| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:34:23 AM | "Its true if shagging is all we're ever concerned about...and I'm butt ugly and a nerd! I think we're in a good spot right now...shagging-wise. I'm bored with that sh1t though...aren't you? "
Yes, and no.
I lost my virginity young (14), found little romance in HS (geek and a half), went wild in College for a year, fell in love in college but it failed. Worked alot in my 20's and had sporatic relationships, but nothing significant.
Now, I am in my 30's. I am in fairly decent shape, I make good money and I feel I am wiser and more knowledgeable with my extensive travels. I find that I attract more women in their 20's, then I did in my 20's, and not as a source of capital (I don't attract gold diggers, since I am not extravagant in my spending).
My last GF was 25 (12 years younger) and made more $$$ than I did. The GF before that was 26 and right now I am being pursued by a college student who is 23. In the last couple of years I have had relationships with two "fireballs" in their late 40's, that was much more physical than emotional.
So, yeah, I feel this article relates to me. While it exaggerates (not Proust, but the girl I wanted to marry in College was a fanatic of Heidigger) I feel that there is some truth to this story for alot of guys, especially those who sort of live the life espoused by GQ. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:42:06 AM | "Just like the article you quoted mentioned a 42 yr old commitment phobic man, the 42 yr old long-term bachelor that is afraid of domesticity? Girls know about this. They know so well, that a man being near or over 40, and single, is just assumed to be that guy. "
What the author does say is that women in the 20's and late 40's aren't looking for commitment. Whether they are living their lives or are don't want to get married, the article states, the relationship these men find and the women who accept this are ones that are not Long Term based.
The article adds (and not in the original post) that women in their 30's are the most incompatible with these men, because it is these women who are often looking for commitment, and these men don't give it. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:45:36 AM | Pedro is right on the money with the requirement of certain attributes to really find yourself in the 'sweet spot'.
At 42 and dating for the first time in 7 years, I'm surprised at how many women contact me; all the way from late 20's to early 50's. (not bragging; honestly surprised)
Yes, there are a lot of guys my age that seem to wander from one relationship crisis to the next but I would guess they're not happy with themselves to begin with.
I'm probably rambling (and I think this has been mentioned) but I think at this age, if you are happy with who you are and can project that, it goes a long way toward being considered attractive. You've got the income and the toys but you don't care. You refuse to get caught up in mundane unnecessary drama.
We men in our sweet spot need to resolve to only use our powers for good and never for our own personal gain.
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/26/2009 9:29:23 AM | Hey, we're all alive, pretty healthy and much better off than about 90% of the world's population. So, what is not sweet about that?
If you are still obsessed about getting laid and trying to proove that you are better now than you were when you were 21 then the spot may not feel so soft. If you are happy with who you are and who you are becoming then you are in for pretty happy life!!
As for the sweeping generalizations in GQ - really!! c'mon. Apply a bit of common sense...:)
T. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/26/2009 11:20:36 AM | | Some of this depends on where you live as well. It's not particularly strange to be in your upper 30's or low 40's and be single in places like NYC, Chicago, LA, or more metropolitan areas. It is much rarer (and therefore more frowned upon) in smaller cities and in the Midwest (other than Chicago). In larger cities, I think this article is more likely to be true than it is in other areas. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/26/2009 11:26:15 AM | Domesticated?.... So I can cook, keep the house up, take care of the bills~ I aint livestock ! Besides I think that women (28-35) looking for the collared version, not just the branded domesticated and trained man kind. If there is a sweet spot in men, there is definitely a no fly zone in women. For me its not an age thing, its that mommy clock.
Probably explains why I am the career bachelor.
But the article is pandering to generalities and wreaks of the Sex in the City vain. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/26/2009 11:51:44 AM | I don't think so!!! Many of them are in the hard bitter spot. They need to pay kid supports; they may need to go back to school as they have wasted their younger time to play around. They lack an ability to use their brains to control their lives. They may lose their jobs but can't get retired. Many of them live in the hell. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/26/2009 12:51:00 PM | "It's not particularly strange to be in your upper 30's or low 40's and be single in places like NYC, Chicago, LA, or more metropolitan areas. It is much rarer (and therefore more frowned upon) in smaller cities and in the Midwest (other than Chicago). "
I agree with you there. Alot more of my traditional friends here in Kansas City are shocked why I'm not married, nor why I'm not trying to be. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/26/2009 12:52:31 PM | I was married during that time frame, and a few years on either side of it as well. Don't know what my dating range would have been, but I do know I would not have traded in the marriage experience in order to find out.
But now that I'm 50, and no longer married, I have to say that I am liking my options very much. I'm sticking to within a couple years on either side of 50, and that is providing much more than I can handle! | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/26/2009 2:12:29 PM |
I don't think so!!! Many of them are in the hard bitter spot. They need to pay kid supports; they may need to go back to school as they have wasted their younger time to play around. They lack an ability to use their brains to control their lives. They may lose their jobs but can't get retired. Many of them live in the hell.
Sucks to be those guys | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/26/2009 2:50:04 PM | ^^ I was thinking the exact same thing.
Man, I have come to the conclusion that this site is just filled with bitter phuckers who want to do nothing but knock others down.
The Guy posts about an article (which was blatantly pandering to its demographic) that many men can agree with. I've hit the mid-30's. Have no debt and no baggage. I can date women from 22-42 quite comfortably. I do what I want when I want to. I am gainfully employed and doing pretty well. I'd call that a sweet spot......Then the bitter folks come on. In this case, the bitter women. Talk all you want about balding, paunchy guys. The female equivalent is right there. (I'm not fat I'm Rubin-esque) They litter this site with their sad tales of woe(as do the men).
I'm happy and optimistic about the future. Sweet indeed. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/26/2009 3:21:11 PM | While I do think that this article is definitely clued in to it's target demographic (and there are loads and loads of men who wish they were enjoying this but don't have the looks, ability, social skills, moral flexibility or stamina to live it... even though they keep trying.. bless their hearts) I don't disagree with it overly. The only part that I would change is the age range. In my experience and with the men I know who can live this type of lifestyle the age range is closer to 27-36. Past 36 or so and the closer to 40 or beyond, they have to have some incredibly good genes or be able to afford some really good plastic surgery (it's on the rise with men over 37) to pull it off.
I think much of the same could also be said for women in the similar age range, although I do think for women the age range is the article is more apt. Again, this will be with those that have the looks, ability, social skills, moral flexibility and stamina to live it.
It isn't that these people don't exist and aren't experiencing life as the article suggests - it's that most don't because they can't.. even if they want to really, really badly. They see themselves this way but very few others do. Thus the creepy old dude and the creepy old cougar. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/26/2009 5:00:35 PM | I really prefer to not hang in clubs, because I don't want to be "the creepy guy in the corner"
I go out now and then for some karaoke etc. But prefer other activities. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/26/2009 8:46:17 PM | {Hmm, then what with all the desperate posts from men in their early 40s on here? Where is their sweet spot?
When I was 22, those 40 year olds looked like antient dinosaures to me. With wrinkles and grey hair! And bald heads! And the protruding beer bellies! Forget the shoes, forget the wine list (I'm better at it anyway), they looked hopelessly *old*. }
It's the same for the younger guys all the Cougs are after. The young guy sees the wrinkles, stretch marks, etc. But at least they have a wet spot, that's all that matters. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:19:22 PM | I think the article is right and wrong.
I definitely agree that the early 22-27 year olds really go after you for the aura of sophistication that you can bring to the relationship and the little tidbits of freedom that you can offer. In the past year, I've dated a few and these were definitely some perks that they enjoyed (especially since most lived with their parents).
I'm not quite sure about the older women bit - many here in Toronto seem overly conservative, but then again - I'm only in my early 30's and maybe things change as one gets older. Even in the cougar bars, they seem to gravitate towards older men. Shame really. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/27/2009 10:19:48 AM | To : Whole 9 yards -
Man, I have come to the conclusion that this site is just filled with bitter phuckers who want to do nothing but knock others down.
The Guy posts about an article (which was blatantly pandering to its demographic) that many men can agree with. I've hit the mid-30's. Have no debt and no baggage. I can date women from 22-42 quite comfortably. I do what I want when I want to. I am gainfully employed and doing pretty well. I'd call that a sweet spot......Then the bitter folks come on. In this case, the bitter women. Talk all you want about balding, paunchy guys. The female equivalent is right there. (I'm not fat I'm Rubin-esque) They litter this site with their sad tales of woe(as do the men).
I'm happy and optimistic about the future. Sweet indeed
But - you aren't exactly who the article and original post is directed to. You are only 35 - the actual "eligible bachelor" age, and are handsome and in shape.
The article was mentioning men 35 to 44, big difference. Not every guy looks like you, and won't when they are 44. The article is saying that 44 yr old men could do the same as you.....
The problem comes in when guys that are in their 40's, and not handsome or in shape, refuse to accept that it isn't that way for them. They pout and cry and complain, and sometimes lose it. They refuse to grow up and accept reality, and everyone around them, relatives, co-workers, etc, has to suffer. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/27/2009 10:55:15 AM | "The problem comes in when guys that are in their 40's, and not handsome or in shape, refuse to accept that it isn't that way for them. They pout and cry and complain, and sometimes lose it. They refuse to grow up and accept reality, and everyone around them, relatives, co-workers, etc, has to suffer. "
What kind of ppl do you deal with? It sounds like you work for vanity ward of a mental hospital!
The article was directed to those men who read GQ magazine. Most likely they are between 24~44, urbane, care about fashion, taking care of themselves and have disposable income.
So most likely the whole 9 yards would be exactly the man the article was talking about, whether he is or not is another story though. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:55:27 AM |
I definitely agree that the early 22-27 year olds really go after you for the aura of sophistication that you can bring to the relationship and the little tidbits of freedom that you can offer.
Yea, it's almost as though they're pleasantly astonished to find out a guy doesn't automatically turn into Homer Simpson (or one of his acquaintances) after turning 35. 
Women of almost all ages say they want a "real" man. When you look that up in the dictionary, there's a picture of a guy who is about 40-45. `Nuf said. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/27/2009 3:42:49 PM | | This information is a surprise to you? Really? Hmm it just is common sense to me that a man of his middle thirties to perhaps early fifties would be the most sought after by most women. After all by this stage in your life you would of most likely succeeded in your career so financial problems would be unlikely. At 40 you are not the broke,unstable person you were at 22. So yeah of course more women would be interested you at this stage in your life. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/27/2009 5:12:52 PM | "This information is a surprise to you? "
Seems like to some, including some women who lump all of us in the undesirable, lumpy column. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/27/2009 6:15:22 PM |
The article was directed to those men who read GQ magazine. Most likely they are between 24~44, urbane, care about fashion, taking care of themselves and have disposable income
So most likely the whole 9 yards would be exactly the man the article was talking about, whether he is or not is another story though.
LOL - well, sammylg, no offense, but you just aren't in the same league as "the whole 9 yards". ~ not to mention that you are the type of guy to *cough * care about fashion and read GQ magazine.
Attractive really isn't all about fashion and having disposable income. Some ladies aren't for sale. But, then, I guess maybe some guys that read GQ magazine don't realize how degrading it is to actually have to pay for it. Hey, if being a john is your thing, have as it. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/27/2009 6:25:32 PM | | the sweet spot is being 25 with the knowledge i know now. for most men our age, a divorce has cured us as thinking we are in a "sweet spot". if i could do it all over, i wouldn't even date til 40. | |
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