| No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/30/2009 6:02:39 AM | I dated a women who drank too much thereby preventing her to reach an orgasm. Yes, it`s a deal breaker...
No matter what we did she was unable to achieve an orgasm. She drank excessively,which made our love making a hindrance sometimes.
After continuous attempts of trying to help her reach climax our love making sessions which would go on for hours. I was only able to hit the mark once...I wasn`t too thrilled by this occurrence..She later admitted she had a problem with reaching an orgasm..
I believed her drinking made her less sexual and stimulation in her clitoris was numb..
I kept asking her if she would curtail her drinking issues at least when she was with me, she flatly refused and i thought it would be best to stop kidding ourselves.We partied as friends. | |
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| No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/30/2009 8:45:57 AM |
I know I'm responsible for my own orgasm, but if that's the case, why be in a relationship? Exactly! Why bother? You are responsible for your own experience insofar as you have to be able to communicate what it takes to get you there. If you can't then it's your problem. If he won't then find someone who will.
In a nutshell - this is really the bottom line.
If you can't orgasm yourself or don't know how - you have to take some of the blame when it's not happening.
But if you can do better with a dildo alone - what exactly is he doing there, really? Maybe you can get him to fetch a pizza or cook you something so at least he's useful. | |
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| No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:13:50 AM |
If you were with someone for a while and they never gave you an orgasm, would you leave them?
Yes I would leave, it is my partner's responsibility to do what I like and to do it well and if my partner can't get me there then they aren't doing a very good job. | |
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| No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/30/2009 1:51:07 PM | depends how you feel about the person.if you have strong feelings then talk to them,just be kind but truthful.if they care then the two of you can experiment to find what works best.if they don't care then find someone who does. | |
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| No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/30/2009 3:36:55 PM | | GIVE? I thought the Government was going to give all of us everything now! | |
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| No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/30/2009 4:10:46 PM |
I kept asking her if she would curtail her drinking issues at least when she was with me, she flatly refused and i thought it would be best to stop kidding ourselves.We partied as friends.
A man has to have his priorities. So apparently does a woman. | |
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| No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/30/2009 11:49:22 PM |
"Yes but thankfully I've never had to.
I don't move on to sex with a man if he hasn't already proven he can bring me to orgasm while making out.
Delay penetration until he figures out how to get you off manually or orally if he can't do it through intercourse alone."
Accidentally In Love, I think you hit the nail on the head. This has been precisely my problem- I give up the pu$sy too soon and let things get rushed. I wish there was some way of telling beforehand whether someone would turn out to be an attentive lover. Some people can be very nice outside the bedroom, so it's tough to tell at first. I also like your advice about 'making sure they clean the plate before moving onto the next course'. I definitely need to put your wise words into practice.  | |
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| No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/30/2009 11:56:31 PM | Also, when people advise to let one's partner know what it takes to achieve the orgasm, what if you don't know? They say to masterbate, but I don't know how to translate that to partnered sex. If I got off with vibes or fingers, that may be more straightforward, but the only way I can get an orgasm is by humping the mattress, and even then, it's a long, arduous process. | |
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| No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/31/2009 12:31:11 AM | OP it sounds as if your problem obtaining orgasms is w/ you. You don't give a relationship time to build up a reliable way to communicate w/ your lover(maybe it's because intimate encounters isn't about intimacy or communication?) If you don't know multiple ways to reach orgasm yourself, or have the level of confidence to communicate it to your partner, you won't have a satifying sex life.
Most women that have satisfying sex lives know multiple ways to orgasm and know how to tell their partner(or show & tell them) how to get them there. Orgasms are a team effort, but you need to build that team before you reach the goal. | |
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| No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:54:55 AM | The ssumption that you can show a guy what to do and he will do it is false IME.
There are quite a few old school guys out there who seriously don't give a hoot about the womans orgasm not do they think they should. Very old school and it's also true for guys who are not old.
There are still plenty of lazy selfish men out there. I suppose there are women like this but I don't sleep with them so....no further comment.
I can come in a couple of minutes with pretty simple stimulation but there are still guys out there who find even a few minutes to be a chore. It's not personal. It's about their attitude that sex is for mens' pleasure and how dare women demand equality in the bedroom.
They watch too much porn and secretly wish you would just fake it like a pro and hide your frustration.
Personally I would tell the guy to go home so I can get myself off in peace. Who wants to wait until he's snoring. It's a buzz kill.
Sad but true. | |
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| No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/31/2009 6:21:05 PM | | my ex basically had me to do all the work while she laid there. i started to get cranky later on. if the sexual compatibility isnt there, if it doesnt match up, why be in the relationship? | |
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| No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:16:31 PM | yes it is a deal breaker and no explanation is required.
If he doesn't realize you aren't having the big O, then he's insensitive to your needs and not noticing your physical responses.
If he realizes you aren't orgasming, and is not actively trying to rectify that, then he is insensitive to your needs as well as uncaring and selfish, and in it purely for his own pleasure. ........RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK................ | |
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| No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 11/1/2009 11:59:31 AM |
Accidentally In Love, I think you hit the nail on the head. This has been precisely my problem- I give up the pu$sy too soon and let things get rushed. I wish there was some way of telling beforehand whether someone would turn out to be an attentive lover. Some people can be very nice outside the bedroom, so it's tough to tell at first. I also like your advice about 'making sure they clean the plate before moving onto the next course'. I definitely need to put your wise words into practice.
You're not alone. I read that a lot on here and they wonder why they don't have a satisfying sexual experience. I don't let a man in until I am good and ready...I know my body and I know that most men don't last long enough to satisfy me unless I'm extremely excited (but that can also make them quicker) anyways, before that I make them wait until I am comfortable enough emotionally and physically to be with them. I think that the only way to know beforehand that a man will be an attentive lover is to date him and get to know him and that takes time.
Also, when people advise to let one's partner know what it takes to achieve the orgasm, what if you don't know? They say to masterbate, but I don't know how to translate that to partnered sex. If I got off with vibes or fingers, that may be more straightforward, but the only way I can get an orgasm is by humping the mattress, and even then, it's a long, arduous process.
I'm sorry to hear that! Nothing even with a vibrator? :(
Have you tried making out while humping his leg?
Maybe you should invest in a workshop type thing. Try asking at a sex shop.
If you can't get yourself off easily then there's no way a man will be able to.
IME it's me who has to be relaxed enough around a man to be able to orgasm.
Once that's achieved then it's just a matter of a little time and attention.
If you don't know multiple ways to reach orgasm yourself, or have the level of confidence to communicate it to your partner, you won't have a satifying sex life.
Most women that have satisfying sex lives know multiple ways to orgasm and know how to tell their partner(or show & tell them) how to get them there. Orgasms are a team effort, but you need to build that team before you reach the goal.
Multiple ways sounds much too intimidating to a woman who can't even find one good way!
I don't have multiple ways to orgasm, multiple orgasms, g-spot or any kind of 'spot' orgasms but I do have a clitoral orgasm and it does happen every single time...and it's wonderful!
You don't 'need' to be able to have a variety of orgasms to be sexually satisfied...the same old same old has been working fine for me for decades...but I am not opposed to trying to find something new.
AnimeOtaku5: You've been looking for intimate encounters which, I would assume, don't provide any comfort emotionally and physically. That could be a big part of the problem. If you are only going to see him once then there's not a lot of incentive on his part to make it great for you. Try to change things up if what you've been doing isn't working for you.
The ssumption that you can show a guy what to do and he will do it is false IME.
Wrong. It's as simple as playing the hot and cold game only you are communicating with your body and not words.
Simply give proper feedback as to what they are doing and show how much you are enjoying it (or not) through your reactions...I've never actually had to 'show' them visually or 'talk' them through it.
There are quite a few old school guys out there who seriously don't give a hoot about the womans orgasm not do they think they should. Very old school and it's also true for guys who are not old.
So why are you even letting them near you in the first place?
If a man is not all about my pleasure then he won't be getting near me.
So if you are not having a satisfying sexual experience then you have to be your own advocate.
There are still plenty of lazy selfish men out there. I suppose there are women like this but I don't sleep with them so....no further comment.
Um yes, there may well be plenty of lazy, selfish men out there...but the question is why are YOU choosing sleeping with them?
Don't sleep with lazy, selfish men. Problem solved.
I can come in a couple of minutes with pretty simple stimulation but there are still guys out there who find even a few minutes to be a chore. It's not personal. It's about their attitude that sex is for mens' pleasure and how dare women demand equality in the bedroom.
Again...WHY would you sleep with a man who holds that attitude?
You have the option to leave at any time if you find that they have no interest in your pleasure.
If you continue to sleep with men that have no concern for your pleasure then you are perpetuating the problem.
They wouldn't be able to do it if you didn't let them.
Personally I would tell the guy to go home so I can get myself off in peace. Who wants to wait until he's snoring. It's a buzz kill.
Holy crap! WHY have sex with another human being if you are not going to enjoy the shared experience?
I swear I have never encountered a man with that attitude. Where do you find them?
Sad but true.
You create your own experience. True.
So if it's a sad one then you have only yourself to blame which is a good thing because that means you can fix it.
Don't blame the men who refuse to satisfy you...blame yourself for dating them.
At least you can do something about that.
AnimeOtaku5: I hope you can try to experiment with yourself and learn how to get there easily. Ask someone in a sex toy shop if they can help you out. I'm sure they have seen and heard everything and have all kinds of helpful information. Good luck! | |
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| No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 11/1/2009 2:12:47 PM |
Multiple ways sounds much too intimidating to a woman who can't even find one good way!
I don't have multiple ways to orgasm, multiple orgasms, g-spot or any kind of 'spot' orgasms but I do have a clitoral orgasm and it does happen every single time...and it's wonderful!
You don't 'need' to be able to have a variety of orgasms to be sexually satisfied...the same old same old has been working fine for me for decades...but I am not opposed to trying to find something new.
I didn't say multiple types of orgasms, but most women I know that have a satisfying sex life know multiple ways to achieve the one type of orgasm they have. They experiment w/ how to get the most bang for their time so to speak. Because even if you have a limited type of orgasm available, you don't have to get it done the same way every time. | |
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| No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 11/1/2009 2:47:03 PM | ^^^Sorry, I thought you meant types.
I just assumed that once you get the hang of it orgasm can be achieved easily through different stimuli.
That's what I get for assuming! | |
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| No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:13:46 PM | You youngsters have it so easy! Back in my day no one had even heard of an orgasm, particularly for women! My generation invented the orgasm. We had to train a whole genreation of males to turn a women on and get them off.
Here's the real deal. If threre was anything to your relatinship with this guy you wouldn't need to ask this question. Either you want him as is or you don't. You can't hook up with someon expecting to change them.
Unless of course the guy is under 22 then all he really neds is lessons. | |
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| No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:13:50 PM | I want to watch The Rock Man fake an orgasm. That should be good.
And, yes, no O, no go.
After a few tries anyway, and I don't feel obligated to "teach" a guy anything pre-commitment.
(They can read). If he's really interested in me, he will be in tune to my responses. I take the time to be in tune to him and help him have a pleasurable time, ...I'd hope he'd want to that too. And helping your partner should not be physically exhausting - for either man or woman. What is that about? Sex is 90% psychological.
In a sense , how he treats me in the sack is a kind of assessment .
A committed relationship - different story. I prefer sex within them because it gets better with time. Practice is EVERYTHING when it "comes" to sex. yowsers!!! | |
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| No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:28:25 PM | | I know for the ladies it good be some problems. Ilike like to see my partner our spouse feel good. There are more ways for a lady to get a rowlsed then just " making bacon " style. I think that the guy such as myself and a few others like to have the lady have there orgasm. Even if it takes all night. But sometimes we may not feel well when that happens it can cause problems with the other. If we make it more romantic It helps out a lot | |
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TBLZ
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Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 92 | |
| No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:22:26 PM | Bottom line. Occasional is fine. But otherwise it's a Dealbreaker!
Which is pretty sad...from where I'm standing.... | |
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| No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:53:35 PM | | AIL-No harm no foul. I "assumed" a person needed to figure out how to have one type before experimenting for finding the others. | |
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| No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:26:45 AM |
AnimeOtaku5: You've been looking for intimate encounters which, I would assume, don't provide any comfort emotionally and physically. That could be a big part of the problem. If you are only going to see him once then there's not a lot of incentive on his part to make it great for you. Try to change things up if what you've been doing isn't working for you.
Good point about there being no incentive if it's short-term, although in my longer relationships, I've had similar issues as well.
AnimeOtaku5: I hope you can try to experiment with yourself and learn how to get there easily. Ask someone in a sex toy shop if they can help you out. I'm sure they have seen and heard everything and have all kinds of helpful information. Good luck!
That's a wonderful suggestion. I'm dense, because for me, I need instructions for these things! I've had a fear of penetration of foreign objects (used to have vaginismus as well, so I know I have some issues), so I didn't find most vibes appealing. Then I bought an external vibe w/leg straps. It bored me. It just buzzzzzzzzzzzed and I didn't know how long to keep it on. So one night, I just lied there with it on until I was about to fall asleep. Then, my bladder was full, so I took it off and went to pee, but my urethra was completely numb from the vibe and it took forever to start my urine.  After that, I gave up on it.
You youngsters have it so easy! Back in my day no one had even heard of an orgasm, particularly for women! My generation invented the orgasm. We had to train a whole genreation of males to turn a women on and get them off.
I think I was born a few decades too late. It would have been simpler for me if women weren't expected to have orgasms. (Anyone wanna help me build a time machine?) I've mostly been with older men, but even the not-so-old ones seem to have that attitude. As a kid, I read my mother's fashion magazines, and a number of articles mentioned the word 'orgasm'. When I asked her what it meant, she said she'd tell me when I got older, but she never told me even then. | |
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