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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 7:28:52 PM | "My question is for men in their 30's and older, whether you had sex with the woman on date 1 or date 10, if you genuinely liked her does it matter ? Does that fact that she has sex with you early make you like her less ? Does she have any less of a shot at being someone you would take seriously and want to be a significant part of your life ?"
It makes no difference to me if it's the first or tenth date. I think, for me anyway, you'll know as soon as you meet if you like each other or not.
Hell no early sex doesn't make me care for her less or take her less serious. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 7:36:39 PM | My opinion?
Who gives a rat's ass what men think. They aren't the judge of your life, YOU ARE! I'll f*ck who I want to f*ck when I WANT to f*ck him. I really don't care what a dude thinks about it. | |
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Savona
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Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 55 | |
| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 7:43:42 PM |
Some are desperate (they don't have the looks nor the personality)
Some are not desperate (they know they are pretty, and got at least a decent personality)
Some women are not desperate and have sex for the sake of sex...
There are few types of women who are not desperate and have sex for the sake of sex. Those include sluts, some hookers, escorts,
Then there are the women who like to imitate "real women"
Talk about allot of bull crapolie !!!!!!
I mean women who are crazy about sex, but are not ruled by sex - and this is the main difference between sluts and "real women".
And what is the main difference between men who are crazy about sex, and those who are not ruled by sex. What is the name for those men??? Those men who ARE ruled by sex. Like ohhhhh 90% of the men on POF.
I have zero respect for men who label women for virtues that they don't practice themselves. Anyway just another bull shiit post to disrespect women in one way or another.
Gawwwddddd please oh please I am down on my knees begging you to show me a real man on here. One who has real balls to admit if she was a slut then so was he. Period.
Savona | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 8:29:57 PM | | I think it always changes how we feel... it's how we deal with those feelings that's important. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 8:34:42 PM | Yes, it definitely changes how I feel, but can't talk in terms of "better" and "worse", as it depends and often changes, i.e. is not a fixed term.. also, OP, you mentioned sexually compatibility, which is not a fixed thing either, don't you think?
Lovers sometimes find out, after a longtime sexual relationship, that they aren't really as compatible as they thought they were, or vice versa... So, your idea of "testing" it in the first phase of the relationship is questionable, IMO. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/28/2009 8:12:35 AM |
Talk about allot of bull crapolie !!!!!!
Hit a nerve did I? It is easy to say "It's crap!"... anyone can do it.
And what is the main difference between men who are crazy about sex, and those who are not ruled by sex. What is the name for those men??? Those men who ARE ruled by sex. Like ohhhhh 90% of the men on POF.
Have you had sex with 90% of men on here? There is a difference between "likes sex" and "ruled by sex". To know which is the case, you need to know a person for some time.
I have zero respect for men who label women for virtues that they don't practice themselves.
I couldn't care less about your respect.
Anyway just another bull shiit post to disrespect women in one way or another.
Learn to read.
Gawwwddddd please oh please I am down on my knees begging you to show me a real man on here. One who has real balls to admit if she was a slut then so was he. Period.
Ladies first. You show me a real woman on POF, and I will show you a real man. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/28/2009 8:24:47 AM | <--- ----real woman ....but the point is really moot. look, ..men & women are all going to have their standards of what IS right and what IS wrong..TO THEM. i have my standards and will not compromise regardless of how sexual i am. the hippocracy though is entertaining to say the least..wow i feel like im in D.C.
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/28/2009 8:26:41 AM | Hey Everyone! Thank you for responding to my thread. I have learned a lot.
The thing for me is I try to use my intelligence and experience to make a good decision. The decision is not to achieve empty, meaningless sexual gratification. If I did want that (which there is nothing wrong with just wanting that) I would not take the time to get to know someone or date them. So, all this time is put into talking and spending time avoiding the physical because I want a man to desire me for reasons other than sexual. However, at a certain point relatively early on in the "dance" I do wish to explore our compatibility on a sexual level. I feel it also may help us develop the other aspect of our relationship by releasing the building sexual tension and pressure. Burst that bubble. Also, when I feel ready to let a man in to that degree, I do like him and I don't know if I am speaking as an individual or as a woman, but it does make me feel closer to him, like him more and feel more confident in spending more time with him....
Through all the years that women have fought for their rights, equality and to be taken seriously, I do not want to hinder my sexual interest, curiosity or desires. I want a man who sees me for more than a sex object - I want someone who wants a RELATIONSHIP with me so that that we can be everything to one another. Can't I have love and a good Fuk ? Is it wrong to want to have my cake and eat him too ? LOL
I AM WOMAN - HEAR ME ROOOOOOAR !
I like a big penis ! I like giving and receiving oral sex ! I like buying sexy lingere ! I love erections ! I like spending all day in bed kissing, screwing and cuddling !
I WILL NOT HIDE OR APOLOGIZE ! | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/28/2009 8:50:00 AM |
Gawwwddddd please oh please I am down on my knees begging you to show me a real man on here. One who has real balls to admit if she was a slut then so was he. Period.
Somebody rang? I was a slut too! I was cheap and she was easy, or maybe it was the other way around!
I AM WOMAN - HEAR ME ROOOOOOAR !
I like a big penis ! I like giving and receiving oral sex ! I like buying sexy lingere ! I love erections ! I like spending all day in bed kissing, screwing and cuddling !
I WILL NOT HIDE OR APOLOGIZE !
Well come er kitty kitty!
I love you and want to have your babies. Big would be an understatement though, I hope huge works for ya.... By the way would you by any chance be a squirter? God please tell me yes! | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/28/2009 9:33:32 AM | The conflict here are the "rules" women are taught about not having sex too soon versus the fact that intimacy and sexual compatibility is a very important part of the overall relationship and most people won't even make a decision about whether they want you to be their girlfreind/boyfriend until that level of compatability has been established.
Not everyone has a conflict about the timing of intimacy when getting to know someone.
My question is for men in their 30's and older, whether you had sex with the woman on date 1 or date 10, if you genuinely liked her does it matter ?
Not unless she's consciously doing anything, like displaying avoidance, or going against her primal drive, in order to "prove" anything.
Holding out for sex with "me", doesn't prove anything. She could have been the biggest slut prior to meeting me. And if she was discreet, I'd never know.
So, it proves the theory of "holding out" doesn't really mean "squat".
No woman has ever known how many women I've been with. And never will. It's never been a factor, as I've never let it be a factor. I don't divulge that information.
And I can use the 'legitimate' excuse of "A gentleman never kisses, and tells".... 
You either like me, want to be with me, or you don't.
Do you honestly think you will get an honest answer to this...
Youre on a dating site... very few men will admit that they will move on after early sex... they don't want to kill their chances... They will all proclaim that no, they want sex as part of a relationship or that they won't judge a woman for for it or anything else..
The answer I'm giving her is honest. Because it goes counter to what you claim, doesn't make it any less "honest" than yours.
I've never had a long term relationship with a woman who has had sex with me very early on... basic reasons are I don't think she would have changed her dating style for ME so it's quite likely she has a habit of fcuking guys right away... (and so far, I've never seen anything to prove this wrong)...
I've sayed with some of the women for a while... mostly because of the sex and they were fun to party with... but I ruled them out for long term....
So you're a hypocrite, is what you're demonstrating.
Then pointing fingers at the "integrity" of other men who'll respond to the OP.
Is judging other people as "judgmental" judgmental? I'd say yes.
I have rules, though I prefer to call them standards and morals.
Everyone is judgmental. You're no exception.
I don't care what semantics you use to describe your "judgments".
Men who push for sex immediately aren't worth my time...
And how would you know, if you haven't given them any time?
That's simply prejudice.
but I'm sure there are other women who are willing.
Correct.
There are many.
Measuring one's worth by societies standards is no way to live one's life, as this would create a fragile existence.
It's also a good way to frustrate yourself to the point you go "postal"...
I don't make someone wait if I really like him, he really likes me, and we're both ready for sex. If I have sex with someone, it is precisely because I really like him. Sex is important to me, and I've never seen the point of arbitrary waiting if I already know I'm into someone.
Incidentally, I've had great relationships come out of dating situations where sex happened within the first few dates. In my experience, at least with the people I date, it doesn't seem to matter how soon it happens if we already know we're into each other. It does make me a little more attached to someone, but since I'm already into someone if I want to have sex with him, I don't see it making a huge difference in that regard.
I also don't see how one could ever feel "used", if they approached it with your mindset.
I don't understand people who feel sex is the "wrong" thing to do, (at a certain time) vs the "right" thing to do, when they like someone, and want to have sex with them.
Gawwwddddd please oh please I am down on my knees begging you to show me a real man on here. One who has real balls to admit if she was a slut then so was he. Period.
I'm one that doesn't label a woman a slut if she's had many partners.
I've never asked the question. Not because I don't want to know, but, because I don't care.
So, it's safe to come out with the truth now....
However, in my dating advice to women (which I do a lot of, for a living too) I advise them that MOST men DO have that double standard, in fact.. a multi-standard about it all.
The new thing I teach women isnt about him thinking you are easy, meaning you also do it with other guys like that... but..
That he wont keep working hard to win you.
It's "the dance" for a woman to learn IF a guy is willing to pursue her for a "relationship" instead of an FWB or a bootycall.
I've never "worked" at winning a woman. I've never "danced" for her.
I've never done anything but be myself.
She can take it, or leave it.
Somebody else will want me. It's never been a problem.
The kind of women who expect some type of "romantic ritual" are the ones who are living in a fairy tale. They have no one to blame but themselves when the "honeymoon" is over...
All I need from a woman to interest me, is that I find her attractive, that she wants to be with me, that I want to be with her, and that we get along well. I don't need her to "dance"....
I guess that makes me "easy"....lol | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/28/2009 10:23:20 AM | I think the "rules" come from a woman not wanting to think she allowed herself to be vunerable in vein and don't want man to leave her after she has opened herself to have sex. I personally see sex as a building block in a relationship. A lot of women view having sex with a man as "giving" him a gift, and nobody likes to be abandoned or rejected after such a gift is given. " I GAVE myself to you and now you are throwing me in the garbage. You got what you wanted and now there is no point in talking with me or dating me." So many thoughts can run through you mind like "Oh, so I wasn't good enough for the person to keep sleeping with me and want more than just that " or "Oh, so that's the only thing they think I am good for and want to keep me around just for sex "
For those that can seperate the emotional connection from sex, then it is easy to see it for what it is - physical pleasure, another way for 2 people to connect and not over analyze. Who cares if you never see the person again - You lived for the moment and had a great time!
I know you shouldn't give with the expectation to receive but I admit, if I get to the point of giving myself to a man - I want a realtionship, I want this act to mean we have more going on then just attraction. I want it to be the beginning - not the end | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/28/2009 10:40:06 AM | | I don't think differently of a woman at all..I tend to feel right away when I meet someone if I want to persue them further. Whether it is sex or an emotional and intellectual feeling, both can be developed if both people are interested..Only time tells if it will work out or not, we have all made mistakes..I also agree that a man that gets upset that a woman is sexually active is hypocritical if he is ,and has no problem with that.. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/28/2009 10:49:01 AM | I want this act to mean we have more going on then just attraction. I want it to be the beginning - not the end
Then you're getting closer to having the "expectation" ( after sharing a sexual experience ), rather than further.
As long as you have the prejudice that sex between two people should only be done within rigid parameters, you'll always have an "expectation" when you have sex.
That sex is a "relationship". That sex "equals" a relationship. That sex signifies, or is symbolic of a relationship.
When in fact, it is merely what people ( who have a desire for each other) do while in a relationship, whether it's a committed relationship, or not.
If you refuse to have sex with someone (you otherwise sexually desire) because you aren't "getting" a relationship, then you are, in fact, bartering. I won't "give" sex, unless I "get" a relationship.
You're bartering sex in exchange for a relationship, otherwise, if you didn't want to have sex with this person "in" a relationship, what were you doing with this person in the first place.
You're more interested in the "relationship" (what YOU get) than your desire for simply being sexual with that person.
It's distincly different than being interested in having "sex" with that person, as having sex is "sharing" a sexual experience (quid pro quo).
It's not "getting", or "giving" sex.
I've never walked around thinking, "I'm going to (or not going to) givethat woman sex". | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/28/2009 11:33:05 AM | You talk the talk with this statement:
For those that can seperate the emotional connection from sex, then it is easy to see it for what it is - physical pleasure, another way for 2 people to connect and not over analyze. Who cares if you never see the person again - You lived for the moment and had a great time! However; You don't walk the walk with this statement;
I know you shouldn't give with the expectation to receive but I admit, if I get to the point of giving myself to a man - I want a realtionship, I want this act to mean we have more going on then just attraction. I want it to be the beginning - not the end in fact, you nearly contradict yourself.
I agree with verity.. you are leaning more towards the expectation that your sexuality should yield you something in return...
Now, as much as I believe that there are lots of men out there that won't judge you for wanting to have sex with them early, I equally believe that there are lots more who will.. In fact, many will even judge you for your "confession" wherin "you will not hide or apologize".. Madonna/whore complex lives and breathes in the psyche of many, many men.
Perhaps one day, more men will be enlightened.
There are many more single mothers now a days, .. perhaps they'll council their sons to be less judgemental of women's sexuality and more sensitive to the actual character of a woman in general. To explain to their sons that lots of women have sex early, but they are decerning with whom they merge and are doing it because they like, trust, feel safe with, are attracted to and want it with him because she feels he's special and, that he should'nt judge her as not relationship material just because she had sex too early.. but rather on her character and his non-prejudcial feelings for her as a person. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:42:36 PM | I personally cannot seperate the emotional connection from sex. I was saying those who can it's great for. I unfortunatley am not one of those people.
and yes, If I have sex I am looking for more...or more like HOPING it leads to more.
It is true that a conflict can arise within a woman. Half of us want to be little miss morals and not allow sex to occur before a reasonable foundation is laid out for a meaningful relationship, that way sex will be with someone you have feelings for and in turn has feelings for you and it will act as a compliment to an already existing relationship. On the other side we want to have sex early because we feel it is part of getting to know a person and defines compatibility prior to a declaration of a relationship to occur. The fact is in reality most women want sex early, whether they are free of mind and conscious to do it or not is a different story....... | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/28/2009 1:10:09 PM |
I personally cannot seperate the emotional connection from sex. I was saying those who can it's great for. I unfortunatley am not one of those people.
and yes, If I have sex I am looking for more...or more like HOPING it leads to more.
Then you're in for a paradox.
Because waiting for sex means you'll spend even longer spending time, making memories, becoming emotionally embroiled, only to add sex on top of that when you eventually do have it.
So, that leaves us with women not wanting to get too emotionally "invested" before they determine whether or not they want a relationship, but disparaging men for their methods of determining whether or not they want a relationship.
There's more than one "way". Yours isn't the "right" way, anymore than someone else's. It's subjective.
It is true that a conflict can arise within a woman.
I wonder if you're trying to convince us how "females" can be conflicted, or if you're trying to convince yourself that these conflicts arise within "females".
It's a fallacy that all women feel the conflicts that you might have.
So, let's make this about "you", shall we?
Half of us want to be little miss morals and not allow sex to occur before a reasonable foundation is laid out for a meaningful relationship
The real question is "whose" morals are you really trying to live up to, and where are their origins?
If you're living your life to not disappoint others, then that's a problem. No wonder you're conflicted. You're seeking outward approval.
On the other side we want to have sex early because we feel it is part of getting to know a person and defines compatibility prior to a declaration of a relationship to occur.
I personally wouldn't be in a "relationship" with anyone who hasn't given me everything they have, to give to a relationship.
The fact is in reality most women want sex early, whether they are free of mind and conscious to do it or not is a different story.......
That's not a newsflash... | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/28/2009 1:43:43 PM |
No, I feel the same. And I honestly thought it was just me also...glad to know I'm not alone:).
What a relief!  | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/28/2009 1:45:45 PM | Verityone,
Your feedback is appreciated but you are coming off to me like a man who takes offense to a woman placing expectations on them ? I say why not. I feel a realtionship whether comitted, FWB or NSA all require the contribution of both parties. If I was a FWB with someone I would expect him to uphold his friend part and the benefits part. I think it is something I deserve for my time and effort. Why? Because I don't like wasting my time, heart or body for nothing but a vague memory. Things have meaning to me.
Now, speaking for myself and what I want, if I put the time into a man that I clearly have indicated my relationship desires and expectations to, well then hell yes - you bet your bum I expect signifigant interaction and reciprocation. I don't date a guy a few times and then whip it on them that I want to lock them down.
My generalization of females comes from my own research (things I have read in forums, blogs and online articles) and my own female freinds and their over all opinion on things.
Who's morals am I trying to live up to ... Hmmmm. Just the rules. Where do the rules come from? I don't know perhaps they are society's rules. It's just something that is part of your knoweldge of right and wrong. It is subjective though because my idea of wrong may be your idea of right.
People say "Feel how you want to feel and nevermind what others think or say" I fear the consequences of doing whatever I want to do. I am also aware that perhaps my decision may not be the right one therfore I do question myself and ask others for their opinions. It is not outward approval I seek - It is advice and guidance from those more experienced that I need so that I won't waste my time. I just feel after all the dated I have done, I must be doing something wrong to still be single. Maybe we all are. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/28/2009 2:34:10 PM | Verityone,
Your feedback is appreciated but you are coming off to me like a man who takes offense to a woman placing expectations on them ?
Not exactly. If I'm in a committed relationship, I live by what it entails to be in one.
In that context, the woman I'm with can expect that I'll behave within those "expectations". No problem there. "Expect" away. I've never been accused of not being respectful of a woman I've been with.
But a woman who has the "expectation" that I'll invest "emotionally" and commit to a "sexual relationship" before I know very well and good what I can expect "sexually", has very unrealistic "expectations".
In that context, the woman in question offends me by thinking I'm stupid enough to sign up for that deal.
And she'll get no respect for thinking that I'm stupid.
I say why not. I feel a realtionship whether comitted, FWB or NSA all require the contribution of both parties.
I'm not disputing that each one of those has certain realistic "expectations" that go along with each of them.
I think it is something I deserve for my time and effort.
You mean, you're entitled for something the other person isn't?
You mean, like getting something in return for sharing yourself equally with another?
Like a reward?
The reward in being with someone, is what you SHARED with that person, for the time you were with them.
Get it?
Based on what I'm hearing from you, I've got two words for the guy that marries you. PRE NUP.
Because I don't like wasting my time, heart or body for nothing but a vague memory. Things have meaning to me.
You mean you don't want to be easily discarded and forgotten?
I've never had the problem of being either...
Commitment naturally comes based on the value of the relationship from both people in it.
Now, speaking for myself and what I want, if I put the time into a man that I clearly have indicated my relationship desires and expectations to, well then hell yes - you bet your bum I expect signifigant interaction and reciprocation.
I've got no problem with your desires or expectations, in that context, or with stating your expectations, but once you've stated them, if you don't trust the guy's intentions, and want to arbitrate sex in order to mitigate your fears, or leverage the outcome by rewarding with sex on the backend, that's when I think you need to question yourself, and why it is that you can't trust your judgment on the man's character, intentions, and integrity?
Is it because YOU are the one guilty of making bad judgments when you're into someone?
Who's morals am I trying to live up to ... Hmmmm. Just the rules. Where do the rules come from? I don't know perhaps they are society's rules.
I get it. You're looking for sheeple. You're in luck, there's tons of them around.
Problem is, they're as conflicted as you are. They don't know what's up, and what's down.
I'm not conflicted. Neither are the women I seem to end up with.
It's just something that is part of your knoweldge of right and wrong. It is subjective though because my idea of wrong may be your idea of right.
Well, you and I both agree that sex is a critical aspect of knowing the "whole" person, and one that can't be left off the table before being fully committed to that person.
Which leaves us with the conclusion that until we reveal all aspects of ourselves to each other, all we have is the "intention" of a commitment.
People say "Feel how you want to feel and nevermind what others think or say" I fear the consequences of doing whatever I want to do.
There are consequences to actions, as there are consequences to inactions.
I am also aware that perhaps my decision may not be the right one therfore I do question myself and ask others for their opinions. It is not outward approval I seek -
You state that you're trying to live up the "morals" and "the rules", then state that you're not looking for outward approval. That's a contradiction.
It is advice and guidance from those more experienced that I need so that I won't waste my time.
You are wasting your time, as there will not be a clear consensus on this topic. A lot of people suffer from arrested development when it comes to dating and relationships. A lot behave like they're still in high school, or Sunday school.
The success of a relationship is dependant on what you put into it, not what you expect from it.
I always got out what I put in.
Your mileage may vary... | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/28/2009 3:52:00 PM | There are many more single mothers now a days, .. perhaps they'll council their sons to be less judgemental of women's sexuality and more sensitive to the actual character of a woman in general.
Well, the counselling is one thing, but I've found women to be much harsher and much more judgemental with regard to other women's sexuality than any man I've ever met. I suspect that the counselling the son hears will be tempered with how she talks about other women's sexuality within his hearing, not to mention by her actions.
Men only refer to women as sluts if the woman will sleep with every other guy but him.....
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/28/2009 4:05:19 PM | No and No
The only difference in how i feel after the sex is
i am a little hungry and and maybe sleepy
depending on the night 
It really depends on how you relate after sex is what determines whether or not you keep the person long term. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/28/2009 4:31:52 PM | One problem I see it is implied that it is the fault of the "rules." As though we are supposed to take them as fact or accepted. That it is solely a standard or something that women alone go through or have to deal with.
IMO it is just as likely that the guy goes through a sense of self loathing and shame for using someone, or having ulterior motives he didn't recognize and wants to hide from, and then blaming the woman for being too easy in order to make himself feel better. "I didn't use her, I didn't objectify her, I wanted a relationship and the happy magical relationship, she was just a slut so I knew it wouldn't work out."
IOW it could just as likely be that he succumbs to "bad" behavior, runs away, and blames her, and/or himself and just hides from the consequences.
In even other words it means your questions seem to be based on assuming men are solely judging women, rather than judging themselves and then some are scapegoating women to avoid the consequences of self judgment. As it's easier to scapegoat, rationalize, and justify than change behavior.
if you genuinely liked her does it matter ?
Yes and no and it depends. The question is too vague and attempting to set up absolutes on something that is completely subjective. As each relationship and motives for having sex are different between different people.
Does that fact that she has sex with you early make you like her less ?
Yes and no and it depends. The question is too vague and attempting to set up absolutes on something that is completely subjective. As each relationship and motives for having sex are different between different people.
Does she have any less of a shot at being someone you would take serioulsy and want to be a signifigant part of your life ?
Yes and no and it depends. The question is too vague and attempting to set up absolutes on something that is completely subjective. As each relationship and motives for having sex are different between different people. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/28/2009 4:51:44 PM |
<--- ----real woman ....but the point is really moot. look, ..men & women are all going to have their standards of what IS right and what IS wrong..TO THEM. i have my standards and will not compromise regardless of how sexual i am. the hippocracy though is entertaining to say the least..wow i feel like im in D.C.
<--- --- God... but the point is really moot. It does not take much point to your online name and declare yourself what you wish as I have just demonstrated.
Regarding this claim:
... men & women are all going to have their standards of what IS right and what IS wrong..TO THEM.
I can only agree with: Men and women are going to have their standards.
Whether the standards ARE actually right, or actually right for the people who hold them, is a matter of great debate. In my experience people have standards that do nothing for them, or worse, have standards that are unrealistic and confine them into their own delusional world... which fine so long as their are on their own.
Regarding the hypocrisy, I don't see how I'm being a hypocrite. I hold opinions that some women don't agree with... is that what makes me a hypocrite? | |
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