|
|
|
|
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/26/2009 5:24:51 AM | Hi ya
With all due respect, please check out Anthony Robbins....if anyone can cure depression, he can. Depression' and this is only my opinion (no offence intended to anyone) is suppression of feelings that get the better of you and you become your feelings which is a hard cycle to break free from. With the right help, not medication you may have a chance as I have witnessed on many an occasion. Wishing you the very best, all the love in the world to you. | |
|
| |
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/26/2009 5:44:28 AM |
forum123 ::: yeah...join a gym...there are tons of pof'ers there right now....lol
LOL we can always hold exercise classes in here LOL | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/26/2009 8:10:37 AM |
I have tried CB and unfortunately, it gets to the point where I spend all my time focusing on what I'm thinking. In my case, the cure is worse than the disease.
Yes, exercise does relieve depression, but one of the problems with severe depression is that you don't have the energy to exercise. Sometimes it's all I can do to get out of bed much less go outside and take a walk.
OP, I know depression is debilitating, I'm not discounting that at all. But after reading the above statements, and your previous statements that meds aren't an option you can/want to use and you have issue with therapy, I have to wonder, are you making effort at all to try to help yourself?
If you aren't making any effort to create a better quality of life for yourself, how do you think woman in your life is going to change things? We're not magic. We can work with you but we can't do the work for you. | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/26/2009 8:30:19 AM | I'll try to offer a little different perspective!
First, think of yourself as "lucky", crazy huh? well, at least you know you have a problem, and you're dealing with it the best you can at this time in your life. Think about the others, those walking through life in denial, believing everyone else has a problem accept them! Those who should be on medication or in therapy or both, but refuse to accept it!
Kudos to you man!
Someone offered me this little saying, so I'll pass it along! "Those who care won't matter, but those who matter won't care!" Think about that....and let it set in.
When you meet the person whoose right for you they'll except the whole package, and love you for who and what you are. | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/26/2009 2:12:23 PM |
Depression' and this is only my opinion (no offence intended to anyone) is suppression of feelings that get the better of you and you become your feelings which is a hard cycle to break free from. With the right help, not medication you may have a chance as I have witnessed on many an occasion.
I'm going to give you credit for saying that's only your opinion.
The OP is not talking about "the blues," or situational depression caused by a life altering experience, such as being diagnosed with cancer, or having your child die in an accident.
I don't know how many of you have seen the commercial about depression that says "depression hurts." That's correct. It literally causes physical pain, as well as emotional and psychological pain.
The depression the OP speaks of is a physiological brain disorder in which neurotransmitters in the brain either don't manufacture or don't properly transmit serotonin, which is the mood regulating hormone we all have in our brains.
Originally, depression was treated with tricyclics. I tried those in the 13 months it took to find my magic bullet, and all they did was make me sleep. I'm good with an SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) but in some individuals with depression - notably adolescents and elderly people, but not only them - SSRIs can cause suicidal ideations.
Some people find relief from depressive symptoms from electro convulsive therapy, and just deal with the side effects - wiping out virtually all short term and some long term memory - going in about twice a year for bi-lateral ECT, and every couple of months for unilateral shocks. They always have to have someone to drive them home, because they can't remember how to get there, and may not recognize their home when they do.
And the med issue is the easy part. Finding a therapist with whom you can establish a collaborative working relationship can take much, much longer.
With all due respect to those who have never had depression themselves, or been close to someone who does, telling the OP to get a gym membership and think happy thoughts is not very helpful. I would imagine it has served to increase his level of anxiety, which is usually part and parcel of clinical depression. | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/26/2009 2:18:33 PM |
I'm good with an SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) but in some individuals with depression - notably adolescents and elderly people, but not only them - SSRIs can cause suicidal ideations
This happens because the initial slight lift of mood is enough to enable them to actually carry out killing themselves. It's rare though.
Mostly, people feel better enough to want to continue to find a cure or a solution to their depression.
It's the OP's choice as to whether he gives in or whether he continues to search for a way(s) to be able to live a more full life. I do think it's a bit much to say to people "I'm depressed. I won't do anything to help myself because nothing works. So you have to put up with me because - underneath my lack of motivation, my misery, my blankets - is a wonderful person''. | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/26/2009 4:03:33 PM | Wow Op! Girl next door and the others are right! I do not want to hear about you being too tired to go to the gym. I have hypothyroidism (yes, depression is marked in this disorder) and I get tired too.
You need to join the gym because even when you are too tired to workout just going to hang out with your new friends is fun. Did you know even just reading a fitness magazine burns calories? It releases endorphines and stimulates the body. Get a gameplan together and beat that depession. | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/26/2009 4:30:41 PM |
medication doesn't do a whole lot
it's not going to go away, even with treatment
I have tried CB and unfortunately, ....the cure is worse than the disease.
Yes, exercise does relieve depression...Sometimes it's all I can do to get out of bed much less go outside and take a walk. So what, exactly, do you expect someone to do in order to be with you?
You say you have chronic severe depression with panic/anxiety disorder yet nothing works to make you feel better, and the only thing you and your doctor can conclude is that being in a relationship is the cure??
I'm not sure what you expect from another person.
That being said, PM me if you want info on a 99.9% effective recovery program. | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/26/2009 8:07:09 PM | VoininB
I suggest you volunteer at a mental health organization. In Canada, we have Canadian Mental Health and it is active in many areas, including government policy. My ex bro in law was involved in it.
You will meet a lot of people who are empathetic about mental health issues. | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/26/2009 8:24:21 PM |
You say you have chronic severe depression with panic/anxiety disorder yet nothing works to make you feel better, and the only thing you and your doctor can conclude is that being in a relationship is the cure?? This is more or less the message I was taking away too, after reading the OP's posts subsequent to the original.
Until I returned yet again and read Sharperchick's most recent post, which prompted me to go back and read the thread again. I'm glad I did.
Thanks Sharperchick, for speaking so clearly and attempting to educate regarding this illness. And for the gentle slap.
OP, my apologies for misinterpreting what you were saying.
He didn't day a woman was the cure, he said a loving relationship would be helpful.
being in a loving relationship is helpful to me. (I had one doctor tell me that the best thing that could happen to me would be to have a woman in my life. It's not a co-dependency thing.) I get this. A loving relationship is a positive thing.
This also jumped out at me from the original post:
However it's there, it's been there as long as I remember (and I remember back to when I was 3) and it's not going to go away, even with treatment. I don't think the OP is saying he has given up or that he refuses to try. I think he's saying he has accepted this is part of his life and there are very real limitations on what can be done about it at this time. His illness is not going to change with the treatments that are available today. He's not telling us how he deals with it, but I'm guessing he deals with it and manages it in the best methods he has found for his particular situation. He's been dealing with this his entire life so he probably knows very well what does and does not work for him. This is a difficult thing for those not afflicted with such a severe chronic disorder to comprehend - and even more so since the general public gets bombarded constantly with pharma ads that make the solutions sound so easy.
And treatment method was not the purpose of his post.
OP, there are women who will accept that your illness is in the package with all those great attributes you've described. This is you. We all come with good and the not so good. Your not so good is more challenging than some, less challenging than others.
I do not blame the world for my depression, I don't lay guilt trips on people, nor do I try to burden people with it. You've accepted. In addition to the other traits posters have recommended you look for in a woman, look for a woman who also possesses the trait of acceptance. Not tolerance, acceptance.
Very best of luck to you!
That being said, PM me if you want info on a 99.9% effective recovery program.
Landra, if a 99.9% effective treatment program exists, seems interesting it's not being shouted out from rooftops.
Are the pharma companies paying someone off to keep it quiet?
- | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/26/2009 8:26:25 PM | OP: It appears as though you're doing your part in terms of your condition. You're not the first nor the last person with this, and you'll be able to find a partner like the rest of the population.
Someone that will see the inner you and understand how to deal with your "imperfections". I give you credit for being honest, and open about your situation. That's more than the "norm" will share on other aspects.
Best!
P.S. Make sure you continue the meds to give you the proper serontin balance, get out there and enjoy whatever activities you enjoy! Positive affirmations!!!! | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/26/2009 8:31:21 PM | You know, dude, the thing is, you don't sound helpless. You sound like you've been up and down the treatment regime.
And someone who has had it since age 3, well, yeah, it's part of you.
I started having bad nighttime anxiety a couple years ago, after I went into perimenopause. My life was also sh*t at the time. It was to the point where I was afraid to go to bed b/c I would ruminate all night long.
I went on effexor which is for both anxiety and depression and it helped.
In retrospect, I realized that i have had more anxiety than most people all my life. As had my mom and grandmother. It just was not interfering w/my daily life until tha tpoint. I didn't know it wasn't normal to lay awake at night worrying about my parents getting killed in a car accident - at age 10.
Anyway, it helped me to understand how a person could have a certain personality, like a "depressive" personality. That's chronic. that's real. That's not from life being sh*t due to a bad marriage and financial problems.
So I think my advice to you is a little bit different than the others. I think you need to stop looking at yourself as needing to be fixed. Stop saying "if only I could fix myself...then you'd see the wonderful person I could be". Because, seriously, do you thiink one day you'll find a magic potion that will make you happy go lucky?
Interestingly, depressed people see the world more realistically than optimists. When guessing probabilities of winnign things, depressed people were more accurate. (these are research findings in social psych studies I've read of).
What does that mean? It means that yeah sometimes life isn't perfect and sunny. But thinking it might be sunny - being unrealistically optimistic - can be good for people. It's kinda nice thinking things will surely be great, even if the pessimists know they really won't.
Still, being a more down person such as yourself, well, there's got to be good in that too. After all, youw ere built the way you are for a reason.
See, the YOU that you are NOW has worth. You don't need to uncover your worth "someday". BE it now. Embrace who you are.
I know how hard it is to get to the gym. I know how hard it is to fight your depressionw hen you are depressed. I do. In fact one of hte reasons I encourage meds is because I think with the meds, people are able to tackle their problems and make progress. They can make it to therapy. They can make it to the gym. With out the meds, yeah, it's hard to eat, roll out of bed, get dressed, any of it.
I would encourage you to continue working w/a psychiatrist to find a way to make your life livable. Find a mix of meds that will work for you. Don't expect a miracle potion to turn you into sunny susie (or steve). But at least seek a mix that will help you to help yourself...to get to the gym. To walk in the sunshine for 10 min a day. To me, a 10 min walk in the sunshine beats the gym anyway. Gets my blood pumping, breathe fresh air. Look around me and see what our earth has come up with that day. Even on crappy weather days, there is inspiration to be found outside.
Anda bove all, see yourself as worthy NOW. Don't let a partner tell you you are less than you could be. You need to be loved as you are. And yes, you are worth loving as you are. With your depression and anxious thoughts.
You know, my worrying about my parents getting into car accidents seems pointless. But I figure, all those "scenarios" I worry about just make me more prepared in case of a real emergency. Find the good in YOUR thoughts too.
Sit down and start by making some lists.
List 1: everythign that you like about yourself
List 2: goals for yourself - small ones and bigger. Small like, buy toothpaste that doesn't taste awful. Big ones, like visit such and such place in the next 6 months.
List 3: things that make you happy and content...and then use those lists to make a plan for yourself to move forward.
And if that's too overwhelming, work on finding a new therapist, one that actually helps you, then take the list to the therapist.
And yeah, my ex hub was a clinical psychologist...so no I"m not a therapist but we had a counseing practice and I saw a helluva lot of people like you -male an dfemale, all ages - walk thru our doors to seek help. And I totally believe that not every therapist fits everyone. I bet you would have loved my ex. He was really great counseling men. A really great listener and able to empathize a great deal. He doesn't and cant practice anymore b/c he has multiple sclerosis and has lost a lot of his ability to make decisions and "think", basically. But I'm sur e he's not the only one. He was good at building good therapeutic relationships with people. That's something that you'd prolly benefit from.
Good luck! | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/26/2009 9:48:29 PM | VB, you haven't mentioned this, and I'm sure that you and the MD treating you have discussed this, but have you considered the possibility of giving ECT a go?
Personally, your post is extremely lucid. Well thought out and assembled, unless you mentioned anything most would not know the suffering you're going through. I suspect that the real life you is a bit trying.
I wish you well, though, brother. I hope you find the treatment or combinations that provide some relief. But in respect to your query, it's asking a lot of a woman to deal with your chronic illness. I'm not saying she's not out there, but she is going to have to be special, eh?
TK | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:10:43 PM | Few suggestions that you could also look into.....
Exercising's a good start, a good detoxing program(lemon diet, colon cleanse, liver/gallbladder flush, check out curezone.com, read inspirational books, surround yourself with as many positive people in your life.....
They say OTC drugs could make the problem worse, cleanse your system and look into the herb "st. johns wort"
hope it helps! | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:14:24 PM | Don't hide it, because you are right, it is dishonest.
Learn to manage it, with whatever therapeutic means you have.
Once you have done that, evade your triggers.
When you find someone patient enough, be open, honest and prepared to show them just how you can manage it and live a mostly functional life.
Good luck
 | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/27/2009 12:10:29 AM | lovemyweims :
Landra, if a 99.9% effective treatment program exists, seems interesting it's not being shouted out from rooftops.
Are the pharma companies paying someone off to keep it quiet? I wouldn't know about Big Pharma. It's New Science, very progressive and forward thinking brain science related to biochemistry. But there isn't a multi-billion dollar industry with lobbyists, a sales force and a marketing machine working on it's behalf. There's no money in recovery, is there?
The program takes dedication and commitment and isn't an insta-cure. Most people prefer to pop a pill rather than work through their recovery. | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/27/2009 2:13:45 AM | Sometimes you need to pop a pill in order to work through your recovery. Pharmas have their place.
I understand those who say the OP has not asked for advice regarding treatment. Unfortunately, a life lived with untreated depression can and does lead to suicide. To agree with the OP's resignation to his fate is to not recognise that maybe some of his symptoms may very well be treatable.
I understand how difficult it is to treat bi-polar but surely parts of it can be smoothed out? Surely it is worth trying to make your life better? The OP sounds as if he sees a relationship as a medical cure. | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/27/2009 6:46:15 AM |
In the two long term relationships I've had, my depression was a problem not because I was moody or cried all the time but because my partners could see that I have great potential and that I was not fulfilling that potential fast enough to suit them. Riiiiiight. 
Interesting way to turn this around and make yourself look better. But you still haven't said how to affects you and how the women that have to deal with you.
I have depression and have a diag of being bipolar. I realize I have some deeper seated issues in the present and past that may be causing these issues and exercise and journaling does help. My mood is so lifted after a good exercise that usually consist of weight lifting, some eliptical, and definitely swimming. I always try to end with swimming because it's relaxing. However everyone else wants to medicate me. I tried that. Personally smoking weed was much more stimulating, but lucky me seems I've built an immunity to that high after only smoking what - 3 or 4 times. Depression, anxiety and anti-psychotics just made me sleepy.
I think everyone who suffers from depression and bipolar and anxiety just has some deep seated issues they really need to get into and acknowledge. Medication isn't really necessary and you can stop it if you want too. I once read a book about a women got with a most wonderful man - so she thought. He was handsome, caring, had a good job. Until one day he blacked out and tried to choke her while she slept. His family and friends finally told her that he suffers from a severe case of bipolar and was controlled only by medication. He stopped taking the medication because he thought once he got with her he could control it. He couldn't. But even with something that severe, I'm still convince he had some deep seated issues that isn't being addressed with conventional therapy and medication. Maybe he needs something more holistic. Maybe he needs a shaman of something similar. I'm only halfway kidding. But there is something to be said of Native American and shamanic healing practices.
I had a very helpful book on the subject but I can't think of the name right now. If I figure it out you might wanna read it and find it helpful. | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:23:53 PM | Lint Spotter: And your response shows that you do not understand depression. I can not just "get over it" any more than a blind person can get over being blind or a person with an amputation can get over being without a hand. It's not an excuse, it's a very real thing and it's just as debilitating as any other disease. I don't want to be depressed any more than an Iraqi veteran wants to be paralyzed. But it's not going to go away just by changing an attitude.
Most people who don't have clinical depression don't realize that there is no separation between mind and brain. Depression is a PHYSICAL problem just like any other neurological disease. But the brain is so complex that there are no simple cures out there. I cannot control the depression any more than you can control how your body reacts to a virus. I can't wish it away.
When you don't have the energy to do anything, you can't really do much to change that. Every movement feels like you have lead weights hanging on every part of your body, resisting your desires to move. You just look at something that needs to be done and you feel exhausted.
It's not a sob story any more than N1H1 is. | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:32:09 PM | landra2:
I don't expect anybody to do anything regarding my depression. It's my problem and I'm the one who has to deal with it. But my depression is a very real force that can affect how relationships go.
As for a 99.9% effective recovery program, I can tell you right now that it's BS and I don't even know what you're referring to. If you've studied depression at all like I have (and believe me, I may not be able to get a degree with what I know, but I know a lot more than the average person about it) you would know that not only is there no 99.9% effective cure for it, but anybody who claims anything is that effective for any disease has no idea how things work. There are a plethora of reasons for depression and expecting something to be that effective across the board is somebody who does not have an eye on reality. Sorry for the harsh words, but you're selling snake oil. | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:47:32 PM | You're not depressed enough to be unable to post, OP. You're not depressed enough to argue for not treating your depression. But you're too depressed to even contemplate what we are saying?
Why do you think a relationship will cure you? | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:30:50 PM | For every argument or idea or suggestion that we give you, you already have an answer, a counter argument, a reason why it will not work. So pretty much you have cancelled yourself out, and anything we will say will be cancelled out.
I think you need to forced yourself to exercise and then find a hobby or a cause that focus your energy outward. Preferably something where you help others and practice compassion towards others. What that will do is help you focus outside of yourself and see that it's not all hopeless, and even when it seems hopeless there's something you can do, if not to improve YOUR quality of life, the quality of life of others.
Let me give you an example, my gf got back from chemo last night and when we began to talk she told me that she felt that she lived in denial, buying nice wigs and trying to hide the cancer as if it did not existed. I asked her why did she said that. Then she told me that she met other people the day before that their cancer had come back and was at stage 4. They were there fighting tooth and nail, having what she had every few weeks everyday, only to then go and and have radiation and so much more. So she wanted to console this people, do something for them.
Somehow I believe she felt better. And I think the thing is that if there's nothing you can do about your condition, use your condition to communicate with others about how to do something. I know whatever we tell you may just face a brick wall or reasoning to which there is no way out, but here's your ultimate reality. Only you can do something, doing anything is better than nothing. Only you can effectuate change. | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/29/2009 4:04:07 PM | I think in terms of someone being depressed and how to cope:
* would be to read some funny jokes or comedy movies
* find yourself again, which are the things you used to enjoy doing, remember how you were before the depression came
* when you remember how you were before, figure out what the root cause for the change in your mood (emotional imbalance) - the things that happened that could have been what you thought were a traumatic experience or what you may have feared without validity or facts (irrational and not being realistic). Emotional imbalance stems from being hurt emotionally, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, guilt and fear based on irrationality, and not standing up for yourself when someone is overbearing towards you (victimized role), it is unresolved emotional hurts.
* exercise, either by walking but don't strain yourself. You can gradually upgrade when you are ready
* go out and do activities (at first it's hard 'cause you just want to stay home)
* think positive about yourself and don't let things bother you so much or if anyone says negative things about you (unless there is provocation that is important to you than stand up for it)
* if you enjoy being alone, that's fine but there is also a need to be around others which will help in re-establishing socializing and communication.
* stay away from negative individuals as this will make it more harder for you to heal(support of others is required at this time, health practitioners and positive support of loved ones). If the health practitioner has tried to help but cannot help you and you've have second opinions, then you will need to research on your own and find the root cause (it stems from either real or perceived personal injury inflicted on you be it physical or emotional. Once root cause if found, get angry and cry, then got to let go of it (forgive the hurts), then love yourself.
* when you heal and become stronger mentally, you will realize you can handle and associate with diverse individuals including those who are negative.
If it has been ongoing, and your body is fatigued, means you need ample rest due to over stress and over exersion. Go to bed and get the necessary rest you require. Give up the "hope", meaning give up the troubles you have currently stemming from your mind which isn't at peace, but still act responsibly and realistically towards goals but at a more steady pace (if unable get support from family, friends and seek out practitioner on Behavior Cognitive Therapy). The medication will not resolve the deeper issues of your problem, but is a temporary relief, the cure is resolving the root cause.
I do not think it is necessary to divuldge medical personal information unless you know you are capable of inflicting physical harm on another (unprovoked or not in self-defense) including injury to yourself while dating someone. It is not advisable to date when your in depression that dwells in suicidal ideology.
For those who are unable to analyze the root cause as there could be an additional impairment such as OCD (Obsessive Complosive Disorder). First requires to treat anxiety for treatment of OCD so it stabilizes but not resolved. This is a time to analyze the root cause because the root cause will likely coincide as a cause effect of the OCD impairment.
Note: I'm not a credited health practitioner, however through experience, these suggestions may be of help. | |
|
| Dating and Depression
Posted: 10/29/2009 5:05:54 PM |
I don't expect anybody to do anything regarding my depression. It's my problem and I'm the one who has to deal with it. But my depression is a very real force that can affect how relationships go.
As for a 99.9% effective recovery program, I can tell you right now that it's BS and I don't even know what you're referring to. If you've studied depression at all like I have (and believe me, I may not be able to get a degree with what I know, but I know a lot more than the average person about it) you would know that not only is there no 99.9% effective cure for it, but anybody who claims anything is that effective for any disease has no idea how things work. There are a plethora of reasons for depression and expecting something to be that effective across the board is somebody who does not have an eye on reality. Sorry for the harsh words, but you're selling snake oil.
This is something someone would say after talking to and taking advice from a "certified, licensed, lets trust him with our life and not take responsibility for ourselves doctor".
The legal drug pushers won't say that you can cure your depression and therefore you'd believe him because of his "status" and "credibility". They need you as an obedient "managed patient" to keep the insurance money rolling in. There is a cure if you know where to look and if you keep an open mind which is very important.
People have given you great advice here. I'd recommend printing some of these posts and give all a try.
Depression can keep you out of the limelight for sure, but shouldn't the excitement of developing successful relationships be enough motivation to open your mind to other ways of treating your depression?
Most people who don't have clinical depression don't realize that there is no separation between mind and brain. Depression is a PHYSICAL problem just like any other neurological disease. But the brain is so complex that there are no simple cures out there. I cannot control the depression any more than you can control how your body reacts to a virus. I can't wish it away.
Your right there are no simple cures. That's why it takes WORK to solve problems no matter what they are. The body heals everyday and with some help from nature and knowledge, it will speed up the process. The learning curve of how nature works with the body and mind is much greater than anything you'll ever learn in school. No one can fully understand how the body actually heals, it just does while you trust the process.
Again here are some more random suggestions that (yes it does take work) will move you forward (i know, suggestions make me sick too =): exercise (join gym), diet (nutritionist), full body detoxification, spiritual healing, forgiveness, gratitude) | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
