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 Lil Brooker
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 101
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Have any other women experienced this?Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I've only dated two men since joining POF and one was exactly as you describe. He didn't talk so much about himself but more about dissecting people he knew in his past life. We dated a second time, me thinking his verbosity was just nerves. I threw him tidbits about myself but all he did was politely wait until I was finished and then go into his monologue. Never asked me one thing about me except a once general "So, whadda 'bout you?"

I consider it a lucky break in a way. Discovered by the first or second date that I wouldn't want to spend the time of day with him. In contrast, I have met smooth operators who could feign interest during "courtship" but became deadbeats once the hook was embedded. It is way better to discover incompatibility early on.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 102
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Have any other women experienced this?
Posted: 4/5/2010 8:19:30 AM
Look at it this way - you might as well watch some fool entertain you while you drink your coffeeor drink. You can sit, enjoy the show - and then thank him for the amusement and move on to the next one. Once you know you're not interested which is usually pretty quickly - it just becomes entertainment.

If you see a man as a court jester instead of a potential date, you'll go from not wanting to hear about him to hoping you get a good story. Soon you'll be saying stuff like "not interesting enough...what else you got?"
 winteragain
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 103
Have any other women experienced this?
Posted: 4/5/2010 9:48:18 AM
Women talk more than men and that's okay. But when a man does it, there's a problem with him? On the contrary, it's a great thing that he's talking so much. He's communicating with you, would you rather have a shy guy that doesn't know what to talk about at all? You'd pick mister talk over shy guy in a heartbeat, don't even lie bro!
 Coma White
Joined: 4/11/2004
Msg: 104
Have any other women experienced this?
Posted: 4/5/2010 5:17:20 PM
I think guys talk a lot when they're nervous. It's usually the woman that does the majority of the talking. I actually haven't heard of too many men that monopolize the conversation. My money is on that they're nevous and afraid of having an awkward silence.
 FiveAteSix
Joined: 2/5/2010
Msg: 105
Have any other women experienced this?
Posted: 4/8/2010 10:41:10 AM
I think the idea of guys talking alot when they're nervous is true in alot of cases.
The couple of dates that I've been on have been with really nice women and I wanted to find out about them as well as giving them information they wanted to know about me.

My idea was to make it fun. I suggested playing a game over a coffee or a beer. We took it in turns to ask questions about each other - if one of us didn't want to answer a question for any reason, you say 'pass'. You don't interrupt the other person and you wait until they've finished and ask you a question.

I was told that it really was fun and we did learn alot about each other with neither monopolising the conversation.

Afterwards, we had quite a bit to chat about! Might not work for everyone, but if someone really is just talking about themselves through nerves, maybe suggest that or something similar?
 LG2727
Joined: 1/20/2010
Msg: 106
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Have any other women experienced this?
Posted: 4/9/2010 8:46:31 PM
njbris....just who are these women going out with if not for you men on here? How do men have it harder if all the women on here are dating all you men on here?
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 107
Have any other women experienced this?
Posted: 4/9/2010 9:23:57 PM
Some people do not possess any social skills, these people wouldnt be comfortable in my world and I am happy to discover their lack of skills in this area in order to prevent any future awkwardness. I just dont understand why people would choose to put themselves in that situation knowing they cant deal with it. Most people lack any degree of self awareness, which is really too bad in the dating world. But then.....that lets the rest of us separate the wheat from the chaff.
 BentonHarbor
Joined: 3/2/2010
Msg: 108
Have any other women experienced this?
Posted: 4/12/2010 4:04:52 PM

Some people do not possess any social skills, these people wouldnt be comfortable in my world and I am happy to discover their lack of skills in this area in order to prevent any future awkwardness. I just dont understand why people would choose to put themselves in that situation knowing they cant deal with it. Most people lack any degree of self awareness, which is really too bad in the dating world. But then.....that lets the rest of us separate the wheat from the chaff.


Re-reading the OP I don’t see how any of this ^^^ relates one bit----how does one leap from yakkity men to a lack of social skills and self-awareness?

I’m thinking those who believe they’re separating the wheat are probably more the chaff themselves, not so much this wheat---- but I could be very wrong in that guess.......

What I see from this OP who long ago abandoned this little rant was more her own shortcomings in the guys she picked---or at least those she didn’t take a more firm stance with while all this was going on. “handful of dates......on this site for about 2 months...” and she’s encountered the same thing? She either discovered a huge coincidence with men in her area or was drawn to that type, perhaps unknowingly on a conscious level. I don’t think that’s the case at all though------we have to assign some of these recurring terrible situations to her.

The fact she’d endure hours of it more than once speaks volumes about her too I believe. If it was that frustrating and tough to endure why not just end things much much sooner?

Maybe she’s found the solution since she’s not been back since a few days after posting this little problem. She should return and share her secrets maybe??
 MNSeeker
Joined: 9/19/2010
Msg: 109
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Have any other women experienced this?
Posted: 10/6/2011 6:50:35 PM
so I thought I'd offer my two cents worth of thoughts. I could talk alnight about history and marine archaeology as these subject really interest me. But I am also capable of listens also ... So their are those who do listen.
 paulofgroveton
Joined: 12/10/2010
Msg: 110
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Have any other women experienced this?
Posted: 10/6/2011 10:42:06 PM
"Men with nerves usually find it hard to talk" is so,so,true.
 wildandfreee
Joined: 12/16/2010
Msg: 111
Have any other women experienced this?
Posted: 10/6/2011 11:50:42 PM
I think may be some get suck by what many women like to say , first impression
so they keep on selling like selling a car which normally you dont need to know
the customers life lol, may be thats how it normally works for these guys
just a thought
 musical_turtle
Joined: 3/11/2011
Msg: 112
Have any other women experienced this?
Posted: 10/7/2011 12:24:40 PM
Yes, I have experienced this twice lol
I left after 15 minutes...because there's always a better way to spend one's time lol.
I don't like confrontation, so I grabbed my purse and said I'll be right back, and never returned. lol I know that's mean, but if you're rude and just talk about yourself...then you deserve it =) Also, when I meet up with someone I like to drive myself, and meet him at the place...that way if I'm not feeling it I can leave easily, and not figure out a way home. =)
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 113
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Have any other women experienced this?
Posted: 10/7/2011 6:33:40 PM
Preface your meet..with some questions you'd like answered when you do meet.

I enjoy coffee and chatting..and not all about me.
 Ramona2013
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 114
Have any other women experienced this?
Posted: 10/8/2011 8:44:35 AM
I know that the original post is old, 2009, but if a man talks about himself on the first date............That's a DAMN GOOD thing. You want to learn all about him and if he's open to you then you can get a feel if he's a match for you. Wouldn't you want someone who's comfortable with you. Most women complain that their men don't share. To be that one person who he turns to is good. You should eventually become his confidant. In my opinion knowing a lot about him in the beginning is good. You give him a chance to open up to you and give your information. I think women are more "feel" types and men move there more slowly. Get his life story to know if you really like him, if he feels the same way he'll ask how your day was and you'll know (now that you know what he's like) if you'll want to move forward based on him, his whole life story, how he acts with family and friends, is he dependable, can he go the distance etc. & not just because he asked how your day was.
 8plenty8
Joined: 5/28/2011
Msg: 115
Have any other women experienced this?
Posted: 10/8/2011 9:45:24 AM
I don't like being asked questions about my self and I don't ask questions of other people. It's rude and makes me uncomfortable. However, conversation just flows and I talk for hours with lots of my friends regularly. How can that be, you ask?

Someone says something, the other person says something related, the first person says something else to add to it or changes the subject and the other responds and on it goes. Nobody has to invite the other to speak. That's absurd and a burden.

This is dialogue.

You are waiting to be invited to a party you are already at.

Learn the art of conversation and stop blaming your dates for your reluctance to join in.
 coastalmermaid
Joined: 1/23/2011
Msg: 116
Have any other women experienced this?
Posted: 10/8/2011 10:37:55 AM
I've found at times I really can not tell from online msgs/chat/phone conversations how a person will be in a face to face meeting. Sometimes there just is no logical correlation. I have found that many guys I have conversed with through online chat just are not comfortable with the written form of communication in real time ... or just can't type...maybe it's age related? Just my experience thus far.

It is great if and when a conversation just flows naturally but I've found this to be the exception rather than the rule. Some just really are so closed minded that no amount of friendly persuasion to steer the conversation away from their own agenda will work. It would seem it's a difficult balance for many.

I've never gotten past the first meet stage with about 99.9%. I had a first meet with someone I thought I might have a connexion with..but after chatting for an hour or so and him regaling me with stories of his ex's, his daughter, his disability, his health challenges, his opinion of nurses and sleazy stories of nurses wearing revealling clothing...OMG...as a nurse myself that was the last straw

I'd be happy with the happy medium of "reciprocity" one poster mentioned. Someone please tell me it's NOT true all the socially retarded flock to online dating as the cure???
 Laha Math
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 117
Have any other women experienced this?
Posted: 10/8/2011 2:55:47 PM
People generally like to talk about themselves. A good way to impress anyone is to get them talking about themselves. They think you're a swell person and a good listener. With shy people it's called "drawing them out". I knew a woman who was good at getting people to open up about themselves and she was very popular and well-liked because of it. Admit it. If you are annoyed with a man talking endlessly about himself it's because you want him to stop so you can talk about yourself. Agreed he'd make a better impression if he got you to talk about yourself, your ex's, your pets, your holiday trips, etc., etc., etc. He may need to brush up on his social skills, but men tend not to be social butterflies. We're better at fixing things. If you want to get a man to stop talking about himself pretend to be interested and start asking really personal questions about something he's saying. That will make him uncomfortable and he'll stop. Problem solved. Good luck.
 kcladyz
Joined: 8/7/2009
Msg: 118
Have any other women experienced this?
Posted: 10/9/2011 6:50:36 AM
i had a guy talk my ears off for nearly 2 hours and i did not get a word in edge wise. when i got pissed he aid it was just nerves so i think people can come accross as self centered when nervious. they may just want you to really like them
 ndevonlass
Joined: 5/11/2010
Msg: 119
Have any other women experienced this?
Posted: 10/9/2011 3:34:42 PM
It could be worse!I went on a date with a man who gave me a long list of why his ex was a b..tch for taking out an injunction against him....I ate my scampi sharpish I can tell you! He seemed lovely in previous conversations!!
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