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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/29/2009 12:43:53 PM |
Why does it matter if some stranger agrees with a decision to perhaps "kick him to the curb" or whatever the resultant thread consensus is...cos, errm, they all might be wrong too. They all probably will be wrong, because their opinions are usually based on nothing more than a paragraph or two of biased information… but that’s not the point of the exercise.
The main reason for seeking validation is to avoid accepting full responsibility for our actions incase we’re wrong. It’s much easier to make wrong decisions if others confirm those decisions… doctors do it all the time.
The usefulness of the whole exercise boils down to how accurate and detailed the information is when we ask the opinion of others, if it’s biased and one sided, all we’ve really achieved is self delusion.
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:25:28 PM | (Will someone please just fukc Vanaheim already. Jusssssst so he can think about something else for an hour or two.)
Nooo sorry I am 30 yrs too old  | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/30/2009 3:54:23 AM | | where was the toe BEFORE the gangrene set in, and were you with other company/ies at the time. Also, were you and or anyone else around, within a topical tropical location ???? | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 11/1/2009 11:21:51 PM | Dorothy Dix style forums have been around since newspapers were invented, and let's face it, it helps sell the paper/mag. That's why these forums are so popular, so that us readers can hand out advice with 20-20 hindsight vision.
But in the end, all the questioner is looking for in some cases is anonymous affirmation, or it gives them an excuse to blame someone else when it all goes pear-shaped. Perhaps that's part of the reason too, for not telling your friend - you don't want to end up blaming them for the wrong advice.
Ever wondered why psychologists don't give a direct answer? | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 11/1/2009 11:50:02 PM | | I might have got this wrong but I don't think POF forums are like an advice giving affair at all. I have learnt about people from here, just from paying attention to their posts and sometimes reading between the lines which is a fine art but worth acquiring, a bit like watching body language as a person is talking. Sometimes you sense there's something not being said. Mostly I have learnt to differ without disrespect for the other poster. But POF is frustrating in that you get so close to the person but you are not close physically! I have nothing but pleasure from reading the posts and have learnt to like people I couldn't stand at first. Basically I have learnt that the human race as she is displayed here is OK. | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 11/2/2009 1:06:50 AM | | ^^^^ well said. I agree its a wonderful thing observation and when you get to know someone well enough you can tell when they are feeling a bit off by their response to a thread. Pity we don't all date each other though lol, has anyone ventured upstairs lately? | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:45:54 AM |
Pity we don't all date each other though lol, has anyone ventured upstairs lately?
Went there the other nite but as I live in a low set house it really wasnt that exciting.
All date each other??? All those wackjobs with major therapy issues I dont think so  A group thing sounds good tho | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:56:11 AM |
I honestly don't get why people will seek advice about their own current personal dating situations and current relationships from strangers on a public forum,
We could be assuming that we are complete strangers to these people.Have you ever noticed that the number of people reading these threads far outways the number of people posting.We dont know how many are regular veiwers or for how long they have been reading our comments.
Hyperthetically...how long would you have to have been reading comments from the likes of,Lying Cheat,Scholar,Vanaheim(after he's been laid of course),Dimeadozen,Jase,Soulmate,Peachsipper(AKA Beachhippy) and yourself,Naamah, to name a few,to know that these are the kind of people you admire and whose veiwpoints you would value?
rather than perhaps seeking feedback from friends privately
...for some of these people you may be the best they have..and not too shabby if I may say so..
...or, my personal favourite...talking to the other person in the relationship about the issue or concern...?
...and some are just not made of that kind of stuff.It's not wrong...it just is.
Is it even fair on the other person in the situation to make their personal life public fodder even though it perhaps feels strangely anonymous?
Probably not.Discretion...always appreciated but a quality not always available to all.Viva la difference.
Would anyone actually act on any of the advice/suggestions made by strangers on the internet, about their own personal life?
Given the callibre of people posting in the forums,some already mentioned, I would think ...quite possibly.But ultimately,wether they realize it or not,they will be accountable for the choices they make..not us!!and there in lies the catch.Although we may not be held accountable for any circumstance which may arise for them as a result of how they might apply our pearls of wisdom,they are no less for asking and we have a responsibility to them to apply the compassion and insight we are afforded if we feel so inclined or to just butt out if we don't.
In conclusion I want to say that in referring to yourselves as strangers I feel strongly that you underestimate yourselves and the extent of your silent,but captive audience.
(P.S.I am a neanderthal when it comes to typing and it's quite possible that this post will turn up in the wrong place at the wrong time and if so...please excuse the intrusion.) | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:43:18 AM | and we have a responsibility to them to apply the compassion and insight we are afforded if we feel so inclined or to just butt out if we don't.
Do we really have that sort of responsibility?  Cos basically, as long as we aren't flaming people, I don't think we do have to butt out just because we don't feel inclined to say something compassionate or insightful. I think those who choose to publicly post "what should I do" questions have a responsibility to take the replies with a grain of MSG, and accept the associated health risks.
...for some of these people you may be the best they have..and not too shabby if I may say so..
Lawdy I hope you are joking! What I would do in a certain situation would not suit everyone else, and vice versa. We all have our own principles, our own things we admire, our own lifestyle preferences, our own lines in the sand, etc to infinity...so asking random strangers who vary from ourselves what they would do, assuming they give it any heed whatsoever, possibly might even set a person off onto a course that is not right for them at all.
I want to say that in referring to yourselves as strangers I feel strongly that you underestimate yourselves and the extent of your silent,but captive audience.
Yes strangers. Until you know someone for real, you are still assuming. For example, I know certain people on here well enough to know that you couldn't know them from their forum posts. And remember I was making reference to this forum as well as other forums...the internet is teeming with forums where people are asking total strangers what they should do in their personal lives....it's bigger than yoyo's in the 70's.
But yes, there are certainly compassionate souls on here. Soulmate has one of the most beautiful hearts of anyone I have ever had the pleasure to meet. FauxPa is another font of wisdom. I certainly consult them both privately with my assorted personal tempests in teacups, cos I have come to trust their opinions and their discretion. (But even they, with their compassion and empathy, do not have a responsibility.) Of course, then I totally fail to take the good advice of either of them... :smile:
Discretion...always appreciated but a quality not always available to all.
Why is it not? It's a choice, surely? That's why I've never mentioned to anyone that Hilly and LULT are really blokes. Discretion, people!
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:20:47 AM | Hyperthetically...how long would you have to have been reading comments from the likes of,Lying Cheat,Scholar,Vanaheim(after he's been laid of course),Dimeadozen,Jase,Soulmate,Peachsipper(AKA Beachhippy) and yourself,Naamah, to name a few,to know that these are the kind of people you admire and whose veiwpoints you would value?
Oh god the delusions are flying think and fast tonight, there is not a person on that list who isn’t or shouldn’t be posting on the forums as part of a nine step program intended to one day put them back in touch with reality; no sane person would pay the slightest attention to anything, any of them had to say about anything.
Now if people are peeking in here for advice as you claim, I would hope and pray that they take the time to consider from where what truly sage advice there might be, is really likely to be coming from.
The first and most obvious omission is the sapient LULT who like the Goddess Isis to whom she bears a striking resemblance, in so many way, lives cloistered with her cat companions and having forsworn the pleasures of the flesh, with the possible exception of those involving whips and very young men, is possessed of a clarity of vision and razor like claws which allows her to detected the darkest of poo-headed hearts and take them out and show them to their previous possessors just in time for them to watch them, slowly, stop beating, right before their failing eyes. 
Then there is of course the Fabulous Miss Hilly and if the truth be know I suspect that a majority of that silent readership of which you speak, does wait each night with thirsty eye for the white shoed footsteps, of that matron of compassion, as she makes her way through the psycho ward of the forums, equipped only with her healing hands and rectal thermometer she has borrowed from a large animal vet; she is so caring, often the patient doesn’t even have to stop typing before the healing begins.
That's why I've never mentioned to anyone that Hilly and LULT are really blokes. Discretion, people!
I missed that completely, O god I am going to have to go all the way back to step two; I’m never going to get out of here.  | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 11/2/2009 10:45:21 AM | Allow me to work backwards on this one 'cause.. I'm just that kinda guy.
Discretion...always appreciated but a quality not always available to all.
Why is it not? It's a choice, surely? That's why I've never mentioned to anyone that Hilly and LULT are really blokes. Discretion, people!
There are so many different types of people in the world with levels of awareness ranging from barely concious to downright prophetic.Not to cast aspersians at any level but for some of those people discretion just isn't on the menu..and therefore can't be a choice for them.Or maybe it is on the menu but doesn't carry as much weight as the perceived problem they are facing at the time.In which case they have made a poor choice sure,but in the words of JC (and no..I'm not a religious nut) let he who has not sinned cast the first stone.
And remember I was making reference to this forum as well as other forums...the internet is teeming with forums where people are asking total strangers what they should do in their personal lives....it's bigger than yoyo's in the 70's.
Ohhh...I loved yoyo's...bring 'em back I say.Yeah well..I admit that my veiwpoint is based mainly on what I've read on the Aus forums.They take up most of my alotted internet time..and porn of course...
Yes strangers. Until you know someone for real, you are still assuming. For example, I know certain people on here well enough to know that you couldn't know them from their forum posts.
Oh I think I understand what your saying there and I agree.But we could be assuming that these people are just jumping in and that they haven't been interested enough to read our profiles.It's possible that they have.Not that that gives the full picture either but we have to give some credit for intelligence somewhere along the line.I've read many of the profiles because I was interested in finding out more about some of the people posting here...and I don't know Soulmate personally,nor do I know you or any of the other people I've mentioned previously but I think I'm safe to assume that they are all quality souls whose veiwpoints I would welcome and whose taunts I could see for what they are..ie taken with the grain of proverbial salt.
...for some of these people you may be the best they have..and not too shabby if I may say so..
Lawdy I hope you are joking!
No.I'm not.
What I would do in a certain situation would not suit everyone else, and vice versa. We all have our own principles, our own things we admire, our own lifestyle preferences, our own lines in the sand, etc to infinity
..absolutely..
...so asking random strangers
I think I understand what you're saying but we're all humans..not devoid of insight and compassion.If someone is reaching out ,no matter how pathetic we may veiw their approach,we can remain complete strangers by choice by simply offering nothing.That's ok...Ive made that choice myself many times.But the person reaching out may just elicit a response that can begin to bridge the gap between strangers and maybe to some it's worth that shot.
possibly might even set a person off onto a course that is not right for them at all.
...and thats where they become accountable for their own choices..as you say, they chose to go public,...but not a reason for us to remain strangers.We are free to choose to remain strangers but lets not make our excuse.
Do we really have that sort of responsibility? Cos basically, as long as we aren't flaming people, I don't think we do have to butt out just because we don't feel inclined to say something compassionate or insightful
I can see how my comments there may have come across as pompous and high and mighty..(steps down off soap box).You're right...there is no reason why we should just butt out.They have opened themselves up for public comment and should take full responsibility for what they use and or discard.By insight and compassion I wasn't necessarily referring to the type of comments that should be made .Insight may cause you to stay clear and compassion can still be delivered in a hard line or sarcastic remark which may call for the person to harden the fukc up.
The simple fact that you care wether or not a response offered may cause the person more harm than good is evidence of both qualities wether you like it or not.
We can't answer them all...and more often than not we will choose to remain strangers to most.It's a huge world and it takes all kinds.
Thank you for your response.You already know that I value your veiwpoint. | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 11/2/2009 11:01:04 AM | Scholar..msg 35.
Ther you go see.Sheer brilliance.I wish I could write like that!!
Of course Lult and Hilly..two of my absolute favourites...(but don't tell them that)..I am no match for their savage witt
They are the two who immediately sprung to mind when Naamah commented on not being able to know someone from their posts.. | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:58:40 PM | Some wonderful reading contained in the last few posts...had no idea what you all were waffling on about.But great reading none the less.
Being a very private person myself,my first thoughts were no,i'd never do the strangers on the net exchanging details question.Having thought about it a little longer,i suppose it could be said that everytime some one posts,you gain a little more insight into their lives,or,maybe as mentioned,their state of mind.Whilst i'll agree that you can never truely know some one from posts alone,from my perpective you can gain a little insight into some one from their readings.Leaves a little mystery for that time if you ever meet people in the flesh. | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:29:20 PM | If someone here was a scammer i dont think it would take much to get quite a nice dossier on the long term posters here,
Habits, movements, style, location, addrsss, where they party /drink at,
It wouldnt surprise me if online dating sites were the number one stop over for identity thieves, it wouldnt take much, I think its best never talk about anything personal on profile and forum, because every scrap can be retrieved..
Pick any long term user here and just look at the history,
(I personally believe that there should be no history available for the security of the users)
Its all here
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging identities
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:53:18 AM | for some of those people discretion just isn't on the menu
Hey I've got no problem with people sharing stories from their life that demonstrate a point or help explain a perspective. At times I think it is those who give of themself who keep the forum alive...(as opposed to those who only ever post to comment on other people or on what other people have given). And in that context, yeah, I've posted my 'stuff' on here at times. But... the difference as I see it...not to lay bare a relationship for the purpose of asking strangers what I should do, or to invite strangers to throw eggs at another person based on my interpretation of the perceived faults/mistakes of people I might date/break up with. For me, and I realise not everyone has to see it this way, but for me...it's a matter of respecting that it is their private life as much as it is mine, and that I have no right to offer a detailed/serious negative representation about them/my interactions with them, on a public forum, without their consent or contribution...even if I happen to be really really mad at a date/bf/ex. Apart from silly comments about killing them and burying them in the garden of course, which may or may not have any foundation in truth. 
The simple fact that you care wether or not a response offered may cause the person more harm than good is evidence of both qualities wether you like it or not.
Oh I didn't say I 'cared'...just that it was possible.
Actually sometimes I wonder if all these internet forums have given rise to more and more people who are just getting hooked on giving advice. Cos at times I have seen threads started where the story in the OP is merely being used as a launch-pad for a broader question...and yet all the replies end up being advice about that story even though the OP has not asked for advice.
Thank you for your response.You already know that I value your veiwpoint.
Cheers and I do appreciate that, but I seriously think you are crediting me undeservedly. You need to have a chat to my anti-fan club...they write to people behind the scenes and tell them I am evil. And it's true...pure evil...see above comment about not caring....
Pick any long term user here and just look at the history,
I just checked mine, and it reveals that I am a Nigerian email scammer who is into nude pillow-fighting and virgin sacrifice (but draws the line at sacrificing goats), who has recently been stood up by LULT in a motel carpark, practices water torture on men, hates paying tax, dates ducks called Derek, prefers to spell 'judgement' with an e, and is potentially going blind. Jebus... surely an identity thief has better pickings on offer than that!? | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging identities
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:11:22 AM |
I just checked mine, and it reveals that I am a Nigerian email scammer who is into nude pillow-fighting and virgin sacrifice (but draws the line at sacrificing goats), who has recently been stood up by LULT in a motel carpark, practices water torture on men, hates paying tax, dates ducks called Derek, prefers to spell 'judgement' with an e, and is potentially going blind. Jebus... surely an identity thief has better pickings on offer than that!?
I see your effort and raise you......
A bum lifting underwear model, who hangs around sex stores and likes wombles. Acts dumb as a bagful of hammers intentionally, cant find her own Gspot, likens willies to cake and tucks her labia in her socks. Has a degree from the university of b1tch, thinks all children should be put up for adoption , hates horse racing with a passion and will from now on disguise her MSN online time so her nosy mates can't tell when she is getting laid.
She carries bricks too...apparently.
Really you do have to hate your posting history. 
What were we talking about again??? | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:00:47 AM | | I think you have to be very careful about exchanging information with other people online. I think it is best to first meet someone somewhere neutral and openly public (such as a well-attended cafe or restaurant) and you don't exchange sensitive information until you know the person really well, especially where dating is concerned. While it is not good to be a cynic and misanthrope, the high levels of crime, fraud, identity theft and domestic violence in society should always make you take a lot of care when dealing with strangers and third parties you don't know well. | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:41:59 PM | Darn.. all these well meaning do gooders saying not to is sure going to make life hard for us stalkers.... dont tell me gone are the days I'll be able to sit here behind my puter and wait for my prey to make contact, give over phone # and address without any prompting with the statement " I know you wont" not even knowing if Im the axe murdering type or just an annoying pest that will never go away
any other sort of stalking is just too much effort, suppose I'll have to find myself a new hobby soon then, bummer!! | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:27:35 PM |
I think it is best to first meet someone somewhere neutral and openly public
Thats what I do. Its way quicker to just steal their license and credit cards when meeting them than to keep asking them questions | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:37:38 AM |
Its way quicker to just steal their license and credit cards when meeting them than to keep asking them questions
Ooohhh you liar. You DID ask me questions. I distinctly remember you asking me what my pin was.
Besides, when I got my last statement I noticed that you spent less that I do, so it’s all good right?
But I’m a bit mystified, what was that transaction at the gender-swap shop? | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:35:57 AM |
You DID ask me questions
From what I recall it was the same question over and over again and you kept saying no and to put my pants back on.
what was that transaction at the gender-swap shop?
You kept looking at it when the pants were off so er maybe I need a bigger one | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:54:22 AM |
From what I recall it was the same question over and over again and you kept saying no and to put my pants back on.
Sorry hon, the event you mention didn’t happen so you seem to be confused with something else. Oh hang on, I’ve got it! I distinctly remember something about a bonfire party? And people asking you to put your pants back on?
But anyway, to be on topic, strangers on the net revealing their secrets? Bring it on I say! Ok – I’ll start the ball rolling.
This one time, at band camp……………. | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:23:53 AM | I think the stories are great. I've just learnt that marriage is an outdated tradition with no meaning in the modern world.
Phew, just saved myself 50k. | |
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