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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Does "exclusivity" applies in FWB relationship?      Home login  
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 My-Immortal
Joined: 10/23/2009
Msg: 51
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?Page 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I think you should 'alert' them to each other.

It doesn't mean that you have to ask for permission. It is just courtesy.

Are there any real rules to an FWB relationship other than what is decided between the couple anyway ???

I have never had an FWB ... so other than my thoughts, I have nothing to offer based on experience.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 52
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Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:12:19 PM
I see the whole point of FWB as someone you screw when you don't have anyone you want to actually date/have a relationship with. So no, I don't get wanting exclusive rights in a FWB, that would make it a actual relationship. I know others have a different definition for FWB but I think of it as people who have to have sex and when they don't have a boy/girlfriend or spouse they agree to have sex with each other for relief with someone they trust...because they are friends. How do you cheat on someone with whom your are only having casual sex?
 1kindMan4U
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 53
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/26/2009 11:40:16 PM
Hey now.. dont be puttin MY****in a glass case.. unless it is UNbreakable glass that has a harness I can wear like underwear.

I mean.. think about it. a glass case is usually in a museum.. You know.. DEAD things..

Makes me wonder.. When rigor mortis sets in.. and you are harder than chinese trigonometry.. do you get even HARDER? Or does the reverse effect happen where your body gets STIFF.. and your peni get's stiffed..

I wonder.. the imponderables.

Of course.. once dead.. can one ejaculate? Hmmmmm

All of these questions.

FWB.. multiple FWB's.. cross connecting FWB's..

If you are doing two sisters.. and they dont KNOW you are doing the other..

Is your life at risk?

what if you are doing the mother too.. and they all live together.. Oh the quandry
 Kofi - 68
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 54
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/27/2009 3:57:58 PM

Theoretically you just don't have the time, schedule, or ability to focus on a relationship. So if you have more than one FWB then you have a lot of free time. Meaning you could focus on putting in the effort and time on a relationship, you just happen to be avoiding them. Like a kid.
You still didn't exactly explain why there should be exclusivity. In my opinion exclusivity doesn't apply here unless previously agreed to.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 55
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Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/28/2009 10:08:39 AM
Before it started being called 'friend with benefits', it was often called "having a lover", "having an affair" or "having a love affair". Despite a common interpretation that these terms were specific to extramarital sex, it actually meant an involvement with someone you were not "dating", "going steady with", "engaged to" or "living with". If there was not a socially compelling reason to keep the involvment discreet, "lovers" might well enjoy nonsexual activities as well, or call on one another for help in a practical emergency.
And the idea that a "FwB" is at someone's "beck and call"? That's just stupid. Assuming that a common reason for an FwB is time constraints, and hopefully recognizing that adults have LIVES( occupation, business, other social/recreatinal interests, other family ties) how can "beck and call" possibly apply.
From personal experience AND observation, quite often FwB involvements occur largely as a result of coinciding activities and schedules. Do not mistake my meaning here, it is not just because someone is 'convenient'. In a genuine FwB,there definitely is friendship, enjoyment of one another's company, and sexual chemistry...but NOT TO THE DEGREE NEEDED TO CARRY ON A "REAL RELATIONSHIP". Nobody is "getting used". It IS a "2 way street" and the benefits ARE mutual.

Exclusivity cannot be demanded, it is not a 'requirement', and the parties are free to keep their minds and 'options' open should they have a romantic goal of finding someone who could be 'the real deal'. But for a FwB to not end up as a flaming wreck, the 2 people involved must be mature and principled enough to realize that boinking 2 or more people at the same time is low rent and trashy( not to mention the increased risks) .
I've seen a poster or 2 hear mention "living together" as a "requirement" of a "real relationship." Well, then I must just want a lifelong monogamous 'friend with benefits', because I regard marriage/cohabitation/ significant co mingling of assets and liabilities as a PERSONAL risk I'd have grave reservations about taking. In this context( long term committed FwB?) of course exclusivity of sexual intimacy would apply.
Bottom line? In anything less than an agreed upon exclusive romantic involvement, what someone does with regard to dating or having sex with other partners is THEIR business. But if it blows up in your face, or comes around and bites you in the ass some way, be adult enough to accept the aftermath. I think the culture applicable to most PoF members holds that boinking multiple people at the same time is trashy and immature.
Cindy O
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 56
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Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:25:02 PM
Granted I don't know much about FWiBbies, but in any interpersonal relationship I would NEVER assume exclusivity unless we had "the talk". It's foolish to assume exclusivity unless there has been a formal discussion about it.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 57
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Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:45:02 PM
According to many posters on here, A FWB relationship is with a person that you are have enough of a relationship or connection with that you would consider them a friend, but timing, a personality quirk, current road blocks or whatever woud stop you from taking it to the next level. So the premise is that you have a certain amount of a "relationship" with the FWB to trust them in this type of arrangement. So having said that, why wouldnt you have enough respect or level of caring for that person to be completely honest with them about the parameters of the arrangement? Isnt that what friends do, treat each other with respect and honesty and allow them to decide if that is what they want to get involved with?

I guess in this instance "friends" really isnt accurate, more like a convenient hole when the other hole isnt availble....
 makeba
Joined: 9/28/2009
Msg: 58
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:47:07 PM

..but I don't know anyone who is cool with sharing partners when STD's are prevalent.
Since when has STDs stopped the human race from being promiscuous? How many of your partners have you given an STD test/screening before sleeping with them? Yes STDs are all over yet we are still online seeking to meet up with strangers who we know nothing about their sexual histories. If an FWB has to ask your permission before sleeping with someone else, then your guys are in a relationship and just fooling yourselves by not admitting that.:)

.....more like a convenient hole when the other hole isnt available....
Isn't us women the ones in control of FWB liaisons? Why are you pretending that the guys are using the women? Its a two way street my dear.
FWB = NSA = No exclusivity = "Sleeping around" = Dangerous Liaisons.
 verityone
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 59
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Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:55:26 PM

Before (we put letters of the alphabet to it to be PC,) it was called "sleeping around" or "promiscuity"for years.
Sleeping around and promiscuity didn't have rules or parameters. It was just that.
Scratching the itch with who you favour at the time.

Being promiscuous is the same today as it's always been. It means you are not monogamous.
That's not the same as an FWB.
FWB's are for people who want to virtually eliminate the risk of an STD, by virtue of having sex with only one person.

Apparently asking for and requiring a relationship is "needy" nowadays for most on here.

That's bull. I've never read one person accuse another of being "needy" because they wanted to be in a relationship.

So, the next best is trying to get exclusivity with an FWB or get exclusivity in a promiscuous lifestyle.

No. It's an alternative to people who either don't want a committed relationship with that person, or one at all.

People are hilarious!

Here I was thinking the same thing about some of the posts in this thread.
So many experts on FWB's, despite never being in one.

The FWB I had was strictly monogamous and both of us wanted it that way.

I don't know where you people are coming from who believe that FWB is NSA.

They aren't the same thing.

NSA implies no commitment whatsover.

FWB can be any number of things...........but I don't know anyone who is cool with sharing partners when STD's are prevalent.

+1

According to many posters on here, A FWB relationship is with a person that you are have enough of a relationship or connection with that you would consider them a friend, but timing, a personality quirk, current road blocks or whatever woud stop you from taking it to the next level. So the premise is that you have a certain amount of a "relationship" with the FWB to trust them in this type of arrangement.

That's exactly it.

So having said that, why wouldnt you have enough respect or level of caring for that person to be completely honest with them about the parameters of the arrangement?

I don't know why you'd assume that openess and honesty are not present in an FWB relationship.

I guess in this instance "friends" really isnt accurate, more like a convenient hole when the other hole isnt availble....

You mean when one hasn't found a "hole" worth putting a ring on?

I also noticed that you seem to focus on convenient "holes" and not convenient "poles"....

Or is it that men are only guilty of taking advantage of non committal sex, while women are soley "victims" of it?

Careful....your bias, is once again showing....
 Ma_Karuna
Joined: 8/19/2009
Msg: 60
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:56:55 PM
Hey Sweetie,

Why don't you read the thread and comments "Moving on with HPV"; that might give you the answer, or at least make you think.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 61
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Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/28/2009 1:25:33 PM
I think the problem here in this thread is that many posters have been in, or offered, a supposed FwB involvement that was really nothing but a candycoated presentation of "booty call NSA" sex.

Hello? What does the word "friend' mean? Granted, most of us have more than one friend...but would we intentionally hurt any of our friends feelings or endanger their wellbeing?

For myself, FwB means I like the guy, I enjoy his company and having sex with him, but I know we would not wear well together should we try to MAKE it be a "relationship". I think what needs to happen is that BOTH parties fully understand that this is NOT something ramping up to a "real relationship", that the 2 of you are not going to live together, get married,etc. There is NO "next level". Personally, I would prefer to consider the longterm committed non cohabiting involvement as a 'relationship", not a FwB, but so many seem to think that a real relationship can only mean cohabiting, 24/7 state of being joined at the hip.

To those posters here who have been conned into a bootycall involvement or some other form of "no strings" sex,because it was disguised as "friends with benefits" , I'm sorry you were sold an apple that really was an orange. But just because you feel like you were used or disrespected, does not mean that a genuine 'friend with benefits' involvement is not possible.
Cindy O
 Splendere
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 62
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:22:43 AM

I had 2 ongoing FWB a while back with 2 woman who happened to be acquaintances. Yes they didn't know about the FWB until I mentioned it to one. She was furious that I was "sleeping" with someone else all this time.


You’ve answered your own question. FWB may or may not include exclusivity. In your case it did not.
However, that does not mean that you do not owe these women courtesy and consideration. Of course you should have told them both of the other. I don’t blame her for being upset; it was not over you having another liaison but because it was with someone who she is acquainted with. You should have asked the first woman if she would mind you fooling around with her acquaintance; then if you’d gotten the go ahead informed the other as well.


Not my fault that she got emotionally connected.

Friends are connected emotionally. You do not seem to have a clear grasp on what a relationship entails.


IMO/IME most people that are in FWB aren't really in FWB. They aren't looking for it, they happen to fall into it because they simply want to avoid any responsibility, commitment, risk, or conflict in their life. Like when 8 year old's pretend they are married.
IOW people like to objectify and use other people, and then say "whoa, I am just looking for a FWB." FWB becomes an excuse, a rationalization, a justification, not a proper definition of the relationship.


What he said; wise man.
 airconditioninthesummer
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 63
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:30:03 AM
you're making this too complicated. you should have attempted a threesome with that girl on your left and that girl on your right.

also, you failed in all of this because you are too greedy.

with this stance of yours, what is your purpose in life? to use as many people as you can for your own selfish interests?

good job there, human. imagine if someone did that to your daughter.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 64
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Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/29/2009 5:13:49 AM

I guess in this instance "friends" really isnt accurate, more like a convenient hole when the other hole isnt availble....

You mean when one hasn't found a "hole" worth putting a ring on?

I also noticed that you seem to focus on convenient "holes" and not convenient "poles"....

Or is it that men are only guilty of taking advantage of non committal sex, while women are soley "victims" of it?

Careful....your bias, is once again showing....


A Bias about what? Unlike yourself, I am actually capable of discussing this particular arrangement with out losing focus and drifting off to discuss something else. My comments are about this arrangement in which this man openly said that he wasnt honest with the woman who he was friends with enough to sleep with. So, according to you, friends are honest with each other and have respect for each other and it is apparent this man didnt have enough respect for this friend to be completely honest, so I would have to say that you and I see things the same way ironically. I think you are the one with the bias showing if you cant read my post without applying an ulterior motive
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 65
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Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/29/2009 9:02:25 AM

FWB's are for people who want to virtually eliminate the risk of an STD, by virtue of having sex with only one person.

Maybe SOME FWB's are for people who want to cut back the risk of STD's... but not all, and I would venture to say that's not the reason for the majority of people...
Not one person I've asked about this topic outside of POF has said they would expect a FWB to be monogamous...
My G/F has done the FWB thing in the past... It was a bone of contention between us because she wanted the guy to remain a friend and I disagreed. Even she told me that she and the guy were not monogmaous. They'd hook up but were both dating and sleeping with other people.
For most people a FWB is just there to fill in the 'dry' spots while they're looking for someone else to settle down with....
If someone is in a FWB, you can bet they're not going to end it because they might have a one night stand etc... until a new relationship is serious, there's going to be a lot of overlap.... and look how many people advocate sleeping on the first date...
I really can't imagine someone bothering to tell their FWB, "Oh I slept with another one last night....".... No. They're most likely going ot keep quiet about it to minimise drama, and so as to not have the other person end the FWB.... especially if they don't even know if the new relationship is going to work out.... and that might take a few days or weeks before they might feel they're now in a "relationship"....
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 66
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/29/2009 9:20:07 AM

So does exclusivity comes into play in FWB relationships?


Uh, nooooo. lol



I had 2 ongoing FWB a while back with 2 woman who happened to be acquaintances.


Wow - 2 FWBs - you're da MAN!!!


Maybe the one that reacted furiously has since gotten emotionally attached? Two years is a longggggggggg time to be with someone on an intimate level. Time to have a talk with your girls, and redefine what a FWB is..........


The chances one takes to get laid...........
 1Keith7
Joined: 10/19/2009
Msg: 67
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/29/2009 9:49:39 AM

Two years is a longggggggggg time to be with someone on an intimate level. Time to have a talk with your girls, and redefine what a FWB is..........
FWB on average last longer than 2 years. This is just because there are usually a few breaks (when the other starts a relationship or steady partner etc). so the 2 years is not like we were seeing each other every week or even every month. So we can go for months without shagging.

airconditioninthesummer:

with this stance of yours, what is your purpose in life? to use as many people as you can for your own selfish interests?
good job there, human. imagine if someone did that to your daughter.
Spare me your crap!! Maybe you should rejoin the AA 9as per your profile). FWB is basically to satisfy each other's selfish interest. If my daughter decides to enter into an FWB (ie when she is of legal age), thats her choice and decision.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 68
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Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:00:03 AM

FWB is basically to satisfy each other's selfish interest.

Yep. Precisely. TWO people are in it...so how can ONE get "used"? Were they forced into the FWB?

NO.

So get a grip with the "used" spiel...it's getting tired. The ONLY one that would feel "used" is the one that enters the FWB willingly with an agenda to "change" the other person or make them "come around" to a real relationship. But at that point, they just "used" themselves for getting into a situation with an agenda.

If one can't separate sex from love, then FWB ain't for them.
 officersnarky
Joined: 10/14/2009
Msg: 69
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:04:53 AM

Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?


No but you have to be honest with everyone you're having sex with
 001-100
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 70
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:07:38 PM
Tell me you are kidding. Its FWB for a reason. Its just to satisfy an itch not to tell you about everyone you are or have slept with. Well, in the OPs case, he told her the truth when she asked.
There is no exclusivity implied or expected in FWB unless specifically discussed and agreed to (in which case I don't see it as an FWB anymore).
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 71
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Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/6/2010 7:44:32 PM
BDJ:
At least with just you and just them f*cking, the odds and numbers of partners exposed to is limited to just the two of you. The exclusivity factor.

Not to mention the whole "ick" factor with the possibility of sleeping with literally hundreds of people wrapped up in one body


Exactly! There is the big ICK factor of thinking about all the partners that the other may be sleeping with and their partners and so forth. I'm all for the "exclusivity" as it's either that or the highway as far as I'm concerned which I guess is why I won't consider a FWB -- at least at this time.

But then it comes down to trust.... can you really trust that the person that you're entering into a FWB with is being honest, truthful and exclusive? Of the people that I have met in person, I wouldn't trust them as far as I can throw them which means squat. Seeing as they were eyeing me as a potential FWB, it was a definite no go with me. I mean, one can always go to the health clinic with any potential FWB for a clean bill of health, but that's only good so long as they are exclusive with you. I just don't want to end up being a frequent visitor to be tested to the point where they know my face. Requiring condoms only helps but still there are diseases that condoms don't protect against.
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 72
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/6/2010 7:54:39 PM

FWB = Exclusive


1. This lady had no understanding what FWB meant and what she was getting herself into.
OR
2. Denial is a MF! And she developed feelings and lied to herself about it.

exclusive....
 wikki tikki
Joined: 10/23/2009
Msg: 73
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/6/2010 7:57:26 PM
uh no!!!!!! exclusivity would mean that you were in a commited relationship... or even committed open relationship if that would be more applicable.....

exclusivity means commitment
 WasabiGal2
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 74
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Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/6/2010 8:13:19 PM
frankly I don't think anyone should assume exclusivity, regardless of the relationship. So FWB, dating, whatever.....

a friend of mine who is new to dating said, well, if you are dating the same guy, and start having sex, isn't it assumed that you're exclusive?
Ha! I told her no. Never. Not until it's been discussed and agreed upon. And if the guy says nothing, he hasn't agreed! Happened to a friend of mine! That was his excuse when she found out he was having sex with someone else.

So for anyone wanting exclusivity, you better have that discussion
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 75
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Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/6/2010 8:23:41 PM
^^^^My, my in the world of FWBs you have to be a savvy businessman/woman to negotiate these deals. Assume nothing. It's an oral contract (some pun intended) in that unless he/she has agreed out right to it, there is no deal.
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