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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 12:32:40 PM |
You have a ring on your finger or know the other person is cheating...Your cheating too.
Yup...also falls into the cheater's mentality of "I did not have sex with that woman" because of the "type" of sex it was. There's no end of excuses and rationale used by cheaters, the married party or not. I knew a guy who would meet women from online while he was still married, living in the same house with his wife, so not even close to being separated, but his rationale was that he was "divorced in his heart".....what heart?? His wife had no idea he was even wanting to separate, never mind wanting to divorce. Dumb a$$es! | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 12:35:17 PM |
Who initiates the divorce proceedings is not indicative of whose idea it was first. Men could file less often cuz: 1) they don't want to spend the money; 2) they're in jail on spousal abuse charges; 3) they're too busy f***ing that young thang to bother with filing papers that might result in paying temporary child support and/or spousal maintenance.
Those are certainly possibilities, though I doubt your synopsis truely reflects the majority of those involved. I know many men who get blindsided by divorce, never see it coming...others don't file because there are MANY men who know how unjust and adversarial the current family court system is and simply don't want to enter into a fight where the odds are completely stacked against them, especially when they stand to go from being a full time parent to, if they're lucky, a "visitor" to their kids. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 12:36:30 PM | Well its your decision if you know they are married. Technically if they are and you are not with anyone your not cheating on anyone no matter how you dress it up. Whether you like it or not, no one is going to kick you to the kerb, or break up with you other than the one thats married
How many have taken off their ring as soon as their oh is out of sight?? Some are very good at hiding their status. As for those in government, they think they above everyone else and power is corruptive. many women fall for power.. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 12:49:04 PM |
Colonel: Conversely, men just want sex with a woman but don't want to put in the effort to actually 'love' her. (think of porn magazines).
It doesn't exactly say very much for the lovability of women these days that men prefer porn, as bad as it is, to the real thing.
Relationships between men and women don't work because men are innately lazy. Forgive us for not finding the majority of you sexy while you sit on your easy chairs and fart all night. LOL
You're right. That's why the first recorded case of domestic abuse occurred when a prehistoric man was forced by his 'significant other' from the safety of their cave with the command: 'Get out there and kill something to eat, and don't come back empty-handed!' 
Then, after he left, she turned on the TV and sat on her behind watching women's programming for fifteen hours straight telling her what lazy bums men are.  | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 12:50:57 PM | Colonel: Conversely, men just want sex with a woman but don't want to put in the effort to actually 'love' her. (think of porn magazines). Relationships between men and women don't work because men are innately lazy. Forgive us for not finding the majority of you sexy while you sit on your easy chairs and fart all night. LOL
Maybe that is how men are in your social circle, but I do not think it is fair to the rest of the male race to believe that is how we think.
As to putting in the effort to love a woman -- I think a lot of men have the same experience that I do. The more you love them or make their life better, the more they dislike you and run away. Seems like when you love a woman you insult her need for independence, and that usually spells game over for a large percentage of "modern" women and the view of the relationship. Part of why you may find men lazy is that we have learned being indifferent or stand-offish is the only way to get women to keep interest.
Weird, but that has been the observation of me and my male friends.
PS: For the record I do not own a easy chair and never have lol.
It doesn't exactly say very much for the lovability of women these days that men prefer porn, as bad as it is, to the real thing.
Sad but also true. I think many men are simply giving up on the idea of a happy, functional, loving relationship. There just seems to be no way to make it happen given the emotional instability and social demands of too many "modern" women. The search is very discouraging at times.
(2) modern men have not kept up w women's needs, women have changed, and men have not adapted in a way acceptable to women? If so, why have men not changed, and further, is it realistic that they can? Is it feasible that they do so? Or would men lose more than they would gain by making the supposed needed changes?
This is bunk. Women have changed for the worse. Men tried changing through the nineties and the "be nice" revolution in order to meet womens needs. Now women say we are wusses and not relationship material if we are "nice". Those of us who value deceny are treated like lepers.
I know you will flame me for this -- but the bulk of modern social dating and relationship problems rest squarely on the shoulders of the modern female culture that says they can have it all, break all the rules (only men need rules), do whatever the hell they want, kick who evers azz they want, no consequences, and that they deserve love just because they are a woman. What a load of tweenie mentality foolishness. It is an immature view that has no place in a functional society.
The pendulum has swung towards favoring women it seems, and far too many of them intend to keep it there. Time to let it go and grow up ladies. Either that or learn to be happy with your cats.
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 12:54:02 PM |
(2) modern men have not kept up w women's needs, women have changed, and men have not adapted in a way acceptable to women? If so, why have men not changed, and further, is it realistic that they can? Is it feasible that they do so? Or would men lose more than they would gain by making the supposed needed changes?
This woman will say that is the main reason why I have chosen not to pursue relationships with some men I've met..... (note ... I deleted the section that was IMO Bull...bored? ) | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 12:58:19 PM | I've noticed that the whole "cheating" thing becomes a false, but commonly acknowledged and accepted Moral high ground....especially for women. Why is that??? I'll give my opinion...
I cheated on my wife...like a god damned fiend. I started doing so after she started with the physical violence and the psychological abuse ie. "I'm going to take your son back to England with me and you'll never see him again"...Right or wrong, I did it and I don't feel any moral guilt about it whatsoever. It doesn't make me a bad person, I did what I felt I needed to do at the time to best deal with the situation. Sure I could have left, but still, I felt that since she was the one being abusive, why should I have to face the trial of fire that is family court for her issues with control and anger? Why should I lose my home, my dog and access to my son as I knew then and know now that regardless of her actions, I'd still not be on level ground with her in court. Period. That is a sad fact that needs to be addressed and soon.
I asked for us to go to counselling, and felt I had to lie about the fact I was on the receiving end of the abuse. I did so for a number of reasons, all honestly rooted in fear. Fear of having my son have to deal with Child services, fear of him seeing his mother is a negative light that I felt was not fair to him, better for me to bear that cross and sacrifice my sanity than put my son through hell, even if it was his mother's doing....fear of immasculation...which has been mentioned elsewhere in this thread. And I have been immasculated countless times, by angry women who have nothing better to offer than such, even the counsellor we saw together once who as I said, I felt compelled to lie to about my ex's behaviour.
In the end, my wife fell for a man who was a client of hers, and didn't want to risk incriminating herself as a cheater for one, and two, she didn't want to risk losing the power she had and still currently holds over our house and our son.(though the house is gone now). In short, I honestly believe that there are as many men being manipulated within a marriage through sex, as there are women being abused. Neither side is right.
I know many married men who have been cut off sexually in a conscious effort to trap him into either leaving on his own accord or what clearly seems preferable to many women...cheating on his spouse. In doing so (cheating or leaving0, he relieves his wife of all responsibilty for her part because it's clear by these forums that many (not all mind you) women relish the oppourtunity to spring such a trap, and many in society are happy to applaud her "courageous" struggle in dealing with a man who, not surprisingly has become distant and aloof.
Bottom line, women do file twice as often, but many times do not cite abuse and instead irreconcilable differences...which is so subjective that it require it's own thread IMO.
So if women are part of a huge villification industry, as they often seem to be...then really...what are we men to do...but to stay and hope things change and do our best to be good, stable parents. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 1:10:03 PM | @wannashakeyourtree - Thanks for having the guts to post an often unseen side of modern relationships.
I survived similar within two relationships. The common media stereotype of women being victims instead or more truthful portrayals of irrational, violent, evil, or out of control -- is not dealt with very well in our modern culture. With women I find they let emotion overrule reason too often, which leads to dangerous behavior. There does not seem to be much ownership of this issue by the female community.
Try dealing with a drunken violent lunatic addict woman throwing knives at you or one driven over the edge by her own mental illness who takes it out on anyone close by. Because you are the man in the relationship, the finger of cause is too often pointed at us. Who do you think the cops side with when they show up? Who in the community will lay the blame for said behavior on the woman over "a man"? Not to dam many in my experience.
I recently had a friend commit suicide because of the abuse he had to secretly endure at the hand of his ex-wife. He put up with it for years to try and save his children. In the end it drove him to deeply into the bottle, and finally to death. These kinds of things done onto men are way more common then is acknowledged. Made even worse when you encounter women who think because he was a man that he must have deserved it. This kind of garbage goes on. Both genders have a lot of skelaton behaviors amongst their own kind that they have to stand up and confront more often. Spousal abuse takes different forms by gender, but it all equally bad.
Personally I think men tend not to want divorce for more honorable (perhaps misguided) ideals of honor, to protect kids, or have affairs because trying to find some sanctuary from their pains is required in order to live day by day.
<div class='quote'>So f*** all the bitter men on here (and everywhere) who can only talk smack about there being only bitter, cold-azzed, cheating, lazy, nagging women, while they pull their puds and read profiles looking for the next woman. Guess you should all switch teams if you hate women so much.
The difference is we speak up to change things. Identifying the facts and countering commonly held falsehoods is not bitterness lady. It is making sure that more then one side of the story is addressed so that people not familiar with such things know better what is truth.
If you want to vent then go ahead, but dam well realize it happens on both sides of the fence. If you think my bearing my soul or past is easy (in all likelyhood now making me undatable in the eyes of many) then think again. But if talking about reality instead of hiding it helps someone else realize they are not the only one who suffered in silence -- then you can call me whatever you want.
I am willing to speak to a need for change. That is not bitterness IMHO.
Peace.
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 1:15:50 PM | ^^^ I guess documenting the abuse to substantiate a petition for divorce citing abuse would have been too much work and not nearly as much fun and knocking off multiple pieces of strange.
For the record, I cut my husband off cuz 1) I felt no desire for him when he was high, chose drugs over me and our family, and wouldn't accept or admit that he had a problem; 2) I was fearful of contracting HIV/AIDS from any use of needles he might have engaged in and quite frankly couldn't be 100% sure he didn't f*** around while high or to get drugs cuz HE couldn't even remember what all he had done. I remained committed to him even after the divorce and suffered thru another 2 years of abstinence. Upon his death I found some written exercises from NA where he admitted to cheating "4 or 5" times. He couldn't even remember?! I was heartbroken.
So f*** all the bitter men on here (and everywhere) who can only talk smack about there being only bitter, cold-azzed, cheating, lazy, nagging women, while they pull their puds and read profiles looking for the next woman. Guess you should all switch teams if you hate women so much. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 1:24:58 PM | HAHAHAHAHA! What a bunch of B.S. this thread has become. All the so called"stats." Talk about initiating a battle between the sexes. Defenders to your corners!  Give me a friggin break! This thread should have been nixed a long time ago HAHAHAHAHA! | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 1:26:59 PM | ^^^ I guess documenting the abuse to substantiate a petition for divorce citing abuse would have been too much work and not nearly as much fun and knocking off multiple pieces of strange.
For the record, I cut my husband off cuz 1) I felt no desire for him when he was high, chose drugs over me and our family, and wouldn't accept or admit that he had a problem; 2) I was fearful of contracting HIV/AIDS from any use of needles he might have engaged in and quite frankly couldn't be 100% sure he didn't f*** around while high or to get drugs cuz HE couldn't even remember what all he had done. I remained committed to him even after the divorce and suffered thru another 2 years of abstinence. Upon his death I found some written exercises from NA where he admitted to cheating "4 or 5" times. He couldn't even remember?! I was heartbroken.
So f*** all the bitter men on here (and everywhere) who can only talk smack about there being only bitter, cold-azzed, cheating, lazy, nagging women, while they pull their puds and read profiles looking for the next woman. Guess you should all switch teams if you hate women so much.
See, I could have bet money that you Windy...or one of your similar thinkers would read what I wrote and miss...or in your case more often than not...simply ignore the point of the post. You villify men in nearly every post you write...believe me...I've been on the receiving end of you multiple times.
The fact is, I sacrificed a lot to try to salvage my marriage, as I do not believe in divorce...but you refuse to acknowledge that simply because I have a penis...and a beautiful one at that. If I were a woman and had posted the exact same thing you'd be applauding her...but if it's a man...you shame him...or at least try which is the tool of someone who has no real counter to a solid point of debate...it's called and ad hominum, and it's a cop out. I don't care what you or other morally ritcheous people try to say, because you didn't live with what I lived with, and still face today. You cannot acknowledge the truth about family court or the methods both sexes use to get the desired result....for you it's all about defending women, even when they're not under attack.
So go ahead, cirlce the wagons and bury your head in the sand yet again. I've said it before, it's good you ladies stick together. You're going to need that kind of support as you keep getting older and less likely to find a mate. Sad but true.
For the record, I finally stood up to my ex wife a month ago and called the cops when she tried to break into my apartment and take my son. I won't even get into how the cops and Child services sluffed it off...all because I'm a man and there IS a double standard in these cases. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 1:39:45 PM |
I've noticed that the whole "cheating" thing becomes a false, but commonly acknowledged and accepted Moral high ground....especially for women. Why is that??? I'll give my opinion...
I cheated on my wife...like a god damned fiend.
Ummmm...
In short, I honestly believe that there are as many men being manipulated within a marriage through sex, as there are women being abused. Neither side is right.
Ummm...define manipulated? While I agree on the face of it that neither is "right", ummmm...knocking someone's teeth out versus saying if you take the garbage out I'll **** you. Really? You don't see a difference, there?
I know many married men who have been cut off sexually in a conscious effort to trap him into either leaving on his own accord Ummmmmm....so, you're saying you DO NOT agree with the OP, then? the 80% of the time women leave thing?
The common media stereotype of women being victims instead or more truthful portrayals of irrational, violent, evil, or out of control Ummmm...."common MEDIA stereotype"? "More truthful potrayals", umm, where? Not the media, I guess??
I recently had a friend commit suicide because of the abuse he had to secretly endure at the hand of his ex-wife.
Ummmm.....how did you come to know of it, if it was "secret" abuse?
Personally I think men tend not to want divorce for more honorable (perhaps misguided) ideals of honor, to protect kids, or have affairs because trying to find some sanctuary from their pains is required in order to live day by day.
Ummmm...trying to spin adultery as "honorable" is quite the feat. Fail. (Hey, wait, this is what a lot of women say, too--equally failing! Cheaters never prosper!!)
The difference is we [men] speak up to change things.
Ummm...I'm gonna assume you mean speak up in the Forums, not the relationship.
If you want to vent then go ahead, but dam well realize it happens on both sides of the fence.
Ummmm...you mean venting?
I sacrificed a lot to try to salvage my marriage, as I do not believe in divorce
Ummm....actually, I refuse to acknowledge that by this:
I cheated on my wife...like a god damned fiend. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 1:41:48 PM | ...and the bashing continues in yet another thread...
I keep seeing post after post telling horror stories of the wrongs done to each gender by the other gender. The problem is that many don't learn that it's not the gender who is the problem but it's the individual who's the problem. Hate the opposite gender all you like and paint them all with the same brush....guess what?...with that mindset, you're bound to never find any worthwhile relationship because you'll already have your minds made up ahead of time that your opposing gender is some form of scum of the earth. I've never seen so many people either need a smack up side the head to knock the stupid out or who need some kind of cognitive behaviour therapy to get over their way of thinking caused by past hurts. It makes some attractive individuals look decidedly ugly. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 2:13:25 PM |
Hey !
It was all good , until SOMEBODY Ate that apple ! ...
let's not go there, cuz we men also ate the apple that she took a bite out of too. So we're all ****ed by our own disobedience . The End! | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 2:19:04 PM |
See, I could have bet money that you Windy...or one of your similar thinkers would read what I wrote and miss...or in your case more often than not...simply ignore the point of the post. You villify men in nearly every post you write...believe me...I've been on the receiving end of you multiple times.
Really?!  I sometimes engage in sexist commentary in a joking manner to demonstrate tit for tat to the bitter or chauvinistic male posters but I'm not a member of the women-can-do-no-wrong crowd. Any citations you can make to demonstrate otherwise will be appreciated.
You cannot acknowledge the truth about family court or the methods both sexes use to get the desired result
Actually I can and have. Perhaps you should examine your own misplaced self-righteousness with claims to the moral higher ground for having multiple affairs because you "do not believe in divorce." There is nothing wrong with saying "I didn't want to be a part-time father just because I couldn't stand to live with the psycho b**** another minute." What is wrong is to imply that the court would never have been sympathetic and swayed by documentation of what you allege was ample exhibitions of physical and psychological abuse so you just didn't bother trying. Cameras and recorders are cheap. Just not as cheap and easy as strange. You didn't seem to care that if you were caught it would be ammo for the wife. And did you take your kid to the No-Tell Motel with you? Or leave him with your abusive, psycho wife while you banged a stranger? Yeah... you're a real class act.
For the record, I finally stood up to my ex wife a month ago and called the cops when she tried to break into my apartment and take my son. I won't even get into how the cops and Child services sluffed it off...all because I'm a man and there IS a double standard in these cases.
You may be right. It's difficult to tell in your particular instance since all we have is your side of the story. BTW, if a policeman refuses to make a report you can always speak with his supervisor. But time-consuming efforts don't seem to be your strong suit. darlin. If only the officer had been a woman. Then maybe your "beautiful penis" would have convinced her. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 2:22:09 PM | Sunshine...I don't need to prove anything to you...you are a known man hater.
I have no problem fighting for myself, but it wasn't because doing so was time consuming...if you actually read ALL of my post you'd see that I explained everything very clearly....easier to ignore than to acknowledge though...I get it...that's your M.O.
And yet again you end with yet another personal attack...against forum rules btw...who's the class act here???
And that post with all the "ummmmms"...sorry can't take such selective editing and ad hominums seriously enough to dignify them with a response. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 2:23:54 PM |
I keep seeing post after post telling horror stories of the wrongs done to each gender by the other gender. The problem is that many don't learn that it's not the gender who is the problem but it's the individual who's the problem. Hate the opposite gender all you like and paint them all with the same brush....guess what?...with that mindset, you're bound to never find any worthwhile relationship because you'll already have your minds made up ahead of time that your opposing gender is some form of scum of the earth. I've never seen so many people either need a smack up side the head to knock the stupid out or who need some kind of cognitive behaviour therapy to get over their way of thinking caused by past hurts. It makes some attractive individuals look decidedly ugly.
Can I hear an "Amen"?????????
Honestly, you people are on this site supposedly to meet a man/woman to have a relationship with and don't realize that you don't like men/women......
I have met men that I was not compatible with because of who they were...not because they had a penis (I actually like that part...haha). I have also met women I (gasp) don't like and could never be friends with because of who they are as individuals (couldn't care less about their "bits"). | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 2:27:57 PM | Windroper,
What is wrong is to imply that the court would never have been sympathetic and swayed by documentation of what you allege was ample exhibitions of physical and psychological abuse so you just didn't bother trying.
Try being a man facing family court and not be afraid.....the bias that exists is not a myth...it is REAL!!!!!!!!!!!
There is another thread about a man whose wife won't give him sex....he admitted to having some outside of the marriage and the women slammed him for it.....
Honestly, we should not hold men to any higher standard than we hold ourselves. If I was in an abusive relationship and had children.....if I met someone sympathetic and caring, I might just screw around too....wouldn't you? Of course, being a woman, I could end the relationship, use the court bias to my advantage and fvck him up big time........ I'm lucky, I have a vagina and therefore more choices when it comes to break-ups and custody of children.
~hands back her card to the girls club~ | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 2:38:44 PM | I'm not sure that all women initiate the breakup 80% of the time but I know that I did.
(1) No, I definitely don't crave variety with different men.
(2) Not a boredom thing either.
(3) That makes more sense to me.
It may be that "men refuse, or are unable, to see the red lights she is flashing months in advance" but it's also true that women need to be able to communicate better with men...at least in my case. Men don't seem to pick up on the subtle things the way that women do with each other. Women just tend to know certain things that some men need to be told. I'm not saying that to put anyone down it's just been my experience that we relate differently and that contributes to the problem.
It not so much "a function of modern societal conditioning whereby the woman has accepted the modern premise that women should not want men" so much as we have a lower threshold for crap these days. We still want men but we want the Crap Light version.
Also marriage seems to be a better deal for men nowadays and most women simply aren't going to put up with what women in the past had to put up with because now we have the option to do something about it. We are no longer trapped.
(4) Nope. I have no temptation to wander if I am happy where I am. And just because I can doesn't mean that I do.
throw the numbers out of the window...I belive,(andi do belive this) that women tend to want to leave first only because they can get a man almost anytime they want
That may be true but most women don't leave unless they are unhappy about something and know it cannot be fixed.
The variety thing is not as big a deal to most women as it seems to be with men.
Just because I can easily have something doesn't necessarily mean I want it.
I think men are more willing to settle for "one in hand"/any woman they can get, while women seem to want a SPECIFIC man out there.
Exactly!
Women see men as projects and try to change us from the getgo. When we resist.. and dont go along with their hints-that-turn-into-nagging-that-turns-into-ultimatums, eventually they wait until the statutory period runs allowing them a permanent hook into our wallet and then leave.
Only when we are young and stupid do we believe that we can change a man and think he has 'potential'. Now we know that potential means squat and we look at a man for who he is right now because we now know we cannot change him and this is probably as good as it's gonna get. I don't have children so I refuse to nag. If an adult cannot figure out what needs to be done and when to do it then he needs more help than I am willing to give.
What to do if your BF, who is locked up in prison, cheats?
I'm guessing if he's cheating in prison it's most likely not by choice!
Not only that, I have a problem with "surveys". There's no way to measure accuracy, where the respondents were from (and there definitely are different morals in different pocketed locations), etc. - in other words, such surveys aren't scientifically proveable and could have either a high or low +/- accurancy rate depending on many variables.
Especially if you are doing a survey on cheating...they aren't the most truthful pollees now are they?
If they cannot be trusted to not cheat then how can you trust them to not lie on a survey?
why are men not able to see the signs?
Perhaps because most men are not as intuitive or as empathic as women are. We tend to feel the signs.
We also wonder why men are not able to feel the signs but I think it is a gender difference that can only be overcome with knowledge of that fact and good communication.
Men are always more dedicated to their decisions . . if they like ya they stay with ya
Hate to beak it to you but if your woman still liked ya she's still be with ya too! | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 2:53:32 PM | TAKEN, I acknowledged (and have many times) that the courts can be biased. And I didn't say this man would have had all the cards stacked in his favor in court. But men pissing and moaning about how unfair the courts are so they don't even try is not the way the fix the problem. It just enables it to continue while giving them an excuse to f*** around and play the victim card, just-cuz-I-have-a-penis card, bitter/cold-azz/psycho-b**** card, woman-hater-all-ya'll-stick-together card, AND the joker/wild card -- self-righteous-moral-high-ground card. D***! I think that's a royal "flush!"
I don't hate men. I know they frequently get a sh**ty deal. So do women. We're just at opposite ends of the sh** stick spectrum. I'm not justify this fool's tirade about how he explained somethiing in such detail when he did no such thing and he's just throwing BS out there like a smoke screen. If you wanna get sucked into that vortex you go right ahead on. I know me and I know the world I live in. The poster knows me so well he talks smack about how women like me will never find a mate. I guess he hasn't noticed I've been in a relationship for a year. Duh! I don't know if he needs to sober up or pull his head out from between some woman's thighs and come up for air. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 3:13:54 PM | how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
IMO its simply because men arent willing to do what actually needs to be done.
I initiated my divorce but in reality my ex initiated the breakup when he walked out after thinking our son wasnt his and thought Id had an affair.
Obviously because I hadnt... I was completely dumbfounded.
When he realized that I hadnt... he did nothing to own the situation and made no attempt to repair or reconcile the marriage.
Infact he did the opposite... went on a trail of self destruction and left me more messes I had to clean up after him.
As I had 2 very young babies at the time, had a health issue and actually needed HIS support... not his hindrence... and with everything else he was doing I couldnt "fix" the marriage too when he was a completely passive partner in that aspect.
I know he didnt mean to... but he basically completely failed in his role as my husband because of his own insecurities and his lack of faith and trust in me.
I feel more sorry for him than me even... he cost himself his own happiness.
He really left me no alternative and I just moved on.
Neither of us were involved with anyone else.
When he finally met someone else 5 years later... I organized the divorce so that he wouldnt lose her.
She'd asked him if he was... he said yes and told me about the conversation.
Resulted in me telling him off for being an idiot and lying to her (DONT lie to her cos otherwise she wont know what to believe)... and setting things in motion for him.
I did my own divorce... he picked me up on the way... and then we went to lunch afterwards.
She has no idea because I never said.
Even the last guy I was seeing... I suppose ultimately I broke things off.
He broke things off with me so that he wasnt by definition "cheating"... meaning someone paid him some attention and he wanted to take a shot so figured if he dumped me... it'd be ok. No guilt.
He'd discussed with me the week before not seeing other people.
He was in my bed that morning... that night he was out with somebody else.
(oh I didnt ask her out... she asked me *lets not forget he already had her number and she had his*)
A week later I got a phonecall from him... Nup.
I told him flat out... you breaking things off with me doesnt excuse your stupidity and didnt give you the option to go out and date or f*ck somebody else.
It gave you the option not to.
Buh bye. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 4:07:22 PM |
i guess i have has 3 major relationships, two of them i was the one that left,the other was mutual
DUDE--quit skewing the results!!!
Now I suppose I have to go out and dump three or four guys to "correct" this anomaly. ARGH, a woman's work is never done... | |
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