| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 7:51:08 PM | Pointing out the injustices created by this new gender equation hardly counts as "hating". When men come on here to tell their side of the story and essentially commit dating suicide hardly counts as "hate" at any level.
I think I speak for a lot of men when I say that we don't hate women. We just hate the culture of entitlement that many so called "modern" women have adapted to and now cling to. It has created a horrible imbalance in social, legal, and every day things that is so unnecessary and petty. For there not to be some level of backlash against this behavior by men is a wonder.
If you want equality then make it about equal ethics, equal respect -- or forget it.
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 8:14:11 PM |
If you want equality then make it about equal ethics, equal respect -- or forget it. [/quote\
You may not hate women but many do and it's blatantly obvious by the way some consistently post. You're right, equality is equality and certain men have to stop making statements that match their mindesets such as, "I'm forced to give up half of what is mine"....which means they consider everything to be theirs and are like little boys who want to take their ball and go home if they're forced to share...equally. Because many men say they've been taken to the cleaners, doesn't make it so...it just feels that way because they expect more than their fair share in communal property, etc. I know of many women who feel exactly the same way - most of it stems from anger on both party's parts which fosters greed, which fosters anger and on and on it goes until it eats them up. In many cases also there definitely are injustices brought on by legal wrangling, often fostered by lawyers who have their own best interests at heart and not that of their clients and it doesn't just affect men. It's definitely not cut and dried to say the least. If it were, the 80% figure could be statistically proven but it can't.
Custody issues are an entirely different matter, but again, this too often is more a war for supremacy with children being used as pawns, rather that what's in children's best interests. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:37:51 PM | Interesting. It seems that you have decided that "initiate" means file for divorce. I don't believe, personally, that that is true. More women do file for divorce, but that doesn't mean they initiate it. Finding out that your spouse has a lover may make you file for divorce, especially when they refuse to give her up & seek counseling, but it definitely does not make you the initiator. Simply, whomever breaks the marriage vows is the initiator in my book. The filing of paperwork is simply the legal method of dissolving a contract already broken.
Not to say that there aren't women who break their contracts; of course they do, but my personal experiences have been that no matter who breaks the contract, women are usually the first ones who take ACTION in the form of seeking legal remedies. It seems that men believe that they have the most to lose, usually financially, so they have no desire to do so. Not trying to judge, merely stating what I have seen.
and, yes, TAKEN, it is not gender specific. It's a wonder anyone dates at all, after reading these forums! | |
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| I've got two divorces behind me and, by golly, I filed for both of them.
Posted: 10/30/2009 11:20:47 PM |
Now that's an interesting point, also. Why do women, who choose the man,
choose them so badly and then say men are to blame? It might seem women have never had more choice, and made it more badly from what u are saying.
No I am not saying that I am "innocent". I did chose my first husband while still believing that because he asked me to marry him that he wanted to grow together. I think a lot of people assume that getting married means you are both going to be committed only to be shocked by reality.
I also married my second husband harboring another silly belief, but that was delusional thinking on my part. However, this doesn't change the fact that both men had already checked out of the marriage by time I filed. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 11:39:00 PM | eden: i think you're on to something...one question tho: are women willing to make the men happy given that fem libidinous states this is not something women should worry about (should men then worry about women's happiness)?
Could it be the woman's unhappiness is caused by the fact that she won't try to make the man happy, which makes him unhappy and thus her unhappy? the man's unhappiness that she does little to make him happy makes her unhappy, which makes him more unhappy, ad infinitum until the whole thing bursts into a fiery ball of nuke-sized flames of hatred, vengeance, and death-by-chocolate? the proverbial hall of mirrors? what r we coming to? personally, i like it, give me blood, volcanoes, and thunder any day.
you're not taking us very far, but a good try as far as it goes. bless u.
I have to go into the good nite, gently, she awaits my soft approach. Will check up on you in the a.m...try not to be unhappy till then, u are sweet, lovable, and sooo deluded but we luv u and look f/w to giving u the chance u richly deserve. till we meet again....nite.
don't wait up :) | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/31/2009 3:32:49 AM | | Perhaps they have first strike capability ? . . . . . If so you lose. You could always threaten them with MAD (mutually assured destruction) to preclude their first strike capability. OR you could not care or worry about statistics and just be a nice good loving guy and wait for a sweet woman to come along to make your lives with. The ones that leave are the ones you dont need . . . be happy. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:02:10 AM | (CassaGo) Ummm...define manipulated? While I agree on the face of it that neither is "right", ummmm...knocking someone's teeth out versus saying if you take the garbage out I'll **** you. Really? You don't see a difference, there?
Stop making it sound as if the only reason men get married, is so they have their own private punching bags.
Bimbly
ETA: Stop making it sound as if physical abuse occurs with the same frequency as emotional manipulation. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:27:58 AM | Bibmly et al: Stop making "emotional manipulation" sounds like some nefarious thing that every social animal doesn't use. Stop making it sound like this isn't part and parcel of being a human being. The thing of it is, we ALL strike bargains EVERY day, and YOU are spinning an innocent social interaction as "emotional manipulation".
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BTW, I juxtaposed MY comments because I was repliying to someone who did the same. How come you didn't call out the MAN who did it? Hmmmmm? | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:29:57 AM | | A person is only as loyal as their options. Look to what is constant in life and the highest statistical probability. Highly successful men have greater luck with maintaining longer lasting relationships. A female's testosterone level is a ton lower than ours, so good sex won't keep them with you if there is no comfortable lifestyle to enhance it. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:40:44 AM | (CassaGo) Bibmly et al: Stop making "emotional manipulation" sounds like some nefarious thing that every social animal doesn't use.
Very true, that all social animals use emotional manipulation. Sometimes it's relatively benign. But, there is a marked difference between the "take out the garbage and I'll rock your world!" (the inn0cuous example you used), and the, "Do what I want or I'll make it hard/impossible for you to see your child/ren!". Both are examples of emotional manipulation; the second is rather more aggressive than the first.
BTW, I juxtaposed MY comments because I was repliying to someone who did the same. How come you didn't call out the MAN who did it? Hmmmmm?
Because I'm a big sissy-pants and I don't wanna get beaten up! 
Bimbly | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/31/2009 12:25:32 PM |
Sometimes it's relatively benign. But, there is a marked difference between the "take out the garbage and I'll rock your world!" (the inn0cuous example you used), and the, "Do what I want or I'll make it hard/impossible for you to see your child/ren!". Both are examples of emotional manipulation; the second is rather more aggressive than the first.
I agree, but that's not what that guy said--he said "sexual manipulation" as his example, not "I'll use custody of the kids against you". I happen to know now that he meant "psychological abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. I sort of agree, but not really though--"fear of death" or "fear of not getting some nookie" don't quite have the same cachet to me.
Because I'm a big sissy-pants and I don't wanna get beaten up!
I'm withholding sex from you--that is, according to your argument, every bit as bad. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/31/2009 12:31:56 PM | There are still too many men who would rather have things all their way like it used to be or not at all. That's the problem. That's why porn is so popular. Because if you are selfish that's your only option. No self respecting woman is going to put up with a selfish lazy man for long.
Not saying all guys are like that but lets face it...you had it all your way until very recently. It's hard to give up yoru advantage and stubborn pride makes it even harder to budge from thousands of years of entrenched usury. I mean, it's only been about 30 years or less that women were considered "entitled" to an orgasm. Men over a certain age were raised on selfishness and women were raised to put up with it.
Not anymore. That's why so many older women prefer younger men. They are not so old school selfish.
Ok it's theory. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/31/2009 1:15:52 PM |
Not anymore. That's why so many older women prefer younger men. They are not so old school selfish. Ok it's theory.
A flawed theory in my experience. Sure there are still male buffoons around that will not get it. But that is not the majority of males. On the other hand you see testimony after testimonial (bemoanial?) that states they want men who are "bad" and treat them like dirt. So sensible men see that and gravitate towards that behavior because they think this is what women are seeking. Personally I think women are busy doing one thing and saying another -- and in the process digging the hole they are stuck in and then crying about that.
The men who have agreed to equality, mutual respect, orgasm "entitlement" and the like are the ones that women don't want. So you think this kind of practiced hypocrisy is not going to have a larger impact on human gender relations? If you are amongst the women who believe there is no problem here then there is a lot of deluded thinking going on in the camp of women.
Men stick with relationships longer out of foolish hope that it will improve and out of duty and loyalty. "Modern" women on the other hand have a different agenda, and get the support of other women who think as they do.
So you tell me how this equation will end up?
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/31/2009 1:51:42 PM | | It's pretty obvious why. Men tend to be under no allusions about their relationship. They don't expect their wivers to be everything to them. So (wrongly) when things go bad they just get a girlfriend on the side or something like it. Women (wrongly) expect their man to be everything and when they aren't ... leave them after a certain amount of time. Nobody's right and nobody's entirely wrong it's just the way it is (often). | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/31/2009 3:54:49 PM | On the other hand you see testimony after testimonial (bemoanial?) that states they want men who are "bad" and treat them like dirt.
Show me *one* "testimony" that says this, much less many. I have never heard of a woman saying "I am looking for my Prince Goofus, the man who will treat me like the dirt I am". That's an outlandish statement that exposes your own warped view of women and relationships.
The men who have agreed to equality, mutual respect, orgasm "entitlement" and the like are the ones that women don't want.
Where are you getting your misinformation? Is this something you read, or are you making this up? Can you show me the "Book of Opinions Couched as Facts" that you're consulting? As one of the women you are speaking for, I can assur eyou that a man who treats me with respect and whom I respect is EXACTLY the sort of guy I want (to me, everything else you say in that statement comes down to respect). Now, just because a man respects me, that does NOT mean that I will love him, necessarily. Perhaps this is the part of the puzzle you're not understanding. That relationships are complex and can't be boiled down to a few statements on an open forum?
Men stick with relationships longer...out of duty and loyalty.
Really? Because most men have said on HERE that they do it out of fear of losing money/things, and access to their children.
"Modern" women on the other hand have a different agenda
What is it?
My main problem with everything you say, eye, is that you say it as though it's all fact, and it is SO clearly opinion. Why don't you say things like "I feel women have an agenda". But the way you say it is as if it's a factual statement, but then you don't back it UP with any fact. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/31/2009 4:39:03 PM | ...
women have been granted much more latitude of relationship choices in this era. latitude movement.
and women have been disadvantaged by economic out-comes from disrespects to nuclear family simple dynamics/values. so she has more choices but to support herself and not be as dependent on one man ...anymore. this will be to her advantage and disadvantage (or her son / daughter disadvantage) as she becomes more to the exploitative interests which under-mine her very family.
quite the same dynamics as man having been less agronomically reliant and recent economic dynamics reliant that brought disadvantage to his self and wife/family.
it was his readiness to serve which rendered his own family vulnerable.
now...she has more latitude for choices ...but to the many risks of endangering her self and family. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/31/2009 5:11:29 PM | ...she is quite vulnerable in the world at present.
many women are displaced of natural domestic environmentals and the freshest integrations are not practically aware of the conditions of society changes of economy and social more.
rest the cradle. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/31/2009 6:08:28 PM | | ...in my mind the solutions for women respond naturally by her re-integrations to the leading of earth caretaker. with men as her follower from that capacity. not of dominance but of respect to nurture. to show man his rightfull place in the land beside her. i know that turning back from indust/techno is not a possibility one for one. but i think it would be beneficial to let her show us care for the land in a way which bring each of us up. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/31/2009 6:25:25 PM |
It's pretty obvious why. Men tend to be under no allusions about their relationship. They don't expect their wivers to be everything to them.
That's a new one. IME, from people I know, what I've read and posts here, more men tend to drop friendships and relationships outside their SO than women do - not all but it seems to be more from the feedback I see. More women maintain their social support system single or not.
So (wrongly) when things go bad they just get a girlfriend on the side or something like it.
They may do that, but it's usually for something the relationship is missing, which means they don't have a lot of options for where to replace it in their platonic lives.
Women (wrongly) expect their man to be everything and when they aren't ... leave them after a certain amount of time.
From what I've seen, heard and read - women tend to keep hobbies, family, friends, alone time and work balanced with relationship time (in fact, I've seen men complain women don't drop enough for them when they come along or are too busy with other things to give him attention). | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:36:22 AM | | I don't think it is fair to suggest that the man loses money as the woman might have lost a lot of money by being in the relationship like earning potential and less working hours and the interest on that and other investment opportunities or retirement savings so i think most of the time the woman doesn't make the huge amount of money that they are supposedly making out of it when you take everything into account. Sometimes it can be over the top but most of the time it isn't really that bad. | |
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| how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:23:09 AM |
they want men who are "bad" and treat them like dirt. So sensible men see that and gravitate towards that behavior because they think this is what women are seeking.
Again, it's just my opinion but....this myth that women want men who treat them badly is a myth propogated by MEN. It's an excuse for their behavior. Behave badly and blame women (as ususal - same as the Adama and Eve story - we are responsible for YOUR sin - whatever).
I think men are behaving like spoiled miserable brats who aren't getting their way. Men my generation were raised to feel superior to women. By the time they are my age that is flatly denouces as male superiority complex and mysoginism. Also, they look around and find women taking up places in college and jobs and mortgages and leaving bad men - which they could never do before as they had no means.
Men are throwing a massive tantrum at the loss of their (unfair) privileges IMHO and blaming their tantrum on women.
Grow up. Who wants to sleep with a sulky brat let alone marry one. | |
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