| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/28/2009 10:46:37 AM |
it hurts so bad,my problem, is we were together for 7 years, work together, and is now my bossm and one week,after we broke up he started seeing one of our friends from work, now I have to put up with not only seeing him, but seeing him with her, I have been working at getting another job, but it's not that easy!
yet another shining example of why I refuse to get involved with someone I work with!!!!! ** note to self ** you were right! | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/28/2009 3:43:36 PM | How do you get over someone you ask??
hmm.............................
You focus on YOU - you bring the focus back to YOU.
They are gone - they are living life - the life they choose which is not your
concern-YOUR concern is to now start living.
Whats that mean - it means you cut contact. You do nice things for yourself.
You treat yourself kind. You stop beating yourself up and stop reliving the
relationship over and over and over again to find that one peice that blames
you for its demiss.
You look at yourself - you look at the person and you SEE through your heart
that they had faults, they were not perfect for YOU - they did not have your best
interest at heart.
You knock them off the pedestal you have placed them, get rid of the candles
and roses that you have set up as a shrine to them and remove the halo from atop
thier head- YOU SEE them for what they were- someone who did not see the
kind, loving soul that YOU are. See them as they REALLY are - just hurtful souls
who could not see your worth or value. They now have no worth or value. They
suck as human beings for being so selfish as to not see what you are.
Thier LOSS but someone elses wonderful gain because YOU can love. Completely
and honestly - through all flaws and all issues because you are pure of heart and
not looking for ways to hurt them.
You pick yourself up - dust yourself off and SEE what kind of person YOU are.
What YOU can bring that is great to your next relationship and you go find
that woman or man that is worthy of you.
There is NO time in this life to waste on people who did not see your worth.
It is useless and time consuming to try to figure out WHY people do what they
do - accept that people are flawed - they lie, they cheat - they do mean and hurtful
things to end things. Do not waste one moment trying to figure it out. They do
these things because it is the person THEY are - NOT what YOU are.
Thats how you get over them. | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:40:08 PM | A wise man has told me once...
'Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about those who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.'
Live well. The best revenge is to live well, and get everything you ever wanted in life. Live well in spite of the people that crap in your Post Toasties. Live well, and be generous with the people that took from you. Let them understand their mistake, and be reminded of it as you live well while totally moving beyond them. | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/30/2009 2:16:07 AM | | try falling in love with yourself first, protect it, never let anyone hurt it anymore, try bringing back the zest ,feel good ,look better and you will attract people more than you have before,make sure that when you accidentally meet one day ,you will definitely make her feel that it was her loss not yours. its hard to find the one ,but wait..dont be in a hurry and dont try to heal yourself by another story.but heal first, be free from the pain before you can truly say you are in love again, and not just looking for someone to save you the pain,its not a game it should be true love. | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/30/2009 3:14:13 AM | | I was with a guy for nine years I worshipped him and thought he was the love of my life. I found out he was registered on several cyber sex websites and was seeing 9 other women at first I blamed myslef thinking I had failed him in some way.I have made myslef hate him it wasnt easy at first all I could think of was the happy special times we had but then I just kept thinking of all the hurt he had caused. It takes time but you will get over it believe me. Some things just take longer than we expect | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/30/2009 5:01:55 PM | | Let me get this right. You were seeing him for NINE years and he was seeing NINE other women and you had no IDEA ? You ARE joking, aren't you ? I mean do you know how nuts that comes across ? | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:45:15 PM | you sick people.
i read the first like 6 posts and you want to demonize a person to get over them??
focus on their imperfect qualities. and tear them apart in your head?? blarghhh
Ive been hurt and I am very deeply hurt today
but in no way do I want to demonize him
hes not perfect, im not perfect.
but he was good enough for this adult version of me to fall in love with
and psht if I ddint love some of his imperfect qualities.
just get on with your life and pursue your intrests
hating somebody you love is not the answer | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:48:55 PM | You need to find a new activity for your spirit.
It took me a long time to get over someone and something, sometimes it just takes you a while.
Don't pressure yourself to hurry, and, don't wallow either. | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:00:42 AM | Hi Pookieman
I am in the same shoes as you are in , it hurts like HELL ,ecpecialy when you find out all along you were being lied too, But do get MAD even cry about it it helps. People can be so cruel why bother get involved if one is going to play stupid GAMES that hurst the other person. | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/31/2009 2:03:30 PM | Well I am in the same boat you all are too, with some twist. I was in a relationship with my ex for 13 years 3 of those were married. Well on August 14th of this years she left me and went that very day and had sex with our best friend the man she now lives with. She never shed a tear and now acts as I am dead to her and we never met. That would be bad enough in most cases, but mine gets worse. It seems as why I was at work she was not just cheating on me with him (our friend), but several other guys. Well then I found out when I met her back in 1997 and was living with her on December 6th, 1997 she went with another guy and married him while I was at work. So she was sleeping with her daughters father, her new husband and me. I did not know she was still married when we got married in November 22nd of 2006, all that came out after the split. So what is the secret to get over someone, well staying busy and getting out in public has worked for me. But even then I still have my bad days when I think of her and all the lies and the 13 years I lost. So not sure there is any one way to get over it other then time will numb the wounds.
Roger | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/31/2009 2:14:31 PM | | She never loved you...or...she'd be with you.....consider yourself lucky to have gotten out of that relationship early enough... | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/31/2009 2:24:15 PM | | Oh I do consider myself lucky to be out of it, but it does not help to ease the pain. I mean I know she did not love me, but I loved her and gave it all I had. That is the pain I now deal with not to mention being alone after 13 years it can be hard to deal with. I just hope one day I will meet a lady that will want to walk side by side with me through life. That is what I look forward to each day. | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/31/2009 3:56:46 PM | Hey, you're no idiot! What you are is a human being with a heart. You are taking the right steps to move on, and you say, you still feel stuck on her-as if you're just going through the motions of the 'get a life plan', right? Don't worry, though it may feel insincere forcing yourself to have a life, the only thing missing is time-(well, therapy might help too). Don't be too hard on yourself. The broken heart just takes time to heal, there are no shortcuts. One day you will be far enough away from this to look back and know you are over the hurdle. You can trust the reassurance of others, including myself, who have also had a broken heart at some point and recovered, that things move forward in life. Best wishes to you Wiyan | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 11/1/2009 12:41:30 AM | | sounds easy but in pracice hard exspecially with kidz about but yes no contact does work | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:00:07 AM | it get easier over time, I should say easier the more this happens,
like post focus on you, ya easier said than done I know been there ...
One way out that I took was drop your profession, I jumped in a diesel truck, and drove the highways of american, work as if a robot..
This go around, I placed in Mind the phrase so often said on the net " it's all about me" The all about me was to do some thing I needed, something I wanted , but could never do when a women was in my life, A simple, yet impossible thing, remodel my houses. 5 years later I almost have that dream completed.. so for 5 years I isolated myself from the world spent every dime on building supplies, I smile anytime I walk in the door of two homes.
anytime getting depressed by living this way or being alone. just stop and think of living with someone yet being alone,
So find what you want in life ( other than a female) Then go get it, just that simple. | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 11/1/2009 10:40:34 AM | Mate, been there - still going through it.
She left me in July and it still hurts. Your original post described it perfectly actually. Can go a while being fine, but then all it takes is a moment to dwell on things and it really does hurt.
I'm not out of it yet, so I can't give you a solution. But I feel better now to how I did months ago from just meeting people, getting some female attention etc. I guess it takes a long time to heal.
I hope we both feel better eventually, man. | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:04:59 PM | there IS the old saying that Smooth and at least one other referred to
The best way to get OVER someone.. is to get UNDER someone new (unless you like it on top)
Ok.. enough with the dry humor.. well.. with the right woman NOT so dry.. anyway
Picture your memory as a small-to-medium sized carryon bag. It has limited room. You are going on the trip of the rest of your life and you have to keep ALL the VERY IMPORTANT AND LIFE-USEFUL memories in that piece of luggage.. for your ENTIRE LIFE
How much time of grief do you want to make room for in this bag?
I've used the analogy of what you do with a toilet.. AFTER the paper-work is done, and you've stood up to pull up your underwear. What DO you do?
Do you stand and mull over the meal you had the day before that created what is now in the bowl?
Do you eat your NEXT meal in the bathroom while the former meal's aromas are present?
Do you try to grab ahold of it to coat your personnae with all that it is NOW before you go out in the world to shake hands with someone new?
What do you DO with that "stuff" in the bowl.
That's your answer.
Pack that carry-on(carry forward) bag carefully. CHOOSE what you want to take with you. | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:41:12 PM | opie,
time, my dear, time...
basically, try not to dwell on any fantasy ideations you have of her, try not to cling onto any kind of false hope (it'll just prolong the time), try your best to move on and NOT focus on her...easy to say, i know...but to do otherwise will only ultimately slow the process. just imagine 10 yrs down the road...you'll be over her...then imagine 5 yrs...you'll be over her...then imagine 3 yrs...you'll be over her....& so on....until you *are* over her. time, sweetie, lots of time... | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:49:15 PM | curlygrl,
Great post!!!. I wish I had read this two weeks ago. I am going though this again with the same person with almost the same end result. The only difference was this time she really sucked me, was as sweet and caring as I have ever seen her. Then with almost the change from day to night, she just pulled back and could not answer the question"where are we in this relationship".
OK, Question: With all that said...I developed a relationship with her 9yo daughter that I cannot seem to let go. I took this child under my wings as if she were my own. Taking her places, her soccer practices and games, homework, etc......I still do everything I can to stay with this child. Afterall, she did not do anything and does not deserve to be dumped. Her father is many states away and I never take anything away from him. What do I do??? | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:15:10 PM | It's tough. And in some cases, not getting over someone is contagious. I've struggled with trying to get over someone who turned out to be using me and I've been so mad at myself for allowing it to go on for so long. I didn't want to see what was right there in front of me. I was blinded by his good looks and let my ego get in the way, being so easily flattered by his charms and sweet talk, but didn't want to admit to myself that it was insincere flattery and nothing more.
I say 'contagious' because this guy had been with someone for 2 years, but apart from her for 4 years, which should've been long enough for him to have gotten over her, since they weren't married and didn't have kids together. The problem was that he would always mention her any chance he got. At first, I didn't let it get to me, figuring, 'hey, he's with me right now and not her, so I'm not jealous' and I sure didn't want to look insecure. But it became a problem when I finally ended it with him and then he went and compared that to his breakup with her! As if he was trying all along to make me pay for her mistakes. And now, I've become like him, unable to fully get HIM out of my head after all this time. Ugh! If he wasn't so gorgeous, it'd be a whole lot easier. Sometimes, I feel like he's the only one I'd want to have sex with, even though the sex kinda sucked as well. I look around and very very few men attract me like he did.
I need to take Curlygrl's advice and move on with my life. | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 11/3/2009 1:06:15 PM |
You knock them off the pedestal you have placed them, get rid of the candles
and roses that you have set up as a shrine to them and remove the halo from atop
thier head That about sums it up for me, excellent post! | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 11/3/2009 2:20:58 PM | You allow yourself to think of the person and cope with the loss. But at the same time not allow yourself to isolate yourself from the outside world as it may give you a depression or make the depression worse.
Force yourself to do things just to keep your life running as theres nothing worse then when you stop doing things you either need or want. Especially the last.
And often when you are over the person you sit and think back and couldnt for your life understand why you wasted so much time and let a person like that affect your life like that... | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:37:00 PM |
I think the only way I'm going to get over this is to find a new love.
I wouldn't set out to find another serious relationship right away. Just date casually. Meet a lot of girls, but don't let yourself get serious about any one of them yet. Try to meet as many new people as possible. You never know what may happen. Maybe one of these dates will blossom into something more. | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 11/8/2009 2:30:43 AM | | living in the past is like scratching an old wound, if you dont leave it alone it wont heal, accept the scar! | |
|
| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 11/8/2009 3:37:53 AM | | My answer is you don't get over someone until you find someone new. Very sadly, this has not happen to me, finding someone new. in this single hell. | |
|
Home
login 
