| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 6:58:47 PM | Now wait just a cotton pickin' second...I thought women had to have an emotional connection with a guy to have sex with him. Without that, it's 'just sex'. 
edit to below: then, why the 'rules'...exceptions to the 'rules'...disdain at the 'rules'? Are there really any f'ing rules? Or rather, two people who have sex? WTH is a timeline? Wouldn't the timeline be, when they both are comfortable in dropping their respective drawers and getting busy?
If not, wouldn't it then be considered 'rape'? One was 'forced'?
~ds~ | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:16:34 PM | Everyone is different (duh)
If sex is important to complete the relationship, then those people will want to have sex soon enough to know if want to continue on or not... if sex is bad then one of two things will happen, will drop you like a hot potato OR try to "teach" you but if not teachable or just not willing then well it's a bye bye kind of thing. Sex is good they will continue.
But, if sex is only what both want from each other, then doesn't matter when it happens.
Those women who want a relationship and make guys wait do it not only cause she likes him but wanting to know if he's in it just to get laid or if he actually interested in more. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:18:52 PM | (OP) My question is for men in their 30's and older, whether you had sex with the woman on date 1 or date 10, if you genuinely liked her does it matter ? Does that fact that she has sex with you early make you like her less ?
The fact she had sex with me early results in my liking her more. Why? Because it means she likes me.
I don't feel there are many women who have sex with guys they don't like. The chances of it evolving into a LTR or ending up being a fling depends on the same things as any other date/relationship.
(EDIT) P.S. Let's look at it from a logical point. She doesn't know if I'm "well hung". She doesn't now if I'm good in bed. The point being there has to be something she finds attractive other than sex because she doesn't know anything about things that relate directly to sex. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:26:11 PM | I cannot believe that people worry about this sort of thing.
It's not that "men" feel this way or that way.
The only man you need to worry about is the one you're dating, and how HE --that particular man--thinks. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:34:57 PM | | I don't think 40+ men would complain because they don't have much sex ...due to family stress, health, work, blah blha blha so they get what they can, right? LOL | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:37:34 PM |
The fact she had sex with me early results in my liking her more. Why? Because it means she likes me.
No it doesn't...all it means is, she was horny...and you were the best looking dude at closing time.
I don't feel there are many women who have sex with guys they don't like.
You don't? Read a couple more threads.
Why do you suppose the abortion rate is what it is? Why did we 'need' to invent the morning after pill? hint: cuz' women have sex with guys they don't like, let alone want to reproduce with.
The chances of it evolving into a LTR or ending up being a fling depends on the same things as any other date/relationship.
Hmm, possibly. I'd be curious to know what those 'same things' happen to be?
~ds~ | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:46:55 PM |
At some point...prior to freeing Willie...you:
A. Knew you were going to have sex
and
B. Knew it was too early...thus you would never have a ltr with her.
I'm glad you were willing to admit it. I love that ^^^
I suspect players wouldn't or, don't much care about a ltr anyway.. Eventually they will meet someone who does it for them and, regardless of how soon sex took place.. they would overlook their previous adversion to a women who would have sex as early as he would.
Those that will keep their early conquest around to get steady sex until the've tired of them... well, I'd imagine that's the closest they've come to a long term commitment anyway.. serial whatevers ya know .. The only difference to a real relationship and a girl they've kept around for sex is their own perception of the girl and her morals/worth. 
So.. Op; what are your rules? | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 8:31:18 PM | | Who cares? Be yourself, do what you want to do and if a man/woman doesn't like you, then they don't like you. What good would putting on a facade do, eventually you have to be yourself. Just as many men are fooled by women who don't like them and don't like having sex with them but had sex early and pretended to love it, as are men who act all uppity about someone having sex with them right away. There aren't any rules, other than what's right for you. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 5:48:01 AM | | The only time I put a relationship on critical hold while I review it, is if the sex was bad. lol. If it is good, hell why stress. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 6:03:58 AM | Every time I read the word "rules" - I seriously consider poking my eyes out.
Maybe - just maybe - if every was themselves instead of putting on fronts and what have you - we'd manage to connect better.
First date - twenty-first date - what difference does it make? Every man, every woman, is different, and everyone acts different in each relationship they have, because every relationship and the feeling involved are different. Different levels, different purposes, different timetables!
If a man is judging me on when we sleep together - well, I think we probably wouldn't sleep together at all, because I would ferret out what he was like, and that would end it. I don't mesh with people who put stuff into little boxes and slap labels on everything. They are the kinds who use their heads - I am all about going with intuition, feelings, and the heart. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 7:36:40 AM |
So...you're saying you aren't a bit more moral than the rest of us you look down upon...you just set standards higher for other people...not yourself.
You will have sex with them early...but if THEY do it with you.. they're not good enough for you.
Precisely, what I was thinking! 
Does Sex Change How you feel ?
OP, people will never EVER agree on this particular subject....
IMO, Do what YOU feel you are responsible enough to handle emotionally and physically. Will YOU FEEL differently about that person or yourself in the morning?
I have no problem with someone who elects to wait, nor with those who jump in with both feet. I do, however, have a problem with those who condemn others if they do not live up to THEIR particular moral standards. Gawd! That irks the shyt outta of me. Sure, there are those who are looking for the "booty call" and it is what it is. Then again, I have seen some awesome "relationships" come out of: GASP: sex within THREE dates!
Personally, I rarely have had "sex" within the pre-subscribed first "Three" dates (I want to seriously shoot someone in the Azz every time I hear that RULE)...but I have....and hells bells........I find that what I "feel" is this......when I have sex.... there are always feelings involved, even if its just old fashioned lust.
Yes, I will respect you in the morning.....
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PiggyT
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Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 39 | |
| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 7:54:08 AM | Namrael wrote;
Piggy:
We definitely don't agree on those points. I don't make someone wait if I really like him, he really likes me, and we're both ready for sex. If I have sex with someone, it is precisely because I really like him. Sex is important to me, and I've never seen the point of arbitrary waiting if I already know I'm into someone.
How you doin???
(please note that I was being sarcastic in my cliff notes, no 1 formula fits everyone)
The key to exchanging bodily fluids "early" is a good sense of the other individual and their trustworthiness. This is an area where the internet may have skewed things and brought more "players" into the mix.
Do whatever you are comfortable with, but I hope you have great dialogue prior to avoid hurt feelings and possible std transmission. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 8:09:11 AM | Yes, sex almost always changed the way you feel... positive or negative... why wouldnt it? its incredibly intimate...
rushing into things does sort of have "one-night/week stand" written all over it.
quite honestly, the sex will never be that good as if taking the time to be comfortable, relaxed around someone that you can totally let yourself go... not only wanting to explore their body, but your passion as well.... okay, sure, we all get horny and have those "relief" moments.... but you know what Im talking about. Being in Europe, I think there are a lot more people honest about just having a mutual attraction and lust for each other and nothing more... many become friends with benefits and/or it does end up leading down to a relationship as they get to know each other better. So there is no confusing agenda of where someone is trying to get in the other's pants way ahead of "schedule"....
if its a relationship that is wanted... then diving between the sheets too early isnt going to produce anything substantial... and you would be surprised at the amount of women that will push that agenda thinking it will seal the deal and/or because they do you like you but really are sexually attracted to you too and just want to experience that.
I will have no problems slowing it down and doing it in a sensitive way as not to out and out reject someone... that is if I feel it just isnt the right timing... 9/10 times, they actually respect that even more and even more interested and curious about you.
jus my 2 cents | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 9:03:34 AM |
My question is for men in their 30's and older, whether you had sex with the woman on date 1 or date 10, if you genuinely liked her does it matter ? Does that fact that she has sex with you early make you like her less ?
I'm short several years from 30, but I got a mind of an 800 years old.
There is clearly men who say that if a woman has sex with them early on they will like her less. There are men who say the opposite, and then there are those who are indifferent.
Here is the thing... all of them are right!
My experience with women:
Some are desperate (they don't have the looks nor the personality) and will trade sex for a relationship even thought they don't like sex. When I sense this is the case, it immediately makes me like her less - regardless if it was prior to or after sex. And in this particular case, I will dump her.
Some are not desperate (they know they are pretty, and got at least a decent personality) and will have sex because they think that is what is expected of them in a relationship. When I sense this is the case, it immediately makes me like her less - regardless if it was prior to or after sex. And in this particular case, I might talk to her about it.
Some women are not desperate and have sex for the sake of sex... because they like sex, they desire sex, they crave sex, and because it is pleasurable for them. This is where things gets somewhat complex. And this where many of the so called "double standards" and "contradictory claims" arise from.
There are few types of women who are not desperate and have sex for the sake of sex. Those include sluts, some hookers, escorts, but also women without sexual insecurities, in general "real women". By "real women", in this particular context, I mean women who are crazy about sex, but are not ruled by sex - and this is the main difference between sluts and "real women". By "not ruled by sex" I mean women who like sex but don't choose their partner ONLY for sex. Real women choose their man based on sex BUT ALSO because of higher vitreous - like courage, wisdom, kindness, justice, etc. The virtuous taking precedence over sex. And it also important to say that real women don't choose their partner based virtues of women like sensitivity and nurturing, but based on the virtues of men like courage, wisdom, etc.
Then there are the women who like to imitate "real women" but since they rely on the "monkey see monkey do" mechanism, rather than understanding the mind set real women, the imitators can not quite pull it off. Some play "hard to get" or "picky" thinking that will fool some men into thinking they are the real deal since they have observed that "real women" are "selective", but what they don't know is "Selective how?" so as result they are "picky" for picky is the next best thing to "selective". The difference between picky and selective is that the first is based personal retarded preferences or "feelings" or even "deep desires", where as the second on wisdom of what brings about "true compatibility". I wager that over 60% of women fall in this category - the wannabes, the pretenders. Nearly everything I've said of women thus far, can be said of men.
In others, and in summary then, sex has got little to do with it... unless she is horrible in bed. It's her attitude about sex that is of extreme importance. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 9:22:56 AM | Who cares.
Its funny how you are asking men this...once again, this proves the double standard that its ok for men to think that women are not girlfriend material just because she slept with him early...but yet a woman doesn't question if a man is good boyfriend material if he sleeps with her early into a relationship....because it is just assumed that as a male, he wants sex all the time and having a lot of sexual partners proves his masculinity. Give me a break. I don't judge people who have sex within three dates...I only judge if they can't handle or want to deny the consequences that come with such actions. I would also only judge someone if they had sex early on as a way to appease a man not because they think they have enough confidence to beleive that they have themselves as a person to offer. I agree with the above poster...its all about the ATTITUDE about sex.
I have had girlfriends who had sex with their present HUSBANDS on the first date. I have also through personal experience waited 6 months before having sex with my last long term relationship. But he told me he wouldn't have thought less of me if we slept with each other within the first couple of dates. I think people should have sex when it feels right to them as long as they're safe and responsible about it. And if a man thinks you're a whore or not wife material because you slept with him within three dates...well it takes two to tango and if he thinks so poorly of you for making the SAME decision...he wasn't worth your time anyways.
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 9:28:40 AM | I have had at least 10 relationships(I dont count highschool) , one of them being married. ALL Of them included sex before the 3rd date. Several of them WERE on the first date. The shortest of them was still over a year.
The whole double standard of a woman being somehow tainted if she gave in sex too soon is a bunch of CRAP with me.
However, in my dating advice to women (which I do a lot of, for a living too) I advise them that MOST men DO have that double standard, in fact.. a multi-standard about it all.
The new thing I teach women isnt about him thinking you are easy, meaning you also do it with other guys like that... but..
That he wont keep working hard to win you.
It's "the dance" for a woman to learn IF a guy is willing to pursue her for a "relationship" instead of an FWB or a bootycall. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 9:43:02 AM | | Who says you can’t have an emotional connection on the first date? Who says that the first time you have sex it’s only hormones? Who makes up these rules? Granted, I think age and experience plays a role here but if both people come at it as a game, (He has to chase, she has to make him wait), the dance starts flawed from the get go. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:09:16 AM | It has nothing to do with sex why a guy cease dating a woman, it has something to do with her character..
Me, I don't want to have sex with a guy,unless we are committed exclusively . | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 2:02:42 PM | PiggyT:
Yup, totally missed the sarcasm there. Happens a fair bit online, I think.
Agreed on the pre-coital dialog, both on the "what are you looking for" and the "what's your STD status" fronts. I always have both conversations before hopping into bed with someone, even if it's on a second or third date. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 2:08:00 PM | | ............................................................................................. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 2:13:37 PM | I wouldn't date anyone that was concerned with categorising me based on what I do for them and how quickly.
It shouldn't matter how quickly sex occurs, it is the connection you feel.
I tend to know fairly quickly if I am attracted to someone or not. If that transmutes into a judgment, I guess I made another mistake.
Time to find someone that doesn't judge me for the pleasure I provide. It is mutual after all.
This is where the head 'screws up' the heart. There must be a balance, but, I wouldn't want someone that didn't know how to feel either. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 2:21:30 PM |
if you genuinely liked her does it matter ? Whenever I had sex with a woman, the sex occurred as a natural progression of sharing all levels of intimacy--not just physical aspects. So obviously I genuinely liked her; and no, the "date number" had no influence on how much I liked her or how I viewed her. The relationship was solid BEFORE the sex--that's a fact.
Does that fact that she has sex with you early make you like her less ? I can't really answer this. I will state that a woman who barely knows me, I barely know her, and she makes sex come-ons to me--I'd have some trepidation about her. This all hinges on the feeling you have about one another--both people have to be on the same page--that's what is most important with this question.
Does she have any less of a shot at being someone you would take serioulsy and want to be a signifigant part of your life ? Probably--but it's not undoable. I can't see myself being involved in scenarios like this, because I like to get to know someone well before having sex--first reason is for health reasons (want to get a sense of the probability of her having STDs); second reason is the sex is better when you actually CARE about someone and KNOW things about them.
So how is this undone? You work on ALL levels of intimacy--intellectual, spiritual, and emotional--and build them up to the same level as you have set the precedent with your physical intimacy. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 2:34:59 PM | Is it just me that feels this way?
No, I feel the same. And I honestly thought it was just me also...glad to know I'm not alone:).
The new thing I teach women isnt about him thinking you are easy, meaning you also do it with other guys like that... but..
That he wont keep working hard to win you.
He should work to ......win her???? She's a prize? He's a slave? A puppet? Yikes. I'm glad you're not "teaching" my grand-daughter anything!!!!!
Personally, I will continue to teach my grand-daughter the same things I taught my daughters and it's pretty much what I wrote in my earlier post, with a HUGE emphasis to continue to use her critical thinking skills so she can easily recognise and ignore sexist and archaic drivel when she sees it.
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 2:35:09 PM |
Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Not really. I usually had a pretty good idea of whether she was a keeper (or not) before we made it that far. | |
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