| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/16/2005 11:39:21 AM | Now my dilemma is when I get a divorce, do I change back to my maiden name?
this is exactly what i'm debating over right now. i want my last name back...but i don't want my girls going through that whole 'mrs. blah....oh...i'm sorry...ms. yada' scene. it seems so petty...but this is one of the hugest things i'm struggling with. i was so proud that my girls were going to have the same last name...that their parents were going to be married...like so few these days. how naive i was..... | |
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| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/16/2005 4:12:03 PM | | fishateme, if your son is 12 then he should be old enough to ask his opinion on this. If he's okay with the way things are, then I wouldn't change it. If he would like to share your last name, then do it. But I wouldn't say he's too young to understand...but I don't know your son so I can't judge his maturity level. | |
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| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/16/2005 4:15:13 PM | | I thought about this a lot too, ky_jello. What I finally decided was that if I do meet someone and remarry, then I'm probably going to have a different name than my kids anyway so one way or another, our names might not match. And like you, I was naive...I didn't think I'd ever be facing this decision. Back when I thought I'd be married forever, I thought if something terrible like a divorce ever happened, that I wouldn't change my name. Now that it has, I want my name back. It's a rather symbolic way of taking my life back. My kids are 9, 12 & 13. They don't have a problem with it, but then because of divorces, remarriages and single parents who never married, they have a lot of classmates who don't have the same last name as their parents. | |
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| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/17/2005 12:20:30 PM | ky_jello,
If you want your maiden name reinstated as your legal name upon divorce, go ahead and do it. I did it and never regretted it once. Yes, my son and I have different last names, but it's so common, it's never been an issue. A lot of his friends have remarried moms, so their last names aren't the same either.
The question I get is usually from other parents when I meet them:
"Oh, did you get remarried?"
"No, I got divorced."
I love the expressions on their faces. | |
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| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/17/2005 12:40:14 PM | My ex-wife decided to keep my name after we divorced, for two reasons. 1) we had been married for 17 years and the divorce was amiable (she's probably one o fmy best friends to this day); and 2) she didn't want the kids to have to have a different last name from hers. I think the second point is because they don't live with her and she didn't want to have one more thing seemingly come between them. She's thinking of marrying her bf, and if she does, she told me she's still going to keep my last name, so it can be the same as the kids'.
Not saying that's right or wrong, but that's just how she's doing it. I personally think it's good, because it is one less confusing thing for a child. Actually, the only confusing part is that the two of us still get along so well, and go to the parent-teacher conferences, etc. together, and people can't believe we're divorced!  | |
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| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/17/2005 8:26:28 PM | | My sons father signed over his rights to our son when he was a little over a year old, as soon as it went through, i had his last name changed to mine. I felt that if he didnt want anything to do with his son, he doesnt deserve to have a son with his last name. This guy has 2 sons and neither has his name..... | |
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| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/17/2005 9:37:03 PM | I can relate. I mistakenly married my sons father when I was 18 bc of the pregnancy. Upon our divorce I decided to keep his last name for the sake of my son, not ever considering that there were other options.
His father disappeared until about 2 months ago which makes this all the more confusing.(hes 2 1/2 now) His dad has been taking him for about 4 hours every weekend or two- but its hard to say if it will continue since its so recent.
The last name is something you would get made fun of, its worse then my maiden name, and I am still sensitive about the mocking from when I was younger. As a child of a single parent, it did bother me as well, that my mother had a different last name.
For my sake I would like to change my last name to something more mainstream and something that would reflect my heritage since I am very obviously italian and I have never had an italian name (my father was adopted).
But, I am unsure of what to do with my sons name. I could never get his father to consent to formally changing it. SHould I let him suffer with this last name? SHould I hyphen it on formal paper, but informally change it to my *new* last name (if I change it, which I very badly want to). My biggest fear though, is that he will 1- get mocked for this last name and hate that (I know it affected his father and impacted his social confidence) or 2- informally change it, and give him the option to choose later.... but then worry that he will later regret my changing it because he wants to carry on a family name?
I am sooo confused. I am leaning towards the informal changing... but I dont know if thats the right thing to do.
any input would be greatly appreciated. | |
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| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/18/2005 11:01:48 PM | theres another thread about this titled
'Another Last Name Dilemma...'
I did a post there about this same issue and how we handled it.... | |
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| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/21/2005 3:19:47 PM | my son has his father's last name mostly for legal reasons.
we are not together and have not been since I was 6 or so months pregnant.
my son is 10, he has questioned the fact that we have different last names but he is okay with it. | |
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| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 4/30/2006 10:36:54 PM | | My daughter has her fathers last name but he hasn't bothered to see her or contact her for 7 years almost to the day. She turned 8 years old in march. He only pays support so he doesn't go to jail. What a low life! But we manage very well with out him and my daughter will soon realize how ignorant and selfish he is. | |
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| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 5/1/2006 6:09:05 AM | I let my son chose when he was three.
I was in the same situation before though, i was 21 and the father push for his last name. We were together, so i thought one day mine would be the same.
After we spilt i gave my son the choice,he chose to be both. I have not legally changed it, but my son knows who he is. The ex was all irrate about it at first, but if the child is from two people...then why not take both last names. | |
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| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 5/1/2006 7:09:32 AM | | My oldest daughter has her fathers and my last names (hyphenated) and I figure she can choose when shes older if she wants to use both last names or just one or the other but with my youngest daughter her father wanted her to have his last name so I agreed to it because we were supposed to get married but I broke up with him when she was 2 and he has nothing to do with her since then but I found out after we split up that the name he used was not his legal name and he went back to using his legal last name so now my daughter has a name that doesnt match anyone and she is now almost six and doesnt understand why she has a different last name then me and I have no idea how to explain to her why it doesnt match her worthless fathers either and the only thing anyone can tell me to do is come up with about $500 to change it through the courts! | |
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| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 5/1/2006 7:27:47 AM | | my son has my last name due to the fact that his dad has not been involved at all. also because once the fathers name is on the papers, it gives easy access to his rights...which i don't want cuz of trust issues. | |
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| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 5/1/2006 8:33:53 AM | i had my son when i was 20,he's 12 now...i too gave him dads last name,but hyphanated it with mine...we parted ways very bitterly..to put it mildly..my boy hates his dad(from all he saw,heard and felt).my boy does not use his dads last name,unfortunately,on legal documents,school papers,etc..it does show up.he too wants it removed.when signing him in school,they have a slot for ''prefered names''..so,he is refered to my last name only.
what i told my boy..its just letters..ur all me no matter what ur birth certificate says..
and regardless of how good/or bad our relationship was..our son was made outa love.that seems to make him happy!...its just another part of him!
my ex wont agree to remove it either..even tho he takes no part in my sons life..the arogant pr!ck thinks its his right!lol
good luck.. | |
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