| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/25/2009 5:01:41 PM | I generally start working out, running, cycling to get all the pent up emotions out. I usually change my living space around, so it doesn't remind me of the past.
I recently stopped communicating with a friend that was beginning to blossom into a relationship. I not only lost my expectations for the future with him, but also our friendship. So, I understand. It's the possibilities that we miss, our dream of the future.
So the best thing to do is change everything that reminds you of that person. The last thing I've been doing is imagining my heart with all the strings that kept me attached to him. I then cut the strings in my mind so that there is no connection left. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/25/2009 5:13:39 PM | mirabelle13~
I also just went through the same experience 2 months ago.
We now have neither a relationship or friendship.
It's still painful, but gets a little better each day... | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/25/2009 6:50:07 PM | | I think the only way I'm going to get over this is to find a new love. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting around all day every day with my face in my palms going, Why Me! Why Me! Crying, sobbing and pity partying. I have hobbies, and busy and do fun things and have excellent friends/family. And most of the time I am in a good mood, joking around, going with the flow, doing my thing. But you can only distract yourself so much. It's just every once in awhile, the thought comes into my head and lands like a ton of bricks. And I don't think that will ever go away unless I find someone else to share life with. But that certainly is easier said than done as I'm sure most are aware. And even meeting people is not a problem. I meet people all the time. I have more people in my life than I know what to do with. I have friends, family, go on dates, etc. etc. But finding that love is RARE! So it's kinda a chicken/egg problem. And hence why I am here at POF. But I don't expect much from this site. Based on my short experience here and from what I've read, I think a lot of people have a hard time making it past the text and graphics on the screen in order to get to the real person. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/25/2009 7:02:16 PM |
I think the only way I'm going to get over this is to find a new love......
OP, I understand what you are thinking here, but the only way you are ever going to be ready to date again is when you are truly okay with being on your own.
Yes, you DO need to get through the grieving process. So many times, I have heard people say things like 'if I get involved or married with someone all my problems will be solved'. that is the furthest thing from the truth. In all truthfulness, it just complicates things even further......especially when you have unresolved issues at hand.
I'm not sitting around all day every day with my face in my palms going, Why Me! Why Me! Crying, sobbing and pity partying. I have hobbies, and busy and do fun things and have excellent friends/family. And most of the time I am in a good mood, joking around, going with the flow, doing my thing. But you can only distract yourself so much. It's just every once in awhile, the thought comes into my head and lands like a ton of bricks......
Well, I am grateful you are not sitting around doing the pity party stuff,but you are correct in your thought that yes, sometimes, the sad stuff can creep up on you and hit you like a ton of bricks.
I came out of a 14 year relationship and understand. Yes, I will happily admit, there were times I came home and faced some very very lonely times. I won't lie about it, but I always reminded myself I would rather be lonely because I was alone versus being lonely because I was in a relationship that clearly was NOT working with enough hurt to go around. - I deserve much better than that and I know it.
Now that I have taken the time out - and am glad I did, I am feeling better about it and am okay. - Not to say that sometimes I don't think of my ex......but the thoughts are pretty fleeting anymore.
But I don't expect much from this site. Based on my short experience here and from what I've read, I think a lot of people have a hard time making it past the text and graphics on the screen in order to get to the real person.......
well, that is very true. I have been on and off here for about 4 years and have yet to meet anyone that is of real substance. Sad but true. You just have to get out there and find good places to meet good people. - check out my previous posts and you will find those.
I wish you all the luck in the world, but hope you resolve your grief/issues before embarking on another relationship. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/25/2009 7:13:27 PM | | I never said go out and abuse yourself with alcohol that will make it better because everyone knows that alcohol is a depressant so when you are down and sad you don't go to the bar and drink. Nor did I say go have unprotected sex. I know that in my life I have helped others get back to feeling like they have some self worth because I gave them some love. This maybe more than what you can handle personally but remember it is different strokes for different folks. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/26/2009 4:06:37 AM |
I never said go out and abuse yourself with alcohol that will make it better because everyone knows that alcohol is a depressant so when you are down and sad you don't go to the bar and drink. Nor did I say go have unprotected sex. I know that in my life I have helped others get back to feeling like they have some self worth because I gave them some love. This maybe more than what you can handle personally but remember it is different strokes for different folks......
Well, it isn't what you said, it's how it came across in your previous post........you made it sound like the OP should just go out and just go get laid making it sound like casual sex is nothing more than just a sport. We're not in high school anymore in case you haven't noticed.
Besides, just doing that while hung up on someone else is not exactly a good thing to do as it just complicates things further, but if it whoring yourself out for anything male that moves works for you, then to each their own.
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/26/2009 4:07:41 AM |
I will tell you the quickest way is to get over someone that everyone else has not said and this will work miracles ... get laid! It may not be sweet love but it is a form of love making that heals the soul.......
Are you for real? Yes, going out and using someone else for a quick lay is just a wonderful idea.  | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/26/2009 5:36:11 AM | It has been siad to me over and over again and for many years that the eyes are a mirror, when in a relationship you feel good about the person who stands before you because you see who you truly are through their eyes, ( Book: The Mirror within). They do not have the insecurities you have and the see you for who you truly are , this is what we relish in, when the person walks away...we once again are left with our own self doubts and insecurities...... What helped me was to look at the way I felt about myself when I was with the love of my life and to then force myself to accept this is the person I truly am and not the fat ugly person feeling insecure that
I was conditioned to believe.... hope that helps.
p.s it aint easy, takes a lot of strength..... | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:24:13 AM |
And I don't think that will ever go away unless I find someone else to share life with. But that certainly is easier said than done as I'm sure most are aware. And even meeting people is not a problem. I meet people all the time. I have more people in my life than I know what to do with. I have friends, family, go on dates, etc. etc. But finding that love is RARE! So it's kinda a chicken/egg problem. And hence why I am here at POF. But I don't expect much from this site. Based on my short experience here and from what I've read, I think a lot of people have a hard time making it past the text and graphics on the screen in order to get to the real person.
that almost would pass as co-dependant? but that's another story.
You've let this woman set the bar too high for your experience this far.
Stop judging the other woman you meet by what you have experienced with this "X"
a replacement is not gonna do. Every relationship is going to be different try some new experiences. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:02:45 AM | Focus your love on God, the Holy Spirit and Jesus Christ. They love you back. Then enter the dating game (if you choose) with a renewed spirit, vigor and verve, knowing that your Creator is in your core. They help you not get so attached to a human being. Watch Christian TV. Listen to Christian radio. Read and internalize the scriptures. They really make a lot of sense and cut to the heart.
Watch a movie. Really get deeply into the fictitious characters who are embroiled in their own personal struggles. "Reel life" makes sense in a way that "real life" frequently does not.
Yeah, working out helps. Releases positive endorphins, the best kind of "self love" there is. But you've got to come down sometime, and, when you're relaxing in the dead dark of night, gotta keep those demons away. Movies are my therapy. Those characters on the screen are typically in a much darker place than I am, and it helps to know that I'm not alone. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/26/2009 2:46:09 PM | Finding out someone is not who we thought they were always hurts allow yourself to feel hurt because when we stub our toe it hurts so when something or someone hurts us we feel pain and loss when they are no longer there.but you also have to allow yourself to move on because the what if's will keep you longing for her and she is not what you know in your heart you really want, a woman that will leave you for another person have you ever thought that she had to make a move because she knew you were too good for her? so don't stay stuck being hurt you deserve better than that.
celebrate your freedom what if you had of married such a person.. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/26/2009 2:50:35 PM | | I wrote to my lady online 3 months before we first meet.She was the most incredible woman I had ever met.She was so passionate.I feel deeply in love with her.I asked her to marry me and she said,"yes"It seemed like after that she wasn't as passionate.Just after that 6 months I asked her to marry me, we have parted but not by my choice.I feel like she ripped my heart out and jumped on it.I really have no desire for a relationship anymore.I'd rather just have a good friend anymore.No relationship and no sex to make thing complicated. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/26/2009 3:06:59 PM | | I am so sorry you are dealing with this loss. As you can see you are not alone. I have spent many hours reading the posts- this can gives you insight into your feelings. You will have good days after some time. What really got me was when the bad ones popped up again. Just allow yourself to feel it. Be kind to yourself. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/26/2009 3:38:02 PM | Focus your love on God, the Holy Spirit and Jesus Christ. They love you back.
Well stated....on so many levels. Op your under attack....maybe you don't get this yet but you will. Those so called demons love to see the death of anything good including relationships. After they weaken you they come to destroy your core. You can waste your time thinking this is something surfacey but eventually you'll see its much deeper. If you were not special to the Lord you wouldn't be suffering. Go figure eh? | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/26/2009 4:49:13 PM | ok heres what i have fiqured out.
a relationship is based on routine.... when a relationship ends this routine is lost. for example, going to sleep together, waking up together, phone calls, visiting friends and relatives, weekly shopping, bringing up children. obviously there are memories and things that are outside of a daily routine but.....
once this routine is gone your body and mind cannot comprehend what is going on.... you automatically feel lost, feel as if you have lost everything and there is no one to guide you through the day, week, month ahead.
Rubbish.... you build yourself a new routine, one that is focused souly on you! you have fun, you do things you never before had the chance to do, you leave the old routine behind, you dont miss it because it was fantastic, you miss it because it was the norm.
dont get me wrong im going through the worst break up ever and the physical pain inside hurts every day, but i just focus on this theory and work on building my new routine an its slowly gettin me through.
good luck mate, if i had a magic wand............................................................... | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/26/2009 4:54:45 PM | | Hey Jordan, I just had to add I too had the Love of my life he still trys to contact me but I won't allow it to many tears when some one cheats on you. At least that was my case still trying my best to get over him trying my best to start a new life. god speed hon. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/26/2009 11:49:55 PM | I had a great experience this weekend that I just have to share and doing it this way is great for me. I fell for a young guy last year and things went from great to awful in a very short time. He distanced himself from me, was mean to me and yadda yadda, you get the picture. I ended it in November of last year. Well guess what? He sent me a message a week ago. He said he had been thinking of me, was going thru some bad times and really wanted to talk to me. I mulled it over for a few days. I have thought of him over the last year occasionally and would sometimes think what if? Well I messaged him back and gave him my number to call me. He called me right away and we talked and laughed for a few hours in the wee hours of the AM. He was sincere (or so I thought) and apologetic and said he just wanted friendship. Well being the "nice" person that I am and giving him the benefit of the doubt I said we could get together the next day and see what happened.
He asked me when he could call me since I said I had class in the morning. I told him to call me around 3 or 4 PM. Well this is what happened. He started calling me in the early AM before my class. I didn't answer. Then he texted me during class and said I should stop by after class. I texted back and said I had things to do and was then going to take a nap since he had me talking til 3 AM and to call me later. I started getting annoyed but let it go. He texted me late in the afternoon and asked me if I still wanted to do something tonight. I said lets meet up for a drink around 10:30. I think you are starting to get the pattern here. Long story short. I finally picked him up around 12:15 AM and he was visibly drunk and high. We got to the bar where he seemed to know everyone around 12:30 AM Here where I live they do last call around 1:15 AM He acted like I wasn't with him. He was very animated with women he knew and he had to go to the bathroom 4 times in 45 minutes!! He barely talked to me and I couldn't hear him cuz the band was so loud. I started to realize, well I had realized prior to this but I saw firsthand that he hadn't changed one single iota. We left at 1:15 AM to go to another bar but once in the car I let him have it. I don't think he even got it. He thought he did nothing wrong. I dropped him off and practically shoved him out the car door. We spent just one hour together. He said he would call me on Sunday but I knew he wouldn't and I haven't heard from him since.
I was so pissed at myself for allowing him to hurt me once again but now that a few days have passed I'm thanking him for contacting me because it gave me the opportunity to see the what if? I'm so much better off and now I can have the peace and realize I did the right thing the first time. I wish everyone could have that kind of experience. It definitely worked for me. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/27/2009 10:38:54 AM | I feel that if you have done nothing wrong and have been the best you know how to and have expressed your love for that person and they still want to walk?
LET THEM! There is a reason he/ she left in the first place... I truly beleive that some people are meant to stay in your life for a season or a lifetime... don't confuse the two of them... but when you find the one that is meant to stay a lifetime... keep them close. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:56:44 AM | they say the best way to get over some one is to get under some one else....
just make sure whoever you hook up with is aware that you just got out of a relationship. no one wants to be the transitional relationship unless they are also are
transitioning. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/27/2009 5:52:46 PM | I'm sorry to hear that mate Iv'e been feeling that way since last August but I'm getting a little better each day and you will too even now I don't know how long it will be before I feel normal again there is no time limit because everybody's situation is different and everybody deals with it in different ways. I chose Medication and professional help because it's better than Alcohol or getting angry. I also think about my ex all the time so I just keep myself busy doing anything and it helps but like you say when you stop doing stuff and your just sitting around that's when you start thinking again. it used to take me along time to get myself off to sleep but I got Sleeping tablets off my Doctor and I'm sleeping ok now. I think the first month is the hardest and from then on you will feel up and down but it doesn't go away but it will one day I just wish I knew when. so the only advice I can give you is to sleep well and if you have an Interest get stuck into it because sitting around thinking is the worst thing you can do. also talk about it to your friends and family whenever you need to vent because it helps to clear your head. I'm not sure if this will relate to everybody here but the worst part of a break up are the little reminders you get like when you see a couple holding hands or just kissing it really eats me up inside. anyway to cut along story short My Relatonship was Long Distance and I know I will never see or Hear my ex again and I'm wondering if this is a good thing or a bad thing regarding the fact that I will never see her again ? and to this day I still don't know the real reason why we broke up and being left like that is also very hard because the not knowing is a real killer.
Best Wishes | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/27/2009 6:27:00 PM | (The problem with having someone leave us is the feeling that this person has control over our life )
YES! You have hit the nail on the head! I have been unable to sever my feelings of attachment, though the relationship only lasted a few months, and I've made "excuses" to email him every
4-6 weeks. Why? I really felt it was right (guess I'm not the only one from the numerous similar posts I've seen) and , for a time, I know it was mutual, but stuff happens . I know he had issues from the onset, but I didn't see (or want to see) the signals. Called his emotions "weaknesses" and relationships "traps" and admitted he doesn't think he's able to have a "real relationship" anymore. Logically, I would have told a friend in my position to wake up, move on, but unless you're walking in the shoes you can't judge. Everything does happen for a reason, and I don't regret what we had, and know that he wasn't my "one" , just a fisher that snagged my heart for a time. When he broke us up, he point blank said he couldn't give me what I needed, whether I realized it or not, and wished me someone who would deserve me. I know it was for the best and if the pain I'm even still feeling these months later is not near what I would feel if it lasted longer, well, I guess I don't want to go there. What I've found from reading these posts is seeing that men do feel pain from breakups, unlike the man I fell for. I may be too sensitive, but I'd rather feel the pain and keep my heart open than close it off . Time does heal, I know, have had to deal with many hurts, but feeling empathy and sensitivity, for me, is preferable to closing off. Thank you all for your honesty... sharing does lighten a load. The problem with having someone leave us is the feeling that this person has control over our life | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/27/2009 6:34:17 PM | Welcome to the club, it hurts so bad,my problem, is we were together for 7 years, work together, and is now my bossm and one week,after we broke up he started seeing one of our friends from work, now I have to put up with not only seeing him, but seeing him with her, I have been working at getting another job, but it's not that easy!
How long does it hurt that much! one of the hardest thing is not having single friends to go out with, your left alone on birthday's , holiday, friday and Saturday night, sitting on the couch watching tv, which doesn't interst you the least. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/27/2009 7:34:47 PM | well pookieman, sounds like we're kind of in the same boat. when i found out about my husbands girlfriend, he simply said after six years of marriage he just wasn't in love with me anymore. and then he left and never came back. i've found great people to date on this site and in person, but it just never feels the same and i always break it off because i can't seem to stop thinking of my exhusband. i think you've gotten alot of good advice here. but if you're like me, it just isn't working this time. here's wishing time will mended both our hearts 
and if you find the secret to letting that person go, be sure to send the advice my way! lol  | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/28/2009 10:14:39 AM | Samething happened to me. I was one of the guys that did not have feelings or at least I thought. The break up happened and that event nearly broke me. I would say that I am over it but, that intense pain can sneak up on ya.
And recently I was dating another lady somewhat causally and recently cut her off. It hurts when I do that.
-Travis | |
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