| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/29/2009 5:22:31 PM | Of course you did the right thing.
I'd certainly want to know if someone I'd begun dating had a habit of telling his prospective dates that we'd had no chemistry, and in fact that I didn't even exist. | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/29/2009 6:10:19 PM | Its all well and fine that the original woman in this story has posted that she is in agreement with the OP, but I'm curious as to what the gentleman in question would say... I wonder if any of us would react in a different manner when being backed into a corner. After all, taking the path of least resistance is a very natural trait especially in a spur of the moment decision making... we do tend to be human and make knee-jerk decisions that in hindsight, are not the best possible choice.
I still think that the guy was railroaded by the OP and that she crossed the line in her inquiry to begin with... then sharing private mail with another person... well, it just goes to prove that there is absolutely no trust in anyone or anything... people are set up to fail and then bashed when they actually do...
I'll sit back and be blissfully unaware of how many women a guy is talking to until the point when it is decided that we will move forward exclusively... and even then it's none of my damned business how many pokers he's had in the fire, as long as the only poking that gets done from that point out is with me...  | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/29/2009 6:38:43 PM | I still think that the guy was railroaded by the OP and that she crossed the line in her inquiry to begin with... then sharing private mail with another person... well, it just goes to prove that there is absolutely no trust in anyone or anything... people are set up to fail and then bashed when they actually do...
The OP acted like a jealous child and didn`t use discretion as she should have in a grown up situation..This man did nothing to hurt or harm in anyway...Very childish in my humble opinion to rub it into the other woman`s nose.... | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/29/2009 7:02:04 PM | I dated someone for a couple of months exclusively. I didn't even login here but I was having a great time. If he really likes her he wouldn't be messaging others.
Player?
No, more like two-timing to me.
Not honorable in my opinion but I consider intimacy special.
Silly | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/29/2009 7:30:11 PM | What are the chances of that???? Good lord..............ha ha ha
We all want to meet this amazing man...meaning a man who finds us and connects with us and only us. One who isn't charming another woman or others. And that whatever you are forming is being formed with just the two of you........
BUT..... this is the cyber fantasy land of one's sweet tooth. Such breeds do exist but truly rare to find in this candy land.....
Meeting people online you can bet that you are not the only one he is coating with sugar and he isn't amazing. It's just all nothing but a fantasy.
And that is the reality of it all~ | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/29/2009 7:32:23 PM | so see he's got this bird in hand, but this other bird she lookin' pretty good, too. So other bird sez, you got inny birds in hand? He sez nope. Don't know nuthin' 'bout any birds in hand. I saw a couple of birds, while back, but they ain't nuffin'. Bird in hand meets other bird, busted!
I don't think it's odd to ask. I have, and I've been asked. Difference all around is I told the truth. What we've got is one stoooopid male. And both birds lucked out. Hope *he* learned sompin, but I doubt it.
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| You felt disappointment
Posted: 10/29/2009 7:51:42 PM | I don't think you're being narrow minded. You're realizing the deception when you were asking something in a straightforward manner.
I don't think you were wrong in what you did. You were feeling things out and she was being deceived, too.
A point, I recently received a few calls and the first time it was from a woman after I heard her voice. I have "gathered" one of these lousy guys had "someone" and she found my number. I blocked the private calls figuring it was her, no one else. This wasn't the first time in online dating. Many of these guys are players. Many. | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/30/2009 4:44:34 AM | Unless the dating becomes sexual........or we have the "exclusive" talk.....
who I date.......or he dates.......isn't either's business.
Poor guy was damned if he did........and damned if he didn't when he was asked.
Not being honest......didn't work out.
But would have being honest worked out any better with the OP?
I kind of doubt OP would have continued talking with him if he had told her he was
"wooing" another woman.
almost seems like a case of ... "I don't want him now.....and I'm gonna make sure noone else wants him either" .......to me. | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/30/2009 6:26:50 AM | I think i would do the same thing as the man did, keep his options open till he knows for sure that she's the one i exclusively want to be with. i have been honest when asked if i am still dating others. AND if i didn't want OP to run far away, i don't think i would tell her i had feelings and desires for the other woman. I went on a date last week and the woman told me she was seeing someone else and wanted to see where it went. she liked me but he had more to offer her in a LTR after i asked what she was looking for..so i accepted that and said i met a friend on here.
The guy just got caught trying to keep his options open (what are the chances). | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/30/2009 7:16:43 AM |
Me: but one typically doesn't have 4 or 5 dates in 2 weeks, call or text every day, and cuddle with a person with whom one feels no chemistry.
Bikeman: The chemistry was there . . . and went away. This has happened with everyone, I think, one time or more in your life; what's so unbelieveable about this?
OVER THE COURSE OF TWO WEEKS?!?! THAT AIN'T CHEMISTRY. IT'S A HARD ON! | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:24:45 AM |
i have been honest when asked if i am still dating others.
Then you wouldn't have done the same thing at all. This guy lied.
What troubles me about it, in terms of revealing his character, is partly the lying itself, but far more the easy dismissal of someone to whom he'd given every appearance of caring about her, and wanting to develop a relationship. When, in reality, she meant so little to him that her very existence was deniable.
IMO most people are better than that. | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:41:18 AM | Yes i agree he gave Poppyfun the wrong impression about how it was going and if i was seeing a girl that many times in a short time..you bet i would really only want to be with her, espec.if i was already intimate with her. I guess i have always said to myself that if i got to that point i would look no further for awhile and be very happy with the intimacy and R i was having. BUT some guys keep wanting to find something better all the time, keep comparing and say hummm i wonder how the sex would be with that girl....is it an amazing feeling when i am with her?....can i feel something more with another.
I know i am just talking about the sexual aspect here but we are talking guys here. I just wish Helen lived closer to me cause i love her witty thoughts and would like to hear them more! | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:21:33 AM |
Bikeman: The chemistry was there . . . and went away. This has happened with everyone, I think, one time or more in your life; what's so unbelieveable about this?
OVER THE COURSE OF TWO WEEKS?!?! THAT AIN'T CHEMISTRY. IT'S A HARD ON! So you never dated someone for a few weeks, felt good initially about them and the chemistry, and then broke up? It's commonplace; it's routine.
Oh somebody please point out the lie this guy made. I'm missing it--some of you all are reading too much into the scenario. | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:29:35 AM | Here’s the lie:
“... asked if he was currently dating anyone, he replied that he was not “
Whether people like it or not the OP did have the right to ask if the man were dating others. If he were honest he’d have said yes. He replied that he was not. That is called a lie.
If anyone wants to date others while looking for the right one that is their right and I see nothing wrong with their choice, but why lie about it? Oh yeah, because some people will reject you if you are seeing more than one person. What the man did was try to cheat the woman of her right to exercise her preference. | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 11/1/2009 12:34:42 AM | Texts and emails are the demise of the dating world - with them, no one will ever get to know someone they way they should - a mechanism designed to destroy trust. I'm geting sick and tired of watching people and couples getting destroyed by the irresponsible use, exaggeration, and gossip promoted through these mediums.
Here is one woman presuming that nice messages she is receiving translates into "getting along really well". Sometimes a text is just a text and sometimes it's the START of a beautiful friendship. The wisest rule to follow when beginning to correspond with someone new on a dating site is this - that person has been writing and in contact with other people. It's naive to think otherwise, Most people will exchange courteous correspondence as polite respectful behavior, or a considerate act/expression - good social conduct, etc.. In this case, texts and emails labeled this guy a scumbag because of some insecurity on the part of both women. Even if you're married, its not the place for the "other" person to meddle into others business. I wrote this in another thread and it needs to be mentioned again. Suppose the new gal was unstable and right after your contact with her OP took a gun and killed this fellow? Would you have felt better? You do understand we live in a sick world, right? Personally I would avoid your type, the two woman who showed each other the exchanged emails - kiss and tell ( or should I say text and tell) is never good...Drama..Pass. You two gals deserve each other.
Thought: Wouldn't it be more fun catching someone in the truth rather than a lie? Guess it all depends on which way one's nose is pointed at the onset, eh?
^^^^
thebugisback - What do you mean by the man tried to cheat the woman of her right to exercise her preference? Didn't she excercise her preference by continuing to maintain contact with him? That made no sense...What right do you mean? The one to lead him on, maybe? | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:39:17 AM |
Whether people like it or not the OP did have the right to ask if the man were dating others. With all due respect, I disagree... the question should have never been asked by the OP as it is crossing a boundary of personal privacy far too soon in a 'get to know you' phase. | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:01:10 AM | | Humm...i guess i just made a major fopah ! I met a woman in town and saw her on here, we started talking and i asked her if she had had any luck with this site or had been on any dates lately...she answered me with great detail...i guess it could have backfired, but maybe she has a little trust in me..who knows. | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:29:45 AM | i don't think you did anything wrong, the whole thing came up in casual conversation.
you didn't plan or plot to have that conversation. it is just a case of women exchanging notes. i also don't think the guy did anything wrong either. what each of you does with the information is purely an individual thing.
kaylee | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:01:51 AM | Hiya
Yes that is a dilemna ! I am in the same situation, I was persuaded to give this site a try. With that said i met a guy on line and have been chatting with for the past week.. He was very upfront and got into how many times a day he wants to make love and was quite pushy as to what my physical attributes were. Did not want to talk about me or give out any personal information . He kept asking for my photo so finaly he sent it to me via his personal email . I was so shocked when i got his picture it was a picture of a very close boyfriend!!! she has been exclusive with him for 6 or 7 months and are planning to move in together and is vey much in love with him. She hasnt dated in two years because she was really badly hurt and lied to this guy had a wife too!!!!
So i secretly found out more information about him to make sure. His profile is all a LIE
He lies about his age , his name, claims to have a home and doent, lies about how many children he has and i found out he is married??? and brags about how honest and loyal and how hes not into headgames at all. Now what do i do ????? Do i break her heart? Do i show her the proof??? Am i the one to shatter her dreams !! HELP!!!! Is there somewhere this man could be revealed for the scumbag he is?????? | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:12:45 AM | | Sorry in my haste it was supposed to say the picture i recieved was that of a very close friends BOYFRIEND!! also she doesnt know he is online!! | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:44:58 AM |
He was very upfront and got into how many times a day he wants to make love and was quite pushy as to what my physical attributes were. That would have been my queue to stop all communication with him... men who speak about sex generally want just that, sex... not a relationship.
He kept asking for my photo so finaly he sent it to me via his personal email And he didn't recognize you from the picture... ?
As for all the other things... him being married and all... so you're saying your friend is his mistress?
The whole situation you've described is about as solid as a soup sandwich...
As for what to do, report using the 'Report User' feature on his profile and block him... anything more and you're now begging for drama. | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:23:48 AM | he sent me his picture first , if i promised to send mine too when i saw it i didnt send back and got offline.
He claims to be single / divorced but found out hes still married!! And what she doesnt know is this is his second time. He kept emailing me back and asked for my picture and what was wrong i blocked him. But that doesnt solve my dilema do i tell her? | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 11/1/2009 8:06:11 AM | ^^ Yeah, you've gotta tell her, but you've gotta have backup in order to do it. If you can't show her printouts of the photo and e-mails, she may not believe you. Since you blocked him, you probably don't still have that stuff, unless you printed it out upon recognizing him. You could get around this by just giving her the profile link and telling her you think it's him; she can take it from there. Tread carefully. You may get blamed for this no matter what you do.
Back to the original question, thebugisback raised a note that hadn't occurred to me - regardless of whether or not the OP prefers to date a one-at-a-time dater, by lying to her, the man in question did remove her free exercise of that preference option. Misrepresenting yourself really has a lot of consequences... seems to me, not only is it inherently wrong, but it's also just easier to tell the truth. | |
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