| I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:57:52 PM | | I was not refering to you tin man about those things...I thanked you for not insulting me...I was commenting on WeR1's comments that if I dont report my x's behavour then I am only looking for a free babysitter lol and do not care about my kids. Low blow and not called for...that was the most ignorant answer yet. I have reported things but nothing was done...once the cops show up they are not going to see that my x was drinking and driving with the kids so its my word against his...also by law I cannot stop the x from spending time with his kids...nor can I make him not drink when he has them...I want him to see his kids but I do not repeat do not treat him like a babysitter lol I can find plenty of those and my mom has seen the kids more than him so stop assuming things people. | |
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| I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:06:18 PM | i think wer is simply stating the process for people who are in the situation not spacificly YOURS...it is hard to realize that sometimes....
threads are subjects not exclusive to you hun...is ok relax....she is a a mom to ...most of us are....pretending your wounded will only distract you from the job you clearly have ahead...do not waste energy on that.
take all information that is relative to you and leave the rest
your choice or take none..is your choice to....right. goodluck! | |
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| I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:56:06 PM |
How old does a child have to be to be allowed to choose where they want to live?
According to the handy,dandy booklet Family Law in Manitoba wich is published and distributed free through Manitoba Justice. "The court may also consider the child's wishes. There is no magic age for when a child has the right to decide where he or she is going to live. The court gives more weight to the child's wishes as the child matures. An older teenager's wishes will often be decisive." It's a fun and handy booklet to have.
2coldalone i would assume from your posts that your ex is more concerned with a desire to avoid child support payments than anything else. If this is the case agree to the half time split and watch him drift away from the kids until eventually he doesn't see them at all. Be available to the children in his absence and they will learn who they can and cannot count on in life. You won't get any support payments but will be rid of the larger problem and gain the respect of your children.
If you are or have been harrassing this man to spend time with the children, stop. The time he spends with them after being coerced into it will not be beneficial nor enjoyable for anyone. He would resent you and the children and they would pay the price. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink simply means that you can't make anyone do something they don't want to do. If he is one who has a natural tendency to shirk duty and finds loving hard then let him go and allow the children to learn to live without him. | |
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| I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 11/8/2009 1:19:06 PM | | I dont make him do anything...just for one example...he wanted his son in hockey and said he would take him but I just got word at 9 am that he couldnt make the game at 11 am...so his son is hurt...I get to make excuses for his dad and I get to pay for it all. Just so happens all the games, fundraisers, and tourneys land on my wknd and its expensive...and this is only one of the many examples...he also didnt make it to one of his baseball games and its the kids that hurt...I am just stuck in the middle and trying my best. So if I call him to see if he is taking his son to hockey is that called harrasment? | |
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| I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 11/8/2009 3:48:49 PM | sorry your kid missed his game...perhaps you could have offered to take him to hockey if dad could not.
if you have care and control your aware that you can offer to remove for a scheduled activity..that way your child will not miss out.
document the missed scheduled stuff and keep a log on that area.
i remeber a brief time when my ex did not have a car and i would pick her up instead of her taking the bus at 30 below.(i did not want her getting very cold and we worked it out that way)...mysituation was unique and there where times when he would but other times when he would not want me to....(gymnastics,swimming all those type of scheduled things in the sameline...)
the missed prior scheduled activities can be a problem..i agree
however i found that children get dissapointed and learn life is not perfict to...so it is relative hun.(not solice when you mad like heck however...i hear ya)
i remember one time he got her all excited cuz they where spose to go sledding and she came home really grouchy cuz they did not go....
i told him via fax to the both lawyers...do not promise if you can not do..the word "maybe" was than injected into plans...but she did learn who was solid and who was not..
.again you can not change that lesson for your child and you can not use this as a reason to defy visits...but you can notify his 2 peckered lawyer of the miss in scheduled activity and lay down a veto ...if he can not make that commitment that you expect to be notified so the child does not miss the planned activity.(fax machines are your friend)..cc the same letter to your lawyer...
hold your care and control with reguard to scheduled activities such as hockey!
i remember i even layed down a warning about hygeine because his tub was nasty and the baths gave her infections so i vetoed to showers....i had to do it cuz she got sick..
they learned it was not nice to treat a child bad with lots of faxed letters...goodluck sweetheart////try that | |
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| I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:34:04 PM | | Of course I took him to his game and also to the practice monday that his dad could not make and the practice friday since he was far away, and all the other times...I dont have a schedule in writing...his word doesnt mean much...he makes promises but doesnt follow through...has the worst excuses and I have no choice but to go. I could write a book on all his promises to the kids that he did follow through but the judge didnt care to hear any of it so whats the point? | |
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| I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:24:31 PM | the point is documenting his inconsistant behaviours so he has the oppertunity to become atune to the responsibility of what a father's respect for the childs needs are....
if you choose to say yes to hockey than your the one whom allowed the dissapointment to be infront of the child(because you knew your ex was not consistant from the get go)...if dad can not become more consistant say NO to hockey and plan things not team oriented.....
let hockey wait till the child is older and can find his own way there...your perhaps setting to much pressure to adhere to your families dynamic at this time...just cuz the child points does not mean it is a reality. lots of kids want but do not get.
can you maintain hockey without child support on your own?...if you can't , do not lead the child to dissapointment NOW.
example....mychild wanted gymnastics and the parks and rec program was 8 sessions(that i said yes to)..she wanted the season and i said no(that fee was hundreds of dollars and hours..truely meant no other options all winter)... because exposure is great but starving to get it is not.
goodluck not all children get what they demand either....so keep the scope to things you can provide should the half time become a reality...goodluck | |
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| I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:10:00 PM |
he wanted his son in hockey and said he would take him but I just got word at 9 am that he couldnt make the game at 11 am...so his son is hurt...I get to make excuses for his dad and I get to pay for it all.
Ok so he wants his son in hockey, therefore he must make arrangements with everyone involved to see that he takes his son to hockey. If he fails it is his problem to deal with. Don't make excuses for him or anyone else,let the boy learn to work things out or live with the results. If you keep cleaning up his messes you may as well be his mother too. If he wants him to be in hockey so badly he can make it happen on his own or it doesn't happen.
So if I call him to see if he is taking his son to hockey is that called harrasment?
Maybe not to you or i but to your ex it may be seen that way. It is his mind that controls what he does so if he sees it as harrassment then it may have an affect on how he treats the children and you. | |
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| I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 11/10/2009 10:10:25 AM | | It always boils down to the money factor.......I would bet that if he was giving money there would not be a topic here........Very normal for women to do | |
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| I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 11/10/2009 11:38:17 AM | I dissagree it is souley money....wrong and here is why...is a matter of severing
the energy of two peoples expectation of parenting and setting examples of how to problem solve the long term with removing the anger energy...learning to have other eye's assist you in making good decisions happens from educating yourself and using that resourse to guide you towards a greater good....
i recognized i needed help and went for it because last thing i wanted was my child to be robbed of her childhood solving adult issues (like i was robbed cuz ofmy mom's ism")...i also did not want my child co parenting her father....
that breach was one i kept first and foremost even with a robbery conviction on the table...i knew he loved her just in a different way.
yes mistakes happened and yes there where some dicey times but in my heart i always remembered how he gazed at her when she was born and he was not a monster because i never forgot the planned parenting we did. so i severed my control to a trained 3rd party who helped me learn alot....
A 3rd party is not emotionally invested and they do have the skill to challenge your growth into a single lead if you smart enuff to invite them in without prejidice.
life is long, times are hard and nothing nor no one is perfict.....goodluck parents feeling out care and control....(removing dad is not the solve....incorporating moderate boundries are hang in there | |
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| I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 11/10/2009 11:51:25 AM | | Absolutly it is about money.......Look back and see how many times money was talked about. I raise my daughter by myself with nothing coming from her mom. Even when she was with her mom i did ALL the supporting. It is about wanting what she wants when SHE wants it. If women are silly enough to bed guys like that don't be suprised when stuff like that goes down. | |
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| I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 11/10/2009 12:02:25 PM | in your case maybe sweets but we are not all punch stupid for coin.....
in my case i was the working parent for a great deal of the time....but money is not doing the child favors if your an absent parent either...you can not bye a child nor own it...
they are not an accessory on your azz they are a human who deserves the respect of their own secure childhood.
not gender specific by any means.....  | |
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| I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 11/14/2009 10:16:18 AM |
It always boils down to the money factor.......I would bet that if he was giving money there would not be a topic here........Very normal for women to do
Actually i think the biggest factor here is not the money but that her ex is still controlling her life and using the children to aid him in that. This not only makes a hard life much more difficult for her but also for the children,especially their son. What the father is teaching is that he can do anything he wishes and it is up to their mother to clean the mess up. The mother is showing the same by cleaning the messes up. The longer this situation remains the harder it will be on everyone to stop it and the more the children learn to not take responsibility for their words and actions. possibly the mother is doing more harm to the girls because she is showing them it is the womans duty to clean up the man's messes.
Although money is important and necessary i think this woman is doing the best she can with what she has. She is volunteering at several events and organizations in her community and getting her children involved in their community. Money can never replace that. She is here for help as she stated and probably needs advice from people who are not from their community. In these small towns everybody quietly takes up sides and getting unbiased help is next to impossible.
As for your comment about bedding down these kind of guys. I doubt she went out of her way to find an abusive drunk to bed down just for sport. We all make mistakes, people change and sometimes we are mislead. You made your mistake, don't condemn all women because of that. | |
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| I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 11/14/2009 10:40:04 AM | Once again thanks Dudley and I couldnt have said it better...I hope I am
not doing any harm to my girls when I make up for their Dad not
following through...never thought of it that way...I just do what I
have to do...I promise to look after the kids when they were born
and if that means picking them up when their dad wrecked his car
once again or fell on his head lol then so be it. Money may be one
of the main things couples fight about and causes many divorces
but it certainly has place when it comes down to my kids wellbeing.
If it had anything to do with the money, I would give him full custody
because it sure isnt cheap raising kids and we all know that. However
my kids are my life and when they were born I made it my main
concern to give them the best I could provide. I am sure you do
the same. | |
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