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| Caught between that rock and hard place
Posted: 10/27/2009 10:55:07 AM | Your life seems to be one of continuous dissatisfaction. You need to find yourself first so that you can be a loving partner. With true love you want to be with the person no matter what they are doing. You obviously do not love this woman, so do her a favor and end it now and be on your merry way. You are holding her back from finding her true love.
Love has to be mutual. When you find yourself and love yourself your life will definitely turn around. | |
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| Caught between that rock and hard place
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:09:30 AM | Seems t771t makes quick decisions, he's already gone. 
I would not want to be the girlfriend/wife of a man who constantly dreamed of going off for 10 years while he stayed with me out of quilt or obligation. If we could not share a dream together, I'd rather we went out separate ways.  | |
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| Caught between that rock and hard place
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:18:42 AM | | I would stick to your travelling plan. You have one life to live so go explore. I am sure you will find other interesting women on ya travels. If you stay and blow your savings you might regret ... | |
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| Caught between that rock and hard place
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:26:19 AM |
She is not mentioning that she'd like to join me on the 10 year global journey.
Have you INVITED her? Maybe these "hints" about long-term are her way of measuring your level of interest / (or dare we say) commitment. All life's a negotiation
Physical health issues she has would probably prevent that anyway.
You're a well-travelled guy; if she's not, she may be fearful she couldn't deal with it alone but would regard you as Lancelot if you enabled it. Damn, I've been tied to kids and a job all my life; I wish someone would come take ME traveling!
I'm not taking the judgment seat but am just playing devil's advocate to try and expand the options as you roll this around in your mind. You've learned to be a very capable and self-sufficient loner; so, could your brain be trying to preserve that status? Does it really HAVE to be a choice between this loving, warm relationship or the 10-year trip (that maybe you've idealized a little during the dreaming stages)? Could you and she try the first year of the ten together and see what happens? And the rest in 1- or 2-year chunks, sort of like people do the Appalachian Trail in chunks of summer? Can you include her in this discussion, lovingly, and maybe (gasp!) work out a way to have both? What's that book: "Who Moved My Cheese?" Dare you slice your cheese in chunks instead of wedges? Just offering some new perspectives. Good luck. | |
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| Caught between that rock and hard place
Posted: 10/27/2009 12:17:20 PM | I have read your plight with some interest. Bottom LINE ~ you are a survivor, you have all the skills that you've acquired over the years to go anywhere, do anything, be anybody, and most of all... To be the destiny that you see... Don't have that "Dog-kicked-in-the-a$$ attitude" It is self-serving and self-defeating. Also just because you came from somewhere else and have made North America your home, you must live it. Do not live your life and your values to someone else's standards.
They say that friends are closer than family or relatives. So do not give your friends away & the best part of it, if you want friends, be one first. Go to the person who values you, do not look back and/or get stuck in the past, unless that's where you feel most comfortable & you want... (pity)
"...No matter what is decided, someone will be angry, sad, upset, heartbroken..." Have you ever heard of an article called "Are you a REASON, a SEASON, or a LIFETIME..."
Are you a REASON, a SEASON or a LIFETIME
When someone is in your life for a REASON. . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.
Then people come into your life for a SEASON. Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being a part of my life.
In essense, the first paragraph says that people come into your life for whatever your needs are, the stay for awhile, then for whatever reason, they force you to take a stand.
In the second paragraph, it is now your turn to help someone else, then once these needs are met, they move on...
In the third paragraph, You must build a strong emotional foundation that will endure time and distance, these may include people who support you, people who are important in your life. They may be your children, siblings, family, relatives, friends and acquaintances. Afterall all true friends were once strangers, weren't they? What I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends entirely on our dispositions and not on our circumstances. So start making a difference, first to yourself and then to the world around you. So learn to take responsibility for your own happiness. Good luck...
Cheers, 
**~Remington55~** 
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| Caught between that rock and hard place
Posted: 10/27/2009 12:34:17 PM | | If there aren't any young children that depend on you and need your guidance. I'd say go, because you will always say "what if?", if you don't go. | |
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| Caught between that rock and hard place
Posted: 10/27/2009 12:58:42 PM | You limit yourself with the belief that you can follow your dreams at the expense of also having love in your life- I was once faced w/ the same dilemma-I kept my travel plans. I have never regretted that decsion for one minute-the trip was the best times of my whole life. Good luck to you Wiyan | |
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| Caught between that rock and hard place
Posted: 10/27/2009 1:01:27 PM | My thought, OP, is that you don't love her and that is the most important reason for two people to settle down with each other. Therefore, go on your intended trip. You should let her know sooner than later.
If you discover, with absence, that you left a precious diamond, know that planes can fly home. Good luck. | |
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| Caught between that rock and hard place
Posted: 10/27/2009 1:02:11 PM | | You limit yourself with the belief that you can follow your dreams at the expense of also having love in your life- I was once faced w/ the same dilemma-I kept my travel plans. I have never regretted that decsion for one minute-the trip was the best times of my whole life. Good luck to you Wiyan | |
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| Caught between that rock and hard place
Posted: 10/27/2009 2:50:13 PM | | Dude i say go on your adventure, lol, honestly I wish you needed a side kick, I will be up for some adventure, like indiana jokes and his sidekicks, lol, i watch too much tv, anyway if she does not follow the plan, the whole domestic thing is not for all of us, especially when you have an intense "wanderlust" as you described. You been there and done that, I'm actually happy there are others like me out there, who actually like the place to place living out of the bag thing. anyway, i know it may be painful, but conquering your traveling vision quest is more important in my eyes. | |
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| Caught between that rock and hard place
Posted: 10/27/2009 7:33:17 PM | You aren't from Canada, have nothing good to say about it. Piss, whine and moan that you've been mistreated and focus entirely on how this woman feels about you while completely avoiding your lack of capacity to love her back, but you sure aren't having trouble sharing her goodies now, are ya?
I say go. And don't let our Canadian Redneck door hit you in the ass on the way out. You've enjoyed the spoils of this country long enough now. We can do without feeding one other hungry mouth.
Racism...lol...give me a break. This IS CANADA! What color is your skin? Green?
Ever consider that maybe everyone is against you because you're just not highly likable or possibly a selfish individual?
I could see that fitting considering your post you know. | |
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| Caught between that rock and hard place
Posted: 10/27/2009 8:03:07 PM | Miss Contemplative forgive but
I say go. And don't let our Canadian Redneck door hit you in the ass on the way out. you have rednecks in Canada???? I never met them, dang learn something new every day...
Colt
traveling vision is more important in my eyes
You are 26, so at 36 you can still decide settling down and having younglings of your own is still a great idea, AND you can still get a gal young enough to have these little younglings, and not bat an eye about your ten years worth of travel... Errrr maybe not but chances are real good it would be all good...
OP left, but he doesn't sound like the age to just dump someone that is wonderful, and then come back ten years later...To find someone to set up the dream life of family...
Some don't want to spawn and have younglings of their own in the world...
That is all good, but the point is being honest with himself, and with the person he's been with...
Letting things slide just gives a false sense of security in her mind... | |
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