| separated but still living together... to believe or not
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:08:55 PM | Do not give any man the time of day, that is living with his what they say
separated WIFE! BAD NEWS... Waste of time...
You will end up heart broken, these men want there cake and eat it too....and they can become abusive, controlling, jealous, and much more. They say things and do not follow through. As you have hopes and dreams of having a proper relationship. This is not a healthy way to start any relationship. There are many nice and good men with proper morals out there for you that are Divorced, single, widowed, go for thoughs.
DO it right, good luck to you. | |
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| separated but still living together... to believe or not
Posted: 11/1/2009 12:14:39 AM | | Angelfish you do not know what you are talking about.There are, I am sure people just as you describe but I am, absolutely,catagorically NOT one of them.My wife is a controlling,manipulative,selfabsorbed,b1tch.She could care less about being a good parent but would take the kids off me just because she could.Knowing this I chose to put my kids first and not walk out.Now that my boys are old enough to see for themselves what is what,they have told me to leave her and that is what I am doing.I have been without any female attention of any sort for years and want to meet some women to at least re-acquaint myself with the opposite sex.It has nothing to do with wanting cake and eating it too.That sounds more like sour grapes on your part. | |
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| separated but still living together... to believe or not
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:02:30 AM | | This is really a no brainer; unless you are into endless drama, BS and child play. And a lot of people on here are into it. Simple. he is still married. So, why are you asking US these questions? Find a man who does not have this type of crap going on period. I do not get why people insist on questioning people who are still, in some way, shape or form, IN RELATIONSHIPS. I do not think you are "dubious". I will take the 5th on what I think you are. | |
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| separated but still living together... to believe or not
Posted: 11/1/2009 11:36:58 AM | Or people who are just broken up who don't have that convenient legal label to help identify.
Or people who've been out of a relationship for a decade or more but STILL cling to the hope that the other party will come to their senses.
Etc.
True, but the thread isn't about those two scenarios that you have noted above - it is about separated people. No one said that the *only* criteria to not dating someone should be separated status - just that it was one of them.
For example, note in my profile that I don't want to date people who do illicit drugs. Now, I'm sure that someone could get on the boards (which I'm sure that they have) and rant, "It's completely unfair that people weed out individuals that do drugs ... I know I do drugs and I lead a very responsible life with no drama." And you know, they might just be doing so.
However, as a rule of thumb there are several instances where getting in a relationship with druggies has brought all sorts of baggage. Is it the only way to get baggage? No, and no one is saying that it is. But it happens enough.
And as for a divorce decree and a marriage certificate being "just a piece of paper" ... I happy you feel that way. You should lead your life the way that best fits you. However, for me, both pieces of paper mean something to me, and thus as a rule of thumb I don't date married (or separated) people. Period.
Finally, I glad to see that you are listing that you have seen both sides of the fence. However, is it that much of a shocker to know some of us that are suggesting not dating prior to divorce has also seen *both* sides of the fence? Is it that much of a shocker that we're listing what our experiences were? Could it be that the reason that "separated" doesn't get too many replies is not solely reputation but also everyone's experience? I know that for me the separation stage was a time of great emotional baggage ... and the funny thing is while I was in the midst of it, I would have sworn that it wasn't that bad. However, after the experience, on retrospect, I realized how wrong I was. | |
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| separated but still living together... to believe or not
Posted: 11/1/2009 12:38:33 PM |
i deleted him about ten minutes after i posted this thread lol. That was wise of you. Married is married. Married living with the wife is married. There really are way too many problems dating someone separated to deal with them and living with the wife still, man, I don't even want to imagine the scenarios.
You are smart and beautiful, you aren't desperate looking at all. I am sure you should be able to find some good fish here. | |
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| separated but still living together... to believe or not
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:57:54 PM | | thats a different kettle of fish altogether. The dilemma on this post was whether to pursue something that sounded ominous before any emotions were involved. Going in with your eyes open to a situation that you could neither prove nor disprove. Its not even a question of right or wrong, its down to the individual if they want to get involved with someone who was still living with their spouse. I decided against it. | |
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| separated but still living together... to believe or not
Posted: 11/1/2009 2:21:30 PM |
Its not even a question of right or wrong, its down to the individual if they want to get involved with someone who was still living with their spouse. I decided against it.
If everything was on the up and up, meeting the spouse should not be a problem... I mean if they're separated and talking a divorce, how much worse can it be for them....?
I know one woman who gave her guy a deadline to set up a meet between her and the Ex-wife-to-be... He did, they sat down and sure enough the situation was all as he said it was... the ex had no issues and was clear she was moving on....
Granted, the guy and his ex have to be at least civil before that can happen... but some people can manage it....
My G/F and my Ex get along reasonably well, when they meet.... They'll never be friends, and I personally don't want them to be or expect them to be.... It worries me when they start whispering together....
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| separated but still living together... to believe or not
Posted: 11/1/2009 2:43:13 PM | Lisa,
There are thousands of individuals in the same boat who are living together but are no longer married or separated.Most live their own seperate lives and are living together for financial reasons and for the kids. These couples are roomates more than anything else and they share the responsiblities of taking care of the children.
In todays financial hardships this is very common.. | |
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| separated but still living together... to believe or not
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:46:37 PM |
There are thousands of individuals in the same boat who are living together but are no longer married or separated.Most live their own seperate lives and are living together for financial reasons and for the kids. These couples are roomates more than anything else and they share the responsiblities of taking care of the children.
In todays financial hardships this is very common..
There are thousands of individuals that are using illicit drugs. In today's financial hardships, many turn to drug use as a method of escape and it is very common. It makes rational sense that someone may turn to it. And you never know - they may be perfectly responsible and be the perfect match for me.
Still, even armed with that knowledge, it doesn't mean that I'm going to remove my mail setting restriction about "must not do drug" though. (Hmmm ... I wonder if there is any way that they could make "Separated" an option for mail settings on POF ...) | |
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| separated but still living together... to believe or not
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:16:05 PM |
There are thousands of individuals in the same boat who are living together but are no longer married or separated. Really, have you read some statistics about this? I sure haven't. I did have one man make me ill when I found out that he was living with his wife when he told me he was separated. I don't care how honest they are, if they are married and living together, there are going to be problems such as spending the night, neighbors, spouse issues, and who knows what all. I still see on here men that said they were getting a divorce still not divorced. I am sure men see women that are that way. It is easy to say you are getting a divorce, but until it is final, you are married. | |
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| separated but still living together... to believe or not
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:26:26 PM | Someone's situation of separated, broken up, going thru divorce, "still" living together, etc., is ALWAYS exaggerated to make them a better choice. Always exaggerated, even if it's not that bad of a situation or seems like it wouldn't have to be. Even someone who broke up with someone not too long ago. Doesn't mean it's always the worst situation... just remember that you can't take their word for it.
Is it worth pursuing? Depends on what you have in mind. If you have ANY expectations of a real relationship with them -- ABSOLUTELY NOT.
If you're not emotionally vulnerable and are up for a fling? Sure. Just make sure to let the guy in that position know that you're not looking for a relationship with them due to their situation but you're open to casually date here and there with them. If you say that directly, they won't have any reason to lie & exaggerate too much to make it look better. | |
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| separated but still living together... to believe or not
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:22:27 AM | I was in this situation, when a marriage is over it is over. I view myself as single as going through a divorce and for a while, my ex and I still lived in the same house BUT separate rooms.
My ex refused to move out and at the time I couldn;t afford to move out. He has had a girl friend for over a year now, who was aware of the situation and her patience has worked as now in separate homes.
One way at looking at it he has been honest with you and now it's down to you to either go with it and enjoy the relationship or give up and wonder what might have been.
We have kids together and have to say that situation is not healthy for anyone. But there is NO way on earth my ex and I were ever going to be intimate on any level.
Each situation is different and you need to follow your instincts and keep talking.
Good luck xx | |
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| separated but still living together... to believe or not
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:26:25 AM | Let me ask you-n have you ever been in this situation?? I have and instead of judging- be open minded.
I have been in this situation due to a stubborn ex and having kids. The marriage was over and no chance at all of ever getting back together.
Stop being small minded- life is about taking risks especially in relationships. In the perfect world, everyone would be divorced before starting new relationships and have the money, means and support to start over on our own.
This is n't always the case and at least the man is being honest. | |
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| separated but still living together... to believe or not
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:44:12 AM |
Im just throwing this out there, iv been chatting to a guy who seems nice, he is as the title says separated, going through a divorce but they are still living in the same house.
In realistic terms he is still married and living with his wife, there would be no way I could go round and have a coffee at his or anything as the situation is awkward. Is this even worth pursuing? Is the guy even getting divorced? there is a picture up so hes not hiding his face but Im just a bit dubious. What would others do?
OP, based on what you said he sounds like an honest open guy. I suspect you can trust that he is getting a divorce, but listen to your own instincts, they'll know best.
That said, I'd recommend just keeping it on the back burner until he does at least move out of the house, it's not a good situation. Good luck! | |
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| separated but still living together... to believe or not
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:46:13 AM | I have never been in the situation.
Stop being small minded- life is about taking risks especially in relationships.
It is everyones right to be in whatever position they choose to be in, be it to pursue another relationship whilst still living with their husband and wife and also to choose whether to go into a relationship with complications. Small minded or not, personal choice is personal choice. To stop or not stop is not down to you to order people to bend to your way of thinking.
Life is about taking risks, it is also about free choice and opinions. | |
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| separated but still living together... to believe or not
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:39:02 AM | Read the forums to know how many men lie or how many women lie. Check out the number of first relationship (rebound) breakups after the separation. Check out players, poofers, and cheaters. Check out the number of relationships where the person NEVER divorces or goes back to the spouse. These things do happen. It IS EASIER not to go out with someone separated. So many less issues and problems that can and will happen.
Life is about living and enjoying your ride, not about taking risks. | |
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| separated but still living together... to believe or not
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:14:37 PM | If I were you, I'd be cautious. There may be a lot of "sperated" guys on here who's wives aren't aware that they're supposedly "seperated".
I suppose it is possible that a guy is getting a divorce, but still living in the same house as his ex. I've even known of people who've been in that situation.
But, I still wouldn't date a person in such a situation. It just seems like an invitation to needless drama. If the person wants to start calling themselves single, and start dating others, I think they need to finish breaking up with their ex, and finding their own place to live first. | |
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| separated but still living together... to believe or not
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:20:48 PM |
I was in this situation, when a marriage is over it is over. I'd think that the marriage is not entirely "over" if you're still sharing a residence.
We have kids together and have to say that situation is not healthy for anyone. Exactly.
I don't think that such a "shared housing" situation is completely healthy.
And, I don't think it's healthy for 2 people, who have kids together, to be bringing new partners into the home they're sharing with the ex and the kids.
If you really worried about what was healthy for your kids, you would be trying not to expose them to this trailer park drama.
Stop being small minded- life is about taking risks especially in relationships. Am I being "small minded" just because I try to keep such drama out of my life?
or
Are you being "small minded" for refusing to understand why some people, who've been successful at avoiding such complicated drama in their own lives, have no interest in becoming part of your complicated drama? | |
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| separated but still living together... to believe or not
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:28:07 PM | I have known several people who were sexually and emotionally separated, but still lived under one roof as "friends" for the sake of their innocent children.
A separation/divorce is very traumatizing for children because they don´t understand that concept.
If two adults manage to handle their delicate situation in a very responsible manner, then there is no reason to distrust such individual.
Many people are jealous and/or insecure and cannot cope with these situations.
If you can´t, then don´t go for it.
If you can, then make the best out of it.
Children are always innocent and should be protected.
The proof of the pudding is in the eating.
If you meet a guy or woman who lives together with his/her "ex", then it should be possible to be introduced to the other person (if you wish).
Well, this is my very open point of view. Everybody is different.
Tolerance and understanding are golden.
Good luck. | |
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