| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:55:12 AM | OP...tell them you'll send pics in response to the ones they send. If they refuse then tell them fair is fair and that you'll have to move on. This way you know who's got one before you even bother to send.
If they want one, by default they should understand how you'd want one. If they don't get this and argue with you then don't waste your time. | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 10/30/2009 5:45:16 PM | | Hi Green Eyed Doll-the more I think about it, the more I think it is not shallow to ask for a picture but maybe a matter of safety also. Sure they can doctor or fake a photo but usually those can be spotted. Let's hope they don't use their friend's photos. | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 10/30/2009 6:24:09 PM | it's because they probably think you're ugly and they dont want to even bother.
the reason why they still email you is because they're trying to string you along for a casual sex encounter. and that's it! | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 10/30/2009 6:52:33 PM | yeah I too won't post my photos on my profile, but I'll share them if I talk to someone.
A photo is necessary, let's be honest. You need to see someone before you'd meet them in person. Physical appearance is a huge part of attraction. Probably the biggest part. If people keep stalling on showing what they look like they're not only insecure about their appearance, but they apparently haven't thought online dating through either. As if you could get away without it...
But let that not tarnish the many of us who'll readily share photos privately. People here make anyone who won't post a public photo out as some deranged creep. That needs to stop. | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 10/30/2009 7:17:55 PM | Some of the reasons people have for not wanting to post their pictures online are legitimate, i.e. teachers who might not want their students to know, and public figures. But the rest of us have no excuse. Or at least email a pic. Sure not all of us are photogenic, and because of that people might pass us by and go to the next profile. But so what? Be brave, and have patience.
I had tried the no pic on my profile deal. I wasn't getting any contacts with my pics posted, so I thought to give that a try. And I actually started getting first contacts, and receiving replies when I made first contact. They liked what I wrote on my profile. We would have great conversations going. That got my hopes up. And when they finally asked, I'd email my pics to them, although I was a bit reluctant. And for good reason as I never did hear from them again. But I had to send them my pics for they had every right to see who they might get to meet in person. And I completely understand that there has to be a physical attraction as well for a relationship to have a chance. So I don't fault them. But I decided to re-post my pics so someone can see right away what I look like. Sure I don't get contacted anymore, or receive any replies when I make first contact, but that does save me from having false hopes. But I will try my best to remain brave and to stay patient. And if I ever do have someone contact me, I'll know they already know what I look like so there aren't any surprises. | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 10/30/2009 10:10:27 PM | | A picture should be a requirement to meet someone, otherwise you don't know what you are getting into. A recent picture is also very important, I went out with a woman who had all college age pictures on her profile then was 5-7 years older and much different looking when we met. I could tell it was her but I was a bit shocked. She wasn't bad looking at all but I was not amused, as I felt misled. Not the best way to start a possible relationship. I always date my pictures. | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:06:07 AM |
Some people who don't post public pictures on their profiles are actually quite attractive or have jobs where they need anonymity. Some are just plain shy. One guy wouldn't send me pictures for the longest time because he didn't think he was attractive. Nevertheless, these people eventually coughed up pictures. It's the ones who won't share that make me wonder.
Yeah, I've been pondering this, and I don't get it either. Regardless of the reason anyone might not want to make a photo public, if they want to meet you, you're going to find out what they look like then! So why on earth not share it privately? It makes no sense. I've had contacts from a few people who have some modest local fame due to jobs in the public sector and/or public eye, and they very understandably didn't have photos posted, but did send them when they wrote.
I think all you can do is shrug and block 'em when they won't reciprocate the photo-share. Seems to me the only people who can tell you why they won't share 'em is the people who won't share 'em, and they're not talking... if one does give up a reason, post it, would you? I'm really curious about this now.
Aside to Genuinely Cool, I can't imagine your looks are holding you back - I think you're extremely appealing. Perhaps slightly outshined by your adorable pets, but hey, who isn't? My cat is better-looking than I am, too. And they're always perfectly dressed! | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:18:21 AM | [A picture should be a requirement to meet someone, otherwise you don't know what you are getting into]
Fastidious 7-Sorry about your experience and I can relate to being shocked sometimes.
People I have met say I look exactly like my pictures or even better. I like the pleasantly surprised looks on their faces when they see me and find that is a nice treat for both. A lot of people also look better in real life because they are dynamic and warm and pictures are 2D.
I won't wear gobs of make up or a padded bra when meeting someone new. In case things work out in the future and they see me sans make-up or bra, I don't want them to feel deceived. 
For me, deceipt will only get you so far. I cancelled a date when I found out a guy lied about his age. Another person I met was very nice. However, he had a disfigurement due to an accident and it didn't show up on the pictures. I didn't know whether to feel sorry for him or sad he didn't divulge this information. We did talk frankly about it and I feel bad to this day. Although I tried to be nice, I think he knew that I was uncomfortable. I would have been more prepared had I known about it earlier but I understand him not wanting to share this.
I am much better at gleaning information about people before I even meet. And pictures to me are a must. | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:34:48 AM |
I want to give peole the benefit of the doubt.
That could be a big part of what's going on... They're just being gamey and testing your resolve to stick to your stated conditions, how much sh1t from them you'll put up with, how much non-reciprocation you'll take, etc.
IOW, they're feeling around to see how "desperate" you are, and thus how much they can get away with while you're giving them the benefit of the doubt and thinking it will earn you them coming around to your way of doing things, which of course it's unlikely it ever will. There are lots of people out there like this, and it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with pictures. Those just provide the occasion to find out what the real rules of the game are going to be, whether you'll be willing to constantly relax (give up) what you want while they're not doing the same for you.
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:39:11 AM |
they're feeling around to see how desperate you are and thus how much they can get away with while you're giving them the benefit of the doubt and thinking it will earn you them coming around to your way of doing things, which of course it's unlikely it ever will.
Hi, I have never though of it from that view before and that is a good point. Thanks! | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 10/31/2009 12:30:44 PM | Hi Helen0426,
I've had contacts from a few people who have some modest local fame due to jobs in the public sector and/or public eye, and they very understandably didn't have photos posted, but did send them when they wrote.
Yes, I met a guy who was so elusive about things-like what he did, what he looked like etc. He kept e-mailing me and eventually sent pictures to my home e-mail and talked to me on the phone.
Once I found out his full name etc. I Googled him and things matched so I met with him. He was wealthy with a high profile job. I think he was concerned about gold diggers that is why he was so secretive. His job required him to hob nob and I think he was looking for arm candy. He was very frank and all business about what he was looking for, listed the functions/places he wanted to take me to, and emphasized the several times during the date the expectation that I would sleep with him (soon). OMG, if I could record the conversation! I felt objectified, offended, and sad in a way so ended the date early. Sigh... | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 10/31/2009 4:40:06 PM | You should always have your picture posted, and not just on private settings, imo. People without pictures get viewed less, and/or people assume right away "s/he is obese."
Anyways I have the general rule that you must have pictures if you want me to take you seriously, and at least 1 recent body shot.
I once met a girl who had like 6 head shots, listed as a few extra pounds and told me "I'm bigger but not huge". When I saw her irl she had to be close, if not over 300. Since then I've gone by that rule
Your head is beautiful women, you know it, I know it, and your mother knows it. But after 8 pics of "goofy faces" I've lost interest.
and in before: GUYZ POST LOTSA CAR PICZ AND FLEXIN PICZ
Yes, I know the kettle is black. | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:15:22 PM | | It happened again today. A guy and I were e mailing back and forth and his profile sounds decent and said he was good looking etc. etc. He could type and sounded decent and articulate. I know it is hard to tell via e-mail but I didn't get creep vibes. He gave me a phone number to call him and when I asked for pictures he disappeared. He probably thought I was shallow but oh well... | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:32:37 PM | Why don't you have pics on your profile? Do you walk into a bar with a bag on your head until someone talks to you?
And as for the people you deal with...it's simple...if you share pics and they don't, conversation over....NEXT | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:59:49 PM | Yeah I don't have patience to chat to faceless strangers, my time is precious to me, and as deplorably shallow as this is about to sound - I don't have free dating time to waste on unattractive people. 
I don't even really have any close friends that I consider physically unattractive, so why would I waste my time on strangers that are potentially even less appealing? 
I've seen some profiles claiming that they hide their photos because "they don't want to be harassed solely for their looks/body", to which I retort - "Darlin', if you're THAT good-looking what the heck are you even doing on POF".  | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:45:40 PM |
I don't even really have any close friends that I consider physically unattractive, so why would I waste my time on strangers that are potentially even less appealing?
Tigerwoods,
You are so funny but brutally honest. I read somewhere most people gravitate towards those with the same level of attractiveness. Otherwise, when they go out people will wonder and whisper "What the heck is he doing with her" or vice versa unless there is some deep intellectual and emotionally bond.
Then again, to some people, a fat wallet or alcohol will make anyone attractive.  | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:03:30 PM | i had ppl complain to me about not having a pic. my pix used to float around the net and i had a swarm of users calling me every name of the book which wasnt cool. i only send my pix to someone if i am gonna meet them. i get the usual "oh, u must be hiding something. u must not think ur attractive or confident." im not hiding anything and me not believing im confident ill keep that part to myself.
anyway, who wants to put a pic all the time and get emails from users sayin ur ugly? who wants to read that everyday? i would get those all the time and i tell em why did u email me? i met someone one time who wanted to see a pic and i showed it. we had some conversation by i.m., then he tells me im not all that attractive that there will be nothin between us i said fine with me i never said i wanted to date u. why contact me if u felt i was unattractive when u 1st email/i.m. me?
i always in arguments with ppl about my pix both men and women not like most of them were prizes themselves. ppl to me are so full of shit when it comes to pix. | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:31:19 PM | I had a guy on here the other day who acted very rude and called me a "shallow ****" when I asked for a pic. After which I blocked him.
Why is anyone going to on a dating site without a picture? Seriously... | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:12:28 PM |
I had a guy on here the other day who acted very rude and called me a "shallow ****" when I asked for a pic.
If they get thru my pic restriction, and I ask for a pic and they don't like me asking - I just tell them to message women without a pic, so they can both guess who the other one is at a meeting.
It always seems to be the ones without pics who message those with them and are hypocritical about offering the same. | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:18:42 PM |
I had a guy on here the other day who acted very rude and called me a "shallow ****" when I asked for a pic. After which I blocked him.
Why is anyone going to on a dating site without a picture? Seriously...
No kidding hey,
Oh yeah, great pics! BTW
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:23:07 PM | [IF you are actively seeking and pursuing a relationship on ANY DATING SITE and DO NOT have pictures POSTED you are playing a game.]
Simply not true! There are many of us, particularly those with children, myself included, who value our privacy, who willingly share photos with those with whom we have come to feel the degree of comfort we deem necessary in order to share our images. Perhaps you haven't yet had any bad experiences; hopefully, you never will, but don't be so quick to judge.
Such harsh judgments may work against you. | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:24:06 PM | a lot of people here honestly believe we should accept them for who they are without a pic....
they are out of their freaking minds! you can bet they dont apply that same rule to themselves!! | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:17:43 PM | blueceleste...
who wants to put a pic all the time and get emails from users sayin ur ugly?
I want to say you don't look ugly to me. The truly attractive and confident people wouldn't say those things.
I respect those who don't post public pictures for whatever reason but share them privately when asked.
Those who are elusive I think should be considered a "red flag" since that is one trend I am seeing according to these posts. And to call someone shallow when asked ? Honestly, if they don't half look like Quasimodo they shouldn't have an issue. After all, if you think you are attractive, wouldn't you willingly share pictures with someone you are interested in? | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:30:39 PM |  I simply responded that pictures are important bc atleast some physical attraction is necessary. After which he said that "I probably wouldn't care if the guy had herpes, so long as he was hot." That's when I just pressed *BLOCK*. | |
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| People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:22:11 AM | If your on a Dating Site and you DON'T share a pic.... thats very suspect to me.
A BIG red flag
[q]If they get thru my pic restriction, and I ask for a pic and they don't like me asking - I just tell them to message women without a pic, so they can both guess who the other one is at a meeting.[/q] LMAO-----to funny!!!!!!!!!!!!
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