Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Does "exclusivity" applies in FWB relationship?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SBM4U2
Joined: 12/22/2009
Msg: 76
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?Page 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Why have 2? Sounds greedy and like there was a lack of respect on your part. Especially sleeping with two women who knew each other. Tacky, and regardless of whether you used protection or not there is always a chance of some type of tranferring something (if you were kissing and a few other ways).
 6citygal1
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 77
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/7/2010 11:03:51 AM
If you want exclusivity in a FWB relationship, then that should be talked about at the beginning of the relationship. I don't think anyone should assume or imply that their FWB relationship is exclusive.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 78
view profile
History
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/7/2010 7:19:21 PM

If you want exclusivity in a FWB relationship, then that should be talked about at the beginning of the relationship

"excusivity"????? The BIGGEST reason for MOST men to have a FWB is to be able to get steady sex while looking for other people to have sex with...
(Now watch how many will deny that.... they're just NOT like that..... and the cheque is in the mail....)
 walking the pooch
Joined: 10/31/2009
Msg: 79
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/7/2010 7:26:27 PM
She don't sound to smart. Can I have her number please? lol
 hamster-dance
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 80
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/7/2010 7:44:53 PM
Only if it's discussed and agreed upon ahead of time. Otherwise, no.
 Aisfor_Amanda
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 81
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/7/2010 8:04:19 PM

Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?


I don't believe it does. There's not committment or promise to just be with one another. I do think you should at least let all parties involved know that there are others FWB.
 Free-At-Last
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 82
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/7/2010 8:32:25 PM
Does exclusivity apply in a FWB relationship?

For me...absolutely. Just because I prefer a FWB's relationship over a more traditional relationship that HAS to have a final destination in order to survive ...it doesn't mean that ANYBODY else that is my "friend" is also privy to the pooty!
The exclusive factor is still a requirement.
 Ependa
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 83
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/7/2010 9:35:44 PM
I think it's obviously something that should be talked about openly before you enter into any relationship, including fwb. I find it hillarious that men associate exclusivity with some long lasting love thing and they feel threatened by it. I'm not much into fwbs now, though I would consider it with the right situation..but there is no way in hell I'm going in any relationship (fwb or otherwise) sexually if it's not exclusive (except maybe a )

I'm sure different people have different reactions to it, but I'm a bit surprised you had this going for 2 years without talking openly. Just saying.
 Pondering the Circle.....
Joined: 1/18/2010
Msg: 84
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/7/2010 9:37:44 PM
No way...you can't tell your 'friend' who they can be intimate with...what gives you the right to tell your fwb?
 Just_Jay79
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 85
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/8/2010 5:59:40 AM
Exclusivity is something that simply needs to be agreed upon at the start of the FWB arrangement, or you can hardly expect either party to adhere to it implicitly.

My FWB and I had four topics we chatted about to make sure there were absolutely no misunderstandings as to our arrangement:
1) Safe sex would be practiced at all times
2) Stance on accidental pregnancy and counter-measures
3) This is not a romantic relationship, nor does it have any potential to ever become one
4) Sexual exclusivity with the proviso that should we find someone better to actually date and pursue traditional romance with, we'd tell the other party asap so that the arrangement could dissolve amicably and wish each other the best of luck

So while it is true that I can look around for someone better, my FWB relies on my integrity and I hers to only go so far before a decision needs to be made; this is why we were even able to get along enough to set up this arrangement in the first place. If I didn't trust her, I wouldn't touch her. PERIOD.
 mmagnet
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 86
view profile
History
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/8/2010 6:45:57 AM
I say ban FWB relationships - get a gadget to take care of your needs and nobody gets hurt.

I dated someone who told me he had a FWB and he did the right thing by telling her 'about me' - I waited 3 months to be intimate with him, and then all hell broke loose. FWB damaged my relationship with him because she did not act or react like a FWB. She called me 'the competition' and 'death stares' which was also a dead give away.

The damage was caused by his 'thinking' she was a FWB for the last 4 years, but in reality? She was more of a LTR / girlfriend since they were 'exclusive' until I came around.

He couldn't cope with the two of us so he exited the situation
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 87
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/8/2010 6:57:54 AM
Exclusivity implies a committed relationship to me...not something I personally would associate with a FWB...I think that once you agree to be exclusive, you are out of a 'casual friends with benefits zone' and into a 'conventional couple zone', kinda defeats the purpose in my opinion...
 ghostdog1973
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 88
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/8/2010 7:36:02 AM
i thougth the entire point of FWB is to have sex with someone on at least a semi regular basis without commitment of a relationship.

which means- "no exclusivity"

isn't that the freakin' point?
 JFredMuggs
Joined: 1/26/2010
Msg: 89
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/8/2010 8:17:29 AM
Where I work we enroll in various benefits packages late in the fiscal year. I'm assuming you're in a similar situation. Obviously you picked the sex-with-whoever-you-like option. One of your friends picked the same thing, apparently. You should keep her. The other one picked some other plan. You should drop her. At least until next years enrollment period when you're free to reconsider all your options.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 90
view profile
History
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/8/2010 8:36:33 AM

i thougth the entire point of FWB is to have sex with someone on at least a semi regular basis without commitment of a relationship.

I think there are two kinds of people who are in FWB's....
Those who KNOW it's not exclusive, and those who THINK it is....
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 91
view profile
History
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/8/2010 8:50:39 AM
Even though a FWB is technically nonexclusive, just out of personal courtesy, it's always a good idea to let someone know you've met and are doing someone else-!
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 92
view profile
History
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/8/2010 8:52:01 AM
It's all negotiable. There's no "standard" arrangement for a FWB situation. Hopefully, you discuss what you each want, expect, and require, and that includes exclusivity, or not, and to what degree, etc.

I've had an exclusive arrangement, and another that was sort of exclusive - the two women knew each other and we'd all hang out together sometimes, but we didn't see others. Sometime one would ask the other, "Can I have him tonight, or do you want him?" I was happy either way. That was more of a poly relationship than a FWB situation, perhaps.
 DIVISION77
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 93
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/8/2010 9:23:25 AM
Why is this thread still alive?

Common sense would tell you that there is no given rule for FWB relationships.

It's the kind of thing that depends on the people involved and what they agree to.

I would never engage in a FWB that wasn't exclusive.

The only difference between a FWB and LTR is the amount of time involved, available.

Whether it's exclusive or not isn't a factor because I'd never have a relationship of any kind with a woman if she was promiscuous and having multiple sex partners.

For me it's always exclusive, and they know that............or it just wouldn't happen.

How many people out there are OK with FWB that aren't exlusive?

Basically you might as well be having sex with a prostitute because that's how unsafe your behaviour is.

It's really that simple.



 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 94
view profile
History
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/8/2010 9:30:01 AM

How many people out there are OK with FWB that aren't exlusive?
Basically you might as well be having sex with a prostitute because that's how unsafe your behaviour is.

As I said, there are those that THINK they're in an exclusive FWB relationship and those who KNOW they're not....
If you've made it clear it has to be exclusive for you, then all you're doing is encouraging the other person to NOT tell you if they're not monogamous....
Sorry, a monogmaous FWB is a RELATIONSHIP, not FWB....
 DIVISION77
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 95
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/8/2010 9:48:28 AM

As I said, there are those that THINK they're in an exclusive FWB relationship and those who KNOW they're not....
If you've made it clear it has to be exclusive for you, then all you're doing is encouraging the other person to NOT tell you if they're not monogamous....
Sorry, a monogmaous FWB is a RELATIONSHIP, not FWB....


You're not me, baby church.

I tend to attract good girls who look down on promiscuity.

Due to schedules, work and alone time, I don't always have time for a full-on LTR.

That doesn't mean my standards drop in terms of what I will accept in a woman, nor does it mean I'll ever share a woman sexually.

Women aren't like men in many ways. For one, if they find a guy who suits them and makes them feel like a woman they don't ever want to screw that up, esp over sex.

If I ever suspected that a woman I was dating wasn't faithful, I'd drop her faster than baby Brad did Jennifer.

Just because you're jaded and have found dating life to be lacking doesn't mean your views of conventional wisdom apply to everyone else.

DIVISIONAL FWB = Exclusivity lease with an option to buy.





 Motto_Bella
Joined: 7/6/2009
Msg: 96
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/8/2010 9:51:24 AM
FWB exclusitivity is reasonsonable for HEALTH reasons.. having no desire to pursue a long term commitment (for whatever reason). A proper relationship carries with it an intention or open mind.. about future/committment.

Your FWB wasn't worried about an STD? Nah.. not conceivable. There's more to this story.. to many hands in the cookie jar.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 97
view profile
History
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/8/2010 10:26:55 AM
FWB means they are not all that into you and actively looking for a real relationship.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 98
view profile
History
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/8/2010 11:23:56 AM
You're not me, baby church.

You're right.... when I was your age, I thought a lot like you.... Who's the baby?


I tend to attract good girls who look down on promiscuity

You know, EVERY girl I've ever met. looks down on promiscuity... Neer seen one yet who will either admit to being promiscuous, or brag about it or support it.... They're ALL GOOD GIRLS.....

If I ever suspected that a woman I was dating wasn't faithful, I'd drop her faster than baby Brad did Jennifer.

Just because you don't suspect doesn't mean it isn't happening.... Remember, some people manage to keep several affairs a secret right through long marriages... If a woman's husband might not suspect his wife is cheating... then really the odds of catching a cheating FWB are a lot worse... especially if the FWB doesn't feel guilty...
at least a wife might feel guilty... if she was cheating....


Just because you're jaded and have found dating life to be lacking doesn't mean your views of conventional wisdom apply to everyone else.

Actually I am a little jaded, but also I am in a relationship and have never found dating life to be lacking.... more the opposite....

DIVISIONAL FWB = Exclusivity lease with an option to buy.

Apparently you've never read all those threads on how FWB's don't turn into relationships....

What you're describing still sounds like a couple to me....

When, I looked at your profile, you list as looking for "long term"... I'd almost say you were trying to cover your bases here... imply long term, but be open that it's only FWB( with an option)... Try to get women both ways...

 DIVISION77
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 99
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/8/2010 12:57:41 PM

You know, EVERY girl I've ever met. looks down on promiscuity... Neer seen one yet who will either admit to being promiscuous, or brag about it or support it.... They're ALL GOOD GIRLS.....


I can't stress enough that I screen pretty well and have a good sense of intuition.

I don't get serious with someone until after a lengthy courting process and I've never suspected any woman I've been with of cheating. Unless they were complete frauds who lead double lives, I'm completely sure that I've never dated a woman who was cheating on me.

You're much too cynical, and/or a bad judge in character to have the belief that all women are cheaters.

In fact, the type of women I attract want monogamous relationships and I can't see them being of that state of mind if they're simply cheating without guilt.

As I said before the only difference for me between a FWB and LTR is the amount of time involved. The commitment isn't any different, just that most of the time spent in a FWB is usually sex whereas in a LTR there is more time for other things.

I make it extremely clear to a woman that I won't hesitate to drop her if I suspect any type of infidelity. They know that............so I just don't see them cheating.

It goes more to a woman's character and I've never been wrong about that in terms of the women I've chosen to date.

Who are these women you speak of who feel no guilt from cheating? I'm not dating them. I assume you are?

 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 100
view profile
History
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/8/2010 2:09:11 PM
a FWB's relationship over a more traditional relationship that HAS to have a final destination in order to survive

This is an EXCELLENT description of FwB that could actually have a long run,if the parties involved were not looking for marriage or hipjoined cohabitation.


It's all negotiable. There's no "standard" arrangement for a FWB situation. Hopefully, you discuss what you each want, expect, and require, and that includes exclusivity, or not, and to what degree, etc.

Yes, precisely! Why is this so difficult to grasp?


Common sense would tell you that there is no given rule for FWB relationships.

It's the kind of thing that depends on the people involved and what they agree to.

Again, yes, that's it exactly.
I am inclined to think, based on the general aversion to 'sloppy seconds' and the'eeewwww! factor', that FwBs tend more to monogamy than people realize. What's NOT exclusive is each person's entitlement to move on,should they find someone they want a "real relationship" with, or the involvement just generally seems to be running out of gas.
A GENUINE FwB is not going to drop the 'friend's part and KEEP the 'benefits'. "Friends" is the over-arching principle. And yes, even a good FwB can tend to get stale or burn out.Or, someone who has(wisely, IMO) chosen a FwB because they were in a healing process from a failed relationship or bereavement, may start feeling well enough to reasonably pursue a more "destination-bound" course of male-female interaction.


How many people out there are OK with FWB that aren't exlusive?
I personally believe that protection should be used if there is ANY doubt about exclusivity or the partners provenance...


Sorry, a monogmaous FWB is a RELATIONSHIP, not FWB....

No, generally speaking, most see a "relationship" as having a progression towards a destination,and significant interweaving of the couples' lives.


FWB means they are not all that into you and actively looking for a real relationship.

No, I can't completely agree with that.FwB can mean that the persons are not in a position,emotionally, logistically,at that point in time,to pursue and nurture a "real" relationship. And then there is the controversy about non-cohabiting,"no marriage or cohabitation planned" ongoing involvement,which some insist is a FwB because relationships are "only" about marriage or cohabitation. But there are many mature adults who would love to have a reasonably steady and reliable companion/sex partner/friend,while still retaining a fair degree of autonomy,independence and 'space' I personally would call that a relationship, but many insist that unless you own each other, so to speak, it's FwB.


You're much too cynical, and/or a bad judge in character to have the belief that all women are cheaters.

I did not see where he said this, he commented that people can be quite adept at hiding cheating behavior, even in a cohabitation or marriage. That is not the same thing as "hav(ing) the belief that all women are cheaters".
Cindy O
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Does "exclusivity" applies in FWB relationship?