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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:39:19 PM | Before I go on a tirrade, I will state the following:
- Violence in relationships is wrong, whoever does it. I understand that most believe men are more likely to be abusive (and it's probabley true) but this does not change the fact it can go the other way, but there is a stigma attached "How could you let her do that to you? Grow some balls!" etc. Either way, it's wrong, whoever does it. Completely understandable reason to leave somebody in the dust.
Men are possibly reluctant to file for divorce because these days (like it or lump it) it is pretty much semi-equivilant to signing a bit of paper saying "Hey you! Yes you there! Do YOU want to sign for a chance to lose LOTS of your stuff and possibly your children? If so, READ ON" (Disclaimer, I posted the above bit for a reason, so before people start going "OMG he beats her up, so sod him" Quite right, but i'm talking about the cases where there is no abuse)
If a women feels her needs are not being met in a relationship, she will take steps, which, if they fail, result in divorce. A women's needs not being met in the court room is more likely to be heard as "Neglective tosser, forgot about his wife"
A man's needs not being met in the court room is more likely to be heard as "You want her to do WHAT? You, sir, are a BEAST!"
Men probabley stopped filing for divorce in he situations where a relationship fizzles out because when it comes down to the legal nit-nat of it (Which is ultimatley what it is about) he probabley feels his representation in the issue is a no-go. You only need to look at popular media to know that when a women cheats it can be seen as (i'm not saying this is right by the way) possibly she had reason to drift off, or it was "understandable".
When a man does similar, it cannot be for any reason other than "he cannot keep it in his pants"
(PS. Cheaters are cheaters, I feel that there is never a good reason to cheat before people strawman my position)
When it comes down to it in a bold new world of dissolving gender stereotypes men are still victims to the shadow of an age gone down, as are women, difference is there are specifics to stop people (usually, and rightly so) putting down women in the workplace or what they can/can't do. A man's shadows of accusations are not challenged, they are assumed.
Many men welcome this bold new world, but the world just has to believe us, and it seems that an awful lot of it, just will not do that.
It's like that curious phenomenon of where the often-accused will start to admit to crimes they are not guilty of "because it goes that way anyway, and saves time" or in this case, the man stops trying to take intiative to control the progress of his position in a relationship because he knows (legally) he has less control than he feels he should be allowed to have.
When a man leaves a woman he's a fiend
When a woman leaves a man he's a doormat
When a man leaves a woman she's been done over
When a woman leaves a man she kicked him to the curb
Now i'm a complete fan of freedom of genders do to whatever the hell they feel capable of as a person. Also a massive fan of the people who try and stop that gender-based workplace treatment crap that goes on (mainly affecting women)
But what gets me is that by and large, men are still largely stereotyped. If people can grasp that the women today have a different mindset to the ones who lived in an age where gender roles were normal, why the hell can people not fathom generally that today's men are not the brutal ogres of yesteryear?
I'll not derail (have risked that already)
I'll end with a favourite analogy of mine: generally speaking, tomboys (or women with "masculine" interests) are held with either indifference or sometimes positivity by men today. Granted, some men dislike it.
Men who adopt interests in things "feminine" must first break down the wall society has thrown down in front of them that "accuses" them of being gay (like it's an insult???) and then find out the female public seems to be far far less receptive to such a thing than the gender reversed scenario. There was a thread here about it a while ago, and the answers in there pretty much agreed with this observation.
I could care less about whether a guy wants to wear powders or polishes but such double standards have got to go. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:08:41 PM |
At the very least, however, it is not merely subjective to say that women file for divorce twice as often as men, look it up (don't know about other countries and how it pans out overseas). And this correlates closely to exactly what I have seen for many years.
It's two different conversations tho'. If you want to discuss why women initiate the divorce proceedings more frequently than men do (for which there is ample hard evidence) I would suggest that the current divorce laws, child custody and support laws would make it much more advantageous for women to file sooner than men.
If you want to discuss why women initiate the break up (of which there is no hard evidence regarding the ratio between male/female) it's a subjective conversation that could lead us down many different speculative paths. One of which is, do women initiate break ups more than men? Do men have a greater sense of duty or responsibility that keeps them in loveless or non-workable relationships more than women? Is that sense of duty inflated or ego based? Do men stay because they do not want the associated failure of leaving first? Are women more flakey/fickle/quitters compared with men? Lots of opportunity for wild azz speculation. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:20:29 PM | | Well I can only answer for my marriage, we both thought about divorce, we were both headed in that direction, she just beat me to the punch. No worries, neither of us was happy and now I'm happy and she's depressed so I'm not too worried about it. Honestly though, I didn't apply for the divorce because I wanted to ensure that she and the kids were taken care of, if she needed me to be married to her, I was going to continue doing so, even if it meant we didn't live in the same house. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:22:05 PM | Well, it is better today to at least try to have an equal relashionship...Read bellow and look at what our mothers and in some cases grandmothers were taught in order to ensure a successful marriage... This is not joke... My mom has the original booklet!!! 
How to be a good wife 1950's Style
*Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
*Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
*Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
*Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
*During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
*Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
*Be happy to see him.
*Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
*Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
*Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
*Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
*Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
*Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
*Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
*A good wife always knows her place.
Here is the link...
http://kathibratcher.blogspot.com/2006/08/how-to-be-good-wife-1950s-style.html | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:22:23 PM | An astonishing 70% of adultery victims are women. A survey taken by MSNBC revealed that 28% of married men have had cheated on their partner. Of these cheaters only 2% of cheaters have been caught by their partners, with 60% believing they totally got away undetected by their spouse. Only 6% of cheating men actually came forth to confess their misdeed. (http://www.infidelityman.com/statistics-on-men-cheating.php)
If these statistics are correct than is it any wonder that more women initiate the breakup? I believe that true dignity and strength comes from those that leave rather than cheat... | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:28:07 PM |
An astonishing 70% of adultery victims are women. A survey taken by MSNBC revealed that 28% of married men have had cheated on their partner. Of these cheaters only 2% of cheaters have been caught by their partners, with 60% believing they totally got away undetected by their spouse. Only 6% of cheating men actually came forth to confess their misdeed. (http://www.infidelityman.com/statistics-on-men-cheating.php)
Wow I'm in the 72% of men that didn't cheat on their partner. Wait, 28% cheat, 70% cheated on? Those numbers don't work. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:30:34 PM | Edit for Biscuit: married [28%] vs all men [70%, although I still don't believe that, either]
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To be fair, though, there are no stats on women cheating in that link. For all *I* know, 50% of married women cheat.
Also, what a friggin' weird site, anyway?
What to do if your BF, who is locked up in prison, cheats? There seems to be a bit of an agenda with this website, don't you think?
http://www.infidelityman.com/cheating-inmate.php | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:30:47 PM |
Wow I'm in the 72% of men that didn't cheat on their partner. Wait, 28% cheat, 70% cheated on? Those numbers don't work.
Read it again....I hate numbers but even I figured it out :) | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 3:01:37 PM |
To be fair, though, there are no stats on women cheating in that link. For all *I* know, 50% of married women cheat.
Exactly. Not only that, I have a problem with "surveys". There's no way to measure accuracy, where the respondents were from (and there definitely are different morals in different pocketed locations), etc. - in other words, such surveys aren't scientifically proveable and could have either a high or low +/- accurancy rate depending on many variables. Look at how skewed political polls can be.
I'm still curious, though, if the OP is talking about strictly marriage break up, break up of a dating type relationship, or a combination of both because I'm sure the "supposed" stats would differ accordingly. To hear it from posters who've "knowingly" been cheated on in relationships, it strikes me that as many men have been cheated on as women have. Are married men only cheating wtih single women? Are unmarried women but who are in a relationship only cheating with mean who aren't in a relationship of any kind? Look at the number of people who figure oral sex isn't "sex"...do they then not consider it cheating? It goes on and on... | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 3:21:26 PM | | To be absolutely honest, I find it almost unbelievable that people have taken the time to respond to this blog without challenging the statement that women initiate the breakup 80% of the time. Who says so? What proven facts is the statement based on? Are we just talking about a crap survey or scientifically researched data? If this is a theory then people are responding to a nonsensical question. Am I missing something here? | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 3:27:36 PM |
Do YOU want to sign for a chance to lose LOTS of your stuff
How come it suddenly all becomes the mans stuff when a breakup occurs? do ya think she was just borrowing the shet when you were married. Excuse me, but it is half her stuff too.
Instead of men whining that the women took them to the cleaners and stole half their shet, maybe they should be taking a good long look in the mirror, and asking themselves, WTF is my problem that wifey poo would be willing to give up half her shet so that she doesnt have to barf at the sight of me anymore.
It would probably be more productive than being a whiny ass. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:56:30 PM | Sorry, Ababian, you're wrong. Today, it is a fact that the woman is just as likely as the man to have scr*wed around. Let's get real here. We're driving at something more deeper than the typical "I'm a woman, therefore a victim" sh**".
Women can, and do, mess around a whole lot (yes indeed :)), so knock of w/ the
poor pitiful hurt angel stuff, 'k? | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:02:55 PM |
The divorce and child support industrial complex gives women many incentives for abandoning perfectly acceptable husbands. It's like cashing out stock options.
Amen to that Brother!! | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:10:36 PM | | I remember reading once that scientists found all these divorced women and men in different age groups and asked them all these questions about there divorce and believed that their results suggested that more relationships are ended by women because a lot of men don't even realize there is anything wrong with the relationship or there partner is unhappy because they aren't putting enough effort into the relationship and shocked when it ends but nothing about percentages. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:12:25 PM | thanks div-77, but have to stand by that. Please read earlier posts, women file for d-vc twice as often as men (at least in America, statistical fact) , and what I'm saying is that the 80% number is mostly a hybrid, from (a) personal observations over many years, (b) significant perusal of many dating sites also over many years, gurus (you might call them) who have also seen this to be the case. Maybe not w/ you, but in general, women are leaving men in the dust. Personally, I find it humorous. Question is why are men so clueless:) ?
Accept it: women break up w/ men the majority of the time. Your personal exp. might not bear this out (mine either, I almost always have done the breaking up), but it IS pretty typical. My point is that I think men do not get the clues women often give as to when they want out. Have been nursing a friend thru a divorce for over a year, geez, this guy should have seen the handwriting, he was so history Socrates was recent news. Why do men need to get hit over the head w/ a club? | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:16:11 PM |
throw the numbers out of the window...I belive,(andi do belive this) that women tend to want to leave first only because they can get a man almost anytime they want..the men are the ones looking...the women are the ones reciveing...and if the woman is goodlooking? men will be lined up waiting to vie for her affections. such is not the case with men...truth be told, how many women aproach men first? (ok, 2% will claim they do) does not happen that much...so the odds are stacked in the womans favor..
boils down to the story
woman walks into the bar, store wherever, and says "who wants to go home with me?' the men are jumping out of the chairs...man walks into the same bar store wherever and says "who wants to go home with me?" people turn around and think, a hole......this is not always the case of course but tends to have a ring of truth to it. I think you have a very valid point Tony.
boils down to the story
woman walks into the bar, store wherever, and says "who wants to go home with me?' the men are jumping out of the chairs...man walks into the same bar store wherever and says "who wants to go home with me?" people turn around and think, a hole......this is not always the case of course but tends to have a ring of truth to it. And, this part is funny as hell  | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:23:57 PM | Maybe they just weren't happy.
I mean if Ford has to do a recall cus something is wrong with their cars...
they don't blame the customers,
they fix it.
With an 80% return rate,
maybe it's time to look at the product.
...just sayin. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:39:51 PM | Yes, see your point. Still stand by mine, though. Center For Health Statistics is the source of the idea that women intitiate the divorce twice as often as men, but again, I'm going from my own not-inconsiderable personal experience as well as a lot of research on various dating websites that also suggest that it is usually the woman that initiates the breakup. Regardless of whether it is actually 80, or 60% (whatever), the interesting question here (if you accept the premise) is, why are men not able to see the signs? Studies have also repeatedly shown that women are far more perceptive than men (think twice about coming home w that long, blond hair on your collar unless u can convince her you've been hanging w Greg Allman, ramblin' man) I think most men would agree w that (that 6th sense thing or something like that, if u have it, she has it better:). A corollary would obviously be that men are less perceptive than women. Am not here to quibble over 75, or 70,. or 90, or 71.1 %, this is clearly subjective. If u think men generally break up more, fine. But if u think women break up more (as national statistics suggest, at least w/ divorce), why? I think one of the female posters hit it on the head: they leave (to paraphrase) because they know they can walk right out and find a new man in three seconds flat. With guys like us, Div...it takes four seconds. Entirely unacceptable.
Men have got to get their sh** together and remedy this dire situation. Women need today's men to be the guys they DON'T want to leave. Women are like a great sports team: they do not want beggars, they want competitors, and I think they find waaay to many beggars. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 12:29:30 AM | Hi revcon, speaking of "false hoods"...
u got one sweet toupee, dude of dudes. I've seen video of that thing on Animal Planet, the same innovative tonsorial concept has helped Bigfoot evade the authorities for years. I think we know your record. Whoever told you that combovers were uncool was nothing but a lowdown yankee liar.
May the fleas of a thousand camels or your last gf, whichever came last, infest that fuzzy thing (my money's on the camels)
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 12:34:50 AM | I can only use my own experience. I've got two divorces behind me and, by golly, I filed for both of them.
My first husband was content to stay in the marriage because he still behaved footloose and fancy free - had himself a wife and women that threw themselves at him. When I left he was shocked, but the reality was that it wasn't a real marriage because it takes two people working together to have a marriage.
The second husband was a bit different, but he still did whatever he wanted to. We started fighting about his drinking. Somehow he felt I should be fine with him go out and driving home wasted. Finally one day he came to me and threatened that if I could not accept that he wasn't going to stop he was going to leave I responded with "You have one week to find another place."
So yeah I was the one that filed, but neither of them was really into being married. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 12:45:28 AM | | They don't, that's just your opinion/personal experience. In my experince, it has usually been the guy to initiate the breakup, but that's just me. I'm sure that if you added in everyone else's experiences, it comes out pretty close to even. | |
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| I've got two divorces behind me and, by golly, I filed for both of them.
Posted: 10/30/2009 1:07:28 AM |
Now that's an interesting point, also. Why do women, who choose the man,
choose them so badly and then say men are to blame? It might seem women have never had more choice, and made it more badly from what u are saying.
I would hate to think this makes Dr. Laura is right that women need arranged marriages? I better head for the bomb shelter right now. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 1:32:01 AM | | That is so easy to answer . . . . cuz they lose nothing and gain everything. Women "trade up" constantly . . . if they have kids they get child support and half the common property. . . . . if they dont have kids they get half the common property. . . . . what do men ever get from a breakup ? No reward except some peace and quiet and freedom from nagging and demands. Men are always more dedicated to their decisions . . if they like ya they stay with ya . .women are fickle and change constantly . . in todays society loyalty, devotion and fidelity are not needed, heeded or practised . . .many feel those are they ways of fools, so after they get rejected after 10 partners and end up alone for years . . .they complain how unfair the opposite gender is. Men pay and sacrifice until they have had enuf . . . then they turn into fully justified a**holes and jerks cuz it is more rewarding than being "good guys" . . or otherwise known as "victims". If your a good woman with a good guy then you wouldnt be at this forum or website . .. you would be loving life and your partner. | |
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