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Posted: 10/26/2009 2:04:19 PM |
How can I solve this problem without causing problems and making my lover angry with me?
OP, are you contributing your share towards the rent, bills, etc? I'm rather surprised that you and your boyfriend didn't sit and discuss this friend moving in and all the related details prior to the fact, if you both live there and share the bills, but since it's a done deal now...
I would sit my boyfriend down, and ask him point-blank, how long is so-and-so going to be staying with us? For me, the answer "Until he finds blah blah" wouldn't cut it...I would expect it to be a set time period of a reasonable amount, say, one month. Since it's his friend, not yours, I would then expect him to sit his friend down and lay down the rules and the timeline to him, no ifs ands or buts.
I wouldn't be too worried about 'not making him angry' though; after all, it's your house too, and really, would you want this friend to still be sleeping in the same room as you six months down the road? | |
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Posted: 10/26/2009 3:33:03 PM | Rent Me, You and Dupree. Watch together.
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Savona
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Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 28 | |
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Posted: 10/26/2009 3:47:54 PM |
Rent Me, You and Dupree. Watch together.
Perfect !!! Make some popcorn ... | |
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Posted: 10/26/2009 5:52:46 PM | Your problem is not with the bum of a mooch, or is that a mooch of a bum, eh what ever, he's a loser, your problem is with your shack-up honey. You need to have boundaries set, and if you can't speak about this to "lover" then you have worse problems than that which you set forth here. S.P.E.L.L. I.T. O.U.T.
Good grief.
TK | |
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Posted: 10/26/2009 5:59:20 PM | ****, ****, ****, NO!!!!!
I stopped reading the thread after the few sentences. I would mind very much, indeed, if some dude that is a friend of my man were spread out on the floor of our bedroom. Stop saying you mind cuz you don't. By accepting that kind of behavior, you are letting your "lover" call all the shots that may come up in your relationship. I take it that by letting his friend stay there, that your lover is also the one who is the lessee of that apartment.
By the possibility of your lover getting angry, you are letting him have control of the situation and any future situation that you might have with him. You are also allowing him to place you in the pile of "unimportant" people and things and placing his friends at the top of his "list" as top priority. | |
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Posted: 10/26/2009 6:00:24 PM | | Talk to the boyfriend about the his friend, set a final day for him to leave, if he objects let him know he should join him. If he thinks having his friend over will loose his spot, he will help his bud find a place or be out himself. Either way you will again have some privacy. | |
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Posted: 10/26/2009 8:08:03 PM | Is there a reason why he can't sleep on the couch??
I understand and empathize with your lack of privacy, OP. My SO and I are in a similar situation although at my house, it's because I have a child who sleeps in the very next room. His house... small house... and his bro sleeps in the livingroom. Regardless. Lack of privacy can definitely put a strain on the relationship. Talk to your SO and express your feelings about this and see if he can't talk to his friend about sleeping elsewhere. Even the livingroom is better than in the same room! | |
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Posted: 10/26/2009 10:46:34 PM | Tell him you are desperate, and would he mind being an observer. Or, score yourself a nice win win, by inviting him to participate.
You will either enjoy a threesome, or the guy will do a runner.
Either way, you get what you want and need.
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Posted: 11/2/2009 6:19:55 PM | I thank everyone for their comments, I think some of you got the wrong idea about me. But A lot of people had a lot of points and responded with thoughts I, myself, have considered.
No, I do not want to do them both. As a matter of fact I woudn't want to go to the rodeo with mr. #3 period. He is not my type, and I am not that type. I am quite satisfied with my #1. Most of the time he knows what I need.
I have set the dead line because our other roomate; like myself is getting tired of paying for everything while this guys sits back and enjoys the ride.
Ps, I apoligize for the misunderstanding. I did not change my profile yet. But I am still single. My lover will not commit to me indefinately and I am free to see other people if i wish. I just do not wish. And the funny thing, neither has he. There are many different types of relationships... my lover and I understand what eachother needs and that in its own way is a special relationship all of its own. I do not pressure him to commit to me because I know he is not ready and he gives me all the attention and respect I want. But he is also the type to give the shirt off his back to help a friend. That is pretty much what he is doing, trying to help a friend. But in the end he is going to lose a good friend if everything keeps going the way it has for the past 3 weeks.
Thanks again everyone. | |
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Posted: 11/2/2009 11:11:07 PM | | Hmmn-time for 'the talk' w/ the guy? I mean, it's your place. You are entitled to set a date by which he needs to move to someone else's crashpad and put limits on your hospitality. Good luck! | |
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Posted: 11/2/2009 11:32:30 PM | | This guy has to go. I can understand wanting to help a friend out, but there are limits. If he's stupid enough to not realize that he's over-stepping, and won't cooperate by having things to do that will provide alone time for you and your man, then you'll have to spell it out for him. First step is to talk to your guy about it. Secondly, your guy has to talk to him about it. I realize this won't be easy, but it has to be done. This will no doubt cause problems in your relationship, if you don't bite it in the butt now. If this guy has a reasonable bone in his body, he'll understand your need for some alone time. | |
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Posted: 11/3/2009 3:58:21 AM | | Just tell him flat out, he'll get it then | |
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Posted: 11/3/2009 4:37:42 AM | So your lover and you live together but it is HIS home, not yours and you what? Afraid to bring up the subject?
If he gets angry because you want privacy fro intamacy and his jobless friend is that important, exactly what are you to him other than a ride at the fair that will be moving on to another town soon?
What are you afraid of really? Him choosing the friend?
If so, pack your bags because you are a "short timer" anyway.
Talk to him, his friend is a bum on the couch.
Or just start wearing skimpy things around...Something will happen. | |
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Posted: 11/3/2009 4:45:40 AM |
So your lover and you live together but it is HIS home, not yours and you what? Afraid to bring up the subject? I'm actually thinking that the lover is done with her and this is his way of trying to get her to move out and move on...
After all, what self-respecting woman would willingly stay in a situation such as this...  | |
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Posted: 11/3/2009 10:41:00 AM | Am I the only one that finds the term 'my lover' funny coming from a 21 year old?
I keep picturing Christopher Walken as 'The Continental' from SNL. I thought she was as old as one of the Gabor sisters using that kind of terminology.
Even when I was 21 it was called a boyfriend. | |
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Posted: 11/3/2009 10:48:13 AM | | Why do women think men understand hints? We have never in our lives ever given them the impression we get hints or can read minds, but we have to deal with them on this level all the time. Have they not seen how men communicate? "hey buddy, didn't you need to get that thing from the place" (wink, wink) "GET OUT", men aren't subtle we don't take hints we don't read minds we need things clearly spelled out. If you can't do this, do both guys. | |
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Posted: 11/3/2009 10:51:30 AM | I'm with you Lint: What kinda guy lets his buddy crash on the floor in his bedroom when he sleeps there with his girlfriend. Doesn't the OP's lover want privacy and sex too? I think the OP is either on the way out or of so little consequence to her lover that she's welcome only as long as her lover gets his way on all things.
And referring to him as her lover suggests that he is against the boyfriend/girlfriend label. OP, I don't think he's that into you so I hope you don't have your heart set on a long relationship with this guy.
This privacy issue seems to be the least of your problems OP. Time to stop kidding yourself. All your talk about how your relationship is different is a load of phooey that gullible people have been swallowing and choking on for years. If you would prefer a commitment and he won't give you one - that is the reality - the rest is just smoke and mirrors.  | |
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Posted: 11/3/2009 12:14:01 PM |
I'm actually thinking that the lover is done with her
Brilliant deduction. I agree
Am I the only one that finds the term 'my lover' funny coming from a 21 year old? Does sound odd now that you mention it.
At least she didn't say paramour 
Dayum at 21 that would have set my teeth on edge. | |
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Posted: 11/3/2009 2:06:08 PM | what self-respecting woman would willingly stay in a situation such as this Lint Spotter you are so dead on! | |
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Posted: 11/10/2009 5:54:50 PM | | You will have to confront your BF and tell him since it's his friend. Another alternative is to wait until your BF comes home, and then leave the 2 of the guys together and you go out and do your thing. One day your BF might wake up and ask you what that's all about, and you can tell him. You have to speak up. | |
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