of a hero must mind up with in the end, but only after she is convinced that she needs men.)
The point that I'm trying to make is that, at least in a lot of the pop culture I saw growing up, these are the lines of the "ice ****" character. These are the lines of the person that take a good thing too far, go past "men and women should be equal" and straight to "we need to put those **stards in their place."
Now... maybe I AM a self obsessed, controlling dictator.
But honestly, world domination is mostly a hobby for me. It's something I do on the weekends. A question was asked, and it was the kind of question that interests me, because every time it comes up it turns out to be more about language than attitude. Very rarely do the words mean to women what they mean to men. Language is one of my hobbies, so I can't help but participate in the discourse.
Now if anyone needs me, I'll be over here trying to bend spoons with my overlarge brain. (At least, I assume it's overlarge... part of my head has begun to swell up through my hair. That's a bit disconcerting if you think about it.) | |
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