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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 3:45:25 PM | ^^^^^^^^
You'll find that many tend to over compensate for their lack of something, feeling that this is the reason they are not successful in on line or real life dating. They may have been accused of being too needy or just wanting men for their money.
The same goes for men bragging about their wealth or possessions. It may just be that they feel this is what makes them successful and desirable.
Really though, you really can't know a person completely until you meet them and get to know them. How someone writes on their profiles or on here is just a start at something and not a guarantee of anything. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 3:45:49 PM | OP This is an intresting subject as I have had the opposite from guys who I have known that they are looking for an independant woman who is not clingy and needy etc , so am a bit lost now lol
But I do agree that if you are independant then you dont really have to shout about it , I would take the view that everyone sometime needs someone whether it be a good friend, a partner or even religion to keep your heart alive in some form or another.
I have a different angle on this as what I needed I lost , (as in I am a widow) so I had to pick up alot of broken bits, I have got used to being alone and not sure if I want to give that up.
I think it is just a way of expressing that your not needy, financial secure and ready to start a relationship, there are also what I would class as needy men who want to be with you every 10 mins or text all day long , it ends up getting on my nerves and I end it ..I am just not like that and like the time I have to be quailty time rather than in my face. Believe me they do exist.
I do think there is a fine line between need and want , some people are quite happy to be alone rather than have something for the sake of it , maybe we are all just different , I could have a relationship tommorrow if I wanted too , but just because I am alone doesnt mean I need it ...
I also would want someone who wants to be there, not because they feel secure and safe ...hmmm intresting defintley ;p | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 3:51:22 PM |
How someone writes on their profiles or on here is just a start at something and not a guarantee of anything.
Never any guarantees, but I believe a profile and description of oneself has huge significance. I think it takes a trained eye to be able to read between the lines. I believe people will tell you a whole lot more about themselves on their profile than they ever will on a first date...profiles are written in the comfort of their own space no walls no trying to impress a PARTICULAR personality. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 5:33:43 PM |
I believe people will tell you a whole lot more about themselves on their profile than they ever will on a first date
Really?- I find that the first date tends to fill in the details about the profile. A profile is the persons view of themselves, modified by their thoughts on how it will be perceived by their prospective special someone.
Even then- a first date doesn't tell all about someone- maybe I'm a little cautious but then again- isn't fun to learn about someone over a period of time? This has been my experience. Well unless they're intending to kill you- then you better learn fast! LOL
I think it takes a trained eye to be able to read between the lines.
Where would you get such training?- I think I need some. lol
The only way,I find, is to read , email, chat and then date for a while when it comes to on line dating. Yes you can glean some information here in the forums about what messages could mean but its up to each person to decide what works for them. IMHO | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 7:17:32 PM |
If you're an adult, then it's assumed you're able to manage your life by yourself. That you don't "need" anybody's help.
Why someone would want to put a fine point on it by saying "I don't need a man" vs "I don't need anyone", is a red flag.
Why anyone would to even make a general declaration of not needing "anyone", is beyond me.
One who feels compelled to point out something like this, has got a chip on their shoulder, for one reason or another.
Brilliant! | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 8:00:33 PM | Honestly it depends on the woman. I can definitely understand that perspective. I am a woman who personally feels like I really don't "need a man." If I felt desperate enough I wouldn't be single
To me just cause I feel I don't "need a man", doesn't mean theres something wrong with me or that it should be considered a red flag. I make sure if I talk to someone I don't give them this idea that I'm super overly independent or want what they have to offer I'm here cause I want one/open to one.
I guess at least I was smart enough not to state that in my profile cause of how negatively it would be looked at! | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/23/2009 10:27:34 PM | when I say 'independent' I mean my voting registration ok, not entirely ~
I may not be cut out for this - men are reading way TOO much into every syllable. When I say I'm independent I mean I support myself and live alone, not staying with a man I don't love until some better deal comes along.
It means I'm not afraid to go to a restaurant and eat dinner alone. I can purchase a car without a big, strong man's help. I think the problem with America today is men aren't MEN anymore and threatened by women who are stronger and more independent than themselves.
When I say I'm 'independent' it means I expect the men I go out with to be at LEAST as much of a man as I am - it means I stand on my OWN TWO FEET and take responsiblity for my life.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/24/2009 3:45:08 AM | ^ Well, if you go through the various definitions that women have given for what they meant by "independent," doesn't it make sense that we read too much into things?
Again, I'm flabbergasted as to why people don't just write the paragraph that their sentence means. It's more informative and more interesting. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/24/2009 8:06:41 AM |
(cookie22222) I think we (women) have had it pounded into us that we shouldn't need a man ...
And we men have had it "pounded" into us that a woman who feels the need to declare, "I don't NEED a man, I WANT a man!" is annoying as all get-out, and such a profile has more red flags than downtown Beijing on May Day.
Bimbly | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/24/2009 8:08:57 AM |
(spring000) I think men would appreciate women who actually need them (and want them as well). A woman with too much confident and independent is not always a good thing. I learn to just let the man do what needs to be done sometime, like, cooking for me, mowing the lawn, paying, carrying groceries, etc. He enjoy doing that just "for YOU"! We should always compliment and be appreciative though. I need a man, want a man, and he should be the same.
Quoted in its entirety, just for the sake of telling you that you're awesome!
Bimbly | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/24/2009 8:12:33 AM |
(adylia) But it really depends on what their definition of independence is.
True, dat: context is everything. However, we're not talking about a woman who's "independent", but a woman who uses the very specific terminology, "I don't NEED a man, I WANT a man!"
Bimbly | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/24/2009 8:43:14 AM | When they make a robot that smells intoxicating, can twirl me around on the dance floor until I'm giddy, make me arch and sweat, make my heart race, kiss me until I"m weak, whisper hot and dirty things in deep tones, carry heavy objects (lol can't forget that one), make me laugh until it hurts, confound me into speechlessness with over-simplifications, squeeze me until I am breathless, offer to fight for me but coach me to fight for myself, keep my eyes rivetted on him, that I can order from a catalog in the comfort of my own home for free, THEN I won't need a man.
Got myself a crying talking sleeping walking living doll.... (Cliff Richard song)
It's never going to happen.......so sit back and relax. You just need a bj and you'll be ok.
It's a pity some guys don't know how much we like them despite it all. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/24/2009 8:50:41 AM |
Now men have forced us to become so independent that they don't know where they fit into our lives anymore
Finally someone states the bottom line succinctly. Bravo. Perhaps you guys should think about this before you insist once again we did it all ourselves. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/24/2009 8:55:11 AM | My response to such a statement is: "Then why are you with me?" Her response should then be: "While I don't NEED you, I WANT you."
This is what becomes of a "battle of the sexes" (started in the 1960s). Both genders are completely confused as to what our roles are. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/24/2009 8:57:24 AM |
(forumologist) It's never going to happen.......so sit back and relax. You just need a bj and you'll be ok.
If Obama stressed the therapeutic value of BJs, he'd have 100% of Democrats AND Republicans on board... 
Bimbly | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:06:25 AM | Well.. I think most people connotate the word "need" as a negative. I am self sufficient .. I take care of myself, own my home and everything... But I do need a man.. not for his money.. but for the man that he is... and the strength that he would provide and the stregnth and insight that I can provide for him.. I need a man to be my biggest cheerleader and a shoulder to cry on. A man that has my back and understands that I have his. I need to be a part of a team with a strong man. I have noticed... people are afraid to be vulnerable and they have all these walls up.. and not allowing someone to truly to get to know them......
I think many people have alot of baggage... that they carry over into relationship and into the next relationship... that is not healthy... spend time alone and process...the things that were good and bad... maybe the outlook will be different. So all the negativity that is constitutes as being afraid to NEED someone... keeps you disconnected and not truly happy... anyone can appear happy on the surface .. but deep down are you really happy? The naturalness of your soul cries out for the other half... so yeah I need a strong man. Not for his money... not for any superficial thing.. but I need who is in his soul..... and when I say 'Need".. no not needy at all... and the emotional tirades aren't my style either..
Just saying....LOL | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:10:55 AM | | I wouldn't necessarily take such statements as offensive. If anything, I'd think of them as defensive. They don't want a man who thinks he can get away with domineering shit as long as he does X, Y and Z. I can relate to that. A woman in my life would do wonders. Being an easy-going man, I'll put up with quite a lot and am willing to give a lot in support of a healthy relationship. However, there are limits and lines in the sand. People who put such statements of independence in their profiles are trying to make that crystal clear to the more posessive power-tripping types right from the word go. I would take such statements as indicators that a person has quite possibly had less than stellar prior relationships. | |
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| I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 10/24/2009 10:37:02 AM | My sister, in her 50s, divorced once, then 11yr relationship.Shes bought up her kids now and lives alone,hasnt lived with a guy for 13yrs. She never asks anyone to do anything for her.
I call her stubborn,she says its her being independant.
Shes not on dating sites,doesn't date even when asked ,she isn't interested in having a relationship.Says she would rather have a dog.
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